“Goddamnit. Why does there have to be some reason behind it? Isn’t it good enough for me to say that I want to be left alone?”
“I just thought-”
“Well, that’s the problem, don’t you think? You thought. I never asked you to stay here with me. I never asked you to move in and take over my life.”
My eyes filled with tears at the accusation in his voice. I felt like such a fool. I was trying to help him because I cared about him. I thought he wanted me back, but right now, he was doing everything he could to push me out of his life.
“Okay. I’ll just make you some dinner and leave.”
“I don’t need you to make my fucking dinner,” he roared. I could see it had hurt him to yell and like the nitwit I was, I felt bad that I had caused him to get so upset that he hurt himself. I quickly slunk off to my room, no, his guest room and quickly gathered my stuff. I willed myself to hold back the tears until I left. I didn’t want him to see how badly he’d hurt me.
I grabbed my bag and headed for the front door, ignoring Sean sitting on the couch. He didn’t try to stop me and he didn’t look my way. I shut the door behind me and headed for my car. I didn’t know where to go, but I knew I didn’t want to be alone right now. I called a few people and finally Sarah answered. I begged to stop by and she must have sensed how upset I was because she insisted I head to her house right away.
When I arrived, Sarah was waiting for me on her porch. “What happened?”
I broke down in tears and let her hold me. She guided me inside and sat me down on the couch. “Sweetie, tell me what happened. Is Sean okay?”
I let out a sarcastic laugh. “Oh, he’s perfectly fine.”
Drew walked into the room holding a beer. “What’s going on?”
“I don’t know. Lillian’s upset, though.” I saw her signal for Drew to leave the room and then she turned back to me. “Tell me what happened.”
“I really don’t know. I went to Sean’s house after school and he was in the laundry room trying to do laundry. I offered to help because it looked like it was hurting him, but he insisted he could do it. When he came back to the living room, it hit me that he had stopped taking his pain meds. He told me he didn’t want to take them because they made him sleepy. Then I told him I was going to make dinner and he blew up at me.”
“That’s it?”
“Yeah. I don’t get it. He told me that he didn’t want me there anymore. That he didn’t need my help, but he obviously does.”
“That’s so strange. Most men would give their left nut to have a woman waiting on them hand and foot.”
“I know. I thought I was helping him. He even said that me staying with him would give him a good chance for us to get to know each other.”
“So why would he push you away? I don’t understand men sometimes.”
“I don’t know. Is Drew ever like this?”
“Not really. I mean, when I first met him, we didn’t exactly get along, but he was still grieving for his wife. I don’t think he intentionally pushed me away. I think it was more that he was at war with himself and didn’t know what he wanted.”
“See that’s what I don’t understand. Sean has been telling me all along that he wants me, that he wants this to work, so why all the sudden is he acting like he doesn’t want me?”
“Oh for fuck’s sake. Will you two just stop? It’s not difficult to get if you just think about it for a minute,” Drew said as he walked into the room with his beer.
“If it’s so simple, then why don’t you just tell us so we can stop guessing.”
“Obviously, he’s feeling emasculated. He’s having to let his woman do everything for him. You said you walked in on him doing laundry and he had hurt himself?”
I nodded. “So he can’t even do his own fucking laundry. Then you were going to make him dinner.”
“Why is that so wrong? He likes my cooking.”
Drew rolled his eyes. “Because you have to do it for him.”
“So he’s upset with me because I’m trying to do things that he can’t do himself?”
Drew grunted in frustration. “He’s not pissed at you, he’s pissed at himself. Let’s have a little history lesson here. Way back in the caveman days-”
“The Paleolithic Era,” I interjected.
“Right. Anyway, back then, men were hunters and gatherers. Women prepared the food and took care of the home.”
“I don’t think they had actual homes back then, but I understand your point.”
“Would you shut up and let me finish?”
“Drew!” Sarah admonished.
“I’m trying to make a point, not giving a history lesson.”
“But you did in fact say that you were giving a history lesson,” Sarah pointed out. “But please continue.”
“Men need to feel useful. He probably didn’t mind so much at first because he was in a lot of pain and it was nice to be taken care of, but as time went on, he just felt inadequate. I mean, come on. He has trouble doing his laundry. That and the fact that he’s not working, he’s probably feeling unproductive. Guys don’t deal well with that, and the more time that goes by, the shittier he’s going to feel about it.”
“So what am I supposed to do about it?” I asked.
“Nothing,” he said as he took a pull on his beer.
“Nothing? I’m just supposed to let him talk to me like that? To treat me like a pest?”
“Well, if you want to push him further away, by all means, go confront him.”
“But I can’t help him if I don’t go see him. He needs someone to help him,” I said in frustration.
“Look, leave him alone and he’ll eventually figure out how good he had it. He’s going to see how difficult it is to go it alone and he’ll come crawling back to you. It may take a while, but it’ll happen. If you go bug him, he’s just gonna push you away until one of you says something you can’t take back.”
I looked at Sarah questioningly. “Do you think he’s right?”
“Well, he has all the same functioning parts as Sean, so I guess he has more insight into his behavior than we do. I’d say listen to Drew on this one.”
“Do you really think this is going to work, Drew?”
“Fuck, I’m not a psychologist. I can’t say for sure that it’ll work, but if it were me, I’d be doing the same thing at this point. No man wants to feel like he has to rely on his woman for everything.”
“Why don’t men just tell us this stuff instead of making us guess?” Sarah asked.
“Because, we expect you to just understand that we’re simple people. We don’t have deep emotions. We’re pretty much black and white.”
“I wouldn’t agree with that, but you think what you want,” Sarah said.
So I went home and did my best to not think about Sean for the next two weeks. I didn’t call him or go see him. I didn’t ask any of our friends about him. I didn’t even drive past his house once. I was holding out pretty well, but it was killing my sleep. I worried about him every night when I laid in bed and often stayed up for hours just wondering how he was doing. He’d better get his head out of his butt soon or I was going to need sleeping pills.
CHAPTER TWENTY
Sean
“SO, WHEN’S THE last time you saw her?” Drew asked.
“Saw who?” I pretended to have no clue who he was talking about.
“You know who, asshole.”
It was our poker night and since I wasn’t cleared to drive yet, everyone came to my house. Part of me was relieved that I didn’t have to go anywhere and the other part of me was pissed that I had to be catered to.
“About two weeks,” I grumbled.
“So why the fuck haven’t you called her?” Jack asked.
“Because I don’t feel like it. When I want to talk to her again, I’ll call her.”
That wasn’t true at all. I knew I’d been an asshole to her, but I just didn’t have it in me to apologize yet.
&
nbsp; “You’re such an asshole. You had it good. Now look at you. You haven’t shaved in two weeks and your face looks like Cole’s ass,” Logan said.
“Hey, I don’t have a hairy ass, and if my ass looked like that, you can bet I’d be getting a wax.”
“I don’t shave because I don’t want to. I’ve got no one to impress, so what’s the point?”
“You don’t have anyone to impress because you were a jackass,” Drew retorted.
“How do you know it was me? Maybe she just got on my nerves. A man needs space sometimes.”
“She came to my house you jackass. She couldn’t figure out why you threw her out. She was crying. I had to sit there and listen to a woman, who wasn’t my wife, crying over my friend because you were too much of an asshole to tell her that you were frustrated.”
“Frustrated about what? You had a woman taking care of everything for you,” Logan questioned.
“She was taking over the damn house. Her shit was all over my bathroom. She insisted on doing every last thing for me. I wasn’t allowed to do my laundry or cook dinner,” I exclaimed.
“Yeah, that sounds rough, man. I sure wish that my wife would let me do the cooking and laundry. Maybe I could get her to let me clean the house.” Jack turned to me with a crazed look. “Said no man ever. What the fuck is wrong with you? Is it time to turn in your man card?”
“I just wanted some fucking space. She was here every day after school just taking care of everything.”
“So, she left during the day, but came home at night to take care of your every need? Yeah, that sounds like a shitty deal,” Logan replied.
“Fuck you. You guys don’t get it.”
“You think we don’t get it? Do you remember coming over to my house and dragging me out of bed every day for two months? I couldn’t take care of myself and I had to have other people force me to take a shower. I’m still fucked up, but guess what? You man up and get over it. She’s trying to help you,” Cole sneered at me.
“I don’t want any fucking help. I can do shit on my own. I don’t need a woman here to take care of me.”
“Is that why your house is trashed? No food in the cabinets? Piles of laundry all over the place?” Sebastian asked.
I looked around my filthy house and grumbled. “Whatever. I’ll get to it.” I had stopped taking my pain pills completely a week ago, so I was drinking as much as possible tonight. I didn’t need to hear about how sad my life was without Lillian and I didn’t need the guys ragging on me because my house had turned to shit.
“Man, you have to call her. Beg and plead for her to come back. This place stinks,” Sebastian grimaced.
“I can’t call her and ask her to come back and clean for me.”
Ryan rolled his eyes at me. “I don’t even have a girlfriend and I know that you don’t ask her to come back to clean your shit up. You call her and tell her you were a complete asshole. You tell her you were feeling shitty because she had to do everything for you and you took out your frustrations on her.”
“Whoa. I don’t get into all that mushy crap. I’m not a flowery guy. I don’t share my feelings.” I couldn’t believe Ryan was even suggesting that.
“You may not, but that’s what a woman expects to hear. So as much as it pains you to tell her what you’re feeling, you do it so she’ll come clean up your shit,” Ryan said, as if it was the most obvious solution in the world.
“And you all agree with his assessment?” I asked everyone.
They all gave me looks like I was a dipshit. Jack shook his head at me. “Remember when I called Harper a slut in front of the whole bar? I had to say all kinds of shit I would never let any man hear me say just so I could get her back. And it was worth it. I couldn’t imagine not having her in my life.”
“I snapped at Sarah one night because she was taking up time that I wanted to myself. I was an asshole and I had to make it up to her. We weren’t together yet, but I needed her to understand why I needed my time alone at night. I bared my soul to her that night, and it made it easier for both of us. I didn’t have to keep explaining myself to her. Once she understood, she knew to give me my space.”
“Cole? I’m assuming you had to at one point with Alex?”
“Fuck yeah. When Alex lost her memory, I was a complete dick to her a number of times. Grovel had become a permanent part of my vocabulary.”
“Sebastian, come on. You and Maggie don’t do this kind of shit, right? I mean, Maggie’s so level headed.”
“She is, but I’m not always. When Cal died, I blamed myself because I couldn’t see the shooter out of my left eye. She pushed me until she knew why I was blaming myself and then made me realize what an idiot I was being. Sometimes, you’ve gotta bite the bullet.”
“Logan?” I asked hopefully.
“Shit. Don’t look at me. If you all remember, Cece was the one that screwed me over. The only groveling done was by her. But you, you should definitely consider getting down on both knees and begging for forgiveness. That woman is not one you want to let go of.”
“It’s just ‘let go’.”
“Let go of what?” Logan questioned.
“Your sentence should be, ‘That woman is not one you want to let go’. Putting of at the end of the sentence is an unnecessary preposition.”
“Okay, I stand corrected. She needs to go. Bring our Sean back and get rid of the Sean that corrects our grammar on poker night,” Jack said.
✯✯✯✯✯
I groaned as I rolled over on the hard floor. Fuck, I must have fallen asleep here last night. I didn’t remember much beyond my in depth conversation with the guys. After that, I decided it would be best to drink myself into oblivion. I finally peeled my eyes open to see six grown men lounging about my house in the most uncomfortable positions.
Jack and Drew were curled up on the floor next to each other and Jack had his arm slung around Drew’s waist. Cole was passed out in his poker chair, head hanging to one side. Logan was sleeping in an armchair with his legs hanging over one arm. Then I looked at the couch and saw Ryan, the little fucker, taking up the whole damn couch, sleeping peacefully.
As my eyes adjusted, I noticed that there was something different about all of them. They had something sparkly on their faces. I looked closer at Ryan to see he had on eye shadow, blush, and lipstick. I started laughing, but then groaned when my head started pounding.
“I see you’re finally awake.”
I looked up to see Harper standing in the doorway to the kitchen. A big smile spread across her face and she started laughing. Then I heard more peels of laughter and saw the faces of all the other women. Soon the laughter was so loud that I thought I might throw a lamp at someone.
“What the fuck? I’m trying to sleep,” Drew grumbled. I heard Sarah and Harper laugh even louder and then Drew fully woke up. “What the fuck! Jack, get the fuck off me.”
Drew jumped up from the floor, flinging Jack’s arm off him. “I was trying to sleep,” Jack grumbled.
“You had your fucking arm around me!”
“Relax. It was the best sleep you’ve gotten in a while and you know it,” Jack groused.
“Dude, why the hell are you wearing makeup?” Logan asked as he stretched in the armchair.
“Damn, my neck is killing me. I haven’t slept like that since I was in the military,” Cole said as he rubbed his neck.
I leaned over and smacked Ryan, jerking him awake. “Why the hell are you sleeping on my couch? I’m the one who’s injured.”
“I thought you didn’t need any help with anything? Seems that you can sleep on the floor, too.” He finally turned to me and shot me a dirty look. “What is all over your face?”
“What are you talking about?” I rubbed a hand over my face, coming away with a mix of pink and glittery shit. “What the hell?” I glanced around again and saw the women snickering by the kitchen. “What the fuck is this? Why are we all wearing makeup?”
The women burst out laughing as we a
ll examined each other’s faces. “Dude, pink is definitely not your color,” Cole said to Jack. “Maybe you need more of a mauve.”
“Harper, this has you written all over it. What did you do?” Jack asked.
“You called me last night completely wasted and told me that you were all having a sleepover. The girls and I decided to come over early this morning and see exactly how drunk you had all gotten. I brought the makeup just in case. Turns out it was a lot of fun to give you all a makeover. We all painted your nails different colors though. You know, to be distinctive,” she smirked.
I looked down to see my nails were painted fire engine red. Red was a manly color, right?
“Purple? Really? I look like a hooker,” Logan rumbled.
“Better than the sunny yellow I’ve got,” Drew said as he examined his nails.
“I kind of like mine. I could pass as a goth kid,” Ryan said as he held his hand out in front of his face to examine.
“Dude, Ryan.” Drew shook his head. “No.”
“Well, when you ladies are finished admiring our handiwork, you can come in for breakfast. I bought out the grocery store to feed you,” Harper said.
“They let you in the grocery store?” Jack asked.
“Harper, I told you not to go in there again,” I admonished.
“Don’t worry. I wore a disguise. I dressed like Jackie O.”
She flitted off to the kitchen and I shook my head at Jack.
“Shit. I’m supposed to be at the office at ten,” Sebastian said as he jumped up. “How do I get this shit off? Freckles! Get this shit off me!”
“I’m sorry, Sebastian. Did you say something?”
“Freckles, don’t mess with me. I’m meeting with all the teams this morning. I need this shit off me.”
“There’s a washcloth in the bathroom. That should take care of the makeup.”
“What about the nail polish?”
“Oh, that’s easy. You just need nail polish remover. I know I brought some.” She looked through her bag and then snapped her fingers when she came up empty. “Darn it. I could have sworn I brought some with me. Oops.”
Sean Page 17
