“It’s okay, Mom. You and the kids are gonna be fine.”
A sound from the couch made him turn. He caught Grace’s pillow as she shoved it free in her sleep. She was a restless sleeper, twisting under the covers. Several times her lips shaped words that Noah couldn’t understand. Clearly, she was fighting old battles in her sleep.
Carefully, he slid her pillow back in place, listening to the hiss and pop of the fire. He should have been sleepy, but he was fully alert, aware of every noise and movement in the quiet house. Most of all he was aware of Grace sleeping so close.
He smelled her faint perfume and heard every breath she took. And the force of his awareness left him irritated.
A shadow fell over the floor. Noah realized his mother was holding up a dish towel and looking at him from the doorway.
Quietly, he crossed to the kitchen and closed the door so their noise wouldn’t wake Grace. “Dish duty again?”
“I’ll dry. You will wash. You’re very good at that. I trained all my sons very well,” Tatiana said with calm pride. “She is nice, Noah. I like her very much. But there is pain in her eyes. What did you say her job was?”
“I’m still trying to figure that out. I think she writes magazine articles and does historical research on food, but we haven’t gotten that far. I only met her tonight, and that was completely by accident.”
His mother’s eyes narrowed. “A very wise man once told me there are no accidents. Only fate, my son. It is never wise to fight the touch of fate. But just the same, I hope you will be…safe.”
“Safe? I don’t understand.”
Tatiana frowned at him. “Probably not. But I see what I see. I hope you will find the right woman. One who makes your steps light with happiness.”
“Don’t worry about me. I take the days as they come. No attachments means no regrets.”
“For now. But not always. Someday I wish…” She touched his cheek and then rolled her eyes. “How like an interfering mother I sound. You will please ignore me.”
“You’re a hard person to ignore.”
“That is a very nice thing to say.” Tatiana hesitated. “I had a call from Matthew’s wife today.” She seemed to shape her words carefully. “They will not be coming for New Year’s. They will not be coming here for Valentine’s Day or Easter, either. She told me they’ve purchased a house.”
“Where? Virginia?”
“That’s what I thought. But no. Miranda is going to take my granddaughter across the country to Oregon. I had to look it up on a map. So far away. We will never see them.” Tatiana’s voice wavered.
Noah slid his arm around her trembling shoulders.
She had hidden her pain all during dinner, he realized. She had put on a good face. Now she could hide it no longer.
“You should have said something before this.”
“And ruin our first meal together in weeks? I’m not so weak. I will not let her steal our granddaughter out of our lives. Sophie has the right to know who her father was. How brave your brother was and how strong he was and how hard he worked. To serve and protect. He was so proud of his work,” Tatiana said with husky pride. “Sophie has the right to know her father’s family. And I will fight Miranda to make this so. I swear it with all my heart. She will not take her away and cut us off.” Her voice broke. “I have not told your father, my love. It will break his heart. He loves Sophie so much. His first grandchild,” she whispered.
“We all love Sophie,” Noah said gruffly. The sadness of losing his brother in the line of fire was still a fresh wound. Now were they to lose all contact with his young daughter? “What about her classes at school? Her friends?”
“Her mother insists she’ll have an equally good education in Oregon. She has already requested the transfer of Sophie’s files and enrolled her in a private school there. I think—I think that she has planned this for a long time, maybe right after Matthew’s death. But she never gave any clue. Such a woman, she is.” Tatiana took a harsh breath and forced a smile. “She thinks it is for the best perhaps. Maybe…maybe our family reminds her of all she has lost. I know that she did love Matthew once. Before the long hours made her bitter.” Noah’s mother looked at him and shook her head. “I think that Miranda is more worried about herself than anything else.” Tatiana looked away.
Noah realized that his mother looked tired and frail. The knowledge shocked him. He had always thought that her strength would never fail. She had been the toughest one of his family, steeled by a childhood of deprivation, war and loss.
But the day that she had lost her youngest son had been a nightmare that would walk with her always. A D.C. policeman, Matt had answered a midnight call and then received the full blast of a car bomb.
That explosion should have happened to him, Noah thought angrily. He was the one trained to deal with improvised explosive devices, not Matt. His team should have been dispatched to handle the device.
Due to a misreading of the situation, the wrong agency had been called in.
And gregarious, optimistic Matthew McLeod had been torn apart by a wall of destruction that hammered past at 26,000 feet per second. He had died instantly. The shadow of his loss would hang over them always.
“Mom, leave the dishes. I’ll finish them,” Noah said gruffly. “You should go and rest.”
“Nonsense. If I can’t dry a few pans and forks, what good am I? Now enough of this dark talk. Tell me about how you found this woman and her kit tens.”
Noah put another pan into the hot soapy water.
“She was rifling around in a Dumpster, ruining her evening clothes and not caring a bit. She looked—fearless,” he said thoughtfully. “As stubborn as she was frozen.”
“Stubborn? This would be good. And fearless, you say?” Tatiana picked up another wet plate, looking thoughtful. “I like very much that she rescued five creatures who had no one else to help them.”
She looked at her son.
Noah met her gaze. “It was just an accidental meeting, Mom. We aren’t—involved. I barely know her.”
“And yet you would like to know her, yes?”
“Liking doesn’t change anything. She’s just visiting D.C. and I don’t have time in my life now for anything that’s serious. End of story.”
Tatiana pulled a clean plate from his hands. “You can’t hide from feelings and attachments forever, Noah. We all lost something too precious to imagine when Matthew died.” Her eyes shimmered. “He would not want us to live in the shadows of pain and loss. That was not your brother’s way.”
“I know. But I can’t forget and I won’t forgive.”
Tatiana’s eyes glistened with tears. “He wants us to start.” She put her hands flat on the counter, closing her eyes. “He would want us all to look forward instead of back.” She took a long breath. “Somehow we must try. Now leave the last pan, my love. We will have some tea and the rest of the poppy-seed cake while you tell me what really happened to you today at that job you never discuss.” Her eyes narrowed. “Do you think I did not notice how your right shoulder hurts you or you rub your wrist? You did something brave and I think that you were hurt.”
Noah muttered under his breath. “I slipped on an icy step, Mom. Nothing brave or serious about that. My job is usually boring.” He shrugged. “It’s not like on TV. Mostly we sit and look at computers.”
“You are sure? You would not lie to me?” She stood very still.
Yet again Noah thought how fragile his mother had become in the year since his brother’s death. “Of course I’m sure. I was grabbing for my pager and I didn’t watch where I was walking. I landed on my arm, looking like a fool. End of story.” He carried his mother’s tea to the table and then went back for his own.
“I see. But next time you will be more careful, please, and watch where you walk.” She stared out at the snow, still falling hard. “And when you—look at your computers, you will also be careful. Promise me this,” she said fiercely.
“I will be.
McLeod’s honor.”
“Good.” Tatiana squeezed Noah’s hand hard and took a deep breath. “Now finish that cake before your father comes looking for it. He always knows when there is one piece left, and I must help his willpower a little.”
WIND WHISPERED AGAINST the windows, driving snow against the glass. The house was quiet except for the hiss and pop of the fire that was still going in the room next door.
Tatiana McLeod was not afraid of silence or the dark. She welcomed the shadows as a friend. Only then would she see her lost son.
Matthew?
She stared at his old chair, empty near the window. Always empty.
The house was quiet yet full of small sounds. The settling of walls. Sleepy breaths that sounded against the snap of the fire. Even the restless kittens were finally asleep.
Tatiana stood in the dark kitchen, listening to all of it. This was hers, her oldest dream. This was the home that she had made by fierce effort, drawing her family around her, keeping them safe at all costs.
Except she had not kept her youngest son safe.
Matthew was gone, lost to the twisted fury of a man given over to hatred. He had graduated from the police academy at the top of his class and married two weeks later. His daughter, Sophie, was the light of his life and the joy of his parents. But his wife, society girl Miranda Dillon, had hated his job, hated the duty he took so seriously. Again and again she had tried to make him leave to work for her father in his huge plumbing fixtures business.
Matthew had always sidestepped the argument. On that one subject he would not bend.
Now his pampered widow was taking Sophie away with no concern for Matthew’s family or what it would do to the little girl.
Tatiana clenched her fists in anger. She had to hold back her fury and the pain of her losses. She wouldn’t let her family be torn apart. She would keep them safe, even if she had to…
Always so stubborn.
The words were soft, almost her imagination. But three times she had heard them in the haunting months since Matthew’s death.
“I’ve had to be stubborn.” To make a family was simple. To keep it together was the hard thing.
A breeze touched her cheek. There might have been a glimmer of light near the stove.
You work too hard, Mother. You always did.
She signed, closing her eyes as a sudden warmth filled the air around her. I miss you terribly, Matthew.
It will be better. You’ll see.
“Will it?” Her muscles clenched with anger that followed in the wake of sadness. “Why you? Why not someone evil? Or why not take me instead? You had your whole life to live.”
Her shoulders shook.
Shh.
Again she felt a current of wind on her face. Everything happens for a reason. Now I see this all so clearly.
“Well, I don’t! I can’t understand at all—and I can’t forgive, either. Now your wife, cunning and quiet, plans to take your little daughter away, too.” Tatiana’s voice broke. “Far away, Matthew. From us and your memory.”
She is doing what she thinks is best, Mother.
“Really? I thought she was doing what was easiest. She wants to make Sophie forget you. I hate her.”
As Tatiana’s fists clenched in terrible anger, she knew the mistake she had made. He was silent then. He was always silent when she said something bitter or angry. It was as if he was held in a gentler place and these darker emotions could not touch him there. So he simply slipped away.
Tatiana closed her eyes, hunched over the table. She leaned down to touch the chair where her son had always sat—until the night he was killed. “Stay, Matthew. I won’t—that is, I’ll try to find some affection for your widow. I’ll try to understand why she is doing this cruel thing. But I won’t let her cut Sophie off from you and us. We’re in her blood, too. Miranda and I will have to come to some kind of compromise.”
She felt a stirring of air touch her cheek. It might have been the movement of a hand passing in the darkness.
With her eyes closed, Tatiana heard her son’s beloved voice beside her. She’s caught in darkness right now. The words were a mere whisper. She has lost me and she’s lost her hope and she’s lost the world along with it. Give her time, Mama. You are so strong…and she is not.
The wind stirred again, like a gentle hand at her shoulder.
And then he was gone.
Tatiana knew in an instant, because the kitchen suddenly felt silent and cold. Now the darkness was only darkness.
She was alone. No spirits walked to ease her sadness.
Strong? Yes, she had always been the strong one. She had fought for her family since the icy morning when she had woken up in Ukraine huddled next to her grandmother and four sisters with one quilt between them. Tatiana had sworn she would make a better life. She had sworn to see that her family never went hungry. And she had vowed to pass on the memories and traditions of the homeland she loved, despite its years of war and unrest.
She had done all those things, through the blood and sweat of her body and her fierce will.
But she was strong no longer. The blow of losing her youngest son had bent her double like a birch tree in a spring storm, snapping her in two. Her family might believe she was strong. Her friends might marvel and offer compliments.
But inside, Tatiana’s tears gathered into silver rivers. And she was broken, bent by the weight of sadness just like the ruined trees she remembered from her girlhood.
CHAPTER SIX
Two weeks later
HE HAD CALLED HER TWICE. He had texted her once.
Grace hadn’t returned any messages. She told herself it was better this way. More practical for both of them.
After all, what could come of a few dates? Hesitant pauses. Awkward conversations. Groping in the dark and then an embarrassed refusal?
No. She had to have peace and order in her life, and her heart told her that Noah would upset her careful efforts at recovery. She had learned one thing over the past year: you had to be strong before you learned to be vulnerable.
Two weeks had passed since she had found the kittens—and met Noah. They had feinted through their snowball fight to the hilarity of Noah’s family. At first Noah had held back, but Grace wasn’t afraid to fight dirty, shoving snow down his collar, pulling his feet out from under him, rubbing snow in his face. With the noisy laughter of his family rolling in her ears, she had been declared the winner at the start of round three, by unanimous vote. Noah had taken his defeat well, but hours later, standing on the driveway after he had returned Grace to her townhouse, he had taken his consolation prize.
The long, slow kiss began as snow fell gently, brushing their faces. He had murmured her name while his hand rose, cupping her cheeks. Then he turned her face up to his and tasted her mouth slowly. The hunger had slammed over her instantly. Grace had thought she remembered how it felt to be kissed and know the swift heat of desire, but her experiences with James hadn’t really prepared her for Noah.
The rich, earthy feelings that followed his kiss had left Grace giddy and confused. They caught her when she least expected it, fogging all her senses and her normal caution.
And she needed to stay cautious and in control. She had been out of balance too long with James. She was getting her life back now. Once things had quieted down, she would call Noah.
Her computer, books and notebooks were stacked neatly on the table. She had an important meeting tomorrow, but she was well prepared. Yet the thought bothered her: Was that all she had in her life—work and meetings?
Suddenly restless, she grabbed her coat and gloves to take a walk. Maybe the brisk air would clear her tangled thoughts.
She closed and locked her door, then pulled on an old knitted scarf. It was a simple lace stitch, nothing complicated, but it would always be special because it was the first lace she had ever knitted. You remembered the first times most, she thought wryly.
A car raced past and slush sprayed around her bo
ots, but Grace trudged on, glad to be outside. At least her preparations were done. All she had to do was sell her idea. That wouldn’t be easy because the competition for this particular project would be keen.
Lights flickered in the twilight. A car angled to the curb and stopped. A Jeep, Grace realized as the driver’s-side door opened.
“What does it take to get a call returned, an executive order?” Noah jumped out and shoved his hands in his pockets. “You must be busy these days.”
Grace took a deep breath. He looked good—even better than she remembered. Snow dusted his broad shoulders as he studied her without moving. “You forgot these the other night.”
He dug out a plastic bag with Grace’s favorite red fingerless gloves. “Mom wanted me to tell you. Since you didn’t return my calls, I decided to swing by.” His eyes were wary. “And since you haven’t asked, I’ll tell you that the mom and all the kittens are doing fine. Puppy, too.”
“Noah, I—” Grace flushed. “I’m sorry. I should have called. That was very rude of me. And you know that I can’t thank you enough for keeping the cats.”
“Hey, don’t apologize. You made it clear when you said you didn’t want to get involved. As for the cats, we love them. The puppy is great.” He shrugged. “So I’ll be getting back. It’s been a busy week.”
“Noah, wait. Please.” Grace put a hand on his arm and felt the muscles flex sharply. “Look at me.”
After a moment his dark eyes settled on her face, focused but completely unreadable. “I’m looking.
But what is there to say?”
She felt his muscles tense again and noticed there was a cut above his eyebrow that hadn’t been there before. “What happened to your face?” Without thinking, she touched the healing skin gently.
“Cut it shaving,” he said tightly. “So what did you want to tell me, Grace?”
She felt low and cravenly, embarrassed at her behavior. “Look, I’m just trying to do the right thing.
A Home by the Sea Page 5
