"Have you, ever done it?" I asked through my fingers.
He adjusted uncomfortably on the bed, I looked up as he nodded silently. Of course, he had, he was super-hot, and a teenage boy, but that didn't explain why he hadn't tried to really touch me.
"So why---?”
He held up a hand to interrupt me. "Why haven't I tried?"
I took a deep breath and leaned back on my elbows. "Yea, well I mean I may not be the hottest girl in school but it'd be nice to know my boyfriend wants me."
He moved closer to me and placed a hand in my hair. "Do you know how ridiculous you sound, I love you Pacey."
I groaned and pushed his hand away. "Yea you love me, and I love you, and sadly I think we feel completely different about each other."
Dean narrowed his eyes and moved closer towards me again. "Okay is this some weird girl code I'm not getting?"
I threw my hands up in annoyance and jumped him. Kissing him as passionately as I could. I straddled his body with my legs and pushed him onto his back. His hands were on me in seconds running up my back and into my hair pulling my face closer to his.
He kissed me so hard I thought my lips would bleed. I smiled into his mouth and groaned in pleasure. At least for once, I was getting something other than perfectly controlled Dean. After the incident at school when I'd tried to touch him, he'd been the perfect gentleman. Which annoyed the heck out of me.
He took a deep breath, and cupped his hands under my butt. He stood up from the bed and turned us both around so that now my back was to the bed. Heat and excitement exploded in my belly. I tightened my legs around him and locked my feet together. He was so hot, I could feel the muscles under my hands tighten as he moved us forward.
I felt the impact of his body plunging with mine onto the bed. He grunted and pulled away from me for only a second as he lifted his shirt up and over his head. I ran my fingers across his chest and down his perfectly defined stomach.
When my eyes finally darted up to his face I held my breath, his were a deep dark blue in their intensity. He threw my arms over my head and pinned my wrists with one hand, I squirmed and waited for him to touch me. He ran his other hand up my shirt and pulled my bra to the side. Cupping one breast softly he ran a thumb across its peak.
I couldn't contain the moan that escaped my lips. He lowered his head to my stomach creating a small trail of burning heat wherever his mouth met my sensitive skin. I closed my eyes and tried to tug my hands from his grip, but he squeezed harshly. I moved my body against his and felt his arousal.
He ran his hand down between my legs and pressed his fingers against me. I wriggled and moaned with the intensity of the things he was making me feel. I never expected him to be so controlling and so out of control at the same moment. He released my wrists and in one quick tug ripped apart my shirt. In seconds, I was naked from the waist up. His tongue and mouth moved in sequence with his hands, bruising and scorching my skin with his passion.
He paused for a moment at my neck and kissed every inch of my scars carefully. When I was with Weston, it had been this shaky, awkward moment. We'd stood and watched each other remove our clothes then we climbed under the covers together. It had been so easy, so passionless, and so empty.
Dean made me feel things I didn't know were possible. The boy that was usually such a gentleman, such a sweetheart, was an animal, and I loved it! He moved his lips back to mine and kissed me fiercely. I dug my nails into his shoulders as explosions of pleasure spread like waves across my body.
He ripped off my pants, and then my panties, never once breaking the intense gaze of his eyes into mine. When he was back on top of me he stopped for a moment and ran one hand across my cheek, his thumb stroking me softly he just stared.
"What?" I asked breathlessly.
"Still want me?" The dimple in his cheek was smiling at me sexily. His voice was so deep it was almost a groan.
"Hell yea." I said.
He adjusted against my body then watched my face as he guided his flesh into mine. I felt my whole body explode with heat and pleasure. Later when our bodies were spent, and our hearts had slowed to a steady similar beat I allowed myself to look over at him.
My eyes filled with unshed tears of joy, I never knew that it could be like that. I never knew that it could be so incredible. What I didn't see, and what I was too involved with Dean to realize, was that Lilith had stood in the mirror of my room and watched through the pane of glass as our bodies had expressed the lust we felt for each other.
The door to my bedroom slammed open. I looked up in surprise at the loud bang in confusion. I hadn't heard either of my parents return home. Dean sat up and reached for his jeans. I tried to cover my naked body from the focused black eyes looking in from the doorway.
I couldn't make myself move. Dean was dressing frantically unaware that a demoness stood in our doorway. All he saw was the familiar face of my mother. While I saw the wrath of hell staring me in the face.
Her eyes were a dark smoldering black. So full of hatred and damnation I couldn't look away. Her exposed arms revealed the black ribbons moving like waves across her skin. They churned and wiggled in anger. My mother's face was tilted strangely, abnormally to the side like she was waiting to hear something from behind her.
I watched in horror as two women I'd never seen before walked like zombies to her side. Their eyes filled with unforgiving black. I shock with fear when they looked at me and smiled.
Dean grabbed my hands and pulled me from the bed to cover me. It was then I noticed the shiny gleaming butcher knife clutched tightly in my mother’s hand. She was holding it so tightly I could see small drops of blood dripping from her hand.
"Hello Dean." She said in a slithering voice, like a snake assessing her prey.
He looked over at me in question but I couldn't speak. I didn't know Lilith could command more than one woman at a time. This made everything different, worse, and the fact that my mother was under her control made my stomach roll with nausea.
"Time to die Pacey."
I pulled my jeans on quickly and looked over at her, shocked. Was she evil enough to make my own mother my murderer? I looked into her black eyes and immediately knew she could, and that she had every intention of doing so.
"What the hell?" Dean said and pushed me behind him.
"Pacey, why does your mom have a knife?"
I hesitated but tried to move him away from me. He was not going to be my own personal human shield.
"Dean just move, it’s okay." I tried to reassure him with my voice but he shook his head at my request.
"No way Pacey, this isn't right, there's something wrong."
She smiled into his stone cold face. "It's alright Dean, listen to th-, to Pacey." Her eyes widened in eagerness.
"Dean, let me go."
He turned to look at me, his eyes no longer bright blue with lust, but pale and drab in comparison.
"No." He moved his arms out to the sides to try and shield me more.
My mother's pretty face dissolved in rage and exposed the ugliness of the demon.
"Give us the whore and you won't get hurt. Defy me, and you will watch her die. I'll make sure you watch every last drop of her blood leave her body."
I shoved forward and went towards my mother before Dean could stop me.
"You won't touch him, he'll never be yours." I slapped my mother’s face hard.
Lilith took a step forward and slashed at me with the knife. The two women behind her were shaking, their bodies fighting the control she was trying to keep. The knife hit my arm. At first I didn't think it had cut me, it had just felt like a hit, like I'd been swatted with a bat. I stared down at my arm and watched the crimson blood bead from the long thin line and drip to the floor. Dean pulled me backwards before the knife hit me again.
"I HATE you, die bitch just fucking DIE!" My mother's voice screamed as she charged forward.
She hit me again with the knife this time in the stomach. I looked down
at my blood-covered hands and felt myself sway back a few steps in surprise. Pain erupted from inside me, the heat and life leaving my body with every drop of blood that dripped from my opened flesh.
Dean grabbed for her wrist. They struggled and he pulled the knife from her hand. She slapped him across the face and moved towards me again. A bloody handprint was left on his perfect horrified face. He didn't think before he stabbed out with the knife and lodged it inside my mother’s back. Lilith's control over her wavered, I watched the black start to clear from her eyes.
"No." The scream came out in a choking gurgle from my lips.
I rushed forward to stop my mother from falling. Both of us were kneeling on the soon to be blood soaked wooden floor. My mother looked into my eyes and she cried out in pain.
"Dean no." I cried out again as I held her.
One of the women from the doorway came forward quickly and pulled the knife from my mother’s back. She tried to stab me again but my mother turned and stopped her, taking the hit in her chest.
"Why Virginia why, I thought we were friends." My mother's voice was a choking sob as she tried to stop the other women from stabbing her again.
Dean stood frozen to the spot, his face moving back and forth between me, my mother, and Virginia.
"Call the police Dean." My mother's voice pleaded as she fell to the floor.
Virginia pulled the knife from my mother's chest and took a large step towards me. I fell back onto my butt and scooted to the wall. Dean grabbed Virginia's arms and tried to restrain her.
"What is wrong with you lady?" He held on to her as tightly as he could as she thrashed and spat on the ground in front of me.
"She needs to die, she needs to die, SHE HAS TO DIE!" Lilith's voice vibrated and echoed off my bedroom walls.
I looked towards the door and noticed the other woman had disappeared. I closed my eyes for a moment and concentrated, trying to find her thoughts, trying to see if Lilith still controlled her. I started to feel woozy. I opened my eyes and watched the blackness start to take over.
Either I was dying or Lilith was trying to gain control. When I heard the sirens, my eyes flashed open and the blackness cleared. Warm thick blood was pooling on the ground beside me. A mixture of my blood, and my mother’s mixed together on the floor.
When I looked up towards Dean, Virginia was falling to her knees in confusion. The door downstairs flew open and I heard voices, including my father screaming for my mother.
"Dad." My voice came out in a whisper.
Dean ran to the doorway and screamed, but I barely heard him. "Mr. O’Brien up here hurry. Pacey's been stabbed."
I felt myself slip down farther onto the floor, I felt so cold. There was no warmth like before, this time, I was freezing, shivering in the cold that welcomed me. I closed my eyes and heard the feet running up the stairs.
"Pacey, no Pacey please stay awake, please love, stay with me." I could hear Dean's voice close to me, feel his hot hands try to tug my face back up from the floor.
When I woke up in the hospital I was surprised. The wound on my stomach throbbed in pain when I tried to move. I jerked up and screamed when I remembered what had happened.
"Mom?"
Rachel, my nurse from before came forward. Her pretty green eyes were sad instead of cheerful. I closed my own against the pain, and felt wet hot tears start to leap forward. They spilled down my cheeks into my neck. She didn't have to say it. I already knew, my mother was dead.
Chapter Ten
Broken Stiches
I sobbed, and screamed my anger, my hatred, my undeniable and earth shattering pain. Lilith had killed my mother in her attempt to kill me. I was shaking so hard I was barely able to rip the IV from my arm. I tried to stand and fell to the hard linoleum floor.
My body was so weak and I couldn't breathe. I tried to stop sobbing but the pain, the pain was so intoxicating, I just couldn't breathe. Rachel rushed forward and tried to help me up. I socked her in the face and stood, finally breathing in an angry breath.
"Fuck off."
She tried to move towards me again but I swung at her, slipped, and fell to the floor.
"Pacey." She screamed my name and tried to help me.
I wanted my mom, I wanted my mom so badly I knew if God gave me the choice I'd say screw Dean. I wanted my mom so much I couldn't stop screaming.
When I woke up 72 hours later I was strapped to the bed. My hands were restrained and the room that I'd first been in when I'd awoken had changed. I was no longer in the same generic recovery room, but a pure white windowless pit. I shuddered and remembered what Rachel had said, the words I'd never been able to forget.
"I'm sorry, your mother was pronounced dead three hours ago."
The hot tears stung my eyes. I let out a strangled sob and swallowed the other tears that wanted to spill forward. I could hear the thick metal door open and shut. I closed my eyes and turned my face away from the noise.
"Pacey?" I could hear Rachel's soft voice whisper my name.
I choked and cried again trying to calm myself down.
"Pacey, it’s okay, I'm here to transfer you back if you’re ready?"
I thought about the last three days and tried to control my moan of pain. I'd been in isolation for days. They'd strapped me down after I'd tried to rip out the stitches in my arm and stomach. I wanted to die, I wanted to slip into the warm waters and light I knew was out there and see my mom again. It was my fault she was dead.
"Pacey, please, I know you're hurting but you have to get out of this place. It'll swallow you up and you'll never be able to leave. Can you try for me, can you control yourself?"
I turned my tear streaked face and looked into her friendly sad green eyes. I nodded and cried again. Rachel reached out and wiped a stray tear from my face.
"I'm so sorry."
I swallowed hard trying to press down the sobs that shook in my chest. She pushed the button on the wall and an orderly came in.
"I'm going to give you a small sedative to keep you calm okay?"
I sat up shakily when she removed the restraints from my hands. I flinched when I noticed the bruise under eye. I'd done that too. I looked away and she snickered.
"You've got quite a right hook there Rocky. All the nurses have been talking about you."
I sat as still as possible. I was afraid if I breathed, too loud, they'd strap me back down again. I could only remember bits and pieces after I'd hit her. After that only my animal instinct had been in control, I'd had a complete mental break down.
"Okay, you ready to walk?" She held a hand out to help me stand.
"Sure." It was the first real word I'd said in days. Only gibberish and profanity had left my lips before, I had to be good I had to control myself.
“Here you go, sit here." She held out a wheelchair and I groaned.
I didn't need to be pushed around like an invalid. She motioned with her head that I didn't have an option. I sat down and waited for my escape from hell. She pushed me out the thick door and down the empty sterile hallway. We came to a glass security door and she buzzed for entry.
"Hey there Rachel, you got our fighter there?"
Rachel laughed and responded. "Yep, she's ready I think, had a tough time too, poor kid."
I closed my eyes and tried to pretend I was anywhere other than where I was. I could feel the shot she'd just given me start to kick in. I felt numb, I welcomed the empty feeling happily. It was like every thought in my head disappeared and all I was left with was a soft cottony edge surrounding my mind. There was no room for pain, or worries in the cotton. I was removed from everything. I felt myself slump a little in the wheelchair.
"Looks like your flying. Are you okay?"
I moaned a yes.
"Here we are."
I opened my eyes a tiny bit and saw my father's white sullen face waiting next to my new bed, in my new room.
"Hi Pacey."
I tried to smile but I was only able to grimace. The room
was plain and empty of anything other than a screwed down bed and side table. Even the chair my dad was sitting in was bolted to the floor. Rachel helped me up and into the welcoming bed. I could see the bathroom from where I laid.
The silver toilet, and sink were all plain, and danger proof. Even the lights above me were recessed and incapable of inflicting harm. I was still in the crazy part of the hospital, even as drugged as I was I knew that. I was far from getting out.
"Pacey, baby, I know that you just got out of isolation, but the doctor's want to keep you under observation for a little while."
He and I both knew what a little while meant. I was stuck in purgatory, it wasn't as bad as the hell isolation was, but it was still an indefinite period of time.
"Honestly baby, I want you to stay as long as it takes. Don't you worry about anything okay, Dean and Rhiannon are going to come by and visit with me tomorrow okay. I love you sweetheart, I'm so, so sorry."
I could hear his voice choke in pain. I knew looking at me only made it worse for him, I was after all my mother’s daughter. I was her twin in looks in every way accept our eyes. I fell asleep quickly after that. I felt the warm pull of the heat and dreamless slumber pulling me deep under its soft gentle waves.
When I woke up the next morning every muscle in my body hurt. The door was locked, not that it would have mattered if it weren’t. The doors in observation only opened from the outside, unless they were propped open. I groaned and stretched, and looked up at the small ten-foot high window that let a small amount of light in.
There was a set of clean blue scrubs sitting on the bedside table. I stood up and walked into the bathroom to pee. There was a very small shower with no curtain. A mirror that was contained behind a thick sheet of plastic that made the reflection foggy. I shivered and looked quickly away.
I wondered if Lilith was laughing at me, basking in the glory of her well thought out plan. While I was in hell, being watched and probed like a nutcase, she was out there working, busy trying to win over Dean. I heard the door of the room open and tried to cover myself from prying eyes.
Lilith Page 9
