And then he’d kissed me goodbye and left so I could have time with my friends.
We weren’t together every moment. And I didn’t even think about him every single moment.
I knew he was there, and I knew I’d see him again. He was my constant now.
And our love was the lived-in kind I’d always dreamed of.
“Hey!” I laughed into my phone. "Since when do you call me?”
Finn chuckled at the other end of the line. “Since I need to make a date with you.”
“One date was plenty,” I grumbled. “We covered that already, I think.”
“Okay, but what if I’d showed up to your house and you weren’t there? Better to call you first and make sure, right?” His voice softened. “For real though, I’m not sure. You know I’m still new at this.”
My heart felt too big in my chest. “I love you. And wait, you’re on your way over? Why?”
“Isn’t wanting to see you enough?” he exploded. Then waited a beat. “I’m just fucking with you, Sky. No, remember the surprise?”
“The one I had to wait and see about?”
“Yeah. Come on down and see me. The wait is over.”
I grabbed my purse and thundered down the stairs so fast I almost ran right into him. “Oh! What the hell are you doing waiting for me here?”
His face was solemn. Almost nervous. “Do you trust me?”
“Of course!”
“Do you know that I’d never willingly hurt you, and if I ever do it’s because my intentions were good?”
“Finn? You’re freaking me out.”
“And wait.” He held up a finger as if remembering something. “You’re not supposed to be going anywhere the rest of the day, right? Shit, I knew I should have made this a real date.”
“Why? Is the surprise going to take long?”
“We have to drive a bit.” He swung open the door. “And we’re going to have company too.”
I stared at the back seat of his car. “Grace?” I hissed.
He looked down at his feet. “I thought… you both could use some answers.”
Chapter Fifty-One
Sky
We drove for almost an hour before things started to look familiar. All the while, I peppered Finn with questions about where we were going, what we were doing. “What the hell, are we going to the waterfall?” I asked when we made the turn that wound down from the mountains and into Reckless Falls. “Did you plan a picnic or something?”
It took right up until the moment he turned on to my old street for me to fully comprehend what he’d done.
“She’s -.” I clapped my hand over my mouth. “You… Finn? You found her?”
He licked his lips. “Hope so,” he murmured. Then twisted to look at me. “I figured you - the both of you,” he gestured to Grace. “Needed some idea of the ‘before.’”
I clasped his face in my hands and kissed him desperately. “I can’t believe you,” I murmured.
“Are you sure you want to do this?" Finn’s huge hand closed over mine, squeezing in silent worry. Now that he'd made it happen, he seemed uncertain if it should.
I turned and looked into the backseat.
Grace looked ill. She was staring at the shabby ranch house with her lips pressed tightly together. "You okay?" I asked.
The side of her mouth curled up in an ironic sneer. "I've been here." She looked out the window again. "I can't remember why but he brought us here."
"He did?" The thought stuck in my throat like I had swallowed a toothpick. I wracked my own brain. A fuzzy picture formed of playing with kids my own age. Kids with dark eyebrows and light hair. Half remembered. as if in a dream, it slipped past my memory before it was gone forever.
"Maybe he was testing us,” Grace supplied. “After all, loyalty was something he expected. No, demanded."
"But he didn't expect it from himself," I finished slowly.Then tapped the window. "Whatever we want to know, she'll be the one who knows it." I reached for the car door handle, and looked back again. "I can go alone, if you guys want me to."
"You're not going alone," Finn corrected. And then smacked my hand. "And you're not opening your own door either, so stop that."
Some of the tension eased as I laughed, and then teased him by locking the door before he could open it for me.
But it came back with a vengeance as I walked up the familiar pitted walkway to the front door.
It was yellow now, not the faded robin’s egg blue of years past. But the brass knocker was the same and I lifted it, feeling like it weighed a thousand pounds.
The sound of it dropping made all three of us wince.
The murmur of the television on the other side of the door ceased. I heard shuffling footsteps, and then saw gray hairs at the top of the window before I heard the sound of door latches opening.
She swung it open..
And there she was.
It was like someone had poured hot liquid into my chest. My heart melted at the sight of the woman, now frail, but whose iron gray hair still advertised her iron strength. This was the woman who had loved me when she had no reason to. I gasped her name. “Janet!”
She blinked. Blinked again. Her mouth opened, then shut tight. I watched her steely eyes soften, and then fill with tears. "Sky!” It came out as a warm exhale.
She pushed the door open and I caught it, flinging it back and then throwing my arms around her neck.
I was crying. But I was also laughing too, and between her exclamations of surprise, I kept interrupting her with the only thing I could think to say. "I'm sorry, God I am so, so sorry."
"Where did you come from?" she asked. “And who are these two?"
"Finn is my," I paused and looked at him
“Boyfriend," he supplied crossly.
Biting back a smile I nodded, and then turned to Grace. "And Grace is my sister."
I turned as I said it, checking Janet’s reaction when she heard me.
Just as I thought, her eyes widened before she could catch herself. Her pale face went bright red. "Oh my," she said. "You found each other."
"So you did know?"
She stepped back. "Why don't you come on in, darling?”
Chapter Fifty-Two
Finn
Chapter Fifty-Three
Sky
I loved her. I knew that with more certainty than I knew anything else
But if I hadn't known before, I would have been certain right now. In this moment. I would have fallen in love as soon as I saw her sit on the faded couch of the woman who had the power to devastate her, and still hold her head high.
“That man could have you believing the sky was green just by his say so," Janet started, after she’d fetched us all mismatched mugs of weak tea. "We were neighbors, your folks and I. My Edgar had just died, and while he left me set with his postman's pension, the taxes were killing me. I needed to go back to work, but raising kids was all I knew.”
She looked at Sky with such love I wanted to hug her. “So when your mom left, I guess I felt pity. Here was this poor Daddy left trying to make do for his little girl. And it was so tough for him, especially with him being on the road so much."
She set down her tea on an end table, and folded her hands in her lap. Sky didn’t ask anything, but waited patiently for Janet to continue.
She was finally getting her answers.
Janet cleared her throat. ”It didn't take long for me to figure out the truth, because he really didn't bother to hide it. But he had a way - as you know - of making you disbelieve what you saw with your own eyes.” She blinked hard. “I confronted him. You have to believe I did. More than once, too. I told him I didn't judge him for his mistakes. bBut it wasn't right for him to be denying his little girl the stability of a real family."
"That's how he was," Grace spat through clenched teeth. She was taking this worse than Sky was. "None of us saw it for how it was, of course. But asking questions? That was the worst thing you could do in my ho
use. And everyone loved him."
She bit that off bitterly, then turned and looked at Sky. "All I wanted growing up was a sister. But I never had the courage to ask for one. What I wouldn't have given for somebody to share my secrets with.” She grimaced. “Someone that wasn't going to hold me down and fart in my face for my efforts."
"See now, we tried that with Claire," I spoke up.
Sky shot me a smile. "I'm not trying to figure out why he did it,” she said gently. “I’m more trying to figure out how."
"Well now," Janet twisted her hands in her lap. "I suppose, that's on me. I covered for him." She looked at my girl. "I told you stories of him out on the road, you remember? That truck of his, it was my idea to have him come home in it. Soften the blow. And give you a story to hold on to." She closed her eyes as Sky's filled with tears. "Darling, I'm so sorry. You worshipped your daddy. And I never minded that. It was right that you loved him, that you thought the sun and moon orbited around him. That's the way of the world. And I knew I was never going to be your mama." Janet opened her eyes again. "If I told you the truth, back then, would you have believed me?"
Sky shook her head slowly. Then faster. "No. And I would've hated you for even mentioning it."
Janet nodded sorrowfully. "Yes honey, and I knew that too. And maybe I couldn’t make you love me the way I loved you. But I definitely didn't want to make you hate me."
"Janet. I do love you,” Sky blurted. “I don't know why… I can't say… God it was so selfish of me not to see what you did for me. I owe you."
Janet shook her head. “You owe me nothin’, darling. But I'm grateful that you’ve got some love to give back."
With a hoarse sob, Sky fell against Janet’s shoulder. The older woman closed her arms around her in a tight embrace. And even though my girl was sobbing like her heart would break - and the mere sound of it made my fingers itch - I was able to hold still.
Because I knew, thanks to her, that wounds can’t heal if you keep them bandaged up tight.
You have to let the air in.
Chapter Fifty-Four
Sky
We’d dropped Grace off with plans to take her to Reckless Falls with us next time we went. I’d promised Janet I’d be back next Sunday. I intended to keep that promise.
Finn pulled up to my house and threw the car into park. “Are you good?”
I looked up at him. “I can’t - I’m speechless.”
“For once,” he laughed.
I stared up at him and knew, with more certainty than I’d ever felt in my chaotic life, that he was the one. I didn't want him for my sake. I didn't want to lose myself in him.
I wanted him.
I had fled. I didn't realize that's what I was doing, but now I knew. I'd run away from him before I understood my feelings.
But he followed me. He’d just given me a history, a gift I couldn’t ever put a price on. And he hadn't let me go.
And now I knew, I’d never let him go either.
I was putting down roots now. I had a family, a brand new family, and friends too. I was no longer seeking the chaos. In the day-to- day, hour-by-hour, I found an order, a structure in my life. I was building a solid foundation.
“You’re it,” I told him solemnly.
His hazel eyes searched mine . I nodded. “I’m done,” I told him. “I’m not searching for anything anymore.” I pressed my hand over his heart. “Because it’s right here.”
"Are you sure?" he whispered against my lips.
I wanted to laugh. I was sure I could fly, but I wrapped my arms around him anyway, thinking maybe we both could fly together. "I finally trust myself," I told him, loving the eager hopeful look that spread across his face. “I finally know myself well enough to know what's true and what isn't true. And what's true is that I love you, Finn. I want to kill you, I want to throttle you, and I want to be with you.”
“I want to be with you too. Forever, for a start. But I’m going to do this right, Sky. You're not proposing right now, you hear me? I'm going to propose to you!"
"Are you trying to one-up me?" I laughed.
"Hell fucking yeah, girl, and get ready. It's going to be epic."
“Mine was first, though. So I win.”
He laughed, and then his eyes grew solemn again. "I'm going to be worthy of you," he murmured.
"You already are.”
“But I’m going to keep working at it too. Every day. I’m going to wake up each morning ready prove myself all over again. And I’ll happily do that for the rest of my life, if you’ll let me.”
I laughed even as giddy tears streaked down my face. “We’re doing this? This is forever?”
“This is forever,” he echoed. “And I can’t wait to start.”
Epilogue
Finn
My phone went off at midnight.
Sky rolled over and stretched. “Another one?” she murmured.
I checked the text from Dinah as I pulled on my shoes. “A road pick-up. It shouldn’t take long. I know we have my parents over for dinner tomorr -."
Sky pressed her finger to my lips. “Ssh,” she whispered. Then sat up and pressed her lips to mine.
“Maybe I won’t,” I groaned, deepening the kiss. “Maybe I need to stay right here.”
Sky pulled back. “Go,” she said. “There’s someone out there who needs you more than me right now.”
I groaned theatrically, but headed out into the night, grateful even if it took me away from Sky. I wanted to do this. I needed to do this. I needed to have something to do that was entirely outside of myself. It kept me sane. Even my brand new therapist approved of this strange hobby of mine. "It's good you have something that proves it's always possible to start over again."
Sky had taught me that. I didn’t know what I’d done to deserve her. But I intended to keep her. I’d keep doing everything I could to deserve all of the people I loved.
Claire in particular. My sister’s anger was still a weight on my shoulders.
But I couldn’t think of that now. Not when I was pulling off to the side of the road at the meeting point.
I switched off the headlights. Now the wait would begin.
Sometimes it only took seconds. Sometimes I waited for hours only to learn that my contact had lost their nerve. This moment, when the blackness of the night enveloped me in a silent shroud, was always the most tense.
I’d moved almost twenty people now. But each one got harder and harder as the Elders cracked down. They’d even approached the courts, alleging kidnapping.
And if they did, fuck it. I’d spend my life savings to make sure that everyone got the same second chance I’d been handed.
I leaned forward. Was that a shadow there, moving in the thicket of bushes by the roadside?
I rolled down the window. “Hello? Do you have any jumper cables?” I called into the night. It was the codeword for tonight’s pickup. We had a new one every night now.
The shadow moved, separating from the dark undergrowth. The streaking along the road and into my back seat.
I drove. That’s what came next, getting enough miles between us and the compound that we could be sure no one had seen us. “You did good,” I said to the shadow behind me. “Good work.”
A tiny mewling cry was my response.
I yanked the wheel, sending us onto the shoulder. “Is that a baby?” I hissed. “No! That’s not safe!” I turned on the interior light and twisted around. “I'm driving. You can’t be holding a baby in your arms when I’m dri- ."
My voice died when she lifted her face from her infant. I sat back in my seat. “No way.”
Her eyes widened. “Beau?”
I shook my head. I didn’t have to pretend to be my brother any more. I didn’t have to pretend that I was a good man. “No, I’m Finn. And I know you. You’re -.”
"Rebecca,” she finished. She jiggled the baby on her lap and closed her eyes with a sigh. “I’m Rachel sister."
THE END
T
HE END
Thank you for reading His Secret Heart!
His Secret Heart (Crown Creek) Page 24
