“I should have found you.” Her whisper filled the room with regret and he met it with a shake of his head.
“No, Bee. I never shoulda left.” Pursing his lips in a silent demand, he held the pose, waiting and she slid closer, pressing her mouth to his in a soft kiss. When she pulled back, he launched in again, saying, “We could round robin this game for a decade and no one would come out the winner. Go back and forth with the blame we have, the guilt. That’s a non-productive activity. Things happened the way they did, and everything is for a reason. If I hadn’t left, I wouldn’t be the man lying here in bed with you, worthy of you.”
She made a small sound, dismissive, and he shifted, kissing her again, wrapping his hand around the back of her head, ignoring the pain stabbing through him at the movement and pressure. “Best thing I ever did for us was leave Lamesa. Hate missing the time with Eli, with you. But, the good news is I came back, and now we have time. We still have so much time, Brenda. Time to build memories. Things Tommy and Ray can’t ever take from us, because they aren’t walking the earth any longer. The main thing I’m happy about is being here with you. You and Eli, because the three of us can make this whatever we need.”
“I love you, Duck.” Firmly spoken, the affirmation of her feelings struck a chord within him, that resonance rising to fill him with emotion.
“I know you do, Little Bee. I love you, too,” he whispered and then pressed his lips to hers again.
He shifted to his back, letting her snuggle into his side, her head on his shoulder. In a determined voice, filled with an echoing timbre leaving no room for doubt, he told her, “Love you, and God…how I love Eli. I thank God Ray never knew Eli was mine. It’s a twisted justice, but if he had known, he would not have hesitated to fuck with you. So, as sick as it might sound, I’m glad Ray died before I found you again. Before I found Elias. My son.” He squeezed her, bending his elbow to tighten his arm around her. “My treasure.”
“You’re my dad?” The quiet question cut through the room and Brenda went rigid at his side. Eli’s voice shook with what Duck hoped was surprise and not anger or sadness, but the kid was so guarded it was hard to tell from the tone alone. He had moved closer to the bed from the sound of it before he asked again, “Duck, are you my dad?”
Without hesitation, not missing a beat, Duck held out his other arm invitingly and said, “Yeah, Elias. I am.”
When he dozed off this time, it was with warm bodies pressed into him from both sides, his family wrapped up in his arms.
***
“How long have you known?” Eli’s question was understandable, but the undercurrent of hurt in his voice ripped at Brenda’s heart. When she rose from the bed, he was already gone and she came downstairs to find the morning’s chores completed and General’s tack gone from the barn, which meant he was out riding. Such a smart boy, taking time to think things through. He had walked in the door a few minutes ago and because she needed to know where his head was at, she didn’t lose any time pinning him to a stool so they could have a talk.
She took a moment, studying his face, reading his mood and instead of answering right away, she changed the topic, saying, “You name that colt yet? Horse needs a name. Just sayin’.”
His head tipped back and she watched as his brows drew together. Just before he was going to say something to urge her on, she sighed, circling back. “Elias, I’m going to be straight with you. You can ask any question and if I can, I’ll answer it. If I say it’s not something I can talk about, then that’s just what it means. That’s not me trying to hide anything, but if it’s not pertinent, then I won’t always answer.”
“I can live with that,” he said, sounding very adult as he shifted on the stool to face her. “How long, Mom?”
“Not quite five months.” At her answer, his body moved back as if she had hit him, and she asked, “What?”
Voice quiet and low, he asked, “Not before he died?” His head angled down and he stared fixedly at his knees.
“No, baby. It was after. Remember the cheek swab deal we did for the gene test?” She paused and he nodded. “Remember I told you it said you didn’t have the ALS gene?” He nodded again, cutting his eyes up to her face, then back down to his knees. “They tested for the gene, but part of that was looking at how your genes differed from your…from Tommy.”
At her stumbling recovery, she saw the muscles in his legs tense, saw the toes of his boots curling around the stool legs, holding him in place. “And the test told you he wasn’t my dad?”
“Yes, baby. That told me.” She reached out, threading her fingers through his hair. “Things were…complicated when I got pregnant. I’d known Duck forever, it seemed, and then we dated one night. Just one night, and then he had to leave town. By the time I knew I was going to have a baby, have you, he had been gone for nearly three months, and I’d been dating Tommy for about two.”
“So when you knew, when the test told you, what did you do?” Lifting his head, he pressed back against her hand, not to push her away but to be closer to her.
“Well, first I cried, because it meant I had done a good man wrong. Duck’s a good man, and he would have wanted to be there for you. But, there it is. I got it wrong, so he didn’t know. And he wasn’t around to experience the everything that is you.” She forced a smile, but dropped it when Eli’s face remained serious. “It felt like I had stolen something important from him. My second thought at the time, was how glad I was Tommy never knew.” He opened his mouth to interrupt but she shook her head, resting two fingers against his lips. “I know what he said to you. Duck told me. Tommy never spoke to me about that, and baby,”—she cupped his cheek, thumb grazing across his cheekbone—“I hate that he said those things to you. Hate even more you lived with it for so long, baby.”
“When did you tell Duck?” He seemed frozen in place, eyes locked on hers as he waited, still and silent, breath suspended.
“Just before he went back to Chicago,” she responded immediately, watching as the lines of tension eased in his face. “He hasn’t known for much longer than you have, Eli.”
“Why didn’t you tell him sooner?” Now he was frowning at her, seemingly angry about the delay.
“I called to talk to him right away, but got voicemail. Not something I wanted him to learn from a message, so I asked him to come home.” She frowned at the painful memory. “So he did. But then it was hard to find the right time. Remember the night you came to the drive-in movie? I was working up to telling him, but then it didn’t…wasn’t the time.” He tipped his head to one side, then nodded. “There were a lot of those kind of moments leading up to me finally having the conversation with him. I’d work myself up to tell him and open my mouth and the phone would ring, or Gill would walk in, or God’s chariot would descend from the Heavens. For a while, it seemed like it was fated he not know.” She cupped her hand behind his head, pulling him close for a minute so she could kiss his forehead.
“Then I found the right time and I told him, and you want to know what his first words were?” Eli nodded, shining eyes staring up at her. This was going to be a good thing for him to hold onto and know, that his father wanted him and hadn’t been afraid to say it, straight away.
“He said, ‘Thank God, Elias is mine.’ First thing out of his mouth, baby.” She grinned as he sucked in a deep breath, pupils dilating, an expression of hope on his features. “Yeah, I know. First thing, right off the bat, he was pleased. No bull, baby. He never got mad about not knowing, either. Do we both wish things had been different? Sure we do.” Now it was her turn to look at her knees. “But we all know now. And now is what we’ve got, so we’re just going to have to roll with it.” She turned her neck, looking at her son, noting not for the first time how much like Duck he looked, now that she knew. He should know this, too, she thought, and whispered, “You look so much like him. I don’t know why I never saw it, baby. Next time you’re in front of a mirror, you look and you’ll see.”
“
Is it bad—” his voice cracked in the middle of his question but he pushed past it, “I’m glad? Not just that you think I look like him, but that he is who he is and we all know it now?”
Reaching out an arm, she tugged until Eli rested against her side, cuddling in like he would when he was younger. “No, baby. He’s a good man, and I have the feeling he’s going to be a great father if you let him in. He’s a beautiful man, and I don’t mean the outside parts. You and me, we’ve talked about the importance of picking the right friends. Friends who will help you make good decisions. Who you can help to become better people.” He nodded, no surprise, because she had talked to him about things like that until she was blue in the face, hoping with sheer quantity something would soak through. Seemed something had, and it was a good lesson.
“He is good, through and through, has good men for friends, who hold him in high esteem. The people he’s surrounded himself with really tell the tale of how good he is. You let him in…if you give him the green light to be a father to you, to help you with whatever is needed, he is going to tie himself up in knots so he can be all over that.”
She gave him a squeeze and he twisted his neck to look up at her. “Shoot, Elly-belly,” she used Essa’s nickname for him to pull a grin on his face, “since he’s been here, you’re already picking up some of his habits. In these past weeks, you’ve gone from a lumbering lumberjack, thumping around the house, to being what he is.” She leaned close, putting them nose-to-nose as she dramatically whispered, “A Ninjacan. A ‘creep on silent feet until you sneak up behind her and scare your momma’ Ninjacan.”
The shouted laughter of her son rang through the house and she smiled, grateful for the joy in his voice. He hadn’t sounded like that in far too long.
Things are different
One week later
“Boss,” he said, phone to this ear as he tipped his head back to look at the ceiling. “I didn’t make the show. I heard Mica and Molly already went back home, too. I didn’t even get to lay eyes on them this trip.”
“You did good, Duck,” Mason reassured him and Duck heard pride in his voice. “You were exactly where you needed to be, when you needed to be there. Watcher and Juanita send their thanks, again. You have a big fucking marker with the Soldiers. That alone makes it easier to turn you loose the way I have, knowing they have your back down there.”
“Chase do well?” Duck had been present at Marie’s the first night Benny let Chase take the stage at the club’s main bar in Fort Wayne. The duo had been accompanied by Bear, and together, the three of them had rocked the joint. A surprise to no one, because like his old man, Chase was stubborn to a fault when it came to mastering something, so once he had set his mind on playing on stage with Benny, it wasn’t long until it came to pass. Bear was so fucking talented, been playing for years. He could hear a song and within minutes, have it picked out in his head, expertise and skill translating down his hands to the strings of his guitar. Brilliant. And Benny? Not only was he good on the guitar, but his vocals were outstanding. For a dude.
Pride rang in Mason’s voice again, stronger and closer to the surface since he was talking about his oldest son. “Yeah, he did well. Myron hooked up a live feed for me and Willa. We watched the whole thing just like we were there. Just like we had box seats. Kid’s got something going on there, and with the group Benny put together, they might have some legs. We’ll see, but they might have something going on.” He took in a breath and Duck could hear the grin on his face when he said, “Bethy has a dozen gigs already set up for them back up here. Chase’ll get a chance to see if he likes this for himself. But, yeah, he’s solid onstage, and did good.”
“Damn straight he’s good,” Duck reaffirmed, glancing out the front window of the ranch house, seeing Eli walking out of the shadows by the barn and into the sunlight splashed across the driveway and yard separating the buildings. “Mason, got a question for you.”
“Hit me, brother,” Mason said immediately, as Duck knew he would.
“I told you about Elias, about how his mom didn’t know until a few months ago he wasn’t fathered by her old man. What I didn’t tell you is her old man knew this same fact for a while and dropped that on the little man in a way that did damage. I can see it. I just can’t figure how to fix it. Same day me and her got our shit straight, Eli gave it to me, laid it on me, letting me carry it for him. I shared this with Brenda when I got back from Las Cruces, without knowing he was listening.”
“Fuck,” Mason breathed, and Duck could picture his head shaking back and forth.
“Yeah, but he’s more a man than a lotta men I know. He didn’t slink away with his questions stuck in his head. He asked right out if he belonged to me. Straight out, pushing through his fears.” Duck looked out the window again, seeing Eli was closer to the house.
“What’d you say?” Mason’s tone was light, but it sounded as if he were thinking about something other than what they were discussing, so Duck brought it back to topic.
“Told him he had the right of it. He didn’t even hesitate, just crawled up into bed with Bee and me. Stayed there ‘til morning.” The memory of the moment had burned into his brain, how comfortable Eli had been with the knowledge he had a daddy who was here, who loved him.
“So what’s your question, brother?”
“With how things were with Sosa, with Chase, I know you lost a lot of time with him. How do you make it up? How did you figure out where you stood in his life when you hadn’t been there for anything along the way?” He desperately wanted to know this, to see how his mentor had managed to come out ahead with his boy.
“Different circumstances, brother. Chase’s mother was an all-around bitch on wheels. Only good thing Carrie ever did for my boy was birth him. Next best thing was to bring him to me, but it took us a long fucking time to get to where he would agree with that statement.” Mason’s voice was wry, and Duck remembered the night Sosa had dumped Chase at the bar, remembered the panic in the boy’s eyes when he scanned Jackson’s, seeing a lot of what were probably scary biker faces, damn few of them familiar.
Mason continued, “Sounds like your woman did right by the boy, even if her old man was a jackass about things. You seriously give a shit about her, so that’s different, too. Sosa was a weight around my neck until the day she died, and even afterwards, when all I could think about was how she’d been used by my blood. Sounds like things are different, brother. Also sounds like Elias has his head screwed on straight and isn’t afraid to question the important things.”
Even looking at the door, he didn’t hear it open, didn’t hear Eli’s boots on the floor as he walked across to where Duck was standing. Kid’s light on his feet, he thought with a grin, reaching out to run a hand gingerly through Eli’s hair, something easing in his chest with the boy leaned into his touch. My boy. My son.
“Yeah,” he said softly. “He’s a good’un, for sure.” Clearing his throat, he looked down at the brown eyes so like his own staring up at him. “I’ll touch base with you in a couple days. Let me know when Fury starts back down, so I’ll know when to expect him.”
“He’s already on his way,” Mason said curtly, the change in tone so unexpected Duck froze for a moment.
“All right. I’ll watch for him. Any ideas why he’s in such a hardass hurry to get back to Lamesa? Missin’ his cuz already?”
“He called my sister twice on the road, then once after he got Bella up here. Then he rolled again fast as he could turn it.” Now the cold in Mason’s voice made sense, because in no way would he want a brother for his sister.
“She still here in town?” This was a simple question, and when it was met with a low growl, he already knew the answer.
“Yes.”
***
Three days later
Brenda sighed and leaned back in the chair, closing her eyes as she lifted her beer to her lips, the condensation on the outside of the bottle cool on her fingers. “Ahhhhh,” she made the sound only half-
jokingly, because after a day like today, the first drink of an ice-cold beer was just about that good. Essa laughed softly from beside her, her own bottle of soda no doubt just as satisfying after the day they had put in.
“We did it. Show’s over for another year,” Gill announced, and Brenda and all the hands in the room lifted their drinks in salute, shouts of ‘hear, hear’ and ‘fuck, yeah’ filling the air around them. It was nearly midnight, and the last of the official week-long festivities had ended about two hours ago. The day had been filled with parades and the awarding of prizes and trophies, buckles and ribbons. From the various competitions to the judging of pies and jellies, it seemed all their hard work had paid off, and everything had come off without a hitch.
The heat from Duck’s body hit her before his touch did and she turned her head, looking up, caught off guard when he brushed his lips across hers. Eyes open, she watched his lids sink closed, loving the look of concentration on his face when he deepened the kiss. “Mmmm,” she hummed against his mouth, feeling the teasing flicks of his tongue across her bottom lip. Before she was ready, he had pulled back. After the kiss his chin lifted, gaze sweeping the room.
Mouth to her ear, he quietly asked, “Fury and Bethy?”
Brenda ducked her chin and smiled. The two had circled each other all day, the intense attraction between them obvious to anyone who cared to look. Softly, she replied, “She said she was tired, going to head back to the hotel. He was about three steps behind her. Has been since he got back from Chicago. I can’t decide if it annoys her, or if she likes it.”
Duck (Rebel Wayfarers MC Book 8) Page 24
