“I care for you, Penny. I can’t give you any other reason other than that, so please, just accept that you mean a great deal to me.”
She nodded slowly, accepting his words and his gifts, knowing that her feelings were deeply involved as well. Probably much more than his. She felt his love for her as a friend but dared not hope it was anything more. As he leaned down and placed a sweet kiss on her lips, she knew her love for him went way beyond friendship. That thought sent a shiver of fright throughout her body. Falling in love with him was giving him a power over her emotions that she had never given to anyone else.
* * *
Asher arrived early at Penny's new apartment the next day. Since she had met everyone else in his family the day before, it was now time for her to meet Miss Ethel. He considered waiting until the next week when there would be the large gathering of everyone, but he did not want Penny overwhelmed again so soon. And for the meeting of the two most important women in his life, he preferred to keep it simple.
Using his key to gain entry into the building, he knocked on her door. Afraid that the previous day had exhausted her, he was thrilled when she threw open the door, a wide, welcoming smile on her face.
Before he had a chance to speak, she gushed, “Oh, Asher! I slept so well last night! This apartment is so much quieter than my old one. It’s a little cool this morning, but I had my coffee out on the patio, and it was delightful!”
Stepping into her apartment, he laughed as he placed a kiss on her lips, his hand lingering on her waist. “I’m glad to hear it, Penny. I was afraid yesterday had been too much for you.”
“I admit, I was tired, but after sleeping so well, I feel great today.”
A few minutes later they were in his truck, soon pulling up to Miss Ethel’s house. Not seeing any other vehicles, she asked, “Is it just us? I thought maybe the others would be here.”
“Our big monthly get-together is next week,” he explained. “I know yesterday was overwhelming, and even though you said you liked everyone, I thought we would keep today simple.”
The relieved smile on her face let him know he had made the right decision. As he escorted her inside, he said, “Don’t be nervous. You’re with family now.”
“Miss Ethel? We’re here,” he called out.
Miss Ethel, her white hair pulled back and her frame encased in a dress of light blue with little yellow flowers, walked from the kitchen to the front. She moved toward him, and he bent to allow her soft kiss on his cheek. As she turned to Penny, he made the introductions.
“Miss Ethel, I’d like you to meet Penelope Belcher. Penny, this is my mom, Miss Ethel.”
Penny was lifting her right hand for a shake, when Miss Ethel wrapped her arms around her, pulling her in for a hug.
“Oh, my dear girl, it is so wonderful to meet you. Asher’s been speaking of you for weeks, and I was so jealous that everyone else got to meet you yesterday.”
Laughing, Penny replied, “It’s nice to meet you too, Miss Ethel. I’ve heard a lot about you also, but I’m so glad we didn’t meet yesterday. I’m afraid I was a dirty mess by the time the move was over.”
Stepping back, Miss Ethel eyed her and said, “Well, that would’ve been fine, but you are absolutely beautiful today.”
He watched as a blush rose over Penny’s face, knowing that compliments were difficult for her to take.
Miss Ethel said, “Asher told me that he was taking you out for a late lunch, so I decided we would have tea this morning. We’ll have it in the dining room, though, because men hate dealing with a teacup and a small plate of cookies on their laps!”
Looking down at Penny’s amused expression, he admitted, “Miss Ethel was a taskmaster when it came to us learning decorum and manners. But she’s right…men hate trying to balance cups and saucers.”
Penny laughed as they followed Miss Ethel to the dining room. Soon seated at one end of the large table, he was not surprised to see a platter full of cookies but also another platter filled with dainty sandwiches. Deciding that they might have to push lunch back an hour, he settled in to enjoy the brunch.
“I hope you don’t mind, Penny,” Miss Ethel began, “but Asher has told me so much about you, and I’d just like to say that I admire your courage so much.”
Blushing though smiling, Penny shook her head, demurred. "I haven’t done anything courageous. Really, I haven’t. Sometimes I think all I’ve done is survive the best I could.”
“My dear, sometimes surviving is the only…and the greatest thing we can do. ‘Sometimes, to even live is an act of courage.’ A quote from Seneca. I think that describes you perfectly. We so often think that making it through difficult times is simply what we have to do, but so many falter. Those of us who survive come out stronger.”
Asher looked at Penny, now grinning widely, and agreed, “Miss Ethel’s right, you know. You had a lot going against you, but it was courage that kept you moving in a direction that made things better for yourself.”
“Asher has also told me of your experiences in the foster system." Miss Ethel reached across the table and took Penny’s hand in her own. “I’m so sorry that it wasn’t the best home.”
Worried that Penny was going to feel as though he had spoken out of turn, Asher said, “I’m sorry if I shared too much, Penny. I hope I haven’t betrayed your confidence.”
Her gaze moved between the worried expressions on Asher and Miss Ethel’s faces, and she shook her head in denial. “Oh, no, it’s fine. I know you wouldn’t just go around telling anyone about my background, and it’s fine that your family knows." She looked back toward Miss Ethel and said, “Please don’t think that it was abusive in any way. As I told Asher, it was more indifferent. My foster family knew that I had a lot of pain and therapies, and they weren’t unkind about them. They took them in stride, as I was expected to."
Miss Ethel held her gaze for a long time before returning her attention back to her tea, which she lifted to her lips, taking a sip. “I think, perhaps, my dear, you are very generous in your assessment."
Much to Asher’s relief, the conversation for the rest of their tea focused on plans for decorating the new apartment and the gathering of her clan the next weekend. As she walked to the door, Miss Ethel hugged her warmly and said, “It would be my great pleasure if you would be with us next weekend. As our family grows, we can become rather loud and boisterous, but I hope that you will feel at home with us.”
Penny stepped out onto the front porch, allowing Miss Ethel a chance to pull Asher in for an equally warm hug. As he bent to kiss her cheek, she whispered, “’ We leave something of ourselves behind when we leave the place, we stay there, even though we go away. And there are things in us that we can find again only by going back there.’ Pascal Mercier had the way of it with those words. There is a good part of you that was left back in the old neighborhood.” She tilted her head toward Penny on the front porch, and said, “And part of your past with her. Do not steal that from either of you. When it comes to light, it would be best coming from you sooner than later.”
With a final pat on his cheek, she waved them off and moved back into her house. His heart was racing, not knowing how to bring up their shared past while knowing Miss Ethel was right. Somehow, he needed to find a way.
19
Penny could not remember a more perfect day. She woke up in her bed with the sun streaming through the slats of the blinds, casting a warm glow about the room. She had left her curtains in her former apartment since they were fitted for the smaller windows. Thinking a curtain shopping trip was needed, she decided to start a list of anything she might want for the new apartment.
She had been so nervous about meeting Miss Ethel but found her to be as wonderful as Asher had described. Warm, welcoming, and loving.
She and Asher had then gone back over to her old apartment, making sure it was in good order and clean. He insisted she snap pictures with her phone and send them to the landlord to make sure he did not try to keep
her security deposit. As she walked out for the last time, she thought that she might have felt a bit sad but discovered that the excitement of new things happening in her life overshadowed any nostalgia.
Deciding to eat at her place, they went through a drive through, getting burgers, fries, and milkshakes. Piling up on her sofa afterward, they snuggled while watching TV.
But now, the movie was over, and the late afternoon sinking sun cast shadows about the living room. Sitting so close to Asher, she fought to keep her breathing steady. She wanted him to kiss her like he had the day before. She wanted him to slide his fingers under her shirt, this time not holding back from anything.
But what would that lead to? For most couples, she knew that would lead to sex. After all, they had been seeing each other for weeks. But am I ready for that? Is he?
She was not a virgin, although she had never been in love. She had allowed one of the teenage foster boys to feel her up. He had not wanted to see her scars but said that there was nothing wrong with her working parts, so they might as well get off on it. Ejaculating almost as soon as he got his hands down her pants, they continued several more times until she finally turned him away, not liking how the encounters made her feel. She assumed she might never find true love, but his teenage fumblings had brought her no pleasure.
Her only other sexual encounter had been with a fellow student when she was taking classes to get her bookkeeping certification. He was more experienced and made sure that she came before he did, but she once again found the encounter lacking. She began to wonder if she was capable of enjoying sex until Asher walked into her life. One kiss from him had all cylinders firing and she was ready to go.
So lost in thought, she startled when he gave her arm a little squeeze.
“Are you okay, babe?” he asked. “You’ve been nervous and fidgety for the past hour, and I’ve got no idea where your mind is, but I can feel the thoughts flying through your head.”
Twisting suddenly so that she could peer into his face, she reached up and clutched his jaws with her hands. “I’m thinking about how good you make me feel. Not just when we kiss but all the time. I have to say that when we’re kissing, I can’t think of anything else. And I know you may not want to, and that’s okay, because I know I’m nothing to look at, but all I can think about is that I want to have sex with you.”
As soon as the blurted words came out of her mouth, she blinked. Always careful, always aware, she could not believe what she had said. No longer wanting to look into his eyes, she dropped her chin, planting her forehead on his chest. Starting to backtrack, she said, “God, just forget that I said—”
“Oh, hell no, you can’t take those words back,” he said. Using his knuckle, he lifted her chin so that she had no choice but to stare straight into his eyes. “Penny, I’ve wanted you for a long time but didn’t want to do anything until you were ready. But baby, if you’re ready, just say the word and I’m there.”
Holding his gaze, she saw lust plus something…undefinable. Deciding she did not want to waste more time with indecision, she licked her dry lips, letting out her breath. Her voice, the barest whisper, replied, “I’m ready.”
“You sure? I want you to be sure, Penny,” he implored. “If we go down this path, it’s not a path that we easily turn away from. I’ll tell you that from my point of view, emotions are already involved. We do this, it’s going to mean everything.”
His words washed over her, filling the cold recesses that were created when she first woke up alone in the hospital at the age of six. She continued to clutch his jaws, and added, “Yes. I want this. You have to know…I’m scared.” Seeing his raised eyebrows, she shook her head quickly and explained. “Not scared of sex, although the only sex I’ve had in the past was bad sex. But I’m terrified of you seeing me.” She glanced to the window, seeing the darkening evening and said, “I want to keep the lights off.”
He sat still for a moment, saying nothing. Her stomach began to squeeze with nerves, wondering what he was thinking. His top teeth bit into his bottom lip, and she focused on how perfect his mouth was. When he finally spoke, her gaze jumped to his.
“Penny, what I will agree to is to do anything and everything I can to put you at ease and make you feel comfortable.” Shaking his head slowly, he added, “This isn’t just about sex. This is about you and me joining together in a way that solidifies us. And that means all of you and all of me. I’m not going to let you hide from me.”
The air burned in her lungs as she considered his words. Uncertain if she was strong enough to allow him to see her scars, she hesitated. Closing her eyes, she dug deep inside, finding the strength that had gotten her through everything in her life up to this point. If he accepts me, then he must accept my scars. If I don’t let them define me, then I can’t let them define us.
“That’s exactly right, babe,” he said. “Your scars don’t define you, and they won’t define us.”
Jerking her eyes open, she realized she had spoken aloud. As heat hit her cheeks, she realized that perhaps that had been the best thing because hearing Asher say that her scars would not define them was all she needed to hear.
Nodding, she said, “I want you. I want to give myself to you.”
A wide grin crossed his handsome face, and he stood, quickly scooping her up into his arms. She threw her arms around his neck, hanging on for dear life as he stalked down the hall to the master bedroom.
* * *
Asher’s heart was pounding wildly from the moment she said she wanted to have sex with him. She owned his heart, and now he wanted to give his body to her as well, sealing what they had together. Hating that she had experienced only bad sex, he wanted to make tonight good for her…he wanted to be good for her.
Stepping inside her bedroom, his gaze quickly took in the space. He had looked at it yesterday when they moved her in, hoping that one day he might share her bed, but never expected it to happen so quickly. He turned with her in his arms and flipped off the overhead light before walking to the bed and laying her down gently.
Kissing her lightly, he whispered, “Just relax. I’m going to take care of everything.” He turned off the lamp that was by her bed and moved over to the blinds, twisting the wand so that they were shut tightly. He moved to the master bathroom, turning on the soft light that was over the bathtub before closing the door to where only a sliver of light now came into the bedroom.
Walking back to the bed, he saw that she was sitting up on the edge, her wide eyes pinned on him. He knelt on the floor, righted her knees, and said, “I want you comfortable, so this is our compromise. You’re going to feel better for our first time if the lights are not so bright. But, baby, I’m not just having sex with a stranger that I’m never going to see again. I’m making love to you, so I want to see you and know you.” Moving closer a few inches, he asked, “Are you good with that?”
She nodded slowly, and whispered in return, “With words like that, how can I not be?”
Even in the dim light, he could see nerves warring with desire in her eyes. Lifting his hand, he tucked the silky strands of her hair behind her ear before cupping her face. “Just relax, baby. I’ll make this good for you, I promise.”
The fear left her face, replaced by an expression he could not define, but hoped it mirrored his own.
Sliding his hands to cup her jaws, his fingers felt the silky strands of her hair as he rubbed his thumbs over her cheeks. Drawing her closer, he angled their heads, sealing his lips over hers. Her lips were satin, the gloss fruity, and he drank her in. His tongue plunged, tangling with hers while it swept the inside of her mouth. He teased and tantalized and memorized every crevice.
With their lips still locked in a kiss, his hands slowly moved to her shoulders, massaging the tension away. Continuing their downward path, his fingertips barely skimmed over her breasts to the bottom of her shirt. Grasping the material, he drew it upward slowly, their lips separating just enough for the material to pass between them
.
With a glance down, he saw that her bra was clasped in the front, and after he dropped her shirt to the floor, his hands moved to her cleavage. His lips left hers and traveled the path down her jaw, along her neck, sucking at the point where her pulse fluttered wildly.
His fingers skimmed lightly over the gentle mounds of her breasts before moving to the clasp. With a deft snap, he loosened the bra, sliding it off her arms as her breasts were freed. Wanting to give them the attention they deserved, he leaned forward and captured a nipple with his mouth, licking and sucking deeply before moving to the other. Her rosy-tipped nipples were begging for his mouth, and he eased their need.
Penny had dropped her head back, pushing her chest out toward him like a feast for the taking. Her hands clutched his head as she held him to her breasts, her groans ringing out.
He was lost in the sensations of pleasure but knew that it was from the waist down that she would be the most concerned with what they were doing. Uncertainty crept in. Not uncertainty of what they were doing or how he felt but wanting so desperately to make sure she was comfortable.
He gently laid her back on the bed before standing. With her eyes hooded with lust and latched onto him, he jerked off his T-shirt and dropped it to the floor. He had left his boots by her front door, so he only had to strip off his socks before moving to his belt buckle. Sliding his pants down his long legs, he snagged his boxers along the way as well.
Her eyes widened at the sight of his long, thick cock, and he could not help the swell of emotion that moved through him. He had seen women stare at him in abject lust before, but this was different. To have Penny look at him that way was humbling. Having spent his childhood and early youth feeling like an ugly object of taunts, he was proud of the body he had honed from hard work and running but knew it was only surface deep.
Asher: Heroes at Heart Page 14
