She glanced his way. “It’s the truth, though.”
“I could have stopped.” He stared out at the lake. “I should have. But we can’t take it back.”
“I’m so sorry, Sean.” Her chin quivered. “I’m sorry I took something from you, something so special that you can’t ever get back. Can you ever forgive me for that?”
He reached out and touched her chin, turning her face toward his. “Hey, it’s OK. I forgive you.”
The tears let loose then, and he wrapped her in his arms. He softly rubbed his hands up and down her back as she cried, and she wanted to stay there forever.
When he eventually released her from his embrace, she wiped her tears on the edge of the blanket.
“Michelle, I shouldn’t have lied to you. I shouldn’t have misled you like that. I hope you can forgive me, too.”
She leaned her head on his shoulder, and he lowered his to rest against hers. “Of course, I can. A few months ago, even a few days ago, I might not have been able to say that. But if God can forgive me for all the horrible things I’ve done, then I can forgive you for this.”
He lifted his head and looked at her.
A stray tear fell down her cheek, and she shrugged her shoulders and smiled. “I got saved this weekend.”
He abruptly hugged her. “That’s so awesome, Michelle.”
“Thank you.”
As he let go, he kissed her on the cheek. “Welcome to the family.” He wore a huge smile.
“Huh?”
“The family of Christ. You’re one of us now,” he said with a wink.
She grinned. “I like that.”
Sean grabbed two water bottles and a couple napkins from the picnic basket and handed one of each to Michelle.
“Thanks.” She dabbed her eyes with the napkin and crinkled it up.
“You might wanna hold onto that. There’s something else I need to tell you.” He took a big swig from the water bottle.
She waited for what felt like bad news.
He set the bottle down and cleared his throat. “I’m not coming back after winter break.”
“What? Why not?” Her response nearly caught in her throat.
“When I chose Cornerstone for my basketball scholarship, I agreed to represent this school and all they stand for. I agreed to the rules. All of the rules.”
“Sean.” This was worse than anything she could have imagined.
“But I broke one. A big one. And I’m going to speak to the dean this week and admit what I did.”
“No. You don’t have to do that,” she pleaded. “Maggie and Emma will never tell. Nobody else knows about us. And I’ll never say a word. I promise.”
“Yeah, but I will know, and the guilt will eat me alive.”
Tears again? She was sure her eyes would be swollen shut by morning at this rate. Desperation, panic, and fear caused a million thoughts to fly through her mind as she tried to concoct a way to keep him there.
“I just wouldn’t be able to live with myself.” His bottom lip stuck out in an adorable pout.
He truly was a good and honorable guy, and now he was leaving. Just when she was starting to get her own life figured out and things were right between them.
“What will your parents say?” she asked.
“They already know.”
“I’m gonna miss you.” Her voice was quiet. She couldn’t believe he was leaving. Now that the communication lines were open again, she didn’t want this to be the end.
He took her face in his hands. “I’m gonna miss you more than you will ever know.”
“I wish we could go back and start over at the beginning of the semester, do everything differently.”
“Me, too. But maybe it’s for the best.”
How could him leaving possibly be for the best? Her puzzled expression demanded an explanation.
“Hey, if things had been different, you might not have gotten saved.”
“Maybe. But I don’t want you to leave.”
“I know.” He let go of her face and took another sip from the water bottle.
“And you should know this about me. I don’t do goodbyes.” She cringed as the word left her lips. She could still hear the words her mother spoke every time her father left on another one of his trips. Say goodbye to your father. Anxiety began to build inside her just thinking about it. “There were too many of those with my dad when I was growing up, and I just can’t handle it.”
“Well, we don’t have to say it.” He put his arm around her shoulders. “We’ll just say … until then.”
She looked at him sadly. “Until when?”
“Until the next time we see each other.”
“What if that never happens?” Her heart broke a little at the thought.
“It will.” He spoke with confidence. “Even if it’s not in our lifetime, we’ll see each other one day in Heaven.”
She breathed out, exasperated. “That sounds morbid.”
“It’s not morbid. It’s eternity together with God. Sounds pretty good to me.”
“I hope we don’t have to wait that long.” She smiled at him.
“Me, too.”
They stayed to watch the sunset, then Sean returned her to the dorm.
“Thanks for coming out with me tonight.” He hugged her tightly against him, and she never wanted him to let go. “Pray for me, OK?”
“I will.” His meeting with the dean was sure to be scary and uncomfortable.
His arms loosened, and he pulled back just enough to place a soft, tender kiss on her lips.
Her stomach flipped at the contact.
“Three-second rule!” cried Jill and Darcy from their dorm room window, which had a front row seat to the door.
Michelle and Sean laughed. It felt wonderful to laugh with him again.
He leaned in and gave her one more three-second kiss.
“Rule breaker,” she whispered.
He grinned at that. “Goodnight.”
“Night.”
Michelle floated into the dorm and down the hallway, where she was tackled by her roommates. They dragged her into the room and slammed the door.
“Did we just see you with Sean?” Maggie asked.
“What happened?” Emma had made such an effort to support her, despite how uncomfortable she was about Michelle and Sean’s night together.
Michelle didn’t know where to start. “I have so much to tell you, but before I do, I want to hear about your Thanksgiving holidays.”
“No way!” Maggie cried. “We’re not letting you off the hook.”
Michelle laughed, and the phone started ringing. She lunged for it, beating them to the receiver. “Hello?”
“Hey, Chelle. I’m back!” Simon announced.
“So you are. How was your flight?”
“Good. How was your holiday in the dorm? Miserable without me, right?”
“Absolutely miserable.” Her tone held a hint of sarcasm, and she rolled her eyes at her roommates.
“Is that Simon?” Emma whispered.
“Yeah, it’s him.”
“Hey, are your roommates back yet?” he asked.
“Yeah, they’re both here. Do you wanna talk—”
“No,” Simon cut her off. “I wanna talk to you.”
“Okaaay.” Weird.
Simon’s end of the line was silent.
“Did you have turkey and stuffing? A good home-cooked meal?” she asked.
“Home-cooked?” He laughed. “We had it catered in.”
While Simon shared the details of their dinner and house full of guests, Michelle noticed Emma brush a tear from her cheek. She was subtle about it, turning away and casually wiping as she stretched her arms above her head, but Michelle caught a glint of light reflected on the tear. Something was going on between Emma and Simon. She was sure of it.
Simon finished his story. “I don’t wanna interrupt your girl time. Just wanted to hear your voice. I’ll see ya’ tomorrow.”
; “OK.”
“Night, Chelle.” And he hung up.
Michelle slowly turned to face Emma, who looked as if she might burst into tears at any moment.
“I’m gonna go get ready for bed.” Emma pouted as she gathered her toiletries.
“Emma, what’s wrong?” Michelle asked.
“Nothing.”
“You can talk to us, Em,” Maggie assured her. “You know that.”
“Simon never called me.”
“Oh, I’m sure he was just busy with his family.” Michelle defended him. “Plus, it’s long distance to call from California.”
“I guess. It’s just … he said he’d call. He hasn’t been returning any of my calls lately. Not since …” Her words trailed off.
“Not since what?” Michelle asked.
“It’s nothing. Never mind.”
Michelle looked at Maggie, who shook her head in disgust.
“I don’t know how you can be friends with him. He’s such a jerk.” Maggie turned her attention to Emma. “He’s a guy, Em. Sometimes they don’t call when they say they will. Ben does that to me all the time. It’s annoying, but I think it’s just a guy thing.”
Michelle knew the conversation would somehow be steered back to Ben. Maggie had a one-track mind. But Michelle didn’t want to hear about Ben tonight. She wanted to comfort Emma. And she wanted to share her important news with her friends. She wanted to tell them she was a Christian now, just like them.
But then Emma asked Maggie if she saw Ben much at Thanksgiving, and Maggie spent the next who-knows-how-long gushing about him. She was talking fast and bursting with excitement. “We went to church together this morning, and he put his arm around me. The whole weekend felt just like old times.”
By the time Maggie finished her stories, Emma seemed to forget the fact that Simon had blown her off. Michelle was more than a little curious to know why Simon chose not to speak to Emma earlier.
It also seemed to slip their minds that Michelle and Sean had been seen kissing by the front door. She tried not to be hurt that what happened in her life didn’t seem as important as theirs. But it did hurt. For once in her life, she had real girlfriends. She had let them into her heart, but she doubted that she was truly accepted into theirs. Like because of the things she had done before, she wasn’t worthy of true friendship status or something.
Suddenly, she didn’t feel much like sharing after all.
Simon’s reaction to the news of her salvation was a bear hug and a simple “good for you”, which was kind of a letdown. She thought everyone would be as happy for her as Janice and Sean had been. Simon was her best friend. At least he claimed to be. He, of all people, should be taking her out to celebrate.
She knew Simon was a Christian, yet he didn’t seem to be very focused on that part of his life. When she asked to hear the story of how he got saved, he told her he barely remembered it. It was at his church’s Vacation Bible School when he was five.
“I prayed with one of the leaders, and that was it,” he told her.
That was it. That was the moment his life had changed. Yet he acted like it was no big deal. Maybe it was because he made the decision at such a young age. Maybe growing up surrounded by Christians and going to church every week had become just another routine and had made him complacent.
“Did you hear about Sean leaving school?” he asked during their walk to chapel.
“Yeah.” She hung her head, partly because she was sad about Sean, but also because she had expected more of a reaction to her news, not a change of subject.
“Did he tell you why?”
Simon’s eyes were on her, and she swallowed hard. “Personal reasons,” she managed, throwing in a shrug to make it seem like she didn’t know anything more.
Simon shook his head. “Yeah, that’s what he told me, too. Must be something serious. Why else would he leave and give up his scholarship?”
She shrugged again, relieved that Sean had not confessed to his roommates. There was no way she was telling Simon the real reason. She didn’t want him to ever know she had been intimate with Sean or any other guy for that matter.
Simon suddenly wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “Don’t be sad. You still have me.” He squeezed her to him and kissed the top of her head.
“Yes, I do.” She smiled up at him. “Hey, what is going on with you and Emma?”
“What do you mean?” He made a face, then tried to act casual about it.
She stopped walking. “Come on, Simon. Spill.”
He lowered his arm and closed his eyes, his nose wrinkled up, and he cringed. “She won’t let me kiss her.” He peeked out from behind one eye then the other, awaiting her reaction.
“What is that face for?”
“I thought you might punch me.”
“Why would I punch you?” She laughed at his crazy behavior.
“Because I don’t think I can be in a relationship with someone like that, and it makes me sound like a terrible person when I say that out loud.”
“You are terrible,” she replied. “Emma is the sweetest.”
He groaned. “I know she is, but she doesn’t wanna kiss anyone. Not until her wedding day.”
“Really?” Michelle had never heard of such a thing. “That’s so nice. Saving all of herself for her future husband. I like her even more now.”
“Thanks a lot.”
She laughed again.
“I can’t help it.” He leaned in close, his lips inches from hers. “I like to kiss.”
She raised an eyebrow and pushed him away, knowing he was just joking around. “You really are a jerk, Simon.”
“I know.”
On the way to lunch, Michelle and her roommates ran into Janice on the sidewalk outside the dorm. They made small talk about Thanksgiving, then Janice turned to Michelle.
“I was hoping to run into you, Michelle. I’ve got a couple books for you, and I wondered if you’d like to get together and have a Bible study with me.”
Michelle could not contain her smile. “That sounds great. Thank you so much, Janice.”
“No problem. Stop by my room later, and we’ll make a plan.”
“Awesome. I will.”
Janice waved as she walked on. “Have a great day, ladies.”
Emma and Maggie gave Michelle strange looks as they started walking again.
“What was that all about?” Maggie asked.
Better now than never. “Oh, I got saved on Friday,” she replied nonchalantly.
“What?” Emma screeched. “Are you serious?”
A huge smile spread across Michelle’s face.
Maggie embraced her. “Why didn’t you tell us last night?”
“I don’t know.” She couldn’t tell Maggie that all her talk of Ben was the reason she hadn’t felt up to sharing. “It just didn’t feel like the right time.”
“Oh my goodness.” Emma grabbed hold of them, her eyes brimming with tears. “There’s never a wrong time for news like this. I’m so happy for you, Michelle.”
The warmth and support from her roommates surprised her. This was the sort of reaction she wished Simon had given her. The girls were both overjoyed that she had come to know Christ, especially Emma, who admitted she had been afraid for Michelle’s soul.
Shortly after midnight, there was a loud commotion in the hallway outside their room.
“Candlelight!” Someone knocked loudly on their door. “Candlelight!” The cries and knocking moved to the next door, then the next, and so on to the end of the hall.
Emma clapped her hands together. “Our first candlelight.”
Maggie looked excited.
Michelle felt indifferent.
Candlelights were a long-standing and beloved tradition at Cornerstone, a unique way for couples to announce their recent engagement to the rest of the students on campus.
The girls filtered out of their room and made their way to the lounge, where everyone was seated in a circle waiting to learn the
identity of the bride-to-be. Janice emerged from her room carrying a long, tapered candle with a ribbon tied around it, and the song “Everything I Do” by Bryan Adams started playing on the boom box in the corner. Janice handed the candle to one of the girls in the circle, who admired the sparkling engagement ring that was hanging from the ribbon before passing it on around the circle. As the candle moved from girl to girl, the anticipation grew. Who would blow out the candle? Who was the bride-to-be?
When it reached Darcy, she pretended to blow it out, then passed it on to Jill, which made everyone laugh.
After several trips around the circle, Joanna, one of the girls from the other hallway, puffed it out, and the room erupted with applause and congratulations. She took a seat in the center, and spent some time answering questions about how she and her fiancé met, how long they had been together, and how they got engaged. Then her roommate prayed for her and their future marriage.
Michelle wasn’t one to get mushy over sentimental things, but after experiencing the candlelight ceremony, she thought it was a lovely tradition.
The girls of the dorm then lined up outside to form a human tunnel. Joanna ran through and on toward the pole at the center of campus, where her fiancé was waiting at the end of a tunnel of guys. They embraced and shared a tender kiss, after which, he climbed the pole and rang the bell at the top, proclaiming their engagement to the entire campus and anyone else within earshot.
Once he slid down the pole, the crowd of guys grabbed hold and hoisted him above their heads. They carried him across the yard and hurled him into the slimy pond. He climbed out not-so-gracefully and planted another kiss on Joanna’s lips.
It seemed to Michelle that the groom got the short end of the stick in all of this.
“That was so romantic.” Emma swooned as they walked back to the dorm.
“I don’t know,” Michelle said. “Why would anyone wanna get married at our age?”
“They’re in love,” Maggie replied. “They wanna start their life together.”
“Yeah, well, I don’t know if I ever wanna get married.” Part of that comment was influenced by her parents’ broken marriage, the other part by the fact that, although she knew God had forgiven her for her past, she still felt like she had nothing left to give. “And I sure wouldn’t want my fiancé thrown into the pond with all the goose crap. Who would wanna kiss him after that?”
Until Then (Cornerstone Book 2) Page 7
