by Mia Ford
Reese's gaze fell on the toddler, and there was a moment of surprise in his face – but also a question in his eyes. I could see it on his face, plain as day, as he studied the child in front of me. I picked up my son, cradled him in my arms, facing him away from Reese.
“Listen,” I said, “It was nice catching up, but I really have to help my mom in the –”
But Reese stopped me from walking past him and into the kitchen. He stopped and looked at the child in my arms, then back at me, then back at Eli again. Eli looked back at him like he would any new person – with a wary curiosity.
“You have a kid?” Reese asked.
“I do, yes,” I said. “His name is Elijah. Eli for short.”
“How old is he?”
I could see Reese putting the pieces together, one-by-one. He was doing the math in his head, trying to find proof that this wasn't his kid.
“Three years old,” I said. Almost four now, but Reese didn't need to know that much.
“And what about medical school?” he asked me quietly.
“It didn't work out,” I said. “Now if you'll excuse me –”
Luke came down the stairs at that point, pulling Reese away. Thankfully so. Eli and I escaped into the kitchen, and I tried to remain calm.
We gathered around the dinner table, Reese sitting next to Luke – which meant he was directly across from me. I refused to look at him, and instead focused my attention on Eli. The meal was fairly uneventful, even though Reese kept staring at me, trying to get me to meet his gaze. I refused to acknowledge him, choosing to keep my head down and eat quietly, not saying much. Speaking only when I was spoken to.
“So what are you doing now, Maya?” Reese asked during a lull in the conversation.
“Well, I'm taking classes again. Planning on becoming a nurse,” I said. “And working as a receptionist part-time.”
“Oh yeah? A nurse, huh?”
“Yep,” I replied. “A nurse.”
It wasn't medical school, but it was close enough. As close as I was going to get anyway. And even that was hard as hell – not that I'd ever admit it to anyone. I was struggling with working, being a single mother and going to school. But I'd made that decision. I'd made that choice. And now, I was living with it.
“I'm looking at going back to school too,” Reese said.
I merely nodded, not wanting to continue the conversation – in fact, hoping that the meal would end and we could all scatter to the winds once more. But my mom, ever the gracious host, was always the talker.
“That sounds wonderful,” she said. “And what are you considering going to school for?”
“Sound engineering, I think.”
“Right on,” Luke said. “I was thinking of doing something like that too.”
Luke was working at a restaurant nearby, waiting tables. I rolled my eyes as he spoke since he'd never mentioned going back to school before. If it wasn't for me wanting to keep to myself, I would have mentioned how that was the first time he'd said anything of the sort. But I just wanted the evening to end, so I kept quiet. It took everything in me to hold my tongue, but I did it.
I tuned out the rest of the conversation, and dinner passed by without Reese speaking to me again. Thankfully. I hoped this would be the last of our interactions. Hoped it would be the last time I saw him ever again, quite honestly. He could leave, we'd go our separate ways and hopefully there'd be no more family dinners with him anytime soon. One could hope, at least. Especially since he wasn't really family. Not to anyone but Eli, but no one even knew about that.
After dinner, I expected Reese and Luke to disappear somewhere. Just like old times. I figured they'd play basketball in the driveway or listen to music in the basement or run off downtown to a party.
I was really hoping for the latter, that they'd go away, but they hung around instead. They went outside, presumably to shoot some hoops like they used to do. Eli fell asleep, so I put him to bed in my old room and went downstairs to help mom clean up from dinner. The dishes were already done, though, and my mom and dad were nowhere to be found. They likely retreated to the den to watch some television before bed like they normally did.
I turned to go back upstairs when the back door opened. My heart skipped a beat when Reese came inside – and Luke wasn't behind him. We were alone. We stared at each other for one long, awkward moment before I turned to leave, but he grabbed my arm.
“Wait, Maya – we need to talk.”
“We do?” I asked, my voice cracking. “What do we need to talk about?”
I tried to pretend I had no idea what was happening, but Reese knew. I could see it in his eyes.
“I'm no fool, Maya. After talking to you and then asking your brother a few questions, I put two and two together – I'm Elijah's father, aren't I?”
My heart dropped into my stomach. Suddenly, I felt like I was going to get sick and my knees turned into jelly. I never imagined that I'd see Reese again, so I hadn't bothered to prepare for the moment. I couldn't lie though – the facts were right there. And if I lied to him or tried to play it off, he could always request a DNA test – he had a right to know, after all.
He had a right to know.
“Yes,” I said quietly. I closed my eyes, trying to stop the tears from falling while avoiding the expression on Reese's face. I didn't want to see it. I was so scared of what he might say or do. “But please know, I don't expect you to be part of his life. We're doing just fine and no one knows you're the father –”
“What kind of man do you think I am, Maya?” he asked.
He sounded angry, and that caused me to open my eyes and look at him. He was angry, but also sad. There were a lot of emotions on his face, many I couldn't discern.
“I don't know, Reese,” I said. “I don't want to sound mean, but I hardly know you, honestly.”
“I know,” he said with a sigh. He sat down at the kitchen table, wringing his hands as he stared off into space. “It's just... wow. I'm a father. I wasn't expecting this, at all –”
My bottom lip trembled and I started shaking – the sobs came shortly after. I tried so hard to hold it in, but I'd been holding it in for far too long and it all came rushing out at once. I broke down, falling to the floor, pulling my knees to my chest as I just let it all out.
I was so tired of being alone, of doing this all by myself. Of keeping all of this to myself for so long. It was almost a relief, in some ways, to tell Reese the truth. At least now, it was no longer a secret. Not something I had to fear getting out there and getting back to him somehow. Because it was out there now. And now, he knew. What he chose to do now was up to him. I was already used to being a single mother, so if he decided to bail, that wasn't going to be new to me. And there was no way he'd take my son from me, no court in their right mind would give custody to him like that.
Yet, I still cried.
Reese got up from the table and joined me on the floor, pulling my face from my hands, forcing me to look him in the eyes.
“Maya, please, listen to me,” he whispered. “I want to be a part of his life. I want to see my son, to help you raise him. It's gonna take me a minute to figure it all out, but you're no longer alone.”
It was as if he'd read my mind and knew how to speak to my heart. He said the words I so badly needed to hear, but the problem was, I didn't know if I believed him.
“Are you sure? Because I can't have you in his life now, then a year down the road you're gone – off to somewhere new and exciting. I can't have his heart broken like that. I won't.”
Like mine had been, but I didn't say that. No, I didn't need to say that. Couldn't. Because it wasn't about me. It was about Eli now.
“Yes, yes, I'm sure,” Reese said, holding my hands in his. “I promise you, Maya. I will be the best father I can be for that boy. I may not be perfect, but he's my kid and I'll do my best.”
I wanted to believe him. Oh, God, I so badly wanted to believe him, but until I saw it with my own two eyes
, I wasn't sure I could.
But he deserved to know his son, and his son deserved to know his father.
“Okay,” I said. “Okay. But just know – if you ever hurt our child in any way, I will kill you. That's a promise, Reese. Nothing in this world matters more than him. Nothing.”
We set up a time for Reese to meet Eli in a more personal setting – well away from my parents' house. We'd agreed to not tell anyone – including Eli – that Reese was his dad until after they became more comfortable with one another. It just made sense to ease into it. My family didn't need their nose in our business and I knew Luke would only make things more stressful. There were no rushing things with Reese and Eli. Slow and steady. That way if Reese bolted, my son wouldn't have to know anything.
Not that I told Reese my reasoning. He didn't need know how much I didn't trust him.
For our first meeting, Reese came over to my place to visit for a bit. Just the three of us. I expected things to be awkward. I mean, except for the night I slept with him, we didn't really have much history together. We didn't seem to have much in common. And suddenly we'd be together with our son and I'd have to make conversation. What in the hell were we going to talk about?
My heart stuttered in my chest when Reese knocked on the door – right on time. Which was a surprise for me. As I opened it and let him in, he looked around, nodding.
“Nice place,” he said.
“Thanks. It's a bit small, but it'll do for us, for now.”
I didn't mention that my parents paid half my rent, just so I could provide a nice home for our son. I couldn't afford to pay for everything, not on my own. Not yet, at least. I'd told them we could rent an apartment, but they insisted on helping. Because of their help, we were able to get a small two-bedroom house down the street from them. And for that, I was more thankful than I could say.
Eli was on the floor watching cartoons when Reese came in. He looked up at Reese, but didn't pay much attention and turned back to the television. He looked up again when I turned the TV off though.
He started to cry, his little lip trembling as I turned off his favorite show.
“We'll watch it later, bub,” I said. “I want you to meet someone right now.”
Reese just stood there and stared, almost like he was still in shock about the fact that this was his child. Eli was still upset about me turning off his favorite show, whining at me to turn it back on. I walked over and sat on the floor with him and looked up at Reese, inviting him to join us.
He did, after a few moments, but I could tell he wasn't comfortable. Not that I could blame him. It's not like he had time to really prepare for this. One day he was a bachelor, living on his own, and the next he was the father of a toddler. I was sure it had to be completely overwhelming.
“Hey there, Eli,” Reese said. “I'm Reese.”
Eli just stared blankly at him.
“I'm sorry. He's a little shy with –” I almost said strangers, but stopped myself in the nick of time, “new people.”
“I understand. I am too,” Reese said with a smile.
“No, you're not,” I said with a dry laugh. “You're the most social person I know.”
“Oh yeah? Says the girl who hardly knows me.”
He laughed, and it sounded sincere, but the plug about barely knowing him hurt. It reminded me yet again that I didn't know the father of my son, not very well, at least. And that hurt. Reese must have noticed the hurt on my face, because he followed it up by giving me a smile and a gentle squeeze on the shoulder.
“I'm sorry, Maya. I didn't mean to –”
“No, it's fine,” I said. I let out a deep sigh. “This is certainly going to take some getting used to, isn't it?”
“You can say that again,” he said. He smiled at me though, and I felt a smile touching my lips as well.
ooo000ooo
Reese stuck around until it was time to put Eli to bed, and he asked to help with that. Slowly, over the course of the day, Eli had started warming up to him.
“Read me a story, please?” Eli asked, putting a book into Reese's lap.
He stared up at his dad with those same dark eyes, and I could see Reese turning to putty right on the spot. It was funny to me – this big baller, this supposed hard man with a ton of street cred – turning to jelly in the face of one small child.
“Uhh yeah, sure thing, little guy,” he said, picking up the book.
I was standing in the doorway – keeping my distance to let them have their time together – and I couldn't help but smile. It was sweet seeing this former bad boy adjusting to life as a father. He was trying, I had to give him credit for that.
I walked over to tuck Eli into bed, and I turned on the night light while Reese read from the book. For a moment, I had to admit, this was nice. Up until that point, I was the one who did everything. I was the caretaker, the story reader, the nurse, the cook, everything. But for a brief moment, I could step back and let someone else take over for me.
Married couples had it good, I thought.
“Another story, please?” Eli asked as soon as the first one was finished.
Reese seemed perfectly happy to be doing what he was doing, but I almost stopped him. It was getting late, but I decided to let it go. A small smile touched Reese's lips as he read, so I decided to leave them alone and stepped out, just into the living room where I could still hear everything that was going on. My eyes were heavy with exhaustion though, and I fought to keep from falling asleep. It wasn't even nine yet, but after working all day and then being a mother to my son all evening, I was worn out.
I drifted off to sleep, and only woke up when I heard Eli's bedroom door close softly. My eyes opened wide, as I expected my son to be standing there looking at me, but it was just Reese.
“He finally fell asleep,” he said softly.
“That makes two of us,” I said with a laugh.
I expected Reese to hit the road, but he sat down in the chair across from me as if he wanted to talk. Or maybe he felt obligated, I didn't know. I didn't want him to think I expected anything from him. Honestly, I expected nothing from him, so anything I did get was a bonus at that point.
“Why didn't you tell me, Maya?”
Oh. He wanted to talk about that.
“How could I? You were in LA, I had no way of reaching you, even if I'd wanted to,” I said.
“Luke had my number. You could have called. You should have called.”
“And say what? 'Hey, remember me? I'm that girl you fucked that one night? Well guess what, I'm pregnant.' and besides, I didn't want Luke to get involved. He's an asshole.”
“He kinda is, isn't he?”
We both laughed at the same time. It felt good to laugh, honestly. After all the tension and stress about Reese's sudden appearance back into my life, I had to admit, it had gone pretty well.
“Major prick,” I said, smiling when I said it. “But he's your best friend, so I shouldn't –”
“Was my best friend,” Reese said. “But we've changed. He still acts like he's sixteen, which was fine a few years ago, but now – hell, maybe it's because I'm a dad now, but I just can't see myself hanging out with the likes of him anymore. We just don't have anything in common. I've moved forward and he seems to have stayed in place.”
All of this was news to me. And it struck me as a little bit – contrived. Or at least, naïve.
“So you're a dad and suddenly you want to change who you are overnight?” I said. “Please, it doesn't happen that way.”
“Maybe I changed before I found out, Maya. This just makes me even more determined to clean up my life and figure out what the hell I'm going to do now. For him, you know? For him. For Eli.”
It was a nice thought. Really, it was. But I was still being that naive girl who thought Reese was amazing, when in actuality, he was nothing more than a bad boy who'd been a childhood crush. I didn't want to get my hopes up. These were all words. Words meant nothing if he took off next week.
I didn't know why, but there was some small part of me that wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt.
“I appreciate that, Reese,” I said softly.
The tears welled up in my eyes, but this time, they were tears of happiness. My son was my entire world, and everything I did was for him. I was even letting Reese into my life – for him. Not for me. Not even for Reese. But for Eli.
“I know you do, Maya,” he said. “And I'm sorry you've had to raise him by yourself for so long. I'm sorry you had to put your dreams on hold for something that happened one night, all those years ago –”
“My dreams aren't on hold, Reese. My dreams have merely changed. And Eli is my world now, everything I want in life revolves around him. So, don't think I regret it, not even for a minute, because I don't.”
“You're a good mom, Maya,” he said, staring me dead in the eyes. “Just know though, from this day forward, you're not going to have to do this alone.”
I hope not, I thought to myself. I really, really hope not.
Reese and I worked out an arrangement – he came over a few times a week to spend time with Eli. And eventually, I let Reese take his son to the park and out on trips, just the two of them. I knew the day was coming where he'd want to tell Eli the truth about who he was, and I knew I needed to break the news to my family too. But I kept pushing it off. Part of me was just waiting for something to happen and for Reese to disappear. And the other part of me was just plain terrified to do it.
But the fear of him bolting was diminishing day by day. It didn't scare me as much now that we'd been doing this for a few months. I was slowly starting to believe that this was real. That Reese was going to be a permanent part of Eli's life.
But I was still afraid of how my parents would react when I told them who Eli's father was. I'd lied to them about the father of their grandson, acted like I had no clue where to find him all these years. When all along, I knew.
I knew because it had to be Reese. He was my first, and at that time, my only.
And the day would come that I'd have to admit that to everyone, Eli included.
