by K. Marie
Who cared if my heart was completely against being practical?
But the reality is, there had to be an end-game. How long could I expect Garland to travel to Michigan every week—or to have a weekend only relationship? I firmly believed long distance relationships never worked. I feared Garland losing patience or interest.
I knew I would have to make a decision but couldn’t yet do what my heart was telling me to. That particular dilemma was at the forefront for me all week, but that wasn’t the only thing.
Doctor Susanne Wolfe, had been my family doctor since I was thirteen years old. A quirky, feisty, and petite woman with salt and pepper hair, she’d always been very direct in her diagnosis and opinions. I sat here now staring at her as if she’d just morphed into Satan, wondering if her quirky sense of humor was just fucking with me.
“Judging by the look of shock on your face, this is obviously surprising news for you,” Dr. Wolfe said. “You do realize your last period was about eight weeks ago?” she asked.
But I only continued staring, bewilderment obviously evident on my face. I hadn’t been feeling well, thought I’d only caught a stomach bug that I couldn’t shake.
How in the hell can I be pregnant?
I’d taken my birth control pills faithfully. Between going to South Beach and returning home to make life changing decisions, I didn’t realize my period was late.
“How could this happen?” I asked in distress. “I’m on the pill and I haven’t missed a single day of taking them!” I cried.
I’ve taken my birth control pills faithfully for the past five years without a single misstep.
This cannot be happening, this cannot be happening, this cannot be happening. My brain kept repeating.
My stomach roiled violently, and I quickly jumped off the exam table to vomit into the nearby trashcan. I heaved violently, until tears were running down my face and my nose was dripping. Finally pulling my head out of the trashcan, I accepted the tissues from Dr. Wolfe’s outstretched hand, before walking over to the sink to try and clean myself up. But I was still a mess, both physically and mentally.
“A pregnancy isn’t the end of the world, Camry. There are options out there if you’re not yet ready for another child,” Dr. Wolfe said gently, placing a reassuring hand on my shoulder.
Options? How could I even begin to think about options when I hadn’t yet accepted that I’m pregnant? “Are you sure, Dr. Wolfe, can the test give false results?” I asked in desperation.
“No, Camry, sorry, but the tests are almost one hundred percent accurate,” she said with a sad smile. “Besides, you’ve missed your regularly scheduled period. If I had to guess, I’d say that course of antibiotics you were taking for the sinus infection was the culprit. Some antibiotics can lessen the effect of birth control pills.”
You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.
I’d just finished a course of antibiotics for a sinus infection only days before going to South Beach. But antibiotics had never lessened the effects of my birth control before.
Turning her attention back to my chart, Dr. Wolfe looked it over once more. “Hmm…yes, I’m sure that’s what happened. Let’s see how many weeks along you are,” she said, pulling a round-shaped object out of her jacket pocket.
I watched as she rotated it while looking over the lens of her glasses; wondering idly, why she didn’t use something more technologically advanced. I’m positive she’d used that very same gadget when she’d diagnosed me pregnant with Autumn.
“Going by the date of your last period, I would say you were maybe six or seven weeks along. But I’ll do a vaginal ultrasound to be sure,” she told me.
I quickly did the math in my head, and if her calculations were correct, I became pregnant in Miami. Shit.
A baby was a hell of a souvenir to bring home from vacation.
How in the hell am I going to explain this to Garland?
And I’m positive the baby is his, John and I hadn’t been together sexually for almost a month prior to me leaving town. First, I had my period, and then the nasty sinus infection that lingered for two weeks.
How could I have been so irresponsible? That Garland and I didn’t use extra protection every time was irresponsible on both our parts—but especially mine. The woman always shouldered most of the burden. I’d been here before, I definitely knew better.
Garland might think I’d done this on purpose, to trap him. I thought with a dawning horror. He was adamantly opposed to having children.
My stomach roiled again at the thought, threatening another trip to the trashcan.
What in the hell am I going to do?
Feeling as if having an out-of-body experience, I did as Dr. Wolfe instructed, and found myself lying upon the paper-covered examination table with a cold, wand-shaped thing up my vagina. When she finished, I was left to get redressed.
“Meet me in my office, Camry, we’ll discuss some available options,” she said on her way out.
Twenty-Eight
I left Dr. Wolfe’s office in a daze, unable to recall how I made it to my car or even drove home in one piece.
Entering my condo, I felt like a changed woman, which I actually was. Placing my purse and keys on the hallway table, I headed straight upstairs to my bedroom; where I threw myself across the bed and bawled my eyes out.
I just couldn’t believe I was pregnant.
Being raised Catholic, I initially balked at the idea of abortion when Dr. Wolfe presented it as an option. I’d always been opposed to it. However, I now seriously contemplated terminating the pregnancy. No way was I ready to have a baby, nor to be a single mother of two. And I could just imagine Garland losing his shit when I told him.
Why was this happening?
I’m not sure how long I lay crying like a baby, but I eventually got myself under control, and just sat thinking about the fucking mess that was my life. I felt both overwhelmed and all alone. This was something I should be sharing with Garland, something that we should be problem-solving together, but that couldn’t happen.
In no condition to talk just now, I decided to text Marie, she was the only person I could share this with. Lauren would be positively horrified.
Marie texted me back, stating she would drop by on her lunch hour. She worked as a dental hygienist at a dental office about ten minutes away.
I went into the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth, then pulled my hair up into a ponytail. My eyes were red and puffy from crying, but that couldn’t be helped. Making my way downstairs, I forced myself to munch on crackers and chamomile tea until Marie arrived.
“My God, Cam, what happened?” Marie asked as soon as she saw my face.
I promised myself I would be an adult and hold it together, but Marie’s concerned face had me melting down again. She put her arm around me and walked me into the family room, where we took a seat on the sofa to wait out my crying spell.
“I’m pregnant,” I finally managed to say.
Marie just stared at me speechless; her eyes widening as though they were about to spring from her head. “What?!” she exclaimed in disbelief, making me cringe inwardly.
“Okay, I was not expecting you to say that—and that was obviously the wrong response, sorry,” she said once she’d recovered. “I guess I can skip asking how; since we already know the answer to that, and ask who?”
I became teary-eyed all over again. I was dreading having to tell Garland, and wondered if our newly formed relationship was about to abruptly end. Would Garland draw the likely but wholly inaccurate conclusion that I’d trapped him? On the contrary, I was the one now feeling trapped.
“Camry?” Marie prompted.
“Garland,” I told her.
Despite everything, I guess I should be thankful for small blessings. That mother-nature prevented me from having sex with John was a saving grace. I would hate to have the added burden of having to figure out who in the hell the father of my child was. Though, it would probably serve me rig
ht for having cheated on John.
“I don’t know how I’m going to tell him,” I said with dread.
I’d already shared with her Garland’s aversion to children. And ironically, it was Marie who’d told me that I was essentially putting the cart before the horse in regards to that issue. She said Garland and I had time to work it out.
Well, surprise! The cart was already before the horse when I departed Miami.
“I can’t believe I was so irresponsible and stupid. I was so wrapped up in Garland I didn’t make him wrap it up every time we had sex. I’m seriously thinking about terminating the pregnancy and not telling him,” I confessed.
“Camry! Give yourself time to think this through before you make any rash decisions,” Marie cautioned. “Anyway, Mr. Hotness doesn’t get off that easily. He’s an intelligent man, he was well aware of the risks when he was screwing you without protection,” she asserted.
I knew she was right, of course; I didn’t become pregnant by myself. But I just couldn’t shake the feeling of having somehow betrayed Garland. I led him to believe I was on the pill and that we were safe, which I was…for all the good it did me.
“I know you’re right, Marie, but the fact remains he doesn’t want children. Besides that, I’m not ready to have another child myself, so terminating is probably the best solution for us both,” I reasoned.
Marie gave me a look that I was very familiar with. “None of that excuses him from his part in this, Camry. He chose not to protect himself by not wearing a condom, and he’s very well aware of how babies are made. If he was so adamant about not having kids, he should have wrapped it up every time,” she argued.
And the tears came again. Everything she said was true, but I was a mess with hormones and feelings of guilt.
“On the bright side though, the two of you would have a beautiful baby,” Marie said with a reassuring smile. “And that baby will have a hell of a trust fund!” she followed it up with.
I rebuked her with my eyes, her humor wasn’t appreciated just now.
“Oh, come on, cheer up Cam, it’s not all doom and gloom. Mr. Hotness is crazy about you, he might just change his tune,” she said in an obvious effort to cheer me up.
I somehow doubted Garland would be elated by the news.
I avoided Garland’s visit that weekend. I told him I would be taking Autumn to a water-park with her best friend and their family.
I hated lying, but I just wasn’t ready to face him. I still hadn’t made a decision about the pregnancy—of whether or not to tell him, and needed to buy myself more time to decide.
Surprisingly, I received a text message from John on Saturday, childishly asking if I’d been “dumped yet.”
Pissed, I’d childishly responded back. “Not yet…asshole.”
He clearly wasn’t taking things in stride. I decided to ignore any further texts from him, but it saddened me to know that our relationship had dissolved into such strife and bitterness.
Garland and I spoke regularly over the weekend, and I really missed him, but was relieved to have prolonged the inevitable. According to Dr. Wolfe, if I planned to terminate the pregnancy, time was of the essence. I knew I would have to quit being a coward and deal with this one way or another.
Garland hadn’t stated when he would be coming back, and I was too damn scared to ask. That’s why I was caught unawares when he arrived on my doorstep that following Wednesday.
I panicked, my heart drumming wildly in my chest as I gazed through the peephole at him standing there.
My stomach already unstable these days, I felt instantly nauseous, and had to swallow several times to keep the contents of my stomach at bay. I knew I couldn’t just leave him standing out there; he knew I was here, but I scrambled to get my shit together before facing him.
I told myself to calm down and to get a grip; what was the worst that could happen? So, taking a deep breath, pasted a warm smile on my face and forced myself to open the door.
“Hey handsome!” I greeted cheerily. Perhaps a little too cheerily.
“Hey,” he said in turn, raking me with his gaze and giving me a thorough inspection.
Shit. His scrutiny was the last thing I needed.
Could I possibly appear anymore guilty? I asked myself as I stood frozen, staring at him like an idiot.
Do something! Act normal! I yelled at myself in exasperation.
“Come on in,” I told him, taking a step back.
I looked a mess in leggings and a t-shirt, but Garland looked good; dressed more casually than I’d ever seen him. He wore a pair of dark jeans and a black t-shirt.
“How are you?” he asked, eyes concerned.
Terrible! I wanted to say, but don’t. “Better than I was the last time I saw you,” I said instead.
“That’s good to hear, though, you still look a little peaked to me; and you’ve lost weight,” he remarked.
He was right, with all the nausea and vomiting, I’d lost weight the past two weeks. The man was too damn observant for comfort.
“Garland!” Autumn called, skipping into the hallway, having obviously heard his voice.
Garland had quickly become one of her favorite people. Of course, it didn’t hurt that he brought her presents every time he came. I wondered what it would be this time.
“Mommy didn’t tell me you were coming, this is so cool!” she cheered, jumping in excitement.
“At least someone’s happy to see me,” Garland said with a smug smile.
My mouth dropped open in surprise. Was that the impression I’d given him?
I was more nervous than a sinner in church to be around him right now, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t want him here.
“Hey! Make that two someone’s,” I said in objection.
“Come in the kitchen Garland, I have something to show you!” Autumn announced, latching onto his hand and pulling him behind her.
“I have something for you,” Garland said from behind me. I’d been standing at the kitchen sink washing vegetables in preparation for dinner.
I turned to see him holding a black velvet box tied with an ivory satin ribbon. Was that what he’d just gone to his car to get?
I accepted the box hesitantly, wondering what he’d gotten, almost afraid to look inside.
I didn’t do well with surprises.
Tugging the ribbon loose and placing it on the counter beside me, I lifted the top gingerly, and my breath caught in my throat.
Inside was the most beautiful pair of earrings I’d ever seen.
The earrings were of a teardrop style, and maybe an inch in length. There was a yellow pear-shaped stone in the middle, haloed by smaller clear stones that were brilliant and shining; and undoubtedly diamonds. I looked up at Garland with a delighted smile.
“They’re beautiful,” I told him, feeling a warm sensation course throughout my body.
He’d just given me diamonds. What girl doesn’t love diamonds?
“What kind of stone is this?” I asked, fingering the yellow stone.
“It’s a canary diamond,” Garland answered, probably amazed by my ignorance.
I glanced at him, and then back at the stones…the fairly huge stones. Each stone must be four or five times the size of the stone in my previous engagement ring.
“Thank you, Garland, I truly love them,” I told him with an affectionate smile, giving him a quick kiss and a hug.
I had to be careful with Autumn in the next room watching television, I wanted to keep things platonic in front of her for as long as possible.
“I’m glad you like them, because I have another gift for you,” he told me, reaching into a small black gift bag and producing another similar box.
I eyed him incredulously, knowing it was another piece of jewelry. This box was wider and flatter.
I removed the ribbon and lifted the hinged lid…all I could do is stare.
Holy shit. There were more diamonds in this box than was decent.
The necklace
is stunning; and looked as if it could be part of the Queen’s jewels. Designed in a thin, interlocking pattern, the necklace was made up entirely of brilliant white diamonds. And attached at its center, was a canary diamond that perfectly matched the earrings.
Finally tearing my gaze away from the stunner, I looked up at Garland. “Wow,” I breathed, a wholly inadequate response.
The earrings were generous, but the necklace was downright extravagant. I had no idea where I would wear it.
“Does wow mean you like it?” Garland asked.
“I love it,” I confirmed, eyes drawn back to the necklace. “But you’d better buy me a Versace or Gucci dress to go with it, because there isn’t a single article of clothing in my closet that would suffice,” I added in humor. And that was an understatement.
“This is beautiful Garland, extravagant, but gorgeous,” I told him, on the verge of becoming emotional.
I was no expert, but I imagined the jewelry must have cost a fortune. The necklace alone could probably pay off my mortgage.
“You deserve the best, Camry, I had those made especially for you,” he told me.
I just shook my head in wonderment. Since leaving Miami and being away from all of his wealthy trappings, I sometimes forgot Garland was who he is. Expensive gifts were probably nothing for him in terms of monetary value. However, taking out the time to have jewelry made for me took both thought and caring.
Stepping closer to him, I stood on my toes to give him a lingering kiss. “You have excellent taste in jewelry,” I told him, eyes threatening tears.
I turned quickly away to hide my face. I felt guilty as hell. Here he was being sweet and thoughtful, while I was lying to him.
Walking over to place both jewelry boxes on the table, I carefully removed the earrings from their velvet cocoon. After fastening one to my ear, and then the other, I walked over to look at myself in the wall mirror.
Wow. The earrings were even more beautiful on. “They’re perfect,” I announced, returning with a big smile on my face.
“You’re perfect, Camry,” Garland said in return.
I was really going to hate disillusioning him.
