“I am not here in search of employment,” Hannah said, surprised that her voice was not wavering. “I am here to inquire about publishing a book.”
The man looked up and sighed. Then he glanced at John. “Can the gentleman not speak for himself?”
“It is I who am inquiring,” Hannah said, keeping her vexation at bay—barely.
The man rubbed his temples and closed his book with a snap.
“I do not mean to interrupt your work,” she continued, although what she could have been interrupting, she did not know. “I can make an appointment if you would prefer.”
A curtain over a door behind the man moved, and a woman entered, a teacup in her hand. She set the cup on the counter. “Oh, hello,” she said with a bright smile. “What a lovely hat.”
“Thank you,” Hannah replied. She had changed out the trimmings that morning to match her lavender dress.
The old man reached for the teacup, and Hannah had to stifle a laugh when the woman smacked his hand. “Phineas, no one wants to hear you slurp your tea.” She turned and smiled at Hannah. “Now, how may we help you?”
The moment had finally come, and it took all of the courage Hannah could muster to speak. “I am currently penning a novel.”
The man groaned, but when the woman shot him a glare he quieted once again.
“Please, continue,” the woman said.
Hannah could not help but smile. “Thank you. You see, since I was a child, I have had a love of reading, and that led to a love for writing. What I am writing now is a romantic novel,” -another groan followed by another glare- “that I would like to see published one day.”
Old Phineas snorted. “We don’t publish books for women; there simply is no market…”
“Enough, you,” the woman snapped. “Pay him no mind. What is your name?”
“Hannah. Hannah Lambert.”
The woman smiled. “I’m Albina Bragg, and this old coot is my husband, Phineas.” She leaned on the counter. “The truth of the matter is few bookmakers will publish books by women, but we do.” She shot the man a glare that dared him to speak against her. “Despite what most men believe, many women have seen great success in their published works. Take Mary Pilkington, for example. Her Delia received a marvelous reception, as did Fanny Burley’s Camilla. I’m a proponent of women doing more than scribbling a few words of poetry or writing children’s books. If your book shows any bit of promise, we’re certainly willing to consider it.”
Phineas snorted, picked up his teacup, and made his way through the curtain from which Albina had entered. His wife rolled her eyes but then smiled again.
“You say you’re in the process of writing this novel?”
Hannah nodded. “I am.” She did not wish to mention how she had been struggling as of late. “It is nearly complete, however.”
“I want to be honest with you,” Albina said. “I can’t make any promises that Phineas will agree to publish your book. I can cause a ruckus, but ultimately, the decision is his.”
“I understand,” Hannah replied.
“When you have completed it, bring it around and see me. You can count on me taking the time to read it.”
“I appreciate your time,” Hannah said. “I have never been happier in all my life.”
“Then by all means, leave now!” the woman said dramatically. “The sooner you get back to your work, the sooner you will return.”
Hannah thanked the woman again, and she led John and Isabel outside.
As luck would have it, the storm clouds had passed, and the sun shone brightly. Was there any better sign of the wonderful days that were ahead?
Chapter Eighteen
Thus far, the season had surpassed any expectation Hannah could have ever considered. She had made new acquaintances, Lady Ellen for example, and found she enjoyed attending parties more than she believed she would. And in her pursuit of her dream of seeing her novel published, she had found a possibility of seeing that completed.
However, despite those wondrous new findings, one shone brighter than all the others, something she never would have thought possible—she had found love. Her feet no longer touched the ground, and John’s smile spoke far more than the quill could write on parchment.
It was that adoration that now guided her hand as she continued her book. Each line was carefully crafted, and the characters—two people she had adored before—were now closer to her heart. For now, she understood what it meant to fall in love and therefore knew how her hero and heroine would react.
When she completed her novel, she would share it with Lady Ellen and the other women of the writing society as a way to show them that love did exist, not only on the page but in the world around them.
Stifling a yawn, Hannah returned the quill to its holder and wiped at her fingertips with a kerchief. That was the one downfall to writing to which she would never become accustomed—ink-stained fingers. However, it was well worth being forced to wear gloves at all times if it meant completing her manuscript.
The door opened and Isabel entered. “We will be leaving for the circus soon. You do not want to keep John waiting.”
Hannah smiled and rose from the chair. “I would like to ask you something,” she said as she walked over to stand before her sister. “However, I ask that you keep it in confidence.”
“Yes, of course.”
“When a woman comes to love a man, is it appropriate for her to express such feelings, or is it expected she wait until he expresses how he feels for her first?”
Isabel gave her a smile. “You would not be speaking of John, would you?” Hannah nodded. “As I thought. It is my counsel that you speak it when the moment is right.”
Hannah frowned. “How will I know when the moment is right??”
“Trust me,” her sister replied, “you will know.”
Hannah sighed. “I hope so.”
“You will,” Isabel said as she patted Hannah on the arm. “Now, we must wait until later to continue this conversation. Laurence will grow frustrated with us if we are not in the carriage ready to go soon.”
Hannah donned her gloves, gave herself one more glance in the mirror, and followed Isabel from the room where Laurence and John stood waiting.
“I think tonight will be wonderful,” John said as he offered Hannah his arm. “I have been twice before and have not been disappointed yet.”
“I look forward to it,” Hannah replied as she placed her hand on his forearm. “And I agree; it will be wonderful.” For tonight will be the night I tell you of my love for you, she thought. She just hoped he would reply with the same.
***
Hannah had never experienced such a spectacle in all her life. Astley's Circus was held in an amphitheater with open and boxed seating that wrapped around in a half moon allowing all a clear view of the performances that took place in the large circle of dirt below them.
The standing area was full of people from all walks of life—ladies in beautiful dresses stood beside young men in clothes filled with patches. Unlike the theater and its polite whispers, the air was filled with raucous laughter and shouts of excitement.
John had secured them seating in one of the enclosed boxes, and the show would begin shortly. Although she looked forward to the show ahead of them, Hannah found the excitement of informing John of her love for him excited her all the more. She was unsure when she would express her feelings for him, but the idea of saying such things while a performer conducted his act seemed inappropriate. Nor could she tell him during the carriage ride home with Isabel and Laurence listening.
At one point, she considered writing it, but the idea was much too impersonal for such an important admission. Regardless, she was so caught up in her thoughts that the sudden applause of the crowd startled her and she began to shake.
“Are you all right?” John asked as he leaned in close to her.
“Yes,” she replied, feeling her cheeks burn. “I am fine.”
She turned
her attention to the performance area where a man in a bright red jacket entered the circle carrying a cane behind three dogs walking side by side. The man held up the cane, and the dogs sat in unison. Then he tapped the cane on the ground twice, and the dogs reared up on their hind legs, and to Hannah’s surprise, they walked upright across the ring before they jumped over the cane the man had stretched out before him. Hannah could not help but join in the heavy applause at each trick performed.
“This is marvelous!” she said. When she turned toward John, she was pleased to see he wore a smile, as well. “I never expected to see such feats!”
“It will only get better,” John said. “This is only the beginning.”
Was he speaking of more than the performances happening before them? Could he have been speaking of their future together? For the first time, Hannah considered that, if he were to ask her to marry him, she would accept without thought.
Returning her attention to the circle, she was impressed as another man joined the dog trainer. He performed several feats on the back of a horse, and soon, jugglers were tossing swords and fire sticks in the air, making the audience gasp in fear they would cause themselves harm.
Hannah laughed so loudly, she thought her voice would carry over the laughter of the crowd as a host of clowns joined. However, just when she thought the acts could not get any better, eight men entered all dressed in white shirts and banging at large drums. Every performer moved in sync to the beat they created and stopped as one when the drummers struck a final beat.
For a moment, the room was left in silence, but then the crowd roared in approval, and Hannah was as enthusiastic as everyone.
“I know this is not the theater you desire,” John shouted near her ear in order to be heard, “but it is something I wanted to share with you. I hope it has met your approval.”
“It has been far better,” she replied, “for it has exceeded my expectations. I must admit that I cherish anything you share with me.”
To her surprise, his cheeks reddened, and that now familiar warmth entered her body. Yes, it was about time she shared her true feelings for him.
And it will be soon if I have anything to do with it, she thought as the second act began and a host of knights waving green flags depicting a dragon rode out into the circle.
***
The third and final act was underway, and Hannah leaned forward as a carriage rode around the vast sea of performers. Now it was the knights who juggled and the clowns who sat on horseback. Even the dogs marched alongside the men in uniform. Although it was not Shakespeare, Hannah had never enjoyed herself as much as she did at this moment.
Then, to her disappointment, the show came to an end, the last act a man who walked across a rope, jumped off, and landed on a horse without so much as a totter. Saluting the crowd, one by one the performers marched away behind the large curtain. The applause was thunderous, and Hannah found herself standing and clapping her hands just as wildly as everyone else. As the applause came to an end and laughs and talking replacing it, Hannah let out a sigh.
“I do wish to return sometime,” she said. “If the season only consisted of the circus, I would want to return every year for that alone.”
Laurence laughed as he and Isabel faced them. “I certainly plan on returning,” he said, “as does Isabel.”
Her sister nodded in agreement. “Most definitely.”
Laurence offered Isabel his arm. “Shall we discuss this back at the house with a few drinks?”
The group gave their approval, and with John at her side, the four made their way out of the booth and joined the others who moved down a long, yet narrow, hallway.
“The dogs,” John said. “Each time I see them perform, I want nothing more than to purchase such animals. Or maybe I may teach them myself.”
“That would be fun,” Hannah said. “And if you needed help, I would offer my services.”
He smiled. “I would like that.”
At the bottom of the stairs, a man in one of the performer’s red coats stood pointing toward one of the side doors. “Forgiveness,” he was saying, “but there’s been a small fire and the back alley is blocked. Please continue into the main area and you may exit from there.”
“A fire?” Hannah gasped. “Let us hope it has been extinguished!”
The line of people slowed at the door that led to the main hall.
“There are too many people in here,” Laurence said, turning to face them. “Take care as we make our way through. Stay close together and follow me so we are not separated.”
Hannah nodded, and John leaned in. “Do not leave my side,” he said.
“I will not,” she replied as her hand tightened on his arm.
They moved forward in the line, and soon they stepped through the door into the main hall, Laurence and Isabel in front of them. Apparently, no one wished to leave, for it was as if everyone who had been in attendance stood laughing and shouting to one another, many with bottles in their hands.
Hannah widened her eyes when a man in a ragged suit lifted a bottle to his lips and drank as one left in the desert for too many days. When a woman in a faded dress kissed his cheek, onlookers roared with approval. With each step taken, Hannah’s worry increased as the crowd grew denser, and soon she felt as if she were suffocating.
Just as she came close to giving into the panic, an arm wrapped around her waist, and she turned to see John smiling at her. She allowed him to propel her through the throng of people, and she felt much safer.
At one point, a small part of the crowd near them broke free, and a woman dressed in a fine blue dress shrieked. A man with missing teeth and a gray beard had removed his shirt and was flexing his arm muscles.
“Someone tell Stanley that George the Handsome wants to join the circus!” he shouted to the delight of the onlookers.
Not all were impressed, however, as a man in a well-tailored coat rushed over and punched the old man in the jaw, sending him backwards into the crowd. “How dare you act like an animal in the presence of ladies!” he yelled.
Several more screams resounded as the assembly pressed forward, and when a man easily double the size of most men backed into her and sent her crashing to the ground, she cried out in fright that she would be trampled by the now panicked crowd. However, by some miracle, she managed to stand, but John was no longer beside her.
Several groups of men began fighting, creating more panic as gentlemen held their wives in an effort to lead them outside. Fear enveloped Hannah, and tears welled in her eyes as she desperately searched for John.
“Hello, beautiful.”
Hannah looked on in horror as a man took a swig from a bottle and then gave her a toothless grin. No one took notice, and any who did either turned his nose up at her or ignored her completely as they attempted to reach the exit.
Fearing she would die, Hannah pushed forward; however, the room was much too crowded and too many people were in a panic to escape. She could no longer hold back the tears as bodies pushed at her. Would she ever see John again? Why had she not told the man how deeply she cared for him? That she in fact loved him? What if she had wasted her last opportunity to share what she truly felt?
Her heart jumped into her throat when a man fell to the ground beside her. She wanted to help him, but she could do nothing as he disappeared under the feet of those around them.
Breathing was becoming difficult as bodies pressed against her. She was scared and, even worse, alone. Yet, as all hope began to leave her, she heard her name.
“Hannah!”
She turned to see John fighting his way through the mob.
“John!” she shouted back. She reached out for him, but he was too far away. When a man tried to push John out of the way, Hannah screamed, but John elbowed his way past.
“Hannah!” he cried again, and Hannah tried her best to reach him, but she was jostled back once again. With an outstretched hand, her gloved fingertips touched his as tears flowed down her
face, and they ebbed away from each other once again like two pieces of driftwood flowing on ocean waves.
As if by a miracle, John broke through the final line of people and wrapped his arms around her.
She wept into his chest, unable to believe he had found her.
“Shh,” he whispered into her ear. “You are safe now. I was so scared for you.”
“As was I,” she replied. “But I am safe as long as I am with you.”
“Listen,” John shouted just a woman slapped a man near them, “We must move to the side against a wall or we’ll be separated again. We will be safer there. Now, do not let go.”
“Never!” she shouted back.
He nodded and began to push through the crowd toward the closest wall. Hannah held on this coat and kept as close as she could so as not to be separated from him again, and when they reached the wall, they worked their way to an empty spot below a set of stairs.
Before she could blink, John wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled him toward him. Just as quickly, he turned her to her back was against the wall, and he pressed his body against hers providing a cover of protection as the angry crowd moved past them.
“You will never be hurt,” he said as he gazed down at her, his arms placed against the wall on either side of her as if bracing himself against the mob that pressed from behind.
The noise around them seemed to fade, and it was as if they were the only two in the room.
“I must tell you something,” he said and then grunted when a body pushed him toward her. “If we are to die tonight, in this crowd, you must know that I love you.”
A tear of joy came to Hannah’s eye. “And if these grounds are to be our final resting place,” she said, her voice trembling, “know that I love you, too.”
It had been earlier that night that Hannah had asked Isabel when one should confess love to another. Although Astley's Circus was the last place Hannah could have imagined professing such words, she said them regardless, and the love in her heart doubled. And as they whispered the word love again, Hannah considered her upbringing for just a brief moment. One must always be a lady and sustain from acts that could ruin her reputation, or so she had been told often from a young age, and she had done her best to adhere to such standards.
Echoes of the Heart: Secrets of Scarlett Hall Book 2 Page 16
