Thursday 31st
Liza and Maria leave today for Leningrad. 33 days booze-less. I'm as brown as I can get so didn't court the sun yesterday. Read biography of Dorothy L. Sayers – Such a strange Lady.59 Will still boringly ill some days.
AUGUST
Friday 1st National Holiday. Went shopping Geneva. Bought new typewriter.
Saturday 2nd Lindsay Anderson and Gottlieb arrive today.60
Sunday 3rd Glorious day. Liza, ETB, phoned. Latter finished on the 14th inst. Can't believe it and think of nothing else. What will it be like seeing her again. I'm a little scared. Jeannie Bell desperate. Keep my fingers crossed.
Monday 4th Very hot.
Tuesday 5th Sent telegram to Liza. ETB up to some game I don't quite understand.
Wednesday 6th Liza's birthday. Send another gram to Liza. Obtained temporary hearing-aid for Will. Revelation he says.
Thursday 7th Talked Solowicz. Cannot find room anywhere for weekend for Jeannie and me.
Friday 8th Went ‘La Réserve’, Versoix for weekend with JB. Tiny room. Hated it.
Saturday 9th Weather uncertain. Under façade hotel is gimcrack. [...] Saw film in a cinema yet! English version Burt Lancaster and Paul Scofield. Indifferent thriller.61
Sunday 10th Went home to Céligny. Had left roof window in bathroom open. Place soaked by furious rains while away. Had to remove carpet.
Monday 11th Terrible weather. Stayed home all day apart from morning visit to Coppet for ‘Boules des Berlin’ – otherwise doughnuts fresh from oven. Talked Aaron. Sounded 100 years old. ETB did not call as promised. Troy very recalcitrant. Needs stiff discipline.
SEPTEMBER
Saturday 6th Céligny with ETB and Liza and friend Ali (Alexandra) Maria. Raymond took them all dancing. Both according to telegram should have arrived yesterday but muck up and arrive today. ETB got tearful about HW's father.62 Good God the man is 80. Sq. for the 4 or 5th time. [sic] Still no booze.
Sunday 7th Troy arrives, Layton arrives. Both arrived! Tremendous thunderstorm. Phones have been dead for (so far) 16 hours. Maria, Ally (Liza's friend), Layton, Maria, Liza, so full house.
Monday 8th, Céligny Children back to School? [...] E and I more nervous than they. Bags, bikes E called HW. Long. E sounds so dramatic on telephone. She's just apologized by saying she has a lousy cold. [...]
Tuesday 9th Slept late. Went into Coppet for doughnuts. To Au Domino for E's handbag. Lunched D'Alleves. Kids have day off on Thurs. [...] Terribly sleepy all day after bad night. Article McCall's hanging over my head.63
Wednesday 10th Kate's birthday. One day's holiday for Troy, Layton, Maria.
Thursday 11th Liza and Alessandra Mavroleon (Ally) left by train. [...]
Monday 15th – Wednesday 17th, Gstaad
Thursday 18th, Gstaad Brook arrived. Drove down to Geneva to pick him up. Looks very good.
Friday 19th, Gstaad Kids arrived for weekend.
Saturday 20th, Gstaad Kids and Gstaad. Troy cooked a supper that was an abomination to the Lord. The dessert was unspeakable.
Sunday 21st Children returned (train) to school. Going (us) to S. Africa on Wednesday. Reading up in Encyclopedia Britannica. My ignorance is appalling.
Monday 22nd Sunned. Read.
Tuesday 23rd, Gstaad-Céligny Left for Céligny with Brook and bike in exchange for Troy-Liza bike at school. Did it all in one fell swoop.
Wednesday 24th, Céligny Flew Geneve – Zurich. Zurich – Johannesburg. 14 hours.
Thursday 25th, Johannesburg Arrived Johannesburg. Many people at airport. Thousands I suppose.
Friday 26th Went to ‘club’ downstairs with creepy Peter Lawford.64 [...] Terrible food danced with unknown girl. Press took pics. Also said I was drunk. Cheek. [...] Went to tennis. Pres and wife.65 Usual agonizing boredom stiff with protocol.
Saturday 27th Tennis. Ugh! [...] Ringo out of his skull.66 Very unhappy man.
Sunday 28th Went to ‘Grand Bal’. Auctioned ‘Hiz’ and ‘Liz’ for 2000 Rand. Much the biggest buy of the evening. Went to bed at 6am.
Monday 29th, Johannesburg – Chobe Jet (Lear) to Chobe.67 1 hour 45 minutes. Landed on grass strip. Very bumpy. Saw elephants, baboons, buffaloes? Other people had terrible journey. [...] Married Elizabeth Zulu fashion.
Tuesday 30th, Chobe Went up river with Fritz and Daniel (Black).68 Fascinating encounter with bee-eating-birds troglodytes. Saw 30–40 elephants? Also fascinating. About 5–15 baboons surrounded our suite. We thought it normal but discovered that it was a phenomenon never seen before. It would of course occur when E was here. Hereforth to be known as Elizabeth's baboons. Strange. Richard Barrett (3 Degrees man) pestered us all evening.69 Quite scary.
OCTOBER
Wednesday 1st, Chobe – Kruger70 Land-Rovered through real bush. Non-tourist route to lose press. E took snap after snap of you name it she took it. Result – no film in the camera and eleven bruises around her body where she banged herself against the turret of Rover. She did it again!
Thursday 2nd, Kruger – Johannesburg Helicoptered over Kruger Park. Stampeded elephants and buffalo. Saw our second sable antelope – a very rare creature we're told. Eliz had immediate mutual love affair with cheetah – yclept Targa. Hope the pictures come out this time. Never seen E so happy but our hearts belong to Chobe. [...]
Friday 3rd, Johannesburg Jetted to J'burg. E was in agony to the point of tears which she hid from me but I am now unfoolable. I scratched her back and held her hand. Land-Rovered again with Targa or perhaps Tagra? Latter refused to hunt impala came back to Land Rover and E every time. Like Ferdinand the bull.71 Though he has hunted and killed, his owner assured us. E went for X-ray of ribs. No cracks but two spots on lung. We must make them go away.
Saturday 4th The most agonizing hour of my life ended at approx 1pm. Yesterday I mean. I had spent the previous hours back to approx 4pm Thursday in the most terrible fear for Elizabeth's and my life. Sleep was no palliative. I am still suffering from delayed shock and will in a lesser form, I think, continue to suffer for the rest of my life. E was incomparably brave. I love her mindlessly and hopelessly.72
Sunday 5th We leave for Chobe tomorrow and will be in our small portion of the barren earth, paste and cover to our bones, for some days.73 I am leaving the 10,000 rand I earned on Saturday morning for our return trips. And there shall be no mucking about at Kruger or the Cape. Chobe belongs to E and me. We love each other. It's very simple. [...]
Monday 6th E in splendid form and a trifle tiddly but sweetly so when we went to Sol's house for a late (very late!) lunch. Then E with what seems like aid and abettance from Adele (P.R.O. for Sunshine Hotels) that E and I should get married in Chobe this week I thought they were joking and said so.74 But E and E turned out to be serious. Result the latter half of the day a series of 1/2 joking 1/2 bitter invective from E. I told her that I was afraid! Literally afraid, at the moment, that marriage might horrifyingly end in divorce. We will of course get married again if E so wishes but until I get over my fear and since I am, at least, deliriously happy at the moment why spoil it!
Tuesday 7th, Johannesburg – Chobe Grass landing. Slight brush with grim reaper. Left suspension, left wheel packed it in. Very rough landing. Guess that we were within 6–8–12 inches from kingdom come. Decided to get married here as soon as possible unless E (or I, for that matter) changes mind. Love her beyond measure and above anything. She fast asleep. Bathed and shamp in private pool. Shiver, shiver, shake shake. Can't wait for E to awaken! [...]
Wednesday 8th, Chobe Awoke at dawn. Went up river in the afternoon. Carmine breasted bee-eater chief delight. E talks endlessly about wedding. Can't make up my mind. Might be that cancer scare has given everything an unnatural shape. Also, like being hanged, it concentrates a man's mind wonderfully. All well.
Thursday 9th Stayed in bed all day yesterday. Read and slept. E fed me in bed lunch though had dinner in living room. Looks like marriage is on. I wonder why I am still doubtful. It doesn't seem right but I don't know why. Perh
aps I'm afraid of legal responsibility. Also sex urge temporarily dormant. Very puzzling.
Friday 10th75 Got shamefully sloshed and despite all my idiocies – nasty too – we are as happy as children. We catch our breaths every so often and say with a kind of smiling wonder and delight ‘Hey!’ Do you realize we are actually married?’ We must have said it scores of times. I have never been so happy in my life. E cured me with loving even lavish attention. This is far better marriage than the first despite its silly (and dangerous) beginning [...]
Saturday 11th Woke up feeling very ill and to make sure that I would not get sloshed on ‘livener’ ETB gave me antabus which might quite easily have killed me feeling as I was.76 However, despite physical ill-being felt emotionally very content. Worried about E. She not aware of it but sometimes, in a few seconds she changes colour. Much as I (and she) loves this place must get her back to somewhere sophisticated for a thorough check up. Sleep on it and tell her tomorrow perhaps. Nobody else seems to notice, but I watch my love intently without making [it] obvious. Please God she's OK. I'd die without her now.
Sunday 12th Went on picnic. Cucumber sandwiches on the marriage grounds. Cold wine, beer, champagne and cold chicken for the other. Coca-Colas and water for me. E still worrying me. So much so that I wonder if she thinks me a bit weird at times. She started talking oddly too now and again. [...] Went by Land Rover and returned by boat. Fritz (manager) Brian (white hunter) and wife.77 [...] E came back into bedroom and fell fast asleep. Is asleep now. Will finish this tomorrow.
Monday 13th E arrived back from safari very late. [...] Black told me ‘Madam sick,’ she was too. Brian and Fritz with much difficulty, as there was no purchase at first got her out of Land Rover. Put her to bed. Undressed her. Said she was fine until she smoked cigarette then blacked out. Insisted she took shot. What is it? Nerves? Not enough exercise? Can't be lungs unless doctor an idiot. Liver? Want to take her back to England for check.
Tuesday 14th [...] E assiduously writing journal. Writes simply and well though spelling atrocious. She felt faint again twice after cigs. What the devil is it? Read hysterical book by one Douglas Reed called Siege of S. Africa.78 Utterly absurd political rubbish for the most part but sometimes some truth to it. Must find out more about South Africa.
Wednesday 15th Got up early. Drank some wine while E asleep. Felt terrible. She took one look at me and put me to bed. I said it was malaria pills. She very not amused. Slept it off in a couple of hours. She still writing. Got the bug of writing. Told her the hard part was yet to come. News of wedding has broken earlier than expected. [...]
Thursday 16th Press all over the place, so confined to camp. [...] Gavin enjoying himself hugely though pretends to great savoir faire.79 E getting lazy again about writing. Loves Chobe (so do I) but would like to see and hear more – not animals but people of Botswana. One of them curtsied to E yesterday and she was frightened of the obsequity. They smile, she says, but hardly ever with their eyes. I must know more about them. How do they really think of white men? Of Europeans?
Friday 17th E didn't write at all yesterday. Gave her a mild row. Will not believe that she has anything to say and that she writes beautifully. Needs constant reassurance. Offers of money – quite large sums for her journal pouring in, so she may get her finger out again. [...] Press know all about wedding down to tiniest details that we worked out it can only be Ambrose (District Comiss) Masalila.80 Wedding place has name apparently – Serendella, apparently.81 Cannot blame him. Press very tenacious and insidious. Also obscure DC in obscure country doubtless enjoyed his hour upon the stage. Very unusual man if he didn't. Press searching for us everywhere. [...] Gavin beaming with long ‘talks’ on telex with J'burg. Must teach him not to get too funny with press. [...]
Saturday 18th E beginning to turn indifferent re HW.82 Picknicked on marriage grounds. Bangers and Br and Butt.83 Delicious! Fritz, Brian with us. E went away into a copse and sat writing sitting on a rock. Utter human stillness with air thrilled by bird-calls. Only Manley Hopkins could even attempt to catch in words the magic of this place. For a time we played Beethoven and Brahms for a time but they were an interference. Shut them up. Fritz and Brian read, Eliz wrote and I sat and the day wore exquisitely on. I swam in the Chobe for a time. E waded in boots. Result E lost one boot. That is it split at the seams and may or may not be rescue-able. Doubt it with local craftsmen. E very squiffy for first time for ages. And I don't know how. She had little to drink. I must stop worrying about her.
Sunday 19th American reporters here in force it seems. Therefore stayed in all day. Very hot. Our little monkeys (vemsets) didn't come to be fed yesterday.84 E very disappointed. Read book entitled Solo re wild dog and runt of the pack, very moving.85 E not well at all. Don't know how to help except put her to bed and feed her. Honestly think before too late that she should go into sanatorium. [...] Wonder if booze at fault though she doesn't drink much but if liver bad even a little is bad. Love her and cross fingers.
Monday 20th [...] Two little birds crashed into window. One merely stunned. Other looks dead. let him lie for a bit. Neck broken perhaps. Both on their feet after a while. One bird got himself up and away. Other on feet. Put food out for him. Took picture. Both OK and they flew away.
Tuesday 21st [...] Drank enormously and cheated when E wasn't looking. Don't remember much except falling a lot and suggesting divorce. Can't control my hands so cannot write any more. One word only. Very silly. Booze!
Wednesday 22nd, Chobe Having been so drunk yesterday felt terrible in morning and was desperately ill. Went quietly at 9.30 to find a double brandy. Bar closed until 10. Asked for Fritz (manager). Reluctantly he opened bar for me and suggested vodka as it wouldn't be so smelly when E had morning kiss. Drank it with very shaking hands. Have become a ‘falling down’. [...] My hand writing indication of shakes. Painful knee, bottom, right elbow, back of head, right ear in great pain. [...] E an angel and looked like one. How does she do it? Look so well I mean for she had a lot to drink too. Fed monkeys who now come about 4–5 feet into room. Starting to tame them.
Thursday 23rd Two weeks married
Still faintly dizzy if I make any sudden movement. Awoke at 5.15. E too and went lion hunting with Brian and his wife. Brian and E had seen a great beast last evening in all his glory. E agog with excitement. We searched for two hours with no success but saw everything else. Baboons, impala, kudus, buffalo, superb birds, the absurd undertaker storks that delight me with their parody of the human species. Read for the rest of the day. Marais My Friends the Baboons.86 Powerfully and readably evocative. [...] Had to have helping hand to walk first few steps in any direction. Very disappointed in myself but periodically no doubt will fall into the trap.
Friday 24th Sat and read all day history of Zulus. Washing of the Spears.87 Good history but sometimes hard work. Never moved out of the room. [...] E in good form and me much better though occasional wistful look at a bottle. Shen (Buddhist) and Fritz for drinks.88 Told acting stories. They laughed a lot. Hope they enjoyed themselves. Made superb love to E in the afternoon. Gets better all the time if that's possible. Felt heavy weight of man's guilt at intervals. Very Celtic and Scandinavian. Thought about death too much. Much staring. [...]
Saturday 25th, Chobe Read and read as usual. Went to see potential water bore. Beautiful location. Am continually surprised by ignorance of people who live here as to primitive geology, flora, fauna etc. [...] Engrossed by Zulus. What a bureaucratic logistical mess on our part thrilling with personal bravery on both sides.89
Sunday 26th Stayed at home. Fritz's birthday (35). All went out on boat 4.30pm. Sans me. Just as well. All got sloshed except me naturally. Fritz especially falling down etc. Much baring of the soul. Was quiet and polite. Hard work. [...] Looking forward to Europe. First time since we arrived. Miss books – I mean mine – and children. Will doubtless miss Chobe as soon as we get home. [...]
Monday 27th Drank a lot. Don't remember anything, if at all.
Tuesday
28th Drank some more.
Wednesday 29th Ditto. Must stop!
Thursday 30th Shook and shivered all day long today. Read very dense history of Africa. Lost five days behind me. [...]
Friday 31st Felt inexplicably terrible last [night]. Slept badly. Actors’ dreams. Went out on the tiny out-board motorboat. Very uncomfortable. Saw little but all made up for by a superb sunset. Read about Africa again. Africa in History by B. Davidson.90 Africa now coming out of ears. Gavin upset about something. Long letter about how brilliant he is and how we don't appreciate him. [...] Off to Victoria Falls to stay for two days.91 Then J'burg. Then home. [...]
NOVEMBER
Saturday 1st, Chobe – Victoria Falls [...] Flew to Victoria Falls. Very plush hotel called ‘Elephant Falls.‘92 Naturally. Must write a thesis or at least article on subject of new hotels and why they won't learn from the failures of the older ones. [...] Air conditioning merely a noise and the hotel is not even finished yet. Took pills for bed dutifully but hopelessly awake. Put me into a fury that would not abate!
Sunday 2nd, Victoria Falls E practically sloshed all day on and off mostly because we got into bitter arguments about wording of invitation cards re my birthday party. At one point after I had been peculiarly destructive she went off in tears to ‘Shen Buddhist's’ room. I let her stay there for an hour or so and alternately read and wrote, very difficult stuff the latter because I know what I want to write but cannot decide on its form. Have decided that it must take two forms in two books. It means a year's work and a lot of research (which I will pay for). Finally went into SL. Budd's room where E was tearless but still sloshed. Later news came from Lantz that E's article accepted, bought for, by LH Journal for 25,000!93 [...] E screamed with delight and I mentally with relief. It would have hurt her if opposite and my judgement would have been suspect. [...]
Monday 3rd, Victoria Falls – Johannesburg Flew to J'burg. And off to the Landrost, where I spent the rest of the day reading.94
The Richard Burton Diaries Page 157
