I sighed and ran a hand over my face. “I kept going back to her over and over after I broke up with her. Every time I expected a different outcome and every time she let me down. When I told her I loved her, she changed and I just knew that no matter how many times I tried, she would never give me what I needed. I just knew it was done. There was no point left in trying. I think it was the obsession of wanting something unattainable.”
“That may be, but you also destroyed whatever was happening between us.”
I reached for her hand, forcing her to let me hold her.
“I know I screwed up. Give me a chance to make it up to you.”
“Do you honestly think a few dates will make it up to me? You chose a woman who used you as a play thing over a woman that wanted to build something honest with you.”
She pulled her hand from mine and stood, heading toward the door. I sprang to my feet, not ready to let her leave yet.
“Lillian, don’t go yet. I know I fucked up. I wish I could go back in time and see that she was playing me, but I can’t. Please say you forgive me. I need you to know that I would never have hurt you if she hadn’t fucked with my head.”
“Sean, I do forgive you. I don’t understand it and I don’t like what you did, but I can’t be mad at you either. We never had a commitment to each other. I feel sorry for you that she messed with you and treated you like you were worthless.”
My hopes lifted that she would come around. I just had to make her understand how misguided I’d been.
“Any normal person would feel bad about the way you’ve been treated. Forgiving you doesn’t mean that I have to stick around though.”
She opened the front door and was stepping through when she turned and looked back at me. Her sweet face was covered in tears, but she did her best to hold it together.
“I actually had a really good time with you and I’m glad I got to know you. Despite the situation, you really are a good guy. I won’t forget what you did for me.”
She turned and walked out the door. No yelling. No calling me bad names and swearing at me. She didn’t threaten to cut my balls off or have me killed. That wasn’t Lillian’s style though. I’d gotten to know Lillian well enough over the past few weeks to know that her religion anchored her and made her the person she was.
I slammed the door as she drove away and went to sulk on the couch. How had I fucked this all up so much? How had I let Vira sink her claws in me again? I didn’t know how long I sat there replaying the past twenty-four hours in my head, but when I heard the knock at the door, my heart leapt that Lillian had come back.
It was like deja vu. I was once again staring down the she devil that had now ruined my life. She actually had the nerve to stand there and look ashamed. I wanted to slam the door in her face, but before I did, I was going to make it perfectly clear that things were over between us.
“Hi, Sean. Can I come in?”
“Not a chance in hell.”
“I guess I deserve that.”
“You deserve a hell of a lot more, but I don’t have the time for you in my life anymore.”
“I didn’t mean to run out on you. I got scared and I just couldn’t do it.”
“You know what, Vira? I have given you so many opportunities to have something with me. I always came back to you and last night turned out to be the worst mistake of my life.”
She flinched slightly, but didn’t say anything.
“I was dating a good woman and we were doing well, but then you walked back into my life and pretended like you wanted something-”
“I did-”
I held up a hand to stop her. “You played me again. I told you that if you and I got back together, you would be mine. You didn’t deny it. You didn’t tell me no. Then you ran out of here and left me. Again. I’m not sure why I didn’t see it before. I knew you were selfish and I knew that I was only going to get hurt, yet I still went after you. I hoped that you would realize how good we had it. Now I’m starting to think the only thing good between us was sex. There never really was anything else, was there?”
“I think I wanted there to be. I’m sorry. I know that’s not enough. I wanted more with you, but when you told me you loved me, I think I just couldn’t see how it would work. We want different things.”
“Well, I’m glad you finally came to that conclusion. It would seem we’re both a little slow on the uptake.”
She nodded and looked down. “I’m really sorry I hurt you and that I ruined things for you.”
“Too little, too late for both of us. I’d like you to leave now.”
She looked up at me and her armor was in place. It was like nothing could touch this woman and it made me see how horribly wrong we really were for each other. I closed the door and went to the liquor cabinet. It was five o’clock somewhere.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Lillian
AFTER I LEFT Sean’s house, I went back to my own to sulk. This day had gone to total poo. I was supposed to be off doing something fun with Sean and instead I was coming back to my lonely house, with my lonely life that now seemed awfully dull.
Sean had brought so much fun to my life. He helped me experience life on the wild side, or as much on the wild side as I would allow. His friends were wonderful and treated me like one of the girls without any questions. There was no judgement or seeing what I was like first. They just accepted me for who I was and that was the best feeling in the world.
After moping around the house for a few hours, I decided what I really needed was a drink. I headed out to The Pub and asked for a glass of white wine. I just needed something to take the edge off. While I sat in the empty bar and drank my wine, I thought about calling Alex. She seemed to understand me, but then I decided that wouldn’t be a good idea since she was friends with Sean.
I was about halfway through my second glass when the door opened and Logan and Ryan stepped in. Being that I was on my second glass, I was a little tipsy. I didn’t drink a whole lot, so the wine went to my head a little faster than I expected.
“Logan! Ryan! Hey! What’s going on!” Everything came out happy and cheery, just the opposite as I was feeling. I got up to walk to them, but instantly tripped over my own feet, falling to the ground. I started laughing at how I had gone from prim and proper to falling down drunk in a matter of weeks.
Ryan walked over to me and wrapped his hands around my arms and pulling me to my feet.
“Hey, Lillian. You doing okay?”
“I’m fantas-s-stic. I just decided to have a little drink, seeing as how it’s a S-sunday afternoon and I don’t have anywhere to be.”
I was proud that I was able to get most of that out without slurring.
“I thought Sean was taking you out today?”
“Oh, well! Let me tell you something. I went over there this morning and Vira was slipping out the door. Seems Sean and Vira were knockin’ boots last night, if you know what I mean.”
Ryan and Logan looked at each other with some sort of weird look that I couldn’t interpret. Maybe they didn’t understand.
“You know, having relations? Coitus? Fornication? Mating? Copulating? The horizontal mambo? Getting jiggy with it?”
“Yeah, I think we get the idea,” Logan interjected, stopping me from throwing out a few more euphemisms.
“So, anyway, I decided that I could really use a drink, cuz I was sitting at home thinking about Sean and Vira having sex, and that’s-s a little weird, right?” I said with a laugh. “I mean, really, I can’t compete with a woman like Vira. I mean, I’m sure she’s all fur and no knickers, as the British would say.”
“I don’t think that means what you think it does,” Ryan said.
“I’m sure she does things for Sean that I could never do. I mean, I don’t beat the bishop-”
“Again, not what you think it means.”
“Or partake in buggery-”
“I’m not sure what exactly that means,” Logan said as he rubbed a hand over
his face.
“It’s anal sex-x,” I said as I held up a hand to my mouth to whisper the answer to him.
“Please call one of the girls and make this stop,” Logan said to Ryan, but I didn’t care. I was feeling pretty good as I downed the rest of my wine. I held my hand up for the bartender to refill my drink.
“I’m not into dogging and I probably have a growler.”
“Where is all this British terminology coming from?” Ryan asked.
“I got a guide to dirty British slang as a Christmas present last year. I never thought I’d actually get to use it though.”
Logan stepped to the side and pulled out his phone. The bartender had placed a new glass of wine on the counter for me, so I grabbed it and let the fruity flavor fill my mouth.
“I love wine so much. I wonder why I’ve never allowed myself more than a glass before?”
“Lillian, have you had any food today?” Ryan asked.
“Ummmmm..let me think. I had a protein bar before I left the house this morning and saw that skank walk out of Sean’s house.”
I covered my mouth as I realized that I had just said something so horrible. “Holy cannoli, I should not have said that. That was a horrible, horrible thing to say about another person.”
“I’m pretty sure you’ve said worse with your British slang.”
“Still, it was not a nice thing to say. If they want to shag, that’s their business and I should bloody well mind my own.”
“Is anyone coming?” Ryan asked Logan. “It’s turning into British trivia over here.”
“Alex is on the way. I think the others will be coming soon.”
“Thank God.”
“Yes! Thank God! You’re right. I should be thanking God because I still have my dignity, which is more than I can say for that slag.”
“What?” Logan asked.
“Whore,” Ryan deadpanned.
“You guys are too cute.” I patted each of them on the cheek before taking another drink of my wine.
I walked over to the jukebox and looked through the list of songs to play. I squealed when I saw one that I wanted to play. I dug through my pocket, not finding any quarters so I walked over to the bar where I had left my purse and pulled out a twenty.
“Bartender!”
He walked over with an annoyed look. “Sorry, but I didn’t catch your name.”
“It’s Sam.”
“Sam, I need some quarters so I can sing about my man that cheated on me with his twat of a girlfriend. Can you help a girl out?”
Sam smiled and took my money, changing the twenty for quarters.
“That’s gonna be a mistake,” I heard from behind me.
I turned around, but didn’t know who had said it. “Just you wait. I’m a great singer.”
“I’m sure you are, sweetheart,” Logan said with a grin.
I strutted my stuff over to the jukebox and put the quarter in. I saw there was a little stage with a mic. Walking up to it, I turned on the mic and was pleased when Sam flipped on the lights on the stage. I was surrounded by pinks, blues, and greens. Adele’s Rumor Has It filled the bar and I sang my heart out. I had never felt so loose and I found I really liked it.
I shook it on stage, letting the music flow over me. My behind was shaking all over and I heard Sam whistle from the bar. I had it going on. I looked up when I heard the bar door open.
“Alex! Come join me!” I waved her over enthusiastically and ignored Cole. I didn’t need more men. Right now I needed women around me. Alex walked hesitantly toward the stage, looking like it was the last place she wanted to be.
“Sam! My girl needs a drink! Give her a bourbon!”
“Wine. I’ll have wine,” Alex corrected. “How many have you had so far?”
“Three.”
“You’ve only had three glasses of wine? In how long?”
“Oh, it’s been about three hours now.”
“And you’re this drunk?”
“I know! I can hardly feel a thing! This is great!”
“Maybe you should slow down.”
“Now way! Sam, bring me another wine!” I ran over to the jukebox and put on Bye Bye Bye by Nsync.
“I love this song!” I turned to see Harper and Cece running toward me. “Babe, grab us drinks!” Harper shouted to Jack as she ran onto the stage.
Harper, Cece, and a reluctant Alex joined me on the stage to perform our rendition for the men standing before us. Halfway through the song, Sarah and Maggie came into the bar with Drew and Sebastian. Ryan and Cassandra were a few steps behind. I didn’t know Cassandra that well, but considering that she was kind of an outsider like I was, I jumped off the stage, stumbling slightly and falling into some chairs before I ran up to her and dragged her to the stage.
The song had ended and I looked through the playlist, trying to find out what song to play next. As I glanced back at the room, the answer was simple.
It’s Raining Men filled the room. The girls all screamed and the guys groaned. All the girls were singing at the top of their lungs. Harper and Cece jumped down from the stage to pull the guys up to us. Jack and Logan came a little more eagerly than the others. We pulled them up and started pulling their shirts off. Jack and Logan started doing their own little strip tease, for their wives, but I had eyes and could appreciate their bodies.
I was slightly disappointed at this point that I was the only woman without a sexy man to dance for, but then I turned to the door and saw Sean standing in the doorway. I was broken hearted, yes, but right now, I didn’t want to feel a thing. I wanted to dance with a sexy man and feel something close to what the others were feeling.
I got off the stage and pulled him over with the other men. My eyes locked with his as I danced with him, letting my body say what I couldn’t.
I feel stormy weather moving in
About to begin
With the thunder don’t you lose your head
Rip off the roof and stay in bed
All of the girls dropped to the floor of the stage as the men started gyrating their hips above us. The guys now had their shirts off and were dancing dirty for us. I fanned myself at the sight of Sean dancing above me, his muscles rippling and pulling as he moved. I had never wanted a man so much before. In fact, I think was the first time in my life I would have ever considered breaking my pledge to stay a virgin until I was married.
All The Single Ladies came on and all the girls jumped up and started doing their best Beyonce impression. The guys all stepped back down, putting their shirts back on, making all the women groan in disappointment. The guys headed over to the bar and I couldn’t help but watch every move Sean made. I wanted that man and no matter how much he hurt me, I couldn’t deny that he was the only one I wanted.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Vira
I FELT LIKE complete shit for what I did to Sean. I tried to play it off like I didn’t want him as much as I thought, but it was a lie. He didn’t push back this time and tell me he would keep chasing me, and it was probably for the best. The look on his face said that I had destroyed what we’d had.
I didn’t know why I’d run. I could have easily stayed in bed with him and he probably would have calmed me if I had only told him what I was feeling, that it was too much. Sean was good at that, seeing through my bullshit. It was like he didn’t care anymore. I was the boy that cried wolf one too many times and he was through with me.
I wanted to go back to Cece’s and hang out with her, but Logan would be there and he was pissed at me. I didn’t want to cause any tension between the two of them. I missed the days when it was just Cece and me. I knew that was selfish, but I desperately wanted my friend back.
I was out walking through town, trying to clear my head and I ended up walking past The Pub, our hangout. The music was pumping inside, which didn’t normally happen. It was usually a pretty low key hangout. I looked in through the window to see what was going on and was surprised to find our whole group of friends in there
. All the women were up on stage with the men dirty dancing above them.
Sean was there with her. I couldn’t have been more insignificant if I tried. Obviously he didn’t love me as much as he said or he wouldn’t be dancing with the little priss like that. Then my eyes caught sight of Cece and my heart broke a little. She was there with all of them having a good time. My best friend in the world was hanging out with the other woman, having a good time while my heart was breaking. Granted, it was of my own doing, but friends were supposed to be there to support one another.
She hadn’t even called me after I left her house earlier to find out how I was. She hadn’t wanted to know how it went after I talked to Sean. I was feeling really low now. My only friend was becoming friends with the one person I could never live up to.
I walked away from The Pub, vowing that I wouldn’t let this get me down. I just needed to find another man for the night. It had been too long since I’d been with anyone but Sean. Maybe that’s what my problem was. I was blinded by lust. I headed toward the club feeling renewed. I would find another body to fill my bed tonight and I wouldn’t let Sean or Cece bring me down ever again.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Sean
“HOW LONG HAS she been like this?” I asked Logan as I took a pull of my beer.
“When we came in, she was already a little tipsy. She just kept ordering, so we called the girls and told them to get over here. They just joined her instead of trying to get her to slow down. Fuck. It just spiraled out of control. Now we’re all gonna be carrying their drunk asses home.”
“You should have called me sooner.”
“I don’t think she would have liked that. Now she’s too drunk to care.”
“Should I cut her off?”
“Are you kidding me? Have you ever seen her let loose like this? Let her enjoy it,” Logan said. “Besides, she’s pretty funny when she’s up there. You should have seen her earlier,” He said with a laugh. “She was singing along to some girly song, and she’s a pretty good singer, but she has the worst dance moves I’ve ever seen.”
Sean Page 12
