“Nothing,” Betty whispered. “So long as you remember that no one can be perfect no matter how hard they try. We’re, none of us, saints or angels. We all make mistakes.” She tugged Amy’s hands to her lap and eyed her. “If you don’t mind my asking, who is it you’re really doing all this changing for?”
Amy ducked her head and picked at the hem of her shirt. “Logan, I suppose.”
Betty sighed. “I know I should be objective right now. Tell you how proud I am of you for being so repentant and selfless.” She slid closer, smile tight. “But I won’t. You’re my girl, Amy, and I’m proud of you. Always have been. I’d hate to see you change the things I love most about you to impress a man. Even if he is a good one.”
“There’s more to it than that.”
“Is there?” Betty asked. “You used to like who you were and were proud of it. You were so brave and headstrong.” She smiled. “I remember watching you fall off a horse more times than I could count. Was scared to death you’d hurt yourself. But you’d get right back up, brush yourself off and try again. Every time. And you kept on trying until you got it right.”
“Or got it wrong,” Amy choked out. “I kept right after Logan, too, and look how that ended up.”
Betty took Amy’s hands in hers and squeezed. “You’ve always lived hard and you love just as hard. Your heart was in the right place no matter how wrong you went about it. Your daddy was the same way and you remind me so much of him. That’s why it’s so hard for me to let you go.” Her eyes watered. “I’m not going to lie to you. I don’t want you to move so far away. But I do want you to be happy. If that means moving to Michigan then I’ll support you. Traci and I will visit you just as we’ve been doing.” Her features firmed. “But no matter what you decide, I won’t help you hide yourself away. I love you too much to support you in that.” She tapped a finger against the ring at Amy’s neck. “That one mistake has been weighing you down long enough. It’s past time to set it down, forgive yourself and live again.”
The tension in Amy’s muscles eased, the tightness seeping away and leaving a soothing stillness in its place. She hugged Betty, absorbing her strength.
“Now.” Betty squeezed Amy close. “How ’bout I sneak us a few sugar cookies and we pile on the couch and watch a late movie together like we used to?”
Amy sniffed and smiled. “I’d like that.”
They stayed up and watched the last hour of one of their favorite holiday comedies, nibbling on cookies and sharing laughs. Betty’s eyes grew heavy and Amy kissed her cheek, suggesting it was time to turn in.
Betty paused at the door and smiled. “You’re loved, Amy. No matter where you are or what you do. I wasn’t the only one that loved the girl you used to be. Logan did, too. And would again if you’d give him half a chance.”
Standing motionless in the living room, Amy watched her mother leave. The house was quiet. All the guests had turned in for the night and Logan would be coming in soon. A steady ticking from the clock on the wall marked the time, bringing the future closer in small moments that weighed on her shoulders.
Amy glanced down at her boots. They were as banged up and muddied as they’d been when she’d run reckless as a teen. They felt as comforting now as they did back then. As if she could bound effortlessly across the ground with every step.
She wondered if the girl she’d been then was still inside her, the good and the bad in equal measure. She continued to ponder this long after she’d crawled into bed.
Logan joined her soon after, wrapping his arms around her and falling asleep. The gentle rhythm of his breathing offered comfort but sleep escaped her. She eventually gave up and slipped out of his arms, dressing and leaving the room quietly.
It was dark save for the light of the stars as she made her way to the stables. The path seemed to stretch farther than ever in the chill of the night air. She stopped more than once, almost turning back, but continued to put one boot in front of the other until she reached Thunder’s stall and placed her palm to the bars.
“Hey,” she whispered.
Thunder’s dark bulk shifted. He stomped a time or two and tossed his head.
“Not getting any sleep, either, huh?” Amy smiled. “Want to come with me? Take a night stroll like we used to and stretch your legs?”
He kicked, hooves striking the stall door. The sharp crack of wood split her ears. Amy held her ground, keeping her hand flat against the bars.
Thunder kicked again then paced, growing calmer and slowly approaching her hand. His nose drew closer, nostrils moving rapidly with strong pulls of air.
“Remember me?” Her throat closed and her vision blurred. “Because I think I need you to.”
He nudged closer, his wet nose and swift breaths tickling her skin. She reached with slow movements for the lead rope hanging on the wall.
“We’ll take it one step at a time,” she whispered. “Until we trust each other again. That okay with you?”
Thunder tossed his head and pawed the ground but she managed to get the lead on him and move him to the round pen. She slipped the rope off him once they made it inside the enclosure. He took off, bucking and kicking at the fence.
Her heart pounded against her ribs but she pushed on and walked him back several times, moving through the familiar routine and feeling the strength return to her trembling legs.
“Easy,” she murmured, lifting her arms.
The glow from the starlit sky pooled over him. His dark mane ruffled with each push of the wind. He tossed his head up, crying and stomping the ground, eyes flaring with fear.
Amy’s arms grew heavy but she kept them up, palms out. “I’m here,” she whispered. “Right here. Whenever you’re ready.”
Thunder pinned his ears and ducked his head.
“I’m right here,” she repeated.
Her body quaked. She closed her eyes, the lump in her throat tightening. Thunder’s hoof hit the ground, the solid thud disturbing the stillness of the night, and his heavy pulls of air rasped across the distance between them.
It was silent for a moment. Then the familiar pounding of hooves sounded.
Amy tensed as the rapid slams increased in speed, growing closer. She opened her eyes, pushed her arms higher and advanced, pushing him back.
Thunder cut right, sweeping back with heavy stomps. His cry slashed through the air, piercing her ears. He tossed his head then nestled against the fence and stilled.
Amy waited for several minutes then advanced slowly toward his hip. Thunder jerked as she touched his back but stilled when she moved her palm over him with soothing whispers. His breathing slowed and Amy’s followed the same, calm rhythm, her breath passing past her lips in white puffs on the frigid air.
“I’m sorry,” she rasped.
Her throat tightened, cutting off the sound, and tears scalded her cheeks. The cry echoed inside her. It burned her chest, leaving her gasping and mouthing the soundless words.
I’m sorry.
And God help her, she was. Sorry for Thunder’s pain. For betraying Logan. For every day that passed without her beautiful daughter in it.
Her arms dropped, her hands clutching her middle, and she cried. For Sara. For Logan. For the girl she used to be. And what could have been.
She didn’t notice how much time passed. Didn’t realize when the tears finally stopped. But the knot in her chest untied and her shoulders sagged with sweet release. The kind she hadn’t known in years. A sense of peace. A welling of hope and forgiveness. Silent comforts that had escaped her for so long.
Thunder remained still, head lowered and body relaxed.
“I’m right here,” Amy whispered. “Whenever you’re ready.”
She began walking, moving slowly along the curve of the fence and rounding the pen. The wind slowed to a gentle breeze and she inha
led, the clean air filling her lungs and refreshing her spirit.
It was on the ninth pass that Thunder followed. He took hesitant steps at her back but kept time with her, matching her step for step.
They completed one lap. Then another and another until Amy lost count. The only reminder of their efforts was the sheen of sweat collecting beneath her shirt and coating Thunder’s hide.
The air warmed and a hint of red peeked above the horizon. Dawn approached and the tendrils of sunlight had never looked so bright or felt so warm. Amy stopped, soaking in the glow of the sun.
Something warm and wet nuzzled her palm. Thunder’s broad head nudged her arm up. Smiling, she turned and looped her arms around his neck, pressing her forehead to his warm neck and praising him.
Thunder’s heat spread to her belly. A gentle throb pulsed in her veins, flowing through her blood and pooling in her middle. She knew the feeling. Recognized it immediately, even though she hadn’t experienced it in years.
It lit her up on the inside, fighting off the frigid air and blazing bright in her chest. She was hopeful. And that feeling was strong. More all-consuming than ever.
Amy smiled, wrapping her arms tighter around Thunder’s neck, holding on to it all and savoring every delicious thrill. The hope of a miracle. Another chance at being a mother.
The sweet promise of the future had never felt this good before. And she knew the only reason it did now was because she’d felt the bad.
“Are you tired, boy?”
Thunder snorted, nudging her with his nose.
She laughed. “Neither am I. Wanna run? Like we used to?”
She left the rope behind, exited the pen and left the gate open for Thunder to join her. Amy gripped his withers and made to jump but a strong pair of hands wrapped around her waist.
“That’s my girl.” Logan’s deep tenor rumbled at her back as he lifted her.
Amy settled astride Thunder and glanced down. “How long have you been out here?”
“Long enough.” He looked up at her, his dark eyes warm and tender.
“Well, I’ll be damned.”
Dominic stood several feet behind Logan. The boys stood on either side of him, bulky coats zipped up and wide smiles across their faces.
“Yeah,” Kayden drawled, crossing his arms like Dominic, “I’ll be damned.”
Dominic cringed and clamped a hand over Kayden’s mouth, sneaking a peek over his shoulder. “All right, now. Don’t say that around your aunt Cissy.”
Amy laughed, the sound bursting from her chest and mingling with Logan’s. Jayden ran over to beam up at Thunder.
“Is he happy now, Aunt Amy?”
She nodded. “He will be.”
Logan lifted Jayden. “Give him a good pet. Your aunt Amy’s gonna take him out for a while.”
Jayden patted Thunder’s neck, smiled and whispered, “Thanks for making him happy, Aunt Amy.”
She returned Jayden’s smile with her own. In that moment, the bitter in her life was balanced with the perfect amount of sweet. The kind of sweet promise she deserved to hold on to. Even if it meant letting Logan go.
Chapter Nine
“Blue wrapping paper, silver ribbons, name tags, cowboy hats and—”
“A partridge in a pear tree?” Amy winked as Traci dumped a pile of shopping bags on the wide leather couch in the family room.
“No, but if the store sold ’em, I’m sure Dominic would’ve bought those, too.” Traci puffed a strand of dark hair out of her eyes. “He settled for a trampoline instead.”
“A trampoline?” Cissy’s blond head shot up. Her hands froze over the present she wrapped, a bit of tape clinging to her fingertips.
Amy grinned. The past few days had flown by in a flurry of shopping, wrapping and hiding. She’d helped Cissy hide more Santa presents for the boys in two days than she could remember receiving over all her childhood years put together. Since it was Christmas Eve and stores closed early, Cissy had felt it safe enough to send Dominic out for more wrapping supplies without him returning with another armful of toys.
“Now, don’t get upset, baby.” Dominic edged sideways through the living room door, his dimpled smile as wide as the load of firewood weighing down his arms.
Cissy frowned. “I asked you to get more wrapping paper, not more gifts. At this rate, there won’t be enough gift wrap in the world to cover the boys’ presents.”
Undeterred, Dominic dumped the wood in a basket by the blazing fireplace and crossed the room to kiss Cissy’s forehead.
“It’s Christmas,” he murmured, smoothing a hand through her hair. “Only comes once a year.”
“But you’re spoiling them, Dominic.” Cissy flushed, eyes fluttering shut as he feathered more kisses to her cheeks and the tip of her nose.
“Mmm-hmm. Gonna spoil my girls, too.” He placed a gentle hand over her belly. “Anyway, I didn’t buy the hats. That was all Logan’s doing.”
Logan walked in, holding a couple of thick oak logs. “I didn’t see anything wrong with buying my nephews one more present. The boys have been good this year.” His brow furrowed and a crooked grin broke out across his face. “For most of it, anyway.”
Cissy sighed, blue eyes dancing. “You’d think two big, muscle-bound men could stand up to a couple of little boys. Turns out, you and Dom are the biggest pushovers in existence.”
Amy laughed. Logan’s dark eyes locked with hers.
“That,” Logan murmured, “we might be.”
Amy looked away and shifted closer to the lamplight at her side. She concentrated on slipping flannel shirts into boxes for the boys and savored the gentle flutters in her belly.
Since her breakthrough with Thunder, she and Logan had taken the stallion out for a ride every day over the past week. During which, Logan had sweet-talked her into several more races and a dozen years’ worth of kisses.
She glanced up as Logan crossed to the fireplace and stowed the logs in the basket. A few strategic turns of wood with the poker and he had the fire flaming high again. The red flames and glow of yellow light accentuated his muscular profile.
Amy pulled the gift boxes closer to her belly and tried to calm the tremors running over her skin. Four weeks. It’d been four weeks now since they’d made love and her hopes of a possible pregnancy had grown stronger than ever.
Despite her excitement, she hadn’t been able to follow through with confirming it. The past week with Logan had been especially sweet and she wanted to hold on to it. They smiled and laughed together often. They’d become more than best friends again. Only, she wasn’t quite sure what they’d become.
She knew Logan was aware she loved him. But she’d never heard it from him and it was time to face the possibility that she never would. Friendship was the strongest bond he offered.
Logan turned, his expression cast in darkness by the flames at his back, his face as difficult to read as his carefully controlled emotions.
How would he handle the news of another pregnancy? He’d made it clear that he didn’t believe it was possible for them to have another child. And four years ago, he’d reminded her of how dangerous a pregnancy would be every time he’d given in to her persuasions.
Amy curled her fingers around the corners of the gift boxes in her lap. Back then, things had played out exactly as Logan had predicted. They’d had no luck conceiving. But now...
Now, there was a real chance. She stilled her bouncing knee. As excited as she was, she was equally dismayed. She wanted Logan, but having him out of obligation was no longer something she could accept. She needed more than loyalty and so would their child.
“Sustenance for Santa’s elves,” Betty chimed.
Betty and Pop entered with trays of hot chocolate and set two red mugs in front of Amy and Cissy.
; “Bless you,” Cissy murmured, picking up her cup and sipping.
Traci and Dominic each grabbed a mug and plopped down on the floor in front of the fireplace. It was quiet for a few minutes, save for the snap and crackle of the wood burning. They sipped their sweet beverages and watched the flames burn brighter.
An additional crackle sounded at Amy’s back. She frowned, glancing over her shoulder to find four small hands reaching over the arm of the couch and digging around in the shopping bags.
“Boys,” Amy whispered, “there’s no peeking at Christmas.”
Their blond heads popped over the arm of the couch and two pairs of wide blue eyes blinked at her.
“Oh, for goodness’ sakes,” Cissy grumbled. “Haven’t I told you two to stay out of this room until tomorrow morning? Santa’s going to fly right over the ranch if he finds out you’ve been sneaking into presents early.”
Both boys jumped out from behind the couch and held up their hands.
“We ain’t took nothing, Aunt Cissy,” Kayden said. “Promise.”
Cissy sighed. “You mean you haven’t taken anything.”
“That’s right.” Kayden nodded, his face scrunching up with confusion. “I ain’t took nothing.” He turned to his brother. “Did you?”
“Uh-uh,” Jayden protested, waving around his empty hands. “We ain’t took nothing, Aunt Cissy.”
Cissy smiled and shook her head. “I give up.”
They all laughed. Logan walked to the couch and rummaged around in the bags, a slow smile lifting his cheeks.
“Well, you’re in luck, boys,” he said, pulling out two small cowboy hats. “These, you can have now.”
The boys whooped and jumped around, barely holding still long enough for Logan to settle a tan hat on each of their heads.
“What do you say?” Cissy asked.
“Thank you, Uncle Logan,” they both chimed, hugging his legs.
Kayden strutted away to stand beside Dominic, poked his chest out and propped his hands on his hips. “We’re bone-a-fine cowboys now, Uncle Dominic. Like you, Uncle Logan and Mr. Jed.”
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