by Ash, Nikki
“So, you’re doing this to give him a family?” I accuse.
“No, I’m doing this because four years ago my phone fell into a goddamn fountain and I lost your number. I have a second chance, one I never thought I’d ever have, and I’d be a fool if I didn’t try to see if there’s something more with us. And if that means we get to be a family, then that’s even better.” He steps toward me. “But, Jailbird, even if we don’t end up together, we share a son. We’re always going to be family.” His words crawl under my skin and flow through my veins. I can feel them in every part of my being.
My phone buzzes in my back pocket, reminding me I need to get to class. “Can we talk about this later? I’m late.”
“Sure.” He nods. “We’re still on for dinner tonight, right?”
Shit, I’m already behind on my reading because of yesterday. But I can’t not let him meet his son.
“Yeah, tonight’s still fine.”
“What’s wrong? You sound like tonight is anything but fine.”
“I was just hoping to get caught up on homework. I didn’t get anything done yesterday. But it’s okay. You can come over and I’ll cook something.”
“How about I come over and bring dinner, and if everything goes okay, I can hang out with Zane and get to know him while you work on your homework?”
“Don’t you have homework?”
“I’ve got it handled.” He drops his board to the ground and steps on it, then pulls out his phone. “What’s your number?”
I rattle off my digits, and a second later, my phone buzzes.
“Now you have my number,” he says, looking up from his phone. “And this time, I know where you live in case our phones fall in the water.” He winks playfully. “Text me later what time I should come over and what Zane likes to eat.”
He pushes the skateboard toward me and leans in, kissing my cheek. “Have a good day at school, Jailbird.” Then he takes off, rolling around me and in the opposite direction of where he was heading. Hmm…
Keegan
“Mom, Dad!” I yell, walking into my childhood home. I was born and raised in the small town of Carterville. My mom taught for years, until she had my brothers and me, then she took some time off to be home with us until we were all in school. She retired last year and has been bugging my dad to retire as well. She says she wants to spend some time traveling. Of course, I imagine once she finds out about her grandson, she’s going to rethink that.
“In here, honey,” she calls out. “Your dad is in the garage, finally putting all the Christmas decorations away.” She playfully rolls her eyes, and I laugh.
“Dad, get in here,” I holler, knowing he’ll hear me since the door is open.
“What’s going on, Keegan?” Mom asks. “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, I think so.” I’m suddenly nervous about telling them. Mom and Dad have been married since two months after they graduated high school. They did everything in the proper order, and I hope they don’t judge me for Zane not coming into this world the same way. If I have it my way, Blakely, Zane, and I will be a family soon enough. I just need to give her some time. Her reasons for not wanting to date are valid, to a certain extent. It’s her way of being a good mom. And I’m thankful for it because it means she’s single.
“What’s going on, Son?” Dad walks inside, wiping the sweat from his forehead with a rag. “Is it something about—”
I cut him off. “This isn’t about work.” Then it hits me… will this affect my job? I didn’t even think about that until right now. I shake the thoughts away. I’ll deal with all that later. Right now, I have news. “I have a son.”
Dad’s brows rise to his forehead, and Mom gasps.
“You got a girl pregnant?” Mom asks. “I didn’t know you were dating anyone.”
“Tell me it wasn’t a girl at Carterville,” Dad says. I know what he’s thinking, so I shake my head.
“She does go to Carterville…” Dad opens his mouth, but I stop him. “But I didn’t meet her there.”
“Let’s sit down,” Mom suggests, so we do.
“I met her four years ago,” I tell them. “Right after Keith died and Kolton left.”
I explain to them about my time with her and how I got her number and then lost it. They both listen without interrupting while I tell them how Blakely ended up in the class Kolton is TAing for, and how she ran into both of us. Mom giggles a little at her not knowing we’re twins. For years, we would play tricks on everyone, including our teachers. Once, my girlfriend made out with my brother, not knowing it was him and not me.
“His name is Zane Keegan Jacobs, and he just turned three in December. I don’t know the date, though. There’s a lot I don’t know, actually.”
“Wow,” Mom says through a smile. “When can we meet him?”
I grin, happy she’s willing to accept him so easily.
“Blakely wants to take things slowly. She’s going to introduce us tonight. I was actually hoping maybe we could go shopping. I would like to bring him a small gift or something.” I shrug, completely out of my element here.
“I’m very glad you’re going to get to know your son,” my dad says. “You said she goes to Carterville?”
Always in work mode. “Yeah, and I know what you’re thinking—maybe it would be best if someone else…”
“You’re already in too deep,” he says matter-of-factly. “We’ll talk about this later. Go shopping with your mom, go meet your son, take some pictures, and give him a hug from us. I’ll see you in the morning.”
Blakely
“I can already tell Psychology of Inequality is going to be the death of me,” I tell Brenton as we walk to our next class, Child Psychology.
“It was only the second class,” he says.
“Exactly, and did you see what the requirements are?”
“You do this every semester, Blakely.” Brenton laughs. “We’ll get a study group together, and we’ll be fine.”
“Okay.”
“Want to study tonight? I can bring over some pizza, and we can get ahead after Zane goes to bed.”
“Umm…” Shit, I was hoping not to bring up Keegan so soon. Brenton seems to be back to normal. “Keegan’s actually coming over to meet Zane tonight.”
Brenton’s shoulders tighten, and his back straightens, but he doesn’t say anything. He’s quiet the rest of the way to class, and the entire time we’re in there. After the professor dismisses us, he tells me he has some things to take care of and will see me tomorrow. It’s not unusual for Brenton to take off after class since he works at his brother’s cell phone shop, but we usually study together first, and once it’s time for me to pick up Zane, he takes off.
After picking up Zane from daycare, I bring him home and give him a bath, so he won’t have to take one later. I get some studying in while he naps, and once he’s awake, we spend the afternoon playing with his Legos until Keegan arrives. He texted me earlier asking what we would like to eat. Since Sierra is working, it will be just the three of us. I suggested the BBQ place down the street. Zane loves their mac n cheese, and I love their chicken pasta.
When I open the door, Keegan is sporting a gray beanie, a shirt with a brand I recognize as one all the skateboarders wear, and a pair of ripped jeans and Vans. He looks every bit the skateboarder-slash-surfer I know him to be, and looking back, it’s comical to think I thought for even a second he was his twin brother, Kolton. Aside from their faces being identical, everything else about them is different. Including the various tattoos Keegan is sporting. Some I recognize from our time together all those years ago, and some are new.
“Like what you see?” he asks with a smirk. His green eyes sparkle, and I roll mine, even though I know damn well I was checking him out. He might be off-limits, but I’m not blind. Keegan was hot four years ago. Now, he’s freaking gorgeous. The little bit of boy that lingered back then has turned into all man. The muscles that were developing are now fully developed. He’s spor
ting a short-sleeve shirt, and his biceps and forearms are on display. The guy clearly works out.
“The BBQ?” I joke, taking the takeout bag out of his hands and setting it on the table. “Definitely.”
Keegan laughs. “Fight it all you want, Jailbird, but you and me… it’s inevitable.”
Ignoring his comment and refusing to admit the way his words go straight to my heart then slide down to my belly, ending at the neglected part between my legs, I call Zane out.
“Wait!” Keegan whisper-yells. “How are we going to do this? Shouldn’t we come up with a game plan or something?”
I stifle my laugh at seeing his cockiness disappear so quickly. “He’s three. It’ll be okay. He likes Legos and thinks SpongeBob is God.”
“What the hell is a SpongeBob?” he asks, and this time I do laugh.
“It’s a cartoon character on a show he watches.”
“Mommy, can we have ice cream for—” Zane stops in his tracks when he spots Keegan standing in the doorway. “Is that for me?” His face lights up. When I look back over at Keegan, confused, I notice he has two more bags in his other hand. One of them with the infamous Build-A-Bear logo on it.
“Zane, that’s not nice,” I tell my son, who’s practically bouncing on his feet in excitement. I call it only child syndrome. Anytime anyone comes over and they have a toy, it’s always for Zane because he’s the only kid around, so now he expects it.
“I’m sorry.” He pouts. “But… is it?”
Keegan laughs at his excitement, but looks to me to guide him as to what to do. I give him a small nod.
“This is my friend Keegan,” I tell Zane. “Keegan, this is Zane.”
Zane stops in his place, his brows furrowing in confusion. I’m not sure what’s going through his head until he says, “That’s my name! Zane Keegan. Mommy yells it when she’s mad. You’re my daddy!”
Oh, shit. How could I have overlooked that? How many times have I mentioned where he got his middle name from, wanting him to know that he has a daddy, even if I didn’t think I’d ever find Keegan. I didn’t think he’d put two and two together, though.
Keegan fake-coughs, his eyes wide in a say something expression. So, I do. “Yes, sweetie, Keegan is your daddy.”
Zane grins and looks down at the bag. “Can I have the gift now?”
Keegan laughs, relieved at how well that went. I shouldn’t be surprised, though. Zane is only three years old, and as easygoing as they come. He’s at an age where he knows who everyone is, but he’s still too young to really understand what’s happening, or to be upset over his dad missing the last several years of his life. Had he been a few years older, this conversation would probably be totally different.
“I wasn’t sure what you would like,” Keegan says nervously, handing Zane the bag. “My mom went with me to the mall. I had no idea how many different things you could buy for a kid his age,” he tells me.
“Look, Mommy!” Zane squeals. “It’s a bear riding a skateboard.” He pulls the bear out of the cardboard house and sets it on the ground, rolling it across the rug.
“What do you say?” I prompt.
Zane yells, “Thanks, Dad!”
With glossy eyes, Keegan stands and, without looking at me, says, “I, uh…Where’s your bathroom?”
“Down the hall. Second door on the right.”
“Thanks.”
While he’s in the bathroom, I set out all the food he bought. “Zane, come eat.”
When Keegan comes out, he’s composed and calm. He sits at the table and gives me one of his signature smiles. “Sorry about that…”
“You don’t have to apologize. Zane’s too young to understand the significance of the word, but I remember the first time he said ‘Mama.’ I cried for ten minutes, then begged him to do it again so I could get it on video. Of course he didn’t.” I laugh. “Not for another week at least.”
Keegan chuckles, and I’m glad the mood has been lightened.
“I got something for you as well,” Keegan says, grabbing the white bag he left on the table when he excused himself to the bathroom.
“You didn’t have to do that.” I open the bag and find a copy of Wuthering Heights in there. Oh, dear God.
“I owed you a copy.” He grins. “For making you drop yours into the Atlantic.”
“Thank you.” I flip through the pages, excited to have my own copy of Wuthering Heights. I haven’t read it since high school, and I wouldn’t dare touch my mom’s copy.
“Mommy, that’s just like Grandma’s!” Zane hops off his chair and runs to the bookshelf that’s filled with all our books, including my mom’s. He stops in front of it and points to it. He knows he’s not allowed to touch those. “See!”
“It is,” I tell him. “This is the same book, only this copy, we can touch.” I give Zane a playful wink.
“Grandma left Mommy all her books, and when I get older, I’m going to get to read all of them,” Zane tells Keegan, sitting back in his seat. “I’m not big enough yet, but when I’m this many”—he holds up both hands, splaying his fingers out wide—“I’m going to read them all!”
While we eat, Keegan listens to Zane tell him all about his books that he can read now by himself. He listens intently and asks questions to keep Zane talking. I eat quietly, soaking in this first moment between Zane and his father. A moment I didn’t think would ever come.
When we’re done, Zane shows Keegan his room, and they spend a few hours playing with his toys and watching SpongeBob while I get some studying in.
When it’s time for Zane to go to bed, Keegan helps tuck him in, and Zane insists Keegan reads him his bedtime story, which of course turns into five stories since Keegan can’t say no, and I don’t have the heart to cut them off. During the fifth story, though, Zane finally falls asleep. I listen as Keegan keeps reading to the end anyway. Then he leans over and kisses him on his forehead, telling him he loves him, and I swear, my heart just imploded in my chest.
I tiptoe back to the couch so he won’t know I was watching and listening. When he walks out, he implies hanging out, and I want so badly to ask him to stay. To hang out with him and get to know him. But I tell myself it can’t happen. The last time I was with Keegan, all it took was a look and some smooth words and the guy had me under his spell. I have goals and dreams. I have a son who needs his mom to take care of him. I need to give Sierra a damn break. It would be selfish of me to find time to date while she’s working her ass off to support us.
So, instead, I thank him for dinner and the book, and tell him we’ll make plans for him to see Zane again soon before showing him out.
I’m finishing up my reading for tomorrow when Sierra comes through the door and plops onto the couch next to me. “How’d it go?”
“You’re home early.”
“Nope, you’re studying late,” she points out. I glance at the clock and see it’s already two in the morning. Shit, I’m going to be hating life tomorrow.
“It went well. Zane heard Keegan’s name and told him he’s his dad.” I laugh, falling back against the couch and laying my head next to my sister’s.
“He’s my nephew,” Sierra points out. “So, he’s smart and observant like me.” She giggles.
“Yeah, yeah. You should’ve seen Keegan when he called him dad. He started to cry.”
Sierra’s gaze bores into my cheek. “Are you and Keegan going to…”
“No.” I shake my head. “You know I don’t date.”
“Yeah, because you were hoping Keegan would come back.” She sits up and faces me. “Now he’s back.”
“I don’t date because I’m focusing on school.”
“Bullshit. You’re a straight-A student and mom of the damn year. Hell, you took extra classes to get caught up. You’re going to graduate in three years. Give me a break.”
“Yeah, because you’ve worked your ass off to make sure I could do that,” I point out.
“Oh no.” She straightens her back, telling m
e she’s about to go into fight mode. “Don’t you dare blame your lack of dating on me. You don’t see me acting like a nun.”
“And you deserve to date—to have a life.”
“And so do you,” she says. “If you’re not dating because you feel bad I pay the bills, I’m telling you right now that excuse isn’t going to fly. You’ve never mentioned that, and if you had, I would’ve told you to stop your shit. We’re a team.” Sierra takes my hands in hers. “You getting pregnant saved me, B. I was on a bad path, and we both know it. I was drinking and doing drugs. Sleeping around. I had no future, no goals. Zane changed all that. I love our home. I love my job. And I love my life. It’s time you start living yours.
“You’re going to graduate in May and get accepted into a graduate program. And soon enough you’ll have a job as a guidance counselor just like you want. But, B, there’s more to life than that. Since our grandmother died, you became the adult. You have all these goals, and those are great, but you deserve to have some fun and fall in love.”
“I don’t see you falling in love.”
“And that’s not because I’m not trying,” she says with a frown. “I’m not purposely pushing love away. I go on dates. I’ve had my fair share of relationships. They just haven’t worked out. But if I found the right guy, I wouldn’t push him away.” She lifts a brow at me. “Has Keegan said anything?”
I can’t lie to my sister. “He might’ve mentioned wanting to get to know me…”
“I knew it!” She claps her hands together. “You’ve been dreaming about this for the last four years, B! Do not push that man away. I gave up a date with his sexy-as-sin brother for you.”
“Hey,” I say, “I didn’t say you had to do that. If you want to date him, go for it.” I shrug.
“You sure?” she asks with a grin that tells me she really wants to go for it.
“I mean, if you guys don’t work out, it’ll make for awkward Thanksgivings…”
Sierra laughs. “Only you would worry about us not working out before we even go on our first date.”
