by Cassia Leo
as soon as I started singing ‘Sleepyhead’ her tiny hand jerked up and I put my finger in her hand. She held my finger through the whole song. That’s when I realized that there’s something inside her that has nothing to do with DNA that is connected to us. She will come back. I know that like I know you’re the love of my life. One day, she’ll come home.”
“That’s why she stopped crying when you sang to her at the lawyer’s office?” I nod and she nods. “She’ll come back,” she whispers as she tosses her tissue onto the vanity and takes a deep breath. “Let’s get married.”
“Rachel and Jake are about to say their vows. I linked my phone to the video camera so we can watch from in here.”
We huddle together and watch as Rachel and Jake stand on the altar while—“Oh, my God! Joel is the minister!” she cries.
“Yeah, he got ordained for the ceremony. I didn’t even know until today.” I grab her chin to turn her face toward me. “He wants to walk you down the aisle. Are you okay with that? Because if you don’t feel comfortable with that, I’ll walk you down the aisle.”
She grabs some more tissue for her eyes. “I feel so naïve. I actually fantasized about… Phil walking me down the aisle.”
“Fuck him. You have Joel and his mighty beard to give you strength now.” She laughs and I grab her arm. “Shh! They’re going to say their vows.”
She composes herself and we listen as Jake and Rachel speak words that make me feel a little self-conscious about my vows.
“I didn’t know myself until I met you,” Rachel says and Jake appears to be on the verge of tears.
I hope I don’t cry on the altar. Tristan will never let me live it down.
After they kiss, I tuck my phone into my pocket and Claire is covering her mouth. “What’s wrong?”
“I don’t have any vows written.”
“That’s okay. Just stand up there and promise you’ll never leave me again and I’ll be happy with that.”
“Well, I only have one thing I’ve been planning to say to you.”
“What’s that? Get lost?”
“Well, other than that. It’s something I’ve been practicing for a couple of years.”
“Practicing? Is it a song?”
“Nope,” she says with a sly grin. “You’ll see.”
I shake my head. “So you have a surprise of your own. I can’t wait to find out what it is.” I plant a soft kiss on her forehead. “The wedding planner will come here to call you in a few minutes. I have to go now. I love you.”
She blows me a kiss as I leave the tent and I immediately start writing a song in my head about today. I pull my phone out of my pocket to type the lyrics into my notes app as I follow the lighted path toward the tent nearest to the parking lot.
“Hey!”
I look up and to my left. Tristan is bounding toward me with an excited look on his face. He’s pulling double-duty as best man for both Jake and me.
“What’s up?” I ask as I finish typing and stuff my phone back into my pocket.
“I want to give you and Claire your wedding present before everything gets crazy. Do you mind? It’s in there,” he says as he nods toward the tent where I just changed into my suit.
“You just can’t wait to give me that blowjob until later, can you?”
“Nah, that can wait until later. And this present is much better since I’m not nearly as good at sucking dick as you are.”
We enter the tent and Tristan digs into one of the many bags Senia brought with all her hair and makeup tools. He pulls a thick envelope out of the bag and hands it to me. The envelope is addressed to Tristan Pollock with a return address from the County Assessor’s office.
“What the fuck is this?”
“It’s the deed to my house. I don’t want it anymore. Senia and I are moving to Chapel Hill so she doesn’t have to commute to school next semester.”
“Are you fucking kidding me? I don’t want your house.”
I try to hand the envelope back to him, but he steps back. “It’s done. I already gifted it to you. I already put a deposit on an apartment off campus. The house is yours.” He runs his fingers through his hair as he stares at the envelope in my hand. “I know you and Claire wanted a house with a good piece of land.”
I shake my head as I begin to see all the pieces of our lives falling into place. “You can have my condo. There’s still eleven months on the lease.”
“Are you serious?”
“As serious as I am that this is the craziest fucking day of my life.” I fold the envelope and tuck it into my back pocket. “What about the tour? Are you bailing on me?”
He shrugs at first then he nods. “Yeah, I gotta stay here. My mom will kill me if I let Senia have the baby alone.”
“Doing it for your mom, huh?”
“Yeah, let’s just stick with that story for now. I’m not used to this relationship bullshit.”
“Thanks, man,” I say as I pat him on the arm.
“Congratulations,” he says, and I can tell his mind has wandered off to somewhere else; probably worries about the baby.
I can’t even imagine how nervous he must be about having a baby with Senia, having to meet all her family and try to be good enough. I’m nervous as shit about Claire being pregnant and I don’t have anyone to impress except for her.
“Hey, Claire is pregnant. Don’t tell anyone. I’m going to tell everyone at the reception.”
He smiles as he slowly nods his head. “You just had to outdo me, didn’t you? Now what? I’m gonna have to get married on a fucking tightrope?”
“I’ll be there to cut the rope.”
The wedding planner storms into the tent, her black hair flying behind her and a frenzied look on her face. “What are you guys doing? The song has been playing for ten minutes!”
I try not to laugh as I follow her and Tristan out to the other tent. Tristan walks in ahead of me and I smile and nod at all the people I recognize. Most of these people are here for Rachel and Jake. I didn’t want to invite a bunch of people. Didn’t want to risk the location leaking to reporters. I think we did well.
I take my place on the altar and, of course, Joel is not standing there. The music stops and a hush falls over the crowd. The anticipation builds with every passing second, until a new song begins to play. I picked this song especially for Claire and made extravagant promises to Rachel to get her to record the piano and vocals: “In Your Eyes.” The first song I ever played for Claire.
Joel enters first and waits as Claire enters behind him. The smile on her face as she slips her arm through his arm just about does me in.
She bites her lips as she walks down the aisle with Joel. She’s nervous. Every step she takes feels like an hour. I just want to get married and get on with our lives together.
She finally makes it to the altar and Joel kisses her on the cheek before he takes his place atop the altar. I glance at the front row of guests to see my mom’s reaction and she’s a blubbering mess. I take Claire’s hand to help her up the two steps onto the altar and she alternates between smiling and chewing on her bottom lip.
Joel launches into his opening, but I have no idea what he’s saying. All I can hear is the thrumming of my heartbeat in my ears. All I see is Claire as our eyes are locked on each other. A moment later, Joel taps my arm and nods his head.
Jake’s nephew, Grayson, steps forward and hands us our rings. Claire shakes her head as I hand her the ring I picked for myself. The ring I pulled out of a Capri-Sun box a few days ago has been turned back into a wedding ring with the words “My Everything” engraved on the inside. We each slide the rings onto each other’s fingers, both of our hands shaking with nerves.
Joel nods at me again. It’s my turn. I take a deep breath as I prepare to bare my soul to Claire in front of a hundred people.
“I’ve been waiting for this moment for a long time,” I begin. “Writing and rewriting these vows until my fingers were numb.”
Claire
“I can’t believe we’re here. I spent so many months thinking this would never happen. So many nights afraid that I had lost you forever. But I think that deep down I always knew this would happen for us.
“The day you walked into our house almost six years ago was the day my world changed. Since that day, I have come to know every piece of you and I’ve loved every inch of you. I’ve counted the stars with you and I’ve counted the days, hours, and seconds I was away from you. And after everything we’ve been through, I have no doubt that I will love you, every bit of you, until the day I die. When the skies collapse and the Earth ceases to exist, I will still love you.”
I bring her hand to my lips and she smiles. “To love is to destroy pain. I love your heart.”
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Claire
My entire body begins to tremble with nervous energy. Chris rubs his thumbs over the tops of my hands and I close my eyes as I take a few deep, calming breaths. When I open my eyes, the air in the tent is completely still and quiet. Chris mouths, “I love you,” and I begin.
“Well, I did not expect this.” A few chuckles from the crowd don’t distract me as I continue. “So, obviously, I don’t have any vows prepared.” I squeeze Chris’s hands and look him in the eye. “But the more I think of it, the more I know that there is only one thing I want to say to you right now, and that is… thank you.
“Thank you for giving me a home. Thank you for being so patient with me. Thank you for loving me when I didn’t think I deserved it. Thank you for being my friend, my love, my home, and my hope.”
I swallow the lump in my throat and try to blink away the tears.
“There is actually only one line I’ve had prepared for this day. I’ve had it tucked away in the back of my mind for a couple of years. But you can’t make fun of me, ‘cause it’s in French.”
Chris chuckles and the sound of his laughter sends a chill over my skin. I love that sound. I let go of his hand and bring my hands up to gently cradle his face.
“Au milieu de l’hiver, j’ai découvert en moi un invincible été…. In the depths of winter, I discovered in me an invincible summer. That’s you. Thank you for being my invincible summer.”
I kiss him as if nobody is watching, slowly and tenderly. And the way he kisses me back makes me wonder if Chris invented the kiss. When we pull away from each other, I finally hear the applause and the cheering as Chris rests his forehead against mine.
“Forever,” he whispers, then he lays a soft kiss on the tip of my nose and I can hear cameras flashing all around us.
“Happy New Year,” I whisper.
By the time we give hugs and say thanks for all the well wishes, it’s almost one in the morning. Half the wedding party has left, but the other half is alive and enjoying the open bar in the reception area. Chris and I sit on the edge of the stage, off to the far left so we’re not sitting in front of the gigantic speakers. He holds my hand as I remember the moment just ten minutes ago when we danced to “Bring Me Home.”
My fingers are laced through his as I lay my head on his shoulder. Immediately, Chris gently pushes my head off his shoulder.
“Nope. No falling asleep right now. We still have one more piece of news to deliver. Remember?”
“And how are we going to do that?”
“How else? We’re gonna sing.”
I laugh as he gets to his feet and holds his hand out to me as he stands on the edge of the stage. I take his hand and allow him to pull me up.
“I’ll kill you if you make me sing something corny.”
He laughs as he approaches the DJ. I was very glad to see that they didn’t hire a wedding singer or band for the reception, but the collection of instruments on the stage next to the DJ equipment did draw some suspicions. As soon as the DJ fades out the music, Rachel and Jake begin to climb the steps onto the stage.
Chris smiles as he walks back toward me, his coat gone, shirt sleeves pushed up, his guitar slung across his body, and two wireless microphones in his hand. He hands me one of the microphones and my heart feels as if it’s going to explode.
“What the hell is going on?”
“Do you remember the lyrics for ‘Your Song’?”
I think back to the night Chris sang “Your Song” to help me fall asleep. I had never heard the song before and he was so disappointed in my lack of musical culture that he insisted I learn the lyrics to sing along with him.
He flashes me a devilish grin as he hands me the microphone. “You take the first verse.”
“I know.”
“Just making sure,” he says as he tucks his microphone into the stand and adjusts the height.
Rachel winks at me as she positions her fingers over the piano keys and I cover my mouth as I giggle nervously. I look out across the crowd of people staring at us; most of their eyes, and cameras, are fixed on me. Chris is the performer. There’s no chance he’s going to mess this up. They’re all going to watch me so they don’t miss the exact moment my voice cracks or I flub the lyrics.
Chris grabs my hand and looks me in the eye. “Relax. It’s just you and me and the rest of our lives.”
A deep hush settles over everyone before Rachel plays the first notes, a soft and golden tapping, a melody that burrows into my chest.
My voice cracks slightly on the last note of the first line, but no one seems to notice or care. Throughout the entire first verse, my throat constricts painfully as I think of how all the dreams Chris and I had are coming true. He smiles softly as he strums his guitar. He’s gushing with pride as he watches me sing, but it only makes me more nervous.
Chris’s eyes are glossy as he begins the second verse. We harmonize on the beginning of the second chorus, and Rachel pounds the keys to drive us toward the finish. Once the tears begin, I have to stop halfway through the chorus, but Chris continues for both of us.
He lets go of his guitar and slowly kneels before me as he sings the last two lines to my belly. He lays a soft kiss on my belly and looks up at me with a joyful gleam in his eyes.
The sound of sobbing gets our attention and we look out to see Jackie crouched down about ten feet away from the stage, her hands covering her mouth and Joel at her side. He helps her stand up and Chris and I make our way down to the dance floor.
“I knew it,” she says as we approach.
Chris hugs her as he whispers in her ear. “Congratulations, Grandma.”
She smacks his arm and he laughs as he lets her go. “She’s going to call me Grandma.”
“We don’t know if it’s a she yet,” Chris corrects her.
“It’s a girl. I can see it in your face,” she says to me, and I think of all the times people said that to me when I was pregnant with Abby. “And she’s going to be the luckiest girl in the world.”
Jackie wraps her arms around me and, in that moment, I know that everything will be okay.
In that moment, I am home.
Epilogue #1
Adam
My fingers whisper over the velvety skin on Lindsay’s belly and she smiles as she opens her eyes. I kiss her hipbone and she grabs my hair to pull me on top of her. Her arms curl around my shoulders as she buries her face in my neck. I slide my arms under her back to squeeze her and she wraps her legs around my hips to return the favor.
“Good morning,” she whispers.
“I don’t want to go to the beach,” I reply as I tilt my head back so I can study her face. “Let’s stay in today and I’ll make you breakfast.”
She laughs, a hearty, sexy laugh that never ceases to make my heart race. “I’ll pass.”
“You’ll pass the honey after I make you some tea to go with your delicious breakfast.” I kiss her neck and she rakes her nails softly over my back. “Why are you always wearing panties? I told you to stop wearing panties to bed.”
“If you insist,” she murmurs as she removes her panties. I laugh as she awkwardly uses her feet to push my boxers down. “I guess you’ll have to check on the baby every time she wakes up.”
I slide into her and she moans as she throws her head back. “Fine, you can wear panties every other day.”
I suck on her throat and she whimpers as I thrust deeper with each stroke. She squeezes her thighs tighter around my hips and grinds into me. I lick the hollow of her neck and she smiles as she grabs my ears to pull my mouth against hers.
“How hard do you want it today?” I ask.
She sinks her teeth into my bottom lip just hard enough to make me wince. “Very hard.” Then she kisses me slowly. “Then very slow.”
I move in and out of her slowly as I kiss her, then I tilt my head back to watch her face as I lift her left leg and drive into her hard. She moans louder and I clamp my hand over her mouth so she doesn’t wake the kids.
The vibration of her screams against my fingers spur me on as I pound into her. Just when I’m about to come, I ease off and take my hand off her mouth. She laughs softly as I reach down to stroke her clit.
“God, you’re so fucking sexy,” I whisper into her ear as I caress her until she begins to tremble beneath me.
I keep my finger pressed against her clit as I dig into her slowly, carefully unearthing each soft whimper of pleasure as if it were a diamond. When she begins to shake her head, I know it’s because she’s past the point of orgasm. Taking my finger out from between her legs, I lean down to kiss her slowly as I come inside of her.
“I love coming inside of you.”
I kiss her again because I can never get enough of her lips. She pants softly into my mouth and my cock begins to harden again, filling her.
“Enjoy it while you can.”
We’ve been trying for one more baby for over six months. It’s totally ridiculous, but I want a son. I love Kaia and Mila more than air, but I feel like a boy would complete us. Lindsay sometimes gets upset. She thinks I want a son because I’m trying to fill a hole in our marriage, but that’s not it; not at all. I want a son to teach him all the things I’ve learned about appreciating the right girl when she comes along.
After a slow and steady round two, I roll off of her and smack her hip. “Go make me some eggs, woman.”
She uses both her feet to push me off the bed. “You make me some eggs!”
I scramble to my feet and lunge for her, but she rolls off the bed and out of my reach. Giggling like a fucking schoolgirl, she dashes into the bathroom and locks the door.
“Go feed your daughter!” she shouts from the other side of the door.
Shaking my head, I scoop my boxers off the edge of the bed. Pulling on a T-shirt and shorts, I head for Mila’s room, which is right next door to ours for convenience. Mila is the light in every one of my darkest days, but she is also ten times fussier than Kaia was at her age. I slowly push open her bedroom door and she’s still asleep. Not surprising since she’s usually making noise when she’s awake.
Lindsay would probably tell me to wake her so she can sleep at the beach, but I can’t bear to disturb her when she’s sleeping so peacefully. Her dark blonde hair is plastered to the left side of her head and every once in a while her lips pucker up as if she’s sucking on something.
“Daddy?”
I turn around and Kaia is standing in the doorway in her baby-blue pajama shirt and shorts with the pink Care Bear on the front. Her blonde curls are inherited from Nathan’s mother, but her green eyes and pouty lips are all Lindsay. My love for Kaia surpasses any love I’ve ever felt. Kaia is more like me than Mila is and somehow, at seven years old, she understands all my jokes and laughs louder than anyone.
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