Intoxicated

by Alicia Renee Kline

  “Dad,” I said quickly, “you believe me that nothing has happened between me and Matthew, right?”

  He cleared his throat. “I believe you because you have no reason to lie to me about it. But there is this unmistakable chemistry between the two of you.”

  I sighed again. “That’s what I was afraid of.”

  “If I were in Eric’s shoes, I think I might jump to the same conclusion. And that’s my honest opinion.”

  “So what do I do? Walk around and videotape every conversation I have with Matthew? Then when he accuses me of something I can just pull out the surveillance footage?”

  Dad laughed. “That seems a little extreme. Just let him cool off a little. When he’s got a clearer head, maybe he’ll be a little more open to the truth.”

  “I can’t believe Eric accused him of all that and called him a fucking idiot to boot. As much as he tries to act tough, Matthew’s so broken inside I can’t imagine what that felt like.”

  “He’s gone through a lot, dear. Some scars never heal.” Dad placed his hand on my leg. He could have just as easily been describing himself.

  “Did you two have a good talk?”

  “Yeah,” he hedged.

  “You don’t have to tell me anything. If Matthew wants to talk about it, he’ll tell me. But thank you.” I placed my hand on top of his and gave it a squeeze.

  “You’re welcome, sweetie.”

  We pulled into Blake’s driveway behind the others. Blake left the garage door open so we could all enter that way rather than going through the front door. Matthew opened Gracie’s car door for her, but once she had exited the Mustang, he fell into step beside me. I relaxed, tension dripping out of my body that I hadn’t even realized was there. It would have been horrible to be jealous of my best friend. Blake was right. It was a bad idea to start setting up people within your inner circle.

  Blake led the tour, Dad and Gracie responding appropriately. I stayed in the back with Matthew and let my thoughts wander. I remembered a few short weeks ago taking this same tour and being impressed with what I saw as well. So much had changed; like I had expressed to Eric, Fort Wayne really was my home now. No matter how familiar I had become with my new surroundings, I hadn’t forgotten where I had come from as he suggested.

  The walkthrough ended in the loft, where I could finally show my dad and Gracie that neither unicorns nor rainbows resided in my bedroom. Even though I had texted some pictures of my room, photos didn’t do it justice. That and they could be faked. I stood proudly in the middle of Blake’s pink, black and gray creation, admiring her work as though I was seeing it for the first time also.

  “Blake does wonderful work,” I praised.

  Gracie nodded. “It almost makes me want a roommate. If my apartment was bigger. And if I could have yours.”

  I laughed. “No deal. Blake is officially mine.”

  I flashed back to earlier that day in the bathroom with Eric. How he had uttered practically the same feeling about me, only his words had come across as eerily possessive. A chill ran down my spine and I shuddered reflexively.

  “You’re sure you’re okay?” Matthew whispered.

  Why did he have to be so intuitive?

  “I’m fine.”

  “I’m officially hers for about a year,” Blake smiled, “then once her lease is up, all bets are off. There may be hope for you yet.”

  “I couldn’t afford a place like this anyway. Even to rent. I don’t have a career like Lauren does. Only a job for now.”

  “Even better. That way you’re not tied down. And I’ll tell you a secret; Lauren’s rent here is dirt cheap.”

  I nodded, confirming her statement. The fact was that I only paid slightly more to live here than my rent had been on the tiny speck of a place I called home in Indy. I knew the cost of living was substantially less up here, but I figured that Blake’s family issues had a little to do with it as well. She seemed the type to despise being alone.

  “Well, well. Something to consider then.”

  We chatted easily for the next few minutes and I thought to myself that this was how the entire day should have gone. If not for Eric’s presence, I would have accomplished my original goal. Like I had thought, everyone that remained got along famously. If only Eric had turned on his salesman’s charm he would have fit in, too. But he had come here not willing or able to do so.

  “So, Gracie,” my dad interjected, “it’s probably about time to head back.”

  Gracie responded with a frown. She looked meaningfully at me and asked me silently to stall him. She wanted to talk about something in private.

  “I want to show Gracie the dress I picked out for the Christmas party at work first,” I said, thinking quickly. “Why don’t you guys go downstairs and have some coffee and we’ll be down in a couple minutes?”

  Even though my intentions were rather transparent, the group let me off the hook and took my story at face value. With the kind of day I had had so far, it wasn’t asking too much to be left alone with my best friend from home. I supposed at that point, I could have just shooed everyone else out of the room and there would have been no hard feelings.

  Safely alone and behind closed doors, Gracie’s face lit up. I raised my eyebrow, surprised at her sudden animation. I had expected her to launch into a tirade about Eric, though she wouldn’t have had to have kept that under wraps.

  “So?” she asked giddily, rubbing her hands together.

  “So?” I repeated, shrugging. I had not a clue what she meant.

  “You didn’t tell me he was absolutely hot. In fact, you barely mentioned him at all. So what gives?”

  Oh, yes, that was it. She wanted to dish about Matthew. I pushed down the bile that threatened to rise in my throat and reminded myself that I had wanted them to get together. Her interest in him was a good thing, and highly understandable. I could do this. I could play matchmaker. It would make the whole Eric thing easier to deal with in the long run. Any cheating allegations would be extinguished by my best friend dating the culprit. And any inappropriate thoughts or dreams on my behalf as well.

  “What gives is that Matthew is incredibly scarred by his past. And I’m trying to help him with that. Given my experience, I feel kind of qualified to help him forgive himself, I guess. Eric called it a God complex earlier, but you know I’m not the controlling type. I wanted you and my dad to meet him with an open mind and not a preconceived notion of what he would be like. So I just gave you guys the bare minimum fact wise.”

  “I think you left out a lot of valuable information.”

  I shrugged. “You know now, right?”

  “He really stayed with you that night Eric stood you up?”

  I nodded. “He canceled his plans with his best friend. I heard him on the phone talking to him. And he sat with little old sobbing Lauren and dried my tears. Then carried me up to bed when I fell asleep.”

  “That’s so sweet.”

  “I know. But I told Eric the truth about that night. Nothing happened. So you’re free to make your move. You should go for it.”

  Her eyebrows furrowed as if that was the last thing she expected me to say. “Don’t get me wrong here, but I’m the last person he would ever think about dating.”

  “Why?”

  She snorted. “Because, my dear, he is head over heels for you.”

  A mixture of emotions washed over me. Fear, relief, excitement, guilt to name a few. One by one, those whose opinions I trusted the most indicated that Matthew had feelings for me. The consensus was the same, and I had run out of people to ask. Unless I started polling people at work, the vote was clearly that there was more than friendship between us.

  I slumped down on my bed, my legs refusing to hold my weight any longer. Gracie sat beside me, wrapping her slender arm over my shoulders.

  “Are you sure?” I asked softly.

  “I’m positive. Lauren, the whole way here he asked me questions about you.”

  “Really?”
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br />   “Really. And all day he’s practically orbited around you like you are the sun or something.”

  I stared down at my fingers. “This complicates things.”

  “Or maybe it clears them up.”

  “How so? I have a boyfriend.”

  “A boyfriend who won’t truly commit. See, no ring.” She lifted my left hand to prove her point. “After ten years, you would think he could make up his mind.”

  “Eric said if I loved him that I would have turned down the promotion and moved in with him. I’m not playing by his rules.”

  “So, if you’ll give up everything for him, he’ll give you something that may or may not be important to you? Seriously, if a diamond meant everything to you, you would have been long gone by now.”

  “It’s not all about getting married. I mean, we’re only twenty-six. I’ve still got time to have the whole American dream thing.”

  I looked up at her, searching her dark eyes for some kind of answer. It was ironic, me seeking out the advice of the younger girl who probably couldn’t fathom having a serious relationship at this point in her life.

  “I wish I could tell you what to do, Lauren. But you have to decide for yourself. I’m not Eric’s biggest fan, but if you have kept him around this long, he must have some redeeming qualities. And you wouldn’t have gotten as pissed off at him as you did earlier if you didn’t care.”

  I bit my lip, considering. At this juncture, Eric’s relationship with me was murky at best. I felt a little bit better now that I had stood up to him. If he couldn’t handle my assertiveness, then I had an answer by default.

  “I guess I have a lot of thinking to do,” I muttered.

  “I’m afraid so. At any cost, your little love triangle is amusing for the rest of us.”

  I elbowed her in the side. “It’s not a soap opera.”

  “I beg to differ. On one hand, you have the boyfriend who will open up his wallet to show you he cares. On the other, you have the reformed bad boy who will open a vein for you. Who will Lauren choose? Tune in Monday to find out.”

  I wished it were that easy. At the rate I was going, it would take a year of Mondays to figure this one out.

  Chapter Nineteen

  The mood at work was decidedly more festive than I was prepared for on Friday morning. Several employees had risen at the crack of dawn – or not slept at all – in order to take advantage of the Black Friday deals around town. The office was abuzz with tales of shopping conquests and family gatherings. Typically, I would have enjoyed flitting from conversation to conversation, listening politely and interjecting now and then. Instead, I made the trek from the coffee pot to my office staring straight ahead and not stopping once. Safe in my sanctuary, I closed the door.

  Having transferred only two months prior, my staff didn’t have a good read on me yet. I knew my actions today would earn me the label of hard-ass boss, but I didn’t care. I wasn’t comfortable enough yet to impose upon them with my personal problems, as entertaining as Gracie assured me they were.

  Entertaining or not, they were surely headache-inducing. I rubbed my temples as I waited for the caffeine to take effect. I had one hell of a migraine starting. It would be a long day for many reasons, lack of sleep being just the tip of the iceberg.

  Last night, after I had seen Dad and Gracie safely off to Indianapolis, Matthew and I had attended a come-to-Blake meeting. If she wasn’t such a talented interior design, I would have pegged her for a motivational speaker or televangelist. She had ordered us to the infamous sectional sofa of awkward conversations, standing before us and pacing back and forth as she called us out on our misdeeds. Granted, she had come down far harder on her brother than me. From his expression during the whole thing, he appeared to be used to it.

  She had berated Matthew for causing the scene right before Eric left. She wasn’t impressed with him for implying that we had spent the night together, even if it was partially true. She noted Eric’s jealous streak and how that stupid comment had only fueled the fire. Thankfully, she stopped just short of letting him know that Eric had accused us of cheating with one another long before he knew about that night.

  Done with her sibling, she had turned her wrath to me. I had heard the gist of her lecture before, in the days following me driving the Mustang. Even though she didn’t come right out and say it in front of him, her meaning was clear: don’t hurt my brother. Don’t start something you’re not capable of finishing.

  Blake hadn’t given the opportunity for us to offer rebuttals. Matthew had left soon after, and I had slunk upstairs to my room much like a grounded teenager. Sprawled on my bed fully clothed, I had laid in the dark, begging sleep to come and put me out of my misery. It hadn’t listened. My stomach had twisted and turned right along with my emotions for the majority of the night. Finally, an hour or two before my alarm sounded I had fallen into a fitful slumber.

  I knew I looked anything but bright eyed and bushy tailed today. Fortunately, should anyone ask, I could make up a story about how I had scored a really good deal on a television and no one would be the wiser. Holing up in my office, the chances of me having to fabricate something were slim to none. I wondered if anyone would notice me even if I was sitting in a cubicle smack dab in the middle of the office. Maybe I should work on being more personable while on the clock. I resolved to do just that as soon as I got the whole personal issue thing sorted out.

  My cell stared at me from its perch on my desk. Having it out in plain sight was against company policy, but I was bending the rules today. If George happened by, I could stash it in my desk drawer fairly easily. I didn’t want to risk missing a call from Eric. I knew that he would be midflight to Vegas right about now, with no chance of connecting, but still held hope that he would reach out to tell me he had arrived safely. I didn’t know why it mattered so much; my anger still flared in my veins, but I couldn’t pretend I didn’t care. I supposed ten years worth of love for a person could do that to you.

  Hours later, as people around the office began to leave for the evening, I realized that I hadn’t gotten a text or call from anyone all day. I remembered what Eric had said yesterday when he left. That I should call him when I felt like being honest. At the time, I had considered pulling out my cell and dialing him immediately just to make my point that nothing had happened between Matthew and me. But perhaps he was meaning something more figurative than literal. Was he referring to me not admitting my feelings for Blake’s brother? If so, I may never be able to place that call.

  Whatever the case, Eric obviously wasn’t going to be the one to budge. His flight surely would have landed by now. Knowing him, he would have his cell attached to his ear even while hanging out with the guys. Who would be on the other end of the line, I had no clue. But it wouldn’t be me.

  I shook my head and stared at my computer. The headache had finally disappeared, and I was actually feeling productive. I decided to stay a little longer and wrap up some email responses. Sometimes it was easier to get things done after hours, when the phones stopped ringing and the hum of the office dissipated. I was so buried in my task that when George poked his head in my office to announce his departure, I jumped.

  “Sorry to scare you, Lauren,” he apologized with a smile.

  “No big deal. You out of here?”

  “Yeah. Want me to walk you out?”

  We were often the last ones to leave. Ever the gentleman, I wondered if he purposefully stayed until I was ready to go so he could escort me to my car. I typically let him, allowing him to feel like he was protecting me. I never mentioned that I was accustomed to living in a much bigger city in a much scarier section of town.

  “No, I’m good. I need to finish up a couple things yet.”

  He shrugged, and I imagined that I had deflated his ego just a bit. “You’re good with locking up then?”

  I nodded, giving him an encouraging smile.

  “Don’t stay too late. It is a holiday weekend for most of the country.”<
br />
  “And my family’s two hours away.” I grinned.

  “Good night.”

  “Good night, George.”

  He hovered in my doorway for a split second as if he wanted to say something else. The moment disappeared, and he turned away and headed for the exit instead.

  I stayed for another hour and a half, not really wanting to head home to an empty house anyway. Blake had informed me via a note on the counter this morning that she had a date with yet another unnamed suitor and she wouldn’t be home until late. I seriously doubted that Matthew would be heading over for dinner after the debacle that had been last night, so it was just me. Eventually though, my growling stomach convinced me that it needed attention. I powered off my computer and headed for the door.

  Being mid-fall, the sky had already darkened and the air was chilly. A shiver ran down my spine as I headed for the Honda, and I wrapped my coat tighter around my body. A cool mist filled the air, and I trudged across the parking lot, wet leaves sticking to my shoes.

  I climbed into my car, telling myself that I would just stop at a drive-thru on the way home and grab something quick for dinner. Cooking for one didn’t appeal to me, and at this point I wanted nothing more than to take a nice hot bath and go to bed anyway. The Honda, however, had other ideas. When I turned the key in the ignition, nothing happened. I tried a couple more times with the same result.

  “Shit!” I slammed the steering wheel in frustration, tears threatening to spill over my cheeks.

  I grabbed my cell out of my purse and dialed Blake. Straight to voice mail. Date night must be going well, or she would have eagerly accepted the excuse to opt out. I took a deep breath and dialed the only other person I knew in Fort Wayne. Even though I knew I was inviting trouble, I had no other choice unless I started calling tow trucks and taxis.

  The phone rang four times before Matthew answered. Though his greeting was the usual “Hey, gorgeous,” I wondered if Blake had anything to do with his hesitation. Or Eric. Or anything that had gone on since we met.

  I swallowed hard and tried to compose myself. There was no need to cry. Car trouble happened to everyone at some point. “Hey.”