by Cassie Allee
“You listen to me. Your mom went to jail because she tried to kill me, your dad was killed in self-defense because he was trying to hurt all of us, and not to mention rape my mother, you’ve known about your gift for a long time but you chose not to accept it, and lastly…there’s no way in hell that you could love me.” I said as my own tears started spilling over.
Risk looked up at me through tear soaked eyes and it broke my heart to see the hurt in them. He spoke to me in a voice that was so low that it was almost inaudible. “The fact that you think I don’t love you hurts worse than all of it.” I was silent and he wiped a tear away from his cheek. “We’re going to be late for school, and you can’t afford to miss another day. Let’s go.” He said and we got our stuff together and drove to school in silence.
It was an awkward drive and it was awkward in English class since we sat so close to one another, but I couldn’t talk to him, and I’m sure that he was feeling the same way. I didn’t see Gray all day except for in my first class and I found myself getting more and more curious about where he was going all the time. I made it through the entire school day without crying anymore and avoiding Risk at all costs. I may as well have stayed home though. I walked around like a zombie and couldn’t pay attention to anything. I couldn’t escape my thoughts and they were eating away at me.
When I got home I received a text from Mom saying that she would be coming home late that night and it hit me that I hadn’t told her about my prom date bailing on me. I didn’t even have a dress yet and prom was in three days. She was going to freak out, and I felt really bad. It was so important to her that I go to prom and have a great time with a great guy. I think she saw it as a bonding experience for the both of us, and we definitely needed some middle ground. I couldn’t change Risks mind though. I was starting to see through my grief and understand where he was coming from. I was the reason that he was all alone in the world and I took the only family that he had ever known. It didn’t matter how bad his parents treated him, they would always be his family.
Gray and I spent our evening playing the card games that we could, and I called it a night at eight o’clock. I had really committed to getting more sleep. I woke up sometime in the middle of the night and saw that Gray was gone again. I was really starting to miss having him when I needed him and I really needed to know where he kept sneaking off to.
I got up for school the next day to the smell of bacon and I knew that my mom must be home. I wanted to dress cute that day to hopefully catch Risks eye in English class. I put on my favorite jeans and a gray stretch cotton t-shirt that accentuated my curves. I spent a little extra time on my makeup and straightened my wavy hair out. After I was done, I skipped downstairs to eat and see if Gray might be hanging around Mom. He was always her shadow when she was home.
I found Mom in a sleep shirt and shorts, so she had obviously been to bed instead of staying up all night like she usually did. When I rounded the corner to enter the kitchen I could see Gray standing against the wall with his foot propped up against it and at the table was…Risk! My mouth dropped open and Mom turned to greet me with a big hug. I hugged her back, but I couldn’t keep the look of shock from my face. Risk looked down at his hands with a shamed expression.
“What are you doing here?” I tried sounding surprised, but it sounded bitter.
Mom spoke up before Risk could. “Oh honey, he came to drop off your dress. It’s stunning!”
I took a look at Risk and he quickly spoke before I had a chance to question him. “Yeah, it’s over there. The one we picked out…remember?”
Instead of saying anything I followed the direction that Risk pointed into the living room and saw a gorgeous gown hanging over the back of the couch. It was canary yellow, my favorite color, and it was strapless with a few small sequins over the breast. It wasn’t poufy at the bottom like most girls wore to prom, but it hung straight down in satin material all the way to the floor. It was simple and elegant and everything I could have asked for.
Gray popped up beside me and said, “Do you like it?” He was smiling probably because he knew that I would.
“Is this what you’ve been disappearing for?” Grays face fell and he shook his head no, but before I could ask him anymore about his shenanigans Mom came up behind me. She put her hands on my shoulders and said, “He’s a keeper!” and then waltzed back into the kitchen while pulling me along behind her. I gave Risk a look of confusion and he shrugged his shoulders at me and smiled. As much as I was confused about the situation, it was also tearing me apart. Risk was putting on some show for my mother, for whatever reason, and I had to sit and act like we were the happy couple that we were a few days ago.
Mom never asked anything about Risks dad while we sat there eating, but I could see by the way she looked at him that she was overflowing with motherly sympathy. When we were done eating we said our goodbyes and Risk put his arm around my shoulders as we walked out to our cars. When we got outside I immediately shrugged him off of me and laid into him.
“What the fuck is going on Risk? Why did you buy me that dress and why does my mom think we’re still going to prom together?” He wouldn’t look me at me and his shameful expression reappeared.
Gray spoke up for him. “It was my idea Spud. I didn’t want your mom to be disappointed about it, and I didn’t want you to have to deal with telling her. He’s just trying to make things right.”
“What do you mean it was your idea? How exactly are the two of you communicating?”
Risk shot Gray a nervous glance and then said, “I can see him now Marlee. It’s the weirdest thing…”
That’s all he could say before my blood was boiling and I cut him off. “Holy shit! So you’ve been sneaking away so that you can hang out with Risk? Unfuckingbelievable!” I said and slammed the door to my Delray before I sped all the way to school. I even ran down some ghosts on the way through town.
As soon as I got to school I was met at my locker by the notorious Jon Gillman. I tried to will myself into being invisible, but I had no such luck. He came up behind me while I was gathering my books for English class and slammed his hand on the locker next to mine, nearly making me jump out of my skin. He laughed and showed me his own bad boy smirk, but Risk and Gray had a much better version of it. We had a short stare down and then he said, “So I hear your banging the new guy. That’ too bad.” He smiled and it was creeping me out.
“That’s none of your business, so why don’t you throw whatever liquid you have on me already so that I can clean up and get to class. I’ve missed enough school lately.”
Jon let out a laugh, that sounded more like a cackle to me, and said, “You’ve got the wrong idea. I want to take you out sometime.” I saw his eyes darken and I understood exactly what his intentions were. He definitely didn’t want a date.
“Well thanks, but I really don’t have time to date losers that throw milk on people who have a higher IQ than them. My standards are much higher than that, so what I’m really trying to say is…no thanks.”
I noticed his group of jock friends behind me when they all said in unison, “OHHHHHHHHH!” I slammed my locker shut, gave Jon a triumphant smile, and turned on my heel to walk to class. I never thought that I would get the opportunity to humiliate one of those bastards like they had humiliated me all through school.
I got to English class and Risk still hadn’t gotten there, so my guts were in knots because I was anticipating how awkward the class was going to be. I was so ready to get the hell out of school and get to work so that I could talk with Remi and Jane about my guy problems. I needed to be alone with Risk and Gray so that I could find out why they were sneaking behind my back, but I was really just trying to avoid talking to Risk at all. My wounds were still fresh and I wasn’t ready to forgive him yet.
Risk walked into the classroom (without Gray) and I took a moment to admire him even though it was killing me. I noticed that his shoulders were slumped over and he looked as though he might be pouti
ng. No matter what kind of a mood he was in, he looked incredible. He was wearing dark denim jeans and a plain white t-shirt. It was simple, but I was intoxicated by the sight of him. His green eyes didn’t seem as bright as they were while we were at my house, and there was no pep in his step as he walked past my desk to take his seat. He didn’t even bother to look at me.
A few minutes into class a folded up piece of paper flew over my shoulder and landed on my desk. I opened it up and read it.
Marlee,
I hope you can forgive me for any pain that I’ve caused, but Gray and I have been talking and he helped me to realize that none of this is your fault. I know you’re caught up in this terrible chain of events along with me, and I just abandoned you. I hope that you’ll still go to prom with me, but if you don’t want to, please keep the dress. It’ll look amazing on you. I’m willing to get back to where we were if you’ll have me. You’re all I have left and I love you more than you can imagine.
Risk
I was having an internal battle trying to figure out if I should be dancing for joy or punching him in the face. Risk was begging for me, but it was just days after he had ripped my heart out. Was I supposed to just hope he didn’t get this kind of a mood swing again? I knew that I wanted him, but I was starting to get seriously pissed that I felt like I didn’t even have a choice in the matter. I knew that I wanted him no matter what, and I was ready for the hurt to stop. I wanted to make him sweat so I wadded up the paper and tossed it back over my shoulder, hoping it smacked him in the face. A few moments later the paper plopped back down in front of me. I opened it and found that he had added at the bottom, “check yes or no” with two boxes underneath of it for my answer. I put a check in the “yes” box but also added a doodle of a stick person with an angry looking face so that he knew I wasn’t ready to make nice yet.
After tossing the note back to him I heard a chuckle, but he didn’t bother me for the rest of the class. He even took his time getting his things together after the bell rang so that I could make a clean getaway. It was much less awkward and I appreciated it very much, but it irritated me that he knew so much about me already. I passed him in the hallway a few times and he would try his best to avoid eye contact with me, but I could always tell that he was holding back a smile.
When school was over I found Gray sitting in my car, waiting for me. I asked him if he wanted to meet up with me at Rocktop or ride with me there, but he told me that he was going to be “running errands” for a while, which I’m sure meant that he would be hanging out with Risk again. It stung to know that Risk could be stealing my life long best friend away from me. I had never been good at sharing.
Later that night I told Remi and Jane about the note that Risk had written. Remi was a hopeless romantic so she forgave Risk immediately, but Jane was openly bitter about the situation. She didn’t think that he should be forgiven based on the cowardly way that he ended things with me, and I told her that I was still pissed about that myself. Remi told me that it’s what I should expect from a high school relationship and that I should get over it. I had to admire her honesty, but sometimes her comments could sting a little.
I finished a slow night at work and then went home to get some sleep. When I arrived, Mom was awake and waiting for me. I went into the living room and sat down on the couch beside her to see what was up.
“Hey Mom, what are you still doing awake?”
“Oh, I just wanted to talk to you, honey. I feel like I haven’t seen you for weeks, and I miss you.”
She smiled and patted me on the shoulder and I told her that I missed her too. I knew there was more to her story than that and I felt like I was getting ready to get into trouble for something.
“I was thinking of next year when you go to college and about how I travel around so much, and I was wondering if you were planning on going to school around here.”
I hadn’t really had a lot of time to think about college, so I told her that I wasn’t sure what my plans were yet.
“Well honey, I’m away living in hotels most of the time, and when I do come home I normally have to twist corporates arm just to get the time off. I think that you should take this house while you go to college. You’re the one that keeps up with it and I’m basically just a guest here anyway. If you want to go to college around here, you’ll have a free place to stay that you can call your own.”
I looked at her in disbelief before I grinned wildly. “This will always be your home Mom, but I would love to have this house. I grew up here and I love this place.” Then we giggled like girls do and, like every sappy girly moment, we hugged.
After our moment was over, Mom and I went our separate ways so that we could get some sleep. When I got to my room I found that Gray was there waiting for me. He was looking sheepishly at the floor like he felt guilty about something. I stomped up in front of him.
“Look who’s decided to grace me with his presence.” My voice was oozing with sarcasm.
“Sorry Mar, I just have some stuff going on right now. I’ll tell you more, I promise, just not yet.”
I rolled my eyes at him and stomped away to the bathroom. I heard him sigh as I walked away. I brushed my teeth and put some ratty pajama bottoms on before taking a hard look at myself in the mirror. My face was thinner and I had dark circles under my eyes. My brassy waves were dull and had lost all their bounce and my skin was much paler than normal. To sum it up, I looked like hell. How was I supposed to sleep as much as I needed to while working and going to school? Not to mention I moonlighted as a ghost hunter. I knew that I needed to figure it out, and soon, or I might just shrivel up and rot.
I made my way back out into my bedroom and found Gray sprawled out on my bed making a puppy dog face at me. “Not fair.” I said and threw myself onto the bed beside him.
“Oh come on Spud, don’t be mad. I’ve missed you and I don’t want to fight.” Gray bat his eyelashes at me and I kicked him, but I smiled slightly so that he knew that I was joking. My foot passed right through his leg, but I could feel a tingle when I came into contact with him, and it was so strange.
As I was listening to Gray sing a Paula Abdul song my phone chirped. It was a text from Risk. “Are you ready to talk to me yet? I feel like I should be patient because I’m the reason for all of this, but I can’t stand it. I’m going to die if you don’t start talking to me.” I smiled to myself and I saw Gray trying to suppress a smile also as he read the message over my shoulder. I decided to give in to Risk and messaged him back.
“I’m ready to forgive, but not forget. Don’t make a fool out of me again, or I’ll be keeping your nuts a souvenir.”
Almost immediately I received a message back that said, “Agreed : )” and with that, I bundled myself up in blankets and drifted off to sleep.
When I woke up the next morning my head was pounding and Gray was gone again. When I got a glimpse of myself in the mirror I saw that I looked more worn out than I had the night before, if that was even possible. I threw on a zip up hoodie and some jeans that seemed to be a little looser than what they were the last time I had worn them. I wanted to look cute for Risk, but my body wasn’t going to allow me to put the effort into it. I hobbled downstairs to see Mom, dressed in work clothes, and Gray and Risk sitting at the kitchen table. When Risk saw me his eyes glittered and I couldn’t help but beam back at him. Gray shot me a wink and then whispered something to Risk as my mom walked over to me.
“Good morning honey. I have to run so I can catch my plane, but I’ll be back by prom night, I promise. I love you.”
I gave her a kiss on the cheek and she grabbed her suitcase and was out the door again. I was glad to see her go, but only because I needed to speak to Gray and Risk about the newest development in our Joey case. I hadn’t had a chance to tell them my new information yet, since my situation with Risk, and fact that Gray was apparently always out having boy time with him now, but I couldn’t put it off any longer. I sat down at the table and gathered up some
breakfast that Mom had made before she left.
“You look like shit, Spud.” Gray said and my eyes darted to Risk who was giggling at my nickname. Sharing Gray was something that was going to take some getting used to. I never thought that anyone else would ever have to hear that stupid nickname.
“Um, about that…” I said, “I have to tell you guys something that I learned about Joey.” That immediately got their full attention. “His dad, Dale, told me where I could look for his spirit and I found him right where he said I would, at his mother’s grave. He’s looking for her spirit, and I have no reason to think that he knows for sure that she hasn’t crossed over, but given the way that she died, I would say that she’s probably still lingering here somewhere. We need to find her.”
Gray cleared his throat and said, “What makes you think that finding her spirit will help our situation?”
“Because for just a second, Joey thought that I was his mother’s spirit when I was approaching him in the graveyard, and in that second, he wasn’t scary and angry. He was just the boy that I found wandering around the old town square. She’s what he’s so torn up about. He saw his mother kill herself. Anyone would be screwed up after that.”
Gray nodded and Risk looked a little overwhelmed. He swallowed a lump in his throat and said, “I’ve seen some…ghosts around town. I didn’t realize there were so many around us all the time. Before I could see them, I only felt it every once in a while, but now I’m constantly running into them.”
“No Risk, that’s part of the problem. Joey is somehow keeping everyone from crossing over and finding peace. He’s taking the energy that he’s getting from me and using it to seal people’s souls here. There aren’t normally that many around us. Normally, around here, they just hang out at the old town square and most of them stay clear of the living.” I said and Risk nodded as he processed the information.
