by Annie Jocoby
Whatta bitch.
I walked out, a bit dazed. Ryan was waiting for me in the hall. “Is she always like this?” I asked.
“Pretty much.”
“That woman has some etiquette learning to do.”
He smiled. “So, what did she say to you?”
I was honest. “She said that I need to look after your best interests in making decisions. That you might need some help with that. And she reiterated that Alexis should not be a part of your life.”
I sighed. It looked like I was going to have to clear another week on my schedule here, so that I could leave with Ryan. I reached into my bag, and looked at my iPhone. The week after next was filled with hearings – pre-trial hearings, bankruptcy meetings, even a sentencing hearing. Melinda is going to be pissed, and I am going to be broke as a joke if I am going to pay people to cover all of that.
I blinked and sighed.
“Uh, Iris, it’s ok if you leave when you were going to. Dr. Silver is right, I need to stay the whole 30 days, but you can still fly home on my plane.”
“No, that’s ok. I, I, will stay here another week with you.” I flashed a fake smile, knowing that the logistics of that was going to be next to impossible.
Somehow, Ryan understood my dilemma. “I would love for you to stay here, if it’s at all possible. So, I, uh, just sent your assistant $20,000 so that you can pay people to cover for you. I hope that isn’t too presumptuous.”
I was dumbfounded. How did he send that money so fast?
He read my mind. “I have this app. on my phone where I can transfer money to anybody immediately. Uh, even if you don’t want to do that, and you want to go on home and attend to your responsibilities, you can keep that money. It’s my gift to you for being here.”
“Does my assistant know what this money is for?”
“It’s in your account, of course, but I e-mailed your assistant about it, explaining what the money is for. Does she have access to your account?”
“Yes, yes, of course.” Good thing I trust her. “Uh, let me call her and see if she can round people up to cover my hearings.” $20,000 will go a long way. Then, it occurred to me that this whole trip was setting him back some $50,000, or more, now, with the extra weeks of staying at the hotel and renting the car. Guess he really does have money to burn.
I bit my tongue, wanting to protest all the money he was spending, but then I remembered Alexis’ reaction when I tried to protest her spending money on me. This is just how the rich are, I guess. Money is literally no object.
I brought it up anyhow. “Uh, Ryan, I feel uncomfortable –“
He stopped me. “Shhh, love. You’re doing more for me than any money can repay. It’s the least that I can do for you.”
I said nothing more about it.
I called Melinda right there. She picked up. “What’s going on? I got an e-mail from your boyfriend saying that he sent 20 Gs to your account so that you can hire people to cover your hearings for you the week after next,” she said.
“I’m going to owe you big for this, but please call Lance, John, Terry, Amy and Rex to see if they have openings in their schedules to cover everything. These are simple hearings, they aren’t complicated matters, just pre-trial stuff, a sentencing hearing and two bankruptcy meetings. See what they charge for doing this, and let me know.” None of this would be a problem except, possibly, the sentencing hearing. It was a minor thing, too, a federal drug possession, but that client tended to be pissy and no doubt would be unhappy that another lawyer would be there when he was sentenced. I tallied up the possible bar complaints in my head. You have to get it together. After you get back into KC, you have to hunker down.
But something was telling me that it would be easier said than done.
Melinda called back in a half hour. “John is open all week and can cover everything for $5,000.” I nodded to Ryan, making the thumbs up sign to him. He smiled back.
“Good. Give him the files and make sure that he meets with the clients beforehand, or at least talks to them on the phone, so that they don’t freak out.”
“Okay.”
“Thanks, uh, there’ll be a nice Christmas bonus for you. You’ve been a life-saver.”
“Don’t mention it.” Melinda was used to my lack of responsibility to my clients.
I, however, always felt guilty about it.
Turning to Ryan, I said “Good news. Melinda found somebody to cover everything for $5,000. So – “
“So, you can keep the rest of the money for yourself.” There was no brooking dissent here, as I could tell from his expression. He smiled. “Besides, I heard you say that you were going to give Melinda a nice Christmas bonus, so that money will come in handy for that.”
I started to protest anyway. “It’s my pleasure coming out here, and being with you. That money is too much. I-“
“Please let me do this for you.” He looked at me. “In all seriousness, I know that this is a huge sacrifice for you. I know that coming out here is screwing up your practice. So I’m happy to be able to do something for you to make things easier.”
I could only look at him. There was still a very large part of me that would never be able to get used to his generosity, simply because it was something that I had never before experienced. I was never a spoiled child – my parents never had the money to spoil me. And my previous boyfriends, even if they had money, were pretty tight with it. Now, here was this guy who was willing to spend thousands of dollars on me without even thinking about it. It was disconcerting and felt wrong. At the same time, I knew that it was something that he felt that he had to do, so I tried not to protest too much.
He continued. “Besides, uh, I wanted to show you some of my appreciation for sticking with me during this time. It may not be easy for you all the time, and I hope that you can handle it all.” He smiled. “But I think that you’ll be able to.”
I thought of mean Dr. Silver and all that she said. I had to get out of my own head and not think of my needs for once. This, too, was going to be difficult, because it had been my experience that, if I wasn’t looking after my own needs, nobody else was, either, and I always ended up coming last.
This was all going to be a severe adjustment for me.
At this time, I knew that it was time for me to leave for the day, so that Ryan could get on with his intensive therapy and whatever else he had going on that day. “I have to leave now, I guess. Thanks for the breakfast and everything.”
Ryan looked interminably sad. “I wish that you could stay.”
“Me too. But, I know that you have work to do.”
He nodded. “But you’ll be back later on, right?”
“Of course.” Duh. What kind of person would I be if I didn’t spend time with him when he was sacrificing so much for me to be here, at least monetarily-wise?
I ended up back at the hotel room, and decided to watch some television and enjoy the sunken tub while I was there. It wouldn’t hurt to do a little relaxing, and I found out how tired I was when I fell asleep in front of the television. It made sense – I got little sleep the previous night because Ryan was clinging so tightly to me throughout the night. I realized that this might be the way that it would be for awhile, as he needed security and comfort, and I somehow provided that to him. He was just like a scared little boy, and I felt for him.
I woke up with a start. The alarm clock was going off. At first I had that unfamiliar, scary feeling of not knowing where I was, and being disoriented, then I remembered that I set the alarm because I was concerned that I wouldn’t wake from my nap on time to see Ryan at the hospital.
“Shit.” It was 4:50 PM. Visiting hours were at 5.
Well, I will just have to be a little late.
I actually got there at 5:45, which isn’t so bad, considering that it was a bit of a drive in LA rush-hour traffic. Ryan was waiting for me again.
“I am so sorry I am late. I dozed off and, for some odd reason, set the alarm for really la
te.”
“That’s fine, beautiful. Um, I have to stay here tonight, so maybe we can eat in the cafeteria and watch some television in my room?”
Which is what we did. I got fried chicken, mashed potatoes and a salad – I was apparently craving comfort food – and Ryan got a Chef’s Salad. “Eating light, huh? Well, that is a good thing, because you are getting fat,” I teased.
He nodded. “I don’t have much of an appetite to tell you the truth.” It was then that I noticed how tired and pale he looked. His beautiful eyes were still as aquiline green as usual, with the little flecks of blue and gold that danced around, but he still looked tired.
“Rough day?”
He nodded. “Every day I have to force myself to remember my days with Rochelle and with my father. I’m starting to remember names and faces of some of the people at the parties. And some of the people who were at the parties were people that even you would know. I mean, they’re somewhat of household names. Wall Street types, and even a few actors and models.”
The rich and famous behaving badly. Who knew?
He continued. “I know that what happened is not my fault, it was my father’s fault and Rochelle’s fault later. But I can’t help feeling ashamed of it all.”
I felt for him. Right now, at this moment, he seemed so vulnerable and hurt. He continued. “I mean, I don’t know why I allowed it all to happen. My father was forcing me, of course, but why couldn’t I tell my mother what was going on? She would’ve protected me.”
“Well, don’t forget that your mother was being threatened by your father, so you and she had lost contact.”
“Yeah, that’s true. I just wish that I could’ve done something, tried harder to leave with my mother when I had the chance. I mean, I know why my father kept me around, and got rid of my mother and sister. I was more useful to him because of, uh, the way that I look, I guess.” He looked embarrassed to acknowledge the obvious – that he was physically beautiful, so he was a wonderful asset to his pervert father and his pervert father’s pervert friends.
“Your sister, is she attractive as well?”
“Yes, very much so. So, I don’t know why Sarah didn’t get to stay as well. That’s a mystery to me, actually. I wish that she could’ve stayed, because then I would have at least one ally.” He looked down at his food. “That’s so shitty of me to wish for that, though. I should just be happy that she got out when she could, instead of wishing that she had to stay and suffer like I did.”
I nodded. “That’s normal, I’d imagine. Even though Sarah would’ve suffered if she were forced to stay, she could’ve protected you, so it’s normal for you to wish that she stayed there with you. And that’s probably why your father sent her away – he didn’t want anybody protecting you.”
He looked at me tenderly. Once again, I noticed that his color was coming back into his cheeks and his eyes got a little brighter, the longer I was there with him. I did seem to be having a salutary effect on him, and this was heartening to see. “You really have been a godsend to me while I am here. I hate to say it, but I was feeling really lonely before you arrived. I made some friends in here, of course, but I just really needed somebody here who has my best interests at heart and who can listen to me and understand what I'm going through.”
I did know what he was going through, more than he could know. He seemed to sense this, but he had no idea how much I truly understood, because of my own experiences.
Then he made another revelation. “You have always wondered why I fell for you so quickly. I’ve been asking myself that question. And I think it’s because I see that you’re also vulnerable. You put on a brave face, but I know that you’ve faced tough times.”
Yes, I have. I certainly have.
He dug into his chef’s salad, and continued. “I’ve felt from the start that you would be somebody who could empathize with me, instead of merely sympathizing with me, and that you could get where I’m coming from. I felt that instantly from you.” He smiled broadly. “Also, I find you very beautiful. You don’t see that in yourself, I know. All you can see are your own flaws. But you’re beautiful without trying. You don’t need a ton of makeup, the latest designer clothes, or any of that. You’re just beautiful when you wake up.”
I blushed. Here is this Ralph Lauren model with an MBA from Oxford telling me that I am beautiful? I guess it is true that beauty is really in the eye of the beholder. Just like in that Twilight Zone episode with the pig faces looking at Donna Douglas, pre-Ellie Mae Clampett days.
His eyes twinkled. “Plus, I had to love the way that you MacGyvered that wine bottle into a vase for my flowers. That showed real ingenuity.”
I was a little stunned. I thought that he didn’t notice that detail, but, apparently, nothing escapes him. Then I smiled, and we both had a good laugh about it. “Oh, god, how embarrassing! I had meant to get a vase that week, I really did.”
“No, really. I think that sealed the deal for me. I knew that you were not a pretentious type of girl, and that’s so attractive to me. You have to understand, I am used to pretense. I’ve lived with the fakiest people imaginable. The kids at school, most of them would stab you in the back right where you stood. Social climbers, spoiled rich kids. You’re not any of that, and that’s so refreshing to me. And, because I’m kind of an underdog because of what was going on at home, I identify more with you than I do with any of them.”
He was implying that I was an underdog.
Which I was, of course.
At last, I was starting to feel comfortable in how he felt about me. It was always a mystery, and the mystery was becoming resolved. It turns out that the very traits that I thought were my weaknesses – my lack of manners, social standing and money – were what turned him towards me. Where I saw in myself a lack of focus and sloppiness, he simply saw as a lack of artifice and pretense. Now that I knew why he loved me, perhaps, just perhaps, I could bring down my walls enough to truly love him back.
He was giving me the lusty look. As usual, my heart stopped when he looked at me like that. There was so much desire in his beautiful eyes. But, I also knew that he was raw right now. Making love would not be in his best interest, and I was going to take Dr. Silver’s advice and only look out for his best interest, at least while I was there in LA with him.
“Uh, what time is it? Perhaps I need to leave?” I asked.
He looked sad again. “Yes, it’s getting about that time. Visiting hours will soon be over. Let me walk you to your car.”
He walked me to my rented Volvo. Giving me a long hug, and a kiss on the forehead, Ryan said “I can’t wait for things to get back to normal between us. I miss making love to you more than you can ever imagine.” When he said that, my breath caught. Just imagining us making love again was enough to make me weak in the knees. Then he said “I’m going get a pass to leave this weekend. Only for the weekend. Maybe I can stay with you?”
I was instantly excited. Then a little crestfallen. That beautiful, romantic hotel room with the sunken tub, and we were going to be expected to behave? This was going to be a challenge, and I found myself wondering if making love wouldn’t be so bad right now.
But, no, he’s going through intensive therapy that is centered around some very bad sexual abuse. Sexual contact would not be in his best interest right now.
Still, I found myself saying “Of course you can stay with me, silly.”
He looked relieved. “I was hoping you would say that.”
Well, of course, silly. After all, you’re paying for my gorgeous room.
The weekend couldn’t get there quickly enough.
Chapter Twenty-Three
The weekend was finally here, and Ryan and I were going to spend it together, away from the Beverly Hills facility that he was staying in for these past few weeks. There were any number of things that I wanted to do with Ryan, now that we had a lot of time to spend with one another, and one of these things was to go to the beach. I made sure that I packed plenty
of sunscreen and a floppy hat, and I picked Ryan up at 10 AM Saturday morning for our rendezvous.
I was a little bit nervous, because I didn’t like the way that I looked in my swimming suit, and Ryan, of course, would look amazing in his. Again, I would feel the judgment of others who wouldn’t believe that I was with Ryan. It was getting easier to ignore the glares and stares when we were out together, but I would never entirely get used to it.
When I got there, Ryan said “You do know, love, that you won’t be able to get into the water? I mean, the Pacific Ocean is freezing even in the summer time.”
I was a bit crestfallen to hear this. But then I remembered the trip to San Francisco in the middle of August. It was cool that week, even in August, so much so that I ended up buying a coat there to wear, because I didn’t think to pack one. However, going to the beach was another matter entirely. The coastal weather was typically 10 degrees cooler than inland, as I found out, and I couldn’t get into the water at all. So, I knew that Ryan was right about the water. In fact, the weather was bound to be too cool to even hang out in my swimsuit.
Still, I wanted to go to the beach more than anything else. It had been years since I had been on a beach, and I had fond memories of beach visits earlier in my life. Granted, these beaches were on the east coast – Florida and South Carolina – and the water there was considerably warmer. But I wanted to at least try to get into the water. I even brought a boogie board.
We got to the beach, and there were a few people in the water. They looked very brave. Ryan looked at me. “You know, maybe you should have a wet suit. That would enable you to be warmer in the water.”
So, we went to a surf shop and found a wet suit. Ryan insisted on buying it for me. It was over $200.
“Now, come on, Ryan, you are spoiling me.”
“You deserve to be spoiled a little.”
“Yeah, but you spoil me a lot.”
“I like to spoil you,” he said, as he gave the clerk his black Master Card.
I sighed. Ryan was having a hard time not spoiling me when I lived with him. Every day, it seemed, there were gifts from him – jewelry, clothing, shoes, purses, you name it. I was beginning to think that he wanted me to be more sophisticated, because that was the direction that the clothes were going. Granted, many of the clothes were of the business variety, because he knew that I needed more suits, and he felt that clothes make the person in court. “Iris, you have to look polished in court, when you are addressing a jury. You should try to look better than your opposition.” Personally, I felt that my appeal lay in my “every girl” ways, which included the fact that most of my suits were bought at a rummage sale, and the shoes were strictly JC Penneys. The jury typically consisted of working-class people who didn’t have the money for Gucci or Armani suits, or Jimmy Choo shoes, and I felt that dressing above them would actually be detrimental. Ryan didn’t agree, so suddenly my closet was filled with Gucci, Chanel and Armani suits, Jimmy Choo and Christian Leboutin shoes, and Hermés and Kate Spade bags.
