“No. He wasn’t. Not really, anyway.” She sighed and laughed. “Jeez, I keep having to do that. Adjust how I talk about these things.” She grabbed a stick and poked the fire, sending up a shower of sparks. “It wasn’t just that he lied to me. It’s that I lied to myself.”
“Your mom left -.”
“When I was seven.”
“And your Dad would be gone -.”
“For weeks at a time.”
I felt myself leaning in closer to her. “So who took care of you?” I wondered. “You were a kid.”
“Janet.” She shrugged like this was was self-evident.
“An aunt?”
“Not even. I think she was a neighbor?”
“And she watched you?”
“She started after my mom left.” She blinked rapidly. “Funny. I never think about her. But she was there. Every day. She was the thing that was constant. She was the one I could count on.” She shook her head. “She lived down the street from us, but somehow she’d be there in the morning when I got up, and there in the night to put me to bed. Then she’d sleep on the couch. Fuck… she didn’t even have her own room and I never wondered why.” Sky trailed off as her eyes suddenly filled. “She tried so hard to give me something solid and real. But then my Dad would come in and fuck it all up. Pulling me out of school for a week to go camping. Letting me stay up as late as I wanted. Ice cream for dinner.” The corner of her mouth tipped into a lopsided frown. “He undermined everything Janet did for me. And I worshipped him for it. And hated her.”
It was my turn to stay silent.
“Shit. I treated her terribly.” She looked alarmed. “I don’t even know if she’s alive or dead.” With a sudden cry, she buried her face in her hands. “Jesus. I’m an asshole.”
I moved on pure instinct. Wrapping her in my arms, I pulled her tight to my chest.
I had no idea how long I held her. It might have been only a minute, but it was a minute I felt so keenly that it stretched into forever. With her body in my arms and her hair brushing my cheek, I felt something I’d never known in my life.
Peace.
I could have held her forever, rubbing slow circles on her back every time her shoulders quivered. But she finally stirred and pulled away.
Then she leaned in and pressed a soft kiss on my cheek. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
She smiled. I closed my eyes as she traced her finger over my brow. “So what was that?” she asked. Her warm breath on my ear made me shiver. “Before? When you got all… choppy?”
My head was spinning. Instead of answering, I tilted my head up.
Her lips parted in surprise when I caught them. She drew back. “We doing this again?” she chided gently.
Immediately, I burned with regret. “Don’t friends kiss each other?” I joked.
“What kind of friends do you have?”
I sat up. “Sorry Sky.”
“No. It’s my fault too.”
“You didn’t kiss me.”
She pressed her finger to my cheek. “Yeah I did. Did you forget?”
“That’s how my grandma kissed me.”
“You saying I kiss like your grandma?”
“I dunno. Do it again so I can be sure.”
A moment blazed between us. Then she looked away, two spots of color on her cheeks. “The fire is dying,” she announced and jumped up.
I brushed my hands down my thighs. I’d come close. So close to fucking everything up with her. I counted backwards from ten, and then backwards from twenty. “Good thing the fire-expert is on the case,” I said.
It was a test, and I’d passed. My voice sounded normal enough. You’d never guess I was two seconds away from sabotaging the best thing I’d had in a while.
“It’s a good thing too.” Sky’s voice sounded strained too, but some of her sass was coming back. Thank god. “Honestly. You’re like a babe in the woods with this."
I couldn’t help but grin at her when she stood back up, cheeks pink from the flame. “Which of us is the babe again?” I wondered.
“You, Mr. Pop Star.” She touched the tip of my nose with her finger.
“I’m more than just a pretty face,” I protested. “I have skills.”
“Yeah?” She looked skeptical. “Like what?”
I was not about to remind her about how I’d made her come all over my hand. “Chopping wood. And. Um.” I pretended to wrack my brain. “Fishing.”
She stared at me. “Fishing,” she said levelly. “Bullshit.”
“I don’t tell lies,” I mimicked her, grinning.
She tried to stomp on my foot and I yanked it away laughing. “I still call bullshit!” she said.
Relief flooded my veins. I hadn’t ruined anything. We were back to normal.
“Yeah?” I challenged. “Care to make a wager?”
“You have more money than me.” She arched an eyebrow at the trailer. “You have more money than God too.”
“So don’t make it money.”
“What else is there?”
“If I catch a fish before you, you have to run my errands for a week.”
She wrinkled her nose. “And if I catch one before you?”
I pretended to grimace. “I’ll watch whatever movie you want without complaining.” She goggled her eyes at me and I amended. “Too much.”
“And if neither of us catch anything?”
“Not gonna happen.” I struck a heroic pose to make her laugh. Which she did. Big and loud and full-throated. The kind of laugh that made me smile right along with her. Relieved because, in spite of everything, she was still here.
I hadn’t lost her. Yet.
Chapter Eighteen
Sky
“Hey.”
I muttered and rolled over, marveling at how soft the ground felt. I’d really toughened up these past few weeks. I was totally rocking this sleeping in a tent thing. I was a bad ass, no doubt.
“Hey!” Something jostled me side to side.
“What the hell?” I protested. I blinked in surprise to see that I wasn’t staring up at the familiar blue nylon roof. Huh, my sleepy brain noted. I’m inside.
Then I rolled over and buried my face in the pillow.
“Okay fine. I’ll go fishing myself and you can do all the errands. Including my laundry.”
I opened one eye. Finn was standing next to the bed. I was in a bed.
When he saw me stirring, he chuckled. “Morning, sleepyhead.”
I jolted awake and rubbed my eyes. “Where did you sleep?” I squeaked.
Finn’s lip curled in a smile. “Where do you think?”
“Uh.” I didn’t want to say what I thought. I also shouldn’t have glanced to the side of the bed next to me.
The covers were undisturbed. And the pillow was missing. I spotted it over there on the couch, along with a rumpled tangle of blankets.
He’d let me stay in the bed last night. “You didn’t have to do that,” I muttered, struggling to free myself from the sheets. “I could have moved.”
Finn’s face showed a trace of disappointment. “There’s no room for me anyway,” he grunted, walking away from the bed. “You sleep diagonally and like to have fights with the covers.”
“I do?”
“And you talk in your sleep too.”
I swallowed. Another man, maybe a year ago? He’d said the same thing. I’d laughed it off. Now it made me feel vulnerable. “Did I say anything weird?”
“Something about shampoo being in the toilet and this not being your exit,” he said with a solemn look. I gaped. He snorted. I threw a pillow at him. He ducked. “We’re going to miss out on the best fish,” he warned. “Come on and stop stalling!”
“Who’s stalling? I’m gonna wipe the floor with you.” I jumped out of bed, skirted around him and shut the door to the bathroom, laughing as he complained outside the door. “And I’m going to use all the hot water!”
“I’m going to give you decaf!” he c
alled back.
“You wouldn’t dare!”
Finn first let me use his shower three days ago. “The hell do you think you're doing?” he'd grumbled when he caught me gathering my toiletries before running to the main building for a shower.
“What does it look like?” I'd shot back.
“Looks like you're being pretty dumb. Give me that.” He'd snatched my towel off my shoulder.
“Hey!”
“I have a shower right here. And you know that.”
“Yeah but I didn’t think you'd want…”
“Why not?” He'd pinned me with those hazel eyes of his.
And I'd showered in his trailer ever since.
He was maddeningly confrontational. And it seemed physically impossible for him to be polite.
But in his own roundabout way, he took care of me.
I smiled as I lathered up, making sure to use liberal amounts of his pine scented soap in the process. I liked it when he got all put out about it, for one. And also because my own, more feminine scented soap was back in my abandoned tent and going out to fetch it felt like it would be disrespectful. I didn’t want to scorn a single bit of Finn’s generosity, no matter how roundabout it was.
I sort of liked letting him take care of me. Even that care came wrapped up in a bad attitude and frequent cursing.
Yeah, there were doors that Finn wanted to keep firmly shut. But his walls weren’t as high as he thought they were. And I felt like I was starting to get a toehold. One day I'd climb high enough to peer over the top.
As I rubbed the cloth over my body, I brushed against a tender place. A chafe mark still lingered on my lower back. From where his belt buckle had rubbed against me as he…
No. Don’t think about it.
But I traced my hand over it anyway. I ran my finger over the mark with an idle fascination. The pain was kind of pleasant now, like scratching a deep of itch, and with it came the flood of… well, memories.
I twisted the faucet off a little too viciously and threw back the curtain with way too much force,
Because that’s what they had to remain. Memories.
The door swung open. I yelped and dove for the towel as Finn swiftly turned around again. “Sorry, I thought you were still in there.”
We caught eyes in the mirror, over his shoulder. He was watching me. I slowly lowered my hands from my breasts, transfixed by the fire in his hazel eyes.
Then we both snapped back into focus. I grabbed the shower curtain and wrapped myself in it. “Get out!”
“Sorry!” he laughed, shutting the door behind him. “If it makes you feel better about showing me your tits,” he called through it. “It didn’t do a damn thing for me.”
There is was. The crudeness along with the care. “Oh yeah, I feel so much better now,” I scoffed.
He might think he was throwing me off. But I was pretty sure I could handle Finn King.
When I emerged, he was still standing there with his back to me. “Are you decent?”
“Jury’s still out on my decency.” Two could play this game. “But yes, I’m dressed.”
He turned and grinned. "Well played.”
“Thank you.”
“I’ll be out in a sec,” he said, squeezing past me so he knocked into my hip. Even though there was plenty of room for him to get around. “You see, I don’t take quite so long in the bathroom.”
“You might want to try it. Maybe you could trim your beard while you’re in there.”
“Never!” he called from the other side of the door.
As I laughed, I caught my reflection in the window. Dawn was still a few minutes off, so I could see myself. Pink cheeked and bright eyed and smiling like crazy.
It felt like I was hiding. And it felt good to hide. To play and tease and have fun with my friend. Like this trailer was our clubhouse. Our fortress with a sign hung on the door that read KEEP OUT WORLD.
The darkness was still hanging over us, over me. But I hadn't run.
And right now I was really, really glad I'd stayed.
Chapter Nineteen
Sky
He’d actually been pretty quick in the bathroom. And once he handed me a half a bagel and the cup of espresso I was now completely dependent on, we headed out through the woods.
I didn’t ask how he knew about the fishing pond he was leading us too. He was from around here, after all. And as much as I wanted to make some crack about him leading me off into the woods to have his way with me, it didn’t feel funny to joke about it any more.
Not when I kind of wished it was true.
“At least I’m getting my cardio in for today,” I cracked instead. “How much longer?”
“About five more steps,” Finn sighed. “Anyone ever tell you how unobservant you are?”
I went up on my tiptoes. “Oh!” Then I smacked his arm. “You’re too big. You blocked the entire path and I couldn’t see!”
“I’m not sure how you could miss that,” he said quietly as he gestured towards the water.
Morning mist hung over the pond, making it look like a steaming cauldron. Heavy clouds scudded across the sky, their bottoms still tinged with dawn-pink. There was a snap of cool to the air, but the dampness still held traces of summer’s heat.
Finn's mouth was always moving. Frowning, smirking, his tongue poking against the side of his cheek as he tried to figure out what to say next. But as he tilted his face to the sun, it stilled and his face took on an expression I'd never seen on him before. Quiet. Not smiling, but peaceful.
He closed his eyes and inhaled.
The simple sight of his shoulder rising and falling tugged at me in a way I didn’t quite understand. I was suddenly very warm and shrugged off my jacket. “Nice morning,” I commented, not knowing what else to say.
His hazel eyes flicked over to me and then down to his feet. We both stood stock still for a moment. The air between us crackled with electricity.
Fuck. Not this again.
Finn recovered first by taking a big step away from me. He held out one of the poles he’d brought with him. “You can use this one.”
Sarcasm seemed like the easiest way to come back to myself. “Why? Because it’s the crappier one?”
He rolled his eyes. “No. It’s lighter.”
“Give me the heavier one,” I insisted. “You’re not cheating me out of the better equipment.”
With a mighty sigh, he handed over the reel. I held it gingerly, trying to look professional and failing miserably. “So I just throw it in now, right?”
“Sure, you could do that. But unless you think a fish is going to come up and impale itself on a bare hook for no reason, you might want to use bait.”
“What bait?”
Finn knelt down and shook the coffee can he’d brought with him. I’d pictured us sharing a cup by water when he grabbed it, and hadn’t thought to ask what was inside. Now I looked in and nearly retched to see the wriggling red worms. “I’m never drinking your coffee again,” I grumbled.
He chuckled and plucked one out. The way his fingers moved… It was another one of those moments where his past was written all over him. I didn’t like seeing it, because it reminded me I had a past too. But there was no way I could look away when his quick musician fingers worked so cleanly.
I’d felt the skill in those fingers.
I shifted from side to side. I was getting turned on by a guy putting a worm on a hook. Just one more thing to add to my growing list of “what the fuck" moments with Finn King.
“Your turn,” Finn said once he’d finished with his hook.
“You want me to - ?” I swallowed back my horror. He grabbed my hand and dropped the worm into my outstretched palm. It wriggled piteously. “Oh God, I’m so sorry little guy.”
Finn laughed. “I didn’t think you’d be able to do it.”
“What?”
“I knew it.” He knelt to the tackle box and pulled up a shiny beautiful lure. “Let the worm go, Snow White,
and use this instead. It's my best one.” He tied it to the end of my line and once again I was captivated by the skill in his fingers. I was watching them so intently that I didn’t realize he was done until he stepped back. “Got it?”
His Secret Heart (Crown Creek) Page 10
