Finally, Tanner broke the quiet. “My apologies if I overstepped, Samuel. After my conversation with her last night, I was…well, I was surprised.”
Samuel waved him off, leaning back in his chair with a heavy sigh. “I understand. I feel the same way. Of course I want her to become a physician. Other girls wanted gowns and parties and holidays, but she only ever wanted to work with me. Her mother is convinced that we have to see her settled first, and I can’t disagree with that. It makes sense. She’d be married and her future secure. She’d be free to do what she wants.”
Castillo had kept quiet all this time because it was none of his business. He didn’t want to be involved. It irritated him that her father, the one person who had supported her in her apprenticeship, would allow her future to be decided so impulsively. He found himself questioning him. “Would she be free? What if her husband doesn’t approve?”
Tanner shot him a critical glance, but Samuel nodded. “It is my belief that we can find someone who would approve and support her.”
Castillo doubted that. Mr. Bonham’s commentary last night had been a look into the attitudes of the men of Caroline’s social circle. He didn’t say anything further. This wasn’t something he could involve himself with, no matter how much he’d enjoyed kissing her. He had to find Derringer and end this quest for vengeance, once and for all. She’d only be a distraction. Maybe the more he kept telling himself that, the more he’d believe it.
* * *
After Caroline had left breakfast, Aunt Prudie had talked to her and calmed her down, reaffirming her belief that they’d figure out a solution to the marriage problem. Caroline believed they’d try, but there was no guarantee her mother wasn’t set on whichever suitor she’d alluded to in her letter.
What made it worse was the guilt Caroline felt the entire time they’d talked. She’d been so tempted to share her secret with her aunt, but she’d held back, mainly because she wasn’t even certain she could go through with it. She didn’t want marriage forced on her, but she couldn’t in good conscience hold Castillo to their deal. After their talk yesterday, she now fully understood what was at stake for him. She’d feel horrible if her predicament was the only thing standing in the way of his justice.
Last night she’d stayed up late, conflicted about their plan. She’d been on the balcony outside her room when she’d seen him ride out. She might’ve even questioned that it was him, except she’d acquainted herself with the sight of his broad shoulders. He’d gone out to search of Derringer. She was certain of it. And this morning he’d come into the dining room with an abrasion on his cheekbone, just below his eye. No one had mentioned it, but Caroline was almost certain he’d obtained it last night doing whatever it was he’d been doing. It only made her feel guiltier for keeping him from his mission.
She couldn’t stop thinking of what awful thing had happened to him last night to put that abrasion there. How much danger had he truly faced? Had he come close to dying? She shouldn’t care more than she’d care about anyone else who was in danger. But this was Castillo, and instead of simple, understandable concern, she felt a deep and lingering fear. It was absurd to feel frightened for him, because she barely knew him. It was absurd to allow this affection for him to become anything more than it already had, but she couldn’t seem to stop it.
After her talk with Aunt Prudie, Caroline had tried to rejoin the activities planned for the day, but she’d been too worried to enjoy herself. She needed to talk to Castillo privately and end this ridiculous charade. Then this whole thing would be behind her, and the weight of this awful guilt would leave her. She’d be able to avoid him for the rest of the week and pretend that he didn’t make her feel anything. Retiring to bed soon after dinner, she allowed Mary to help her change into her night rail and wrapper. But instead of going to bed she waited for Castillo to go to his room.
After an hour had passed, she walked out to the balcony and thought she saw a light flicker from the room she’d deduced was his. There was no light coming through his window when she got to it, but the door was open to allow in the cool night air. The pale curtains fluttered in the gentle breeze.
For some inexplicable reason, her heart was pounding. Maybe it was from fear of getting caught in his room. The more likely answer was that her body remembered that kiss from last night. He hadn’t mentioned it all day and had been a little reserved, which led her to think he regretted it. She didn’t plan on mentioning it, but that didn’t mean it hadn’t replayed itself over and over in her mind while she waited for him.
“Castillo?” She kept her voice low as she pushed the door open a little farther. A thin beam of moonlight spilled across his empty bed. The sheets were rumpled, and the blanket was folded back to the foot of the bed, as if someone had just been lying in it.
“Carolina?”
The sound of his voice was so close that she gasped when she turned and saw him standing behind the door. His gun was in one hand and the sheet from his bed was in the other, pressed against his male parts, but that was the only bit of him that was covered. His chest, stomach and most of his legs were nude. “Castillo?” It was the only thing she could think to say as her verbal skills had deserted her.
Neither of them moved.
Stop looking! Stop looking! Stop looking!
Her stubborn gaze refused to obey her brain’s command and wouldn’t leave the sight of his hand fisting the sheet to shield his nakedness. The part of the sheet that wasn’t wadded against his…his manhood, trailed down to fall limply in a puddle between his feet. His muscular thighs were quite naked on either side of it. Her gaze caught the narrow trail of dark hair visible above the sheet and followed it upward over his ridged abdomen to the broad expanse of his lightly furred chest. His entire body was wrapped in lean muscle.
Castillo found the will to move first. Setting his gun on a low table beside a chair, he rushed forward and pushed the balcony door closed behind her. She watched this happening as if she had no ability to move, except to turn and follow him with her gaze, only to get a good look at his naked buttocks. They were pleasantly rounded and the muscles shifted and flexed as he walked. The sight was enough to shock her system back into some semblance of functional, because she turned away from him and pressed her cool fingers to her hot face. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think you’d be nude.”
There was some shuffling that sounded as though he was arranging the sheet around him. “What are you doing here?” He kept his voice low, but the way he bit out the words told her he was upset.
She peeked back at him to see that he’d wrapped the sheet around his waist and held it closed at his hip. His strong calves were still visible as were his bare feet. He cleared his throat, regaining her attention, but her gaze lingered on his powerfully built chest. His pectoral muscles were clearly defined even in the dim light, and there were small indentation lines where his deltoids met them.
He was a magnificent specimen of a man. She wanted to believe that was the only reason she stared, but it wasn’t. Her breasts became taut and her breaths became shorter, while her lower body tightened in a way that was new to her. But she recognized it as arousal and tried to mentally shake herself out of it.
“I’m sorry,” she said again when she met his gaze, because clearly she needed to apologize for herself. She’d invaded his privacy and here she was leering at him like some depraved lecher. After this trip out West, with all of the lying and gawking she’d done, she planned to reevaluate herself.
His gaze narrowed at her words and his jaw clenched, making his eyes go intense and angry. She should’ve been frightened of that anger, but the fluttering in her belly wasn’t fear. Neither was it fear that caused her blood to feel heavy and warm, the same way it did after drinking a glass of wine. Something about his anger excited her almost as much as that kiss had. “Really, very sorry.”
“Have you come here to
get yourself compromised?”
She was so shocked that she couldn’t speak. When he started walking toward her, she moved backward with his every step. “What are you talking about?” His accusation was so unexpected that she thought she wasn’t understanding him properly.
“You’re here to break your word and make sure someone finds us,” he clarified.
His words flipped some switch inside her that turned her growing excitement into anger. “That’s preposterous. Why would I do such a thing?”
“You tell me. Why else would you be in my bedroom in the middle of the night?” His eyes widened as if coming to some realization. “This explains that kiss from last night.”
She came up against the wall and realized she’d been retreating like a coward. “Do I have to remind you that you kissed me?”
“You asked me to, and then your father came around the corner. Did you set that up, too?” He moved in closer but didn’t touch her. This confrontation was a little more like that first night in her bedroom. She missed the gentle man she’d come to know, but couldn’t deny that she was excited by this version of him in a completely different way.
“Of course not, you ass. I just wanted to kiss you, but for the life of me I can’t figure out why.” She brushed past him on her way to the balcony door, but voices could be heard from outside followed by the sounds of muffled laughter. It sounded like Mrs. Bonham’s laughter.
Castillo’s hand covered Caroline’s mouth as he grabbed her and pulled her back, retreating further into the bedroom, away from the balcony doors. Instinctively, she struggled to get away and managed to put some distance between them, before he dropped down to the bed, holding her down with his hard body on top of hers. She pushed at his shoulders, but he stretched out over her and somehow wrangled her so that her arms were flattened above her head with his forearm holding them down. His other hand kept covering her mouth though she was doing her best to give him an earful even through the barrier.
“Shh.” His breath brushed past her cheek as he lowered his head. “I won’t have them find you in here.”
She wanted to buck him off and tell him to go to hell, but she thought of the reason she’d originally come to his bedroom. Then she thought of how disappointed Aunt Prudie and her father would be if they did find her here. They’d be heartbroken if she was compromised. It was for them that she kept herself still and quiet, certainly not for the large man on top of her.
Her heart pounded in her ears as the pair came to a stop just outside the door, possibly at the railing to take in the view of the stars. Their voices were so low and muffled it was impossible to hear what they were saying, but Mr. Bonham chuckled, leading her to believe that they were simply out for a late-night stroll.
As the time ticked by, Caroline became acutely aware of the weight on top of her, and not in any way that was unpleasant. Since she’d stopped struggling, he’d positioned his lower body off to the side so he wasn’t too heavy, but his torso pressed against hers from shoulder to hip. His scent settled over her, that subtle blend of citrus and leather mixed with clean male sweat. It wasn’t the scent of one of the expensive colognes the men wore in Boston, but it was his own smell and infinitely more appealing because of it.
Slowly and irrevocably her body became aware of his where it touched her. The hard yet satiny feel of his muscled chest above her. The heat from his body as it seeped into her pores. The gentle scratch of his jaw against her temple. She became aware of him as a man. The same man who’d kissed her. The same man who’d treated her so gently back on the train. She turned her head slightly toward him, taking in his shadowed form. Self-preservation demanded that she harden herself against him and forget this dangerous fascination, but she could not make her body or her heart understand.
She knew the exact moment he became aware that something had changed. His body tensed and, though he didn’t remove his hand from her mouth, he eased back just enough to look down at her. Only a faint light came in through the pale curtains, but she could see his eyes and they weren’t angry anymore, and his breaths came faster than before. The change was so subtle she probably wouldn’t have noticed had they not been so close to each other. His chest moved with each breath and it brushed past her temple on the way out. Her blood went heavy in her veins, moving slowly like warm honey to settle deep in her core.
The Bonhams moved on. Their voices receded as they continued their walk around the veranda. Cautiously, he removed his hand from her mouth, but he stayed on top of her.
He took a deep breath, the movement pressing her down into his bed. “Why are you here?” he whispered.
She knew she should shout at him, or at the very least tell him exactly what he could do with his questions, but she tried and failed to conjure her previous anger. “I came to release you from our deal.” She kept her voice low, just in case someone happened by in the hallway or balcony.
He didn’t move, and she knew she must have shocked him. He really had thought she’d come to get herself compromised. The knowledge hurt because, while she wouldn’t have gone so far as to call them friends, she really did think they respected each other. He’d defended her with Mr. Bonham, held her hand when she’d confronted her father, and then there was that kiss.
“Why would you do that?” He still hadn’t released her arms, so she gave them a tug. He relented, and she pulled them down, but he didn’t move to get off her.
“When I made that deal with you, I didn’t realize what was at stake for you. I didn’t really understand what had happened with your grandfather and why it was so important for you to find the man responsible for his death. It occurred to me today that instead of being here, pretending to court me, you could’ve been out there looking for Derringer. I was selfish. I’m sorry.” She took a breath and tried to read his expression. She could see his eyes but not clearly enough in the dim light to know what he was thinking.
It was only when he let out his breath that she realized he’d been holding it. The arm that had been pressing her arms above her head curled down so that the pad of his thumb brushed gently across her forehead. It was such a gentle stroke that she barely felt it, but it sent a shiver through her. “You’ll do this for me? You’ll keep quiet about what you saw on the train without asking for anything in return?”
She nodded. “I want you to be able to find Derringer. What he did to you isn’t right and I know I can’t help you, but I want to do what I can to make things easier for you. You deserve to have an end to your pain.”
He cursed under his breath—or she thought he cursed but couldn’t be certain because he’d said it in Spanish—and hung his head. Before she realized what she meant to do, she took his head between her hands and tilted it back up. His hair was thick and soft against her fingertips, but she tried not to pay attention to how good it felt. “Castillo…”
“I’m sorry, mi corazón. I accused you of a bad thing,” he whispered.
Her heart clenched at his obvious regret. “I understand why you would think that. I haven’t done much to redeem myself, I’m afraid.”
He was shaking his head before she’d even finished. “You didn’t deserve that. I was angry at myself for the way I kissed you.”
“Why were you angry about that? I… I thought we both wanted it?”
“That’s why I’m angry. I did want it, but I don’t have time for that, for you. Even if I did… I’d only end up hurting you.” He shifted and moved off her to sit on the bed. He tucked the sheet more firmly around his hips and leaned over toward the bedside table, where he struck a match and lit a candle. The air smelled like sulfur and burning wood.
Caroline was genuinely disappointed that he’d moved away from her, but tried to cover the misplaced emotion by adjusting her night rail and wrapper. The small candle only lit the area where they sat, but it was enough to give color to the gray night. He sat in silence
, his fists gripping the edge of the bed as he stared down at the floor.
She couldn’t resist taking in the view of his wide chest and shoulders in this new perspective. She wanted to trace his muscles with her hands to learn all of the hollows and planes of his body. A pulse beat between her legs at the thought, so she clenched her thighs together and looked down, silently reminding herself that she should leave him alone. He couldn’t be hers. His bare right foot was next to her left one. She’d never seen a bare male foot before, she realized with some surprise. His were wider and longer than hers. His skin was a few shades darker, too.
She didn’t know what he meant by the remark that he’d end up hurting her. She sensed it was because of the things she didn’t know about him. That sense that he was dangerous. She wanted to ask him, but her self-preservation was hanging by a thread. To know more about him, anything about him, could break it.
“I was wrong. Please accept my apology for my behavior.” He was looking at her now, and she nearly caught her breath from the intensity. The look in his eyes was certainly one that shouldn’t exist outside a bedroom.
She nodded, but all she could muster was a weak, “Of course.”
When he didn’t look away, she licked her lips, aware that the strange pulse between her thighs hadn’t lessened. She became aware that she was completely naked beneath her nightclothes, and this encounter was inappropriate in every way possible, but she couldn’t muster the energy to stop it. She didn’t want to stop it.
“What will you do about school?” he asked, his expression earnest.
Caroline licked her lips again. Her mind churned on his question, but she couldn’t think right now. What was wrong with her? She was about to jump out of her skin and he sat there, clearly upset, but calm. He was trying to figure out a solution to their problems, while she was ogling him as if she didn’t have a brain in her head. Surely he wouldn’t be so calm if he was half as affected as she was. She pulled her wrapper tight around her, hoping to hide the way her nipples had tightened. “I’m not sure. I’ll have to think of something.” To break the tension, she smiled and said, “I’m guessing compromising me is definitely out of the question now?”
Marriage Deal With the Outlaw & the Warrior's Damsel in Distress & the Knight's Scarred Maiden : Harlequin Historical August 2017 (9781488021640) Page 12
