by K. Marie
For me, my daughter would be the most important deciding factor. And who knows, maybe the reality of taking on a woman with a child would end up being a game changer for Garland.
“Make it three months, Camry. Meanwhile, I’ll come to Michigan on the weekends or as often as I can, barring pressing business matters. I’ll take care of your condo, your student loans, and pay any expenses that you incur for the move,” Garland said decisively, as though stating the final terms of a business negotiation.
I eyed him like he’s crazy. “Don’t dictate to me, Garland. I will take as much time as I need, I won’t be rushed into this,” I pushed back.
I might not be as officious and aggressive as him, but I was no push-over. “And stop treating me as if I’m a business negotiation; unless that’s what this really is?” I questioned.
Garland’s mouth curved into a smile. “You’re feisty, Camry, I like that,” he said in amusement. “But, you’re wrong about one thing, sweetheart, this isn’t a business negotiation; think of it as more of a hostile takeover,” he corrected.
Everything grew suddenly quiet. All sound of silverware scraping china, and of glassware tinkling melodically, halted abruptly. Garland’s words just hung out there between us like a challenge as he regarded me silently, giving no indication that he’d been joking.
I sat absorbing his words, equally fascinated and leery, the man’s arrogance and audacity is astounding. But I grudgingly admitted; he couldn’t have attained what he had otherwise. Massive bank accounts were usually obtained by massive egos.
“It's still a business reference,” I intoned lamely, a better argument eluding me.
What do you say to a man who expressed his wish to have you, and was apparently willing to remove any obstacle in accomplishing it? I like Garland, and he likes me, arguing his aggressive tactics seemed pointless. However, I still wouldn’t allow him to have me rushing into this.
“You’re remarkably bossy and overbearing, but you’re going to have to be patient,” I told him determinedly.
He eyed me assessingly; as though sizing-up the competition, and I knew instantly I was in for a battle. “Three months, Camry, then I’m coming to Michigan to get you,” Garland countered, having obviously found me a lacking opponent.
I sat in exasperation, marveling over his effective freight-train method. Just his bullheadedness alone was enough to tire his opponent. The word no seemed a foreign concept to him.
I decide further opposing him would be aimless; which was probably my first smart decision tonight.
“Do you even like children, ever consider having any?” I asked, switching topic.
“I like children just fine; but having any of my own isn’t on my agenda,” he answered.
He doesn’t want children?
That seemed a bit of a paradox. How could he not want children but believe himself willing to take on a woman with a child? “And if I wanted another child?” I questioned perversely, merely curious.
We were nowhere near that stage in the relationship, but it was probably an important thing to know going in.
“Then I may not be able to give you that,” Garland answered resolutely.
Wow. “I know this topic is wholly premature; but it only highlights the importance of actually knowing a person before making life altering decisions,” I pointed out soberly.
“Don’t get me wrong, I respect your decision, I know not everyone wants children. But, I’ve always intended Autumn not be an only child, and I don’t think that will change,” I told him truthfully.
So, what if I was getting ahead of myself? Being at odds on an important issue at the start of a relationship was probably a good sign of it being doomed to fail.
And perhaps you’re only attempting to self-sabotage, you coward! A pesky little voice persisted.
Having suddenly lost my appetite, I pushed my plate away and lifted my glass of wine instead. What in the hell was I even doing here?
Was I seriously considering sharing a life with this stranger? I had a nice, quiet, and normal life four days ago, how could I be even contemplating what he’s asking? I don’t deny being crazy about Garland, but I couldn’t let that cloud my judgment. Why even entertain being with a man who admittedly could never give me what I wanted?
“Camry,” Garland called softly, pulling me from my thoughts. “You make me want things I promised myself a long time ago I’d never want again. But I want you in my life, and I’m willing to give it a try. I can’t say how I’ll feel in the next year or two, but right now, I can’t promise I’ll change my mind,” he said honestly.
What more could I ask? Neither of us were capable of giving absolutes at this point.
I had so many questions about Garland, but ultimately, I would have to decide whether I wanted to live in his world and under his terms. I would be leaving tomorrow, who knows what’ll happen after that?
“I’m going to miss you,” I admitted, committing his handsome face to memory. Who was I kidding? I would be having serious withdrawal symptoms from being away from his body.
“Let’s get out of here. I have plans of peeling that dress off of you and fucking you for hours before letting you rest-up for travel tomorrow,” Garland informed me.
“Be still my beating heart, more romantic words I’ve never heard,” I said with a southern drawl, clutching a hand to my heart.
Garland threw his head back and laughed.
Twenty-Three
I wore dark shades over my eyes to conceal the dark circles underneath. True to his word, Garland came back to my room with me last night and kept me awake for hours; rendering me practically useless this morning. And whereas we’d communicated just fine between the sheets, we still parted ways in the early morning hours with things unresolved.
The girls’ and I had an early morning flight, and the plane ride seemed endless. But after landing, I smiled from ear to ear when I switched my phone from airplane-mode to find a text from Garland.
“Still remembering last night…let me know when you’ve landed.”
I texted him back immediately.
“The eagle has landed safe and secure…missing you already.”
I now sat staring out the passenger side window as Marie drove us home from the airport, thinking about how surreal it felt to be returning to my normal life. So much has changed in five short days. It seems that from the moment I laid eyes on Garland, life as I’d known it had derailed.
“Are you seriously going to break things off with John?” Marie asked.
“Yes,” I answered on a sigh. “Whether things work out with Garland or not, I simply don’t love John enough to marry him. Nor apparently, to be faithful to him,” I added wryly.
I felt guilty as hell about what I had to do; breaking my engagement with John would be hard.
“If it makes you feel any better, Mr. Hotness could probably entice most women into cheating with him,” Marie offered.
Nope, it didn’t make me feel better at all.
“He made you drop your panties in record time, he’s obviously got skills,” she quipped.
I was notoriously super-picky when it came to dating.
Of the two of us, Marie had always been the wild one; she loved sex and wasn’t shy about admitting it. Having casual sex was no big deal for her. But she had a point about my behavior with Garland. John and I dated almost three months before having sex, and prior to him, I hadn’t had sex for almost a year. I briefly dated a couple of times, but those guys just didn’t make the cut. And before that, I’d stupidly let David, my ex-husband, sweet-talk his way into my bed periodically. He wasn’t good for much, but he was at least good for that. Besides, at that point he’d been the only man I’d ever been with sexually, so he’d had an advantage.
“Yeah, well, that devil could tempt a nun,” I said of Garland.
When Marie pulled up in front of my condo, I heaved a weary sigh, mentally preparing for my conversation with John. He already texted that he would b
e over this afternoon, so I arranged to pick up Autumn from my father’s house after that. I didn’t want her present for our conversation.
“Are you sure you want to do this, Cam? You don’t have to make a decision immediately,” Marie said with worried eyes.
“No, I need to do this, Marie. I never should have accepted his proposal in the first place, I knew I wasn’t madly in love with the idea of being married again. It's why I wasn’t all gaga over making wedding plans,” I told her.
I convinced myself I wasn’t yet ready because I wanted to complete school first. But in reality, I was more in love with the idea of John rather than the man himself. He was safe, dependable and solid. Every woman wanted a solid guy who adored her, but she should be heady with the thought of spending the rest of her life with that man, not avoiding it.
“Well, I don’t envy you that conversation. Do you want me to be here for support when you tell him?” Marie asked.
And as much as I wanted to say yes, I shook my head in the negative. “Thanks, but I should probably spare him the humiliation of having a witness to me breaking his heart.”
“I don’t understand Camry, we were fine before you left to go out of town. Now, you return and break off our engagement?” John asked with a look of bewilderment.
I’d given his ring back, and all hell broke loose.
“It isn’t sudden John, I never should have accepted your proposal. I knew I wasn’t ready to remarry, my time away in South Beach just helped me realize it wasn’t fair to you. I’d been postponing making wedding plans for months because I was afraid to tell you how I felt,” I explained, desperate to make him understand.
“Was this all a lie then, everything? You said you loved me, was that a lie as well?” John questioned, hurt shining through his chocolate-brown eyes.
I cringed on the inside, hating myself for causing him pain, for letting it get this far. It took an affair with another man to make me face the truth; to admit what I’d avoided.
“No, John, none of it was a lie. Our relationship—my feelings for you, everything was real. I just realized it wasn’t enough,” I said truthfully.
“Jesus, Camry!” he roared, running a frustrated hand through his hair as he walked a short distance away from me. “So not only are you breaking our engagement, you’re dumping me?” he asked in disbelief.
I stared at him nonplussed. I assumed that was a given—that those two things were synonymous.
“Yes, John…I’m sorry, but it's been almost two years. If I haven’t gotten there by now, I doubt it's going to happen,” I said gently, wishing I could somehow lessen the blow.
He fixed me with a glare. “That’s right, Camry, two fucking years that I’ve obviously wasted!” he yelled angrily.
I regarded him warily, trying to remain calm in the face of his growing anger. I knew he would be hurt, but he was becoming more volatile than I anticipated.
“Calm down, John. It was never my intent to hurt you, but you deserve my honesty,” I told him.
“I thought we were on the same page, Camry, that we wanted the same things. And what in the hell do you mean I deserve your honesty? Have you been lying to me the entire time?” he questioned with hostility, eyes accusing.
“I’m not going to have this conversation with you if you don’t calm down and stop yelling at me!” I exclaimed in exasperation, having grown tired of his belligerence. I knew this was difficult for him, but I’d reached my limit for emotional and verbal abuse.
“I will not calm down! You just hit me over the head with a two-year lie, and I’m supposed to remain calm and understanding?!” John shouted.
He’d never displayed an angry side to his personality; John was always so laid-back and chill, so I was a little shocked by his display of temper. I don’t believe we’ve ever really had a heated argument before now.
“John, you’re scaring me, I’d like for you to leave,” I told him, putting some distance between us.
He exhaled a frustrated breath. “I’m sorry, Camry, I’m just having a hard time with this. It was quite unexpected,” he said.
I eyed him warily, suddenly unsure of what to say or do. What a frigging mess.
I contemplated the man I agreed to marry less than one year ago; his dear face so familiar. Yet, I’m perplexed by the lack of feeling I experienced while looking at him.
How could I not have seen it before?
A week ago, I would have said I loved John. But, I now realize I’ve only ever loved him like a friend, not a lover. And it made total sense that had probably also been my draw to him. John didn’t represent all the things I wanted to avoid in a relationship, he was the antithesis of David, my ex. David was bad boy handsome, an all-star athlete, and the boy that every girl in high school wanted. I was crazy in love with him and look how that turned out.
“The last thing I wanted was to hurt you, John, but you don’t deserve to marry someone who’s unsure,” I told him. I wanted to go to him, to offer a consoling hug, but I knew that it would be unwelcomed.
Having obviously cooled down some, he blew out a breath that reeked of resignation. “Yeah, well, I can’t seem to appreciate that fact right now, Camry. I guess it’ll take some time. I’m going to get out of here,” he murmured dejectedly, moving to exit the room.
I felt a pang of regret when he barely glanced in my direction on his way to the door.
My tears fell unchecked as the door clicked shut behind him, and I stood feeling as if a gaping hole had just opened up in my chest. I might not be passionately in love with John, but I still cared for him, those feelings couldn’t be turned off.
Swiping at my tears, I took a deep breath and pulled myself together. I probably had no right to be crying anyway.
That ordeal sucked, and I was now the scum of the earth for hurting John. But it had to be done. I knew in my heart it would’ve eventually happened, that it was inevitable, despite Garland.
But my God, what in the hell happened to my normal, predictable life? Just one short week ago, everything was fine and perfect. I had a normal and comfortable routine, a normal and dependable fiancé, a contented daughter, and a sister who wasn’t pissed at me.
Shaking my head in disbelief, I plucked my purse and car keys from the hallway table before heading out the door to get Autumn. I’ve missed her desperately and couldn’t wait to hug her tiny little body close.
Twenty-Four
Though everything changed, I was back into my normal routine in no time at all.
My life consisted of work, taking Autumn to summer camp in the mornings, to gymnastics practice twice a week, and occasionally to the park in the early evenings. Sometimes, the two of us would just curl up on the sofa together for a movie, which admittedly, felt sort of weird to not have included John. Movie night had become something of a routine with us during the weekday.
John’s called a couple of times since we last parted, as well as texted, but though we’d had brief conversations, I refused his requests to come by. I just didn’t see the merit in it; believed it best to give things time to cool down some. Plus, I also didn’t want to confuse Autumn. I explained things as best I could, telling her John and I decided to just be friends and wouldn’t be seeing each other very often anymore. She’d asked questions that day, and perhaps two days after that, but not since then. However, I knew everything was as much an adjustment for her, as for me. But, children were remarkably resilient, and tended to bounce back long before us adults.
As for me, I’ve felt torn, vacillating between feelings of guilt and uncertainty. I was at loose ends; still coming to terms with my break up with John, as well as the uncertainty of my relationship with Garland. Throughout everything, I managed to keep my doubt and insecurities at bay, not to over-analyze the state of Garland’s and my relationship. But it’s been a little over two weeks since leaving Miami, and the inevitable doubt had started to creep in.
Had Garland changed his mind about us? Did the distance cool his interest?
Though we’d previously kept in touch by phone or text, it didn’t help that he’d been out of the country on business this week, and that we’d hardly spoken. I hated the self-doubt, abhorred being the kind of woman who sat pining over a man. So, I tried convincing myself that I didn’t care; that I wasn’t bothered by the fact that he’d not visited, nor once expressed missing me. After all, I didn’t really expect for it to work out anyway. But just when I was ready to accept reality, to acknowledge that I would likely never see him again, Garland finally decided to call.
“I’ve been away from you too long,” he said without preamble, as soon as I answered the phone.
“And whose fault is that?” I asked, smiling like a sucker.
“Viktor told me I’ve been an insufferable prick these past two weeks--and that I should get my head out of my ass. I took that to mean my visit to Michigan was long overdue,” he said in answer.
“Is that so?” I questioned.
“It is, sweetheart, so what time can I expect to be put out of my misery?” he asked.
“Uh, what time would you like to be put out of your misery?” I inquired with a grin. God, I’d missed him.
“I prefer right now, but I’ll be considerate and give you an hour to make yourself presentable,” Garland said.
“Wait, you’re here?” I asked suspiciously.
“I am,” he confirmed, “And I’ll be seeing you in an hour.”
The line went suddenly silent, signaling he’d disconnected. He’d hung-up on me!
I laughed out loud. Right before I panicked.
My nerves were shot.
I felt both anxious and excited, but mostly apprehensive. I was nervous about Garland meeting Autumn; didn’t know that I was quite ready for it, or she for that matter. I initially intended to delay the inevitable, to not have them meet right away, to insulate my daughter after John’s recent exit from her life. But Garland just caught me off-guard and took the decision out of my hands. So, I resolved to just get it over with.
