by Ash, Nikki
“Keegan,” my dad says, “we need to get to the station. Now is not the time.” He’s right. I know he is. But fuck, I don’t like having to let her go. Especially when she’s looking at me with a mixture of hurt, confusion, and deception.
Blakely
“To the station?” Everything hits me at once.
Brenton has been arrested for drug possession.
Another guy has been arrested.
I was inside the house.
I was searched for drugs and weapons.
Oh my God.
“Keegan.” My eyes fill with hot liquid, forgetting how mad and hurt I am at him. “Am I in trouble?” My first thought is Zane. My entire world. Are they going to take my son away from me? Put him in foster care, like they did to Sierra and me?
My second thought is my future—our future. I’m supposed to graduate in a few months with my degree. I can’t work in the school system if I’ve been arrested. It was different when I was a minor and made stupid choices. Thankfully, when I turned eighteen, the arrests were wiped off my record and I was given a clean slate. But that won’t happen if I’m arrested as an adult. The school system will run a background check, and as soon as they see I’ve been arrested, they won’t give me the time of day. All these years of schooling will be for nothing. I won’t be able to support Zane and myself.
“No.” Keegan shakes his head, stepping toward me. This time I let him. Because I need him more than I hate him.
“Are they going to take Zane from me? I swear…” A huge lump fills my throat, and I have to swallow hard to make it go down so I can talk again. “I didn’t know.”
“Blakely, it’s okay,” Keegan says softly. “Nobody is going to take Zane from you. I promise.”
I want to believe him, but I don’t think I can trust him. He lied to me. He never once mentioned he was a cop. Who knows what else he’s lied about.
“I don’t believe you.” I wipe the tears out of my eyes so my vision is no longer blurry.
My eyes bounce over to Keegan’s dad, who’s also wearing a badge. He gives me a sad smile and says, “Blakely, I know right now you’re confused, but I can assure you that you are not in any trouble. Officer Duncan is going to bring you to the station for some questioning and once we have everything we need, you’ll be free to go home to your son.”
“You lied to me too,” I tell him, realizing I’ve been lied to by everybody in Keegan’s family: his mom, his dad, Keegan, and Kolton. Does Sierra know? Did Kolton tell her and she’s been lying to me too? I finally thought I had a family, only to learn they’ve all been keeping secrets from me.
Just like my father…
Paul’s face falls, but he doesn’t argue. “Go ahead and take her in,” he tells Officer Duncan. “We’ll meet you there.”
Officer Duncan gently helps me into the back seat of his police car. He tells me it’s protocol and if he could let me ride in the front, he would. I just nod my understanding. The short ride to the station has me thinking about everything that has happened. Every time Keegan told me he had work to do. When he wouldn’t come over. The way he acted regarding Brenton. He knew I was hanging out with a drug dealer. Oh my God! I let Brenton take my son to Home Depot! With every thought, I work myself up until I’m fuming with anger—at myself, at Brenton, and at Keegan.
My father’s lies led to the destruction of our already broken family. They led to the death of him and my mother, leaving Sierra and me as orphans. And had they not died, we would’ve been in danger by the bad men my father was doing business with.
Lies are flimsy. The truth is strong. You can’t build anything solid using lies. And that’s exactly what Keegan did. He built our entire relationship on lies, and now the safe haven I found in him is falling down around us.
By the time we arrive at the station and I’m brought into an interrogation room, I’m crying so hard—out of fear and anger—I’m hiccupping and nearly hyperventilating. Officer Duncan had taken my phone away when he searched me, so I have no way of calling or texting my sister. I’m left alone in the tiny room that totally looks how they’re all portrayed in the television shows: rectangle metal table, cheap metal chairs, and a honey-yellow light hanging above. The only thing missing is the one-way mirror. There’s a window, but the blinds are closed. The other three walls are all bare.
Keegan’s dad steps into the room with two officers I recognize from earlier. “Blakely, this is Scott Cronin. He’s Keegan’s partner on this case. He’s going to ask you some questions and once you’re done, you’ll be free to go.”
I take several deep breaths to calm myself enough to speak. “Where’s Keegan?”
“Because it’s a conflict of interest, neither of us can be in here with you,” Paul says. “Officer Duncan will remain in here while Officer Cronin questions you.”
“Am I going to be arrested?”
He’s already said I’m not going to be, but I have to ask again just in case he only said that to get me down here.
“No, you won’t be arrested…” he begins, but the officer next to him gives him a look that makes me nervous.
“What? Tell me. Please, I need to know. I can’t handle any more lies.”
This time Officer Cronin speaks. “Our intent is not to arrest you, but I’m going to be honest with you, and it’s not to scare you. If we find that you’ve been involved in any of this, we might not have a choice.”
“Which we don’t believe you were,” Paul adds.
Oh my God! If I’ve been involved? “Do I need a lawyer?” Not that I can afford one, but based on them arresting Brenton and that other guy, I imagine whatever they’ve done is pretty big, and I am—was—best friends with Brenton. What if they feel I was too close? Or what if Brenton somehow sets me up to take the fall? I’ve seen enough of those cop shows to know crazy shit happens.
“If it would make you feel more comfortable, you are definitely allowed to have one.”
A fresh set of tears bursts from my lids and falls down my cheeks. “I can’t afford one.” I look between Paul and Officer Cronin. Officer Duncan is still standing to the side. “I don’t know what to do.”
“We’ll be right back,” Paul says.
When they all leave the room, I cross my arms on the table and put my head down, closing my eyes. My head is pounding from all the stress and crying. I concentrate on slowing down my breathing. I’ve come close to hyperventilating a few times now, and I don’t want that to happen.
A little while later, a gentleman in a black three-piece suit walks through the door and approaches me. “My name is Darryl Berkowitz. Are you Blakely Jacobs?”
“I am.”
“It’s nice to meet you. I hear you’re in need of an attorney.” He extends his hand to shake mine, but I don’t take it.
“As I told Paul, I can’t afford one.” I can’t imagine what this guy costs an hour. Just the watch that shines on his wrist must cost more than our rent for a year.
“I’m friends with Paul and Larissa. You aren’t paying anything.”
His hand is still extended, so I take it and shake it. “Thank you.” Any other circumstance and I wouldn’t take his handout, but if it means I get home to my son and don’t get arrested, I’m willing to push my pride aside and take what he’s offering.
Mr. Berkowitz sits down and we go over everything that happened. He has me walk him through my friendship with Brenton and tell him anything I know about him and his family. When he feels he’s caught up, he steps out to let them know we’re ready.
Officer Cronin and Officer Duncan come back in with Mr. Berkowitz and begin to question me. I tell them everything I know, which isn’t much. I feel so stupid that I had no idea Brenton has been selling drugs right under my nose. I learn that the deliveries he’s been making with me in the car weren’t cell phone related.
“Have you ever met Miguel Sanchez before?” Officer Cronin asks.
“No, but Brenton told me he’s his mom’s ex-boyfriend.”
<
br /> He nods. Since they’re recording the conversation, he doesn’t have to write anything down.
“I think that’s all for now,” Officer Duncan says. “If we think of anything else, we’ll call you.” Both officers stand, and when Mr. Berkowitz does as well, I stand with them.
“If any questions arise, you are to contact me directly,” Mr. Berkowitz says, shaking each of their hands, and then handing Officer Duncan a business card.
“Will do.”
When both officers leave, Mr. Berkowitz tells me I did well and gives me his card. Then he offers to give me a ride home. While I appreciate his offer, at the end of the day, I don’t really know him and would rather take the bus. He tries to argue, but gives up when he sees I’m not going to budge.
When we walk down the hall toward the front desk, so I can get my cell phone back, I hear Keegan’s voice. I want to find where it’s coming from, but my broken heart stops me from looking.
After getting my phone and telling Mr. Berkowitz again that I’m okay taking the bus, I pull up my maps app to find where the closest bus stop is. I consider calling Sierra, but figure it will be better to speak to her in person. I don’t know what I’ll do if I find out she’s been lying to me as well.
There’s a stop five blocks south, so I start to head in that direction when I hear my name being called. I will myself not to look back, knowing full well it’s Keegan’s voice, but he quickly catches up and stops in front of me, forcing me to stop as well.
“We need to talk,” he pleads. “Please.”
“Our time for talking has passed.” I take in a deep breath so I don’t lose it again.
“No.” He shakes his head. “I need you to let me explain.”
“Explain how you and your entire family has been lying to me since we got back in touch? How I thought I was gaining a family, one I never really had growing up because my father was a piece of shit liar, only to learn I’m a damn fool?” My voice cracks on the last word, and I have to close my eyes so I don’t cry.
“You’re not a fool, Blakely,” Keegan says. “And you do have a family. None of us wanted to keep it from you, I swear. If there were any other way…”
“There’s always another way,” I argue. “This entire time I thought we were creating a life together, but I was nothing more than part of your investigation.”
“That’s not true. I know you’re upset right now, but you have to know how much you mean to me. I never imagined you’d get caught up in all of this. And once I found out Brenton was selling, I tried to get off the case.”
“When did you find out he was selling?”
“The night you went with him to that party.”
I think back to that night. I thought it was just a coincidence that Keegan showed up to the same party I was at. “How did you know I was there?”
Keegan’s eyes go wide and then he lets out a loud sigh. “I set up the tracker on your phone.”
Oh my God! “You bugged my phone?” I screech.
“No, every iPhone has a tracking app. I just turned yours on and followed you. I couldn’t see anything else on your phone besides your location. I swear.”
Jesus, this is all too much. “I need to go home.” I try to walk around Keegan, but he blocks my way, and that pisses me off. “Move.”
“Jailbird,” he begins, but I cut him off.
“Don’t. Don’t call me that name. Don’t call me anything!” Hot tears hit my eyelids, but I quickly blink them away. “I’m going home. I have nothing to say to you.”
“We have a son together,” he points out.
“I’m well aware!” I’m now swiping at my eyes, trying to stop the tears from falling. Everything was so perfect and now it’s all messed up.
“I know you’re mad right now, and you have every right to be. But I meant what I said before. No matter what happens, we’re family.”
“No.” I shake my head. “We’re not family. Family doesn’t lie to each other, keep important things from each other! You let Brenton take our son by himself when you knew he was selling drugs!” I step toward Keegan and jab my finger into his chest. “We’re not family. And right now, I really wish Zane weren’t your son.”
Keegan’s eyes go wide—in hurt, in fear, in disbelief—but I ignore the look. I’m too hurt, too upset, too pissed to care right now.
“Are you going to keep him from me?” he asks, his voice wavering. My heart cracks at the thought of Zane not getting to see Keegan. As mad as I am, I would never keep him from his father.
When I don’t answer right away, Keegan says, “Blakely, are you going to let me see him?”
“I would never keep him from you,” I tell him honestly. His shoulders sag in relief. “But you and me… we’re done. Once I’ve calmed down, I’ll let you know when you can see him.”
Keegan doesn’t argue. “Can I give you a ride home, please?”
“I’m taking the bus.”
“Jail—Blakely, please, let me take you home. I won’t say a word, I promise.” Suddenly exhausted and wanting to get home to my son and sister, I nod once and follow him to his truck. Keegan does as he said and doesn’t speak the entire drive. When he pulls up to my apartment complex, I glance at Brenton’s apartment and find crime scene tape across his door with a single officer standing in front of it like he’s guarding the place.
“They have to investigate his apartment,” Keegan says, answering my unspoken thoughts. “We only have two CSI teams since it’s a smaller town. They’re at the shop and the house right now.”
“Will he get out on bail?”
“Most likely. If he can afford the bond.”
I nod once, trying to mask my sudden nervousness. Will Brenton show up at my apartment? Will he be mad at me for telling the truth? I don’t care if he’s mad, but I’m scared of what he might do. Thoughts of when Sierra and I were younger surface. Of my mom crying and saying we were in danger. Because of our father. Because of his lies.
“I won’t let anything happen to you guys,” Keegan says.
I look at him, shocked that he’s able to know what I’m thinking without me even speaking.
“What if he comes here?”
“I’m going to have someone on you at all times, but if it’ll make you feel safer, you guys can come stay at my place. It’s gated and Brenton’s never been there.”
Gated? His place is with Kolton down the street.
“I don’t really live with Kolton,” he says. Damn him! Must he know everything I’m thinking? “I own a house. I was staying with Kolton to go with my cover as a college student.”
“Great. Another thing you lied about.” I swing the truck door open.
“If it will make you feel safer, you guys can stay there,” he repeats.
“With you?”
Keegan flinches at the hostile tone in my voice. “No, I’ll continue to stay with Kolton.”
I step out of the truck. “I’m good.”
“Okay, but if you’re not… the offer stands.”
I nod and then close the door. And without looking back, I run up the stairs to my apartment, only stopping once I’m inside and Zane is in my arms.
“How did the interview go?” Sierra asks.
“It didn’t. We need to talk.”
Blakely
It’s been two days since I found out Keegan is a police officer. When I asked Sierra if she knew, I could tell immediately she had no idea either. After I got her caught up to speed on everything, she excused herself to her room. I heard her yelling over the phone for a few minutes and then she came out, red-eyed and red-faced. She hugged me and told me she loves me and then she went to work—even though she was scheduled to be off. Ever since then, she’s been at work every waking moment—I’m assuming to distract herself from the pain. I know she cares a lot about Kolton, but right now she’s almost as hurt as I am.
I went to class yesterday and today and thankfully Brenton wasn’t there. Luckily, our presentation is already don
e and if I have to, I’ll present both of our parts. I’d rather do that than have to face my ex-drug-dealing-best friend. While I’m hurt by Keegan hiding who he is from me, I’m enraged at Brenton for putting my son and me in harm’s way. I don’t know all the details, but from what I gathered at the station, his mom’s ex-boyfriend murdered a police officer. And Brenton’s been slinging drugs for him. And brought me to his house. I can’t count the number of times Zane has been in the vehicle with Brenton when he had to “make a delivery.” Stupid me for not asking if the deliveries were goddamn drugs.
“I wanna watch SpongeBob,” Zane says, sitting on the couch next to me.
“Please,” I prompt, already clicking on the remote to select one of the shows I have recorded.
“Pleeeeaaaasssseeeee,” Zane says. He smiles at me and his dimples pop out, reminding me of Keegan.
There’s a knock on the door, and my stomach flip-flops. It can’t be Sierra because she’d just come in. That leaves Brenton or Keegan. Neither one is welcome here at the moment.
I check the peep-hole and see it’s a woman. Larissa. Keegan’s mom. I take a deep breath and open the door. She smiles warmly, but it’s not as bright as her smiles usually are. This one is more reserved.
“May I come in?”
I want to tell her no. Accuse her of being part of the lies that made me look like a fool. I want to ask why she led me to believe I was family, only to hide important information from me. What if Keegan had been killed while on duty? I never would’ve even known he was a police officer.
And it hits me in this moment, that’s why I’m so upset. He could’ve been hurt—killed even. And I never would’ve known. I thought he was a college student, only to learn he’s a narcotics officer. His job revolves around catching drug dealers. Sure, I’m mad, but more than that, I’m scared. Because if I forgive Keegan, that will mean my boyfriend, possibly my one-day husband—forever the father of my son—has a job where he risks his life every single day. And instead of being honest with me about what he does, he lied. Just like my father lied… and then died.
“Blakely,” Larissa says softly, snapping me out of my thoughts. Glancing around, I realize I’ve been standing at the door, with her still standing outside, having an epiphany of sorts.
