by Jenny Colgan
Issy felt herself sit bolt upright all of a sudden.
‘Well, you know it’s crap and I know it’s crap. Everyone in China wants a fridge, and everyone in India wants an air-conditioning unit, and to deny people that kind of thing when they’re working incredibly hard under conditions we can’t even imagine is frankly totally smashed up. So why do we waste our time sorting out our sodding milk cartons and tea leaves? It’s not going to make one tiny blind bit of difference to the polar bears, you know that already. I guess we’re just filling in time here at school and talking about stuff like this for OFSTED, but really we all know it’s crap.’
Issy let out a low groan and her chin sank on to her chest.
‘So instead of fannying about with recycling water bottles – which is a joke anyway; if they were serious about this, you wouldn’t even be able to buy water in bottles because it’s arse – we might as well—’
Darny’s great ideas for a solution to all the problems of the world were cut off suddenly in their prime by a howling wail of feedback as Miss Hamm launched herself up on stage and grabbed the microphone out of his hands with a look on her face that indicated she regretted the passing of corporal punishment in schools to the very depths of her being.
‘DARNELL TYLER, REMOVE YOURSELF FROM THE STAGE THIS INSTANT.’
She turned to face the crowd. Darny still stood there, looking totally unbowed.
‘Ladies and gentlemen, I must apologise for the unprompted showing-off of one of our younger pupils … Is the guardian of Darnell Tyler in tonight?’
With hindsight, there couldn’t have been a better time for Austin to reply to the photo Issy had sent him with the words ‘Want to leave the country?’
‘Oh God, it was awful,’ said Issy the next day. ‘Awful awful awful. I was so embarrassed.’
‘I don’t see why,’ Caroline was saying. They were making eggnog coffee in the shop. Issy had expected this to be disgusting – it certainly sounded disgusting – but had inadvertently become completely addicted to it and was mainlining it that morning. The night before had been tricky; she was in no position to tell Darny off, but neither could she let him think that he was the hero of the hour, as his classmates apparently had (it was unlikely they had listened to what he was saying, but they had adored the bravura and the disruption).
But every time she brought it up on the way home (it didn’t help that Caroline had sighed and said, yes, she might have expected this kind of thing in a sink school, which as she’d just sat through over an hour of carefully put-together entertainment made Issy want to kick her), Darny had just shrugged and said well if she’d only let him explain, and she’d had to say that wasn’t the point, and Darny had said well that was hardly an argument was it, she must know he was right and everything was cyclical.
Issy tried to ignore Caroline’s nihilistic take on the whole thing, but she was surprised when Pearl weighed in on Darny’s side.
‘I’m not taking his side,’ Pearl explained patiently. ‘I’m just saying, it was quite a brave thing to do.’
Issy tutted. ‘Don’t be daft. My mum was always trying to get me to do stuff like this. Talk about CND or refuse to wear a skirt or something. She wanted me to be some kind of school mouthpiece.’
‘So what’s wrong with Darny doing it?’
‘I never did it!’ said Issy, horrified. ‘Cause everyone a bunch of trouble for nothing!’
Pearl and Caroline exchanged a rare smile.
‘What were you like at school, then?’ said Issy, stung.
‘Mine was a great school and I loved it,’ said Caroline, with a blank expression on her face. ‘I made friends for life and I loved boarding.’
Now it was time for Issy and Pearl to glance at each other.
‘What did you learn there, Caroline?’
Caroline ticked it off on her fingers. ‘How to eat tissue paper if you get really really hungry. How to pretend to be ordering chips in a restaurant then change your mind at the last minute. How to never ever tell a girl you like her boyfriend or she’ll call you a slut in front of the entire year. How to withstand prolonged and intense psychological warfare. And Latin.’
‘Happiest days of your life?’ said Issy.
Caroline shivered. ‘Please. Please let that not be true.’
‘What about you, Pearl?’ said Issy in a gently mocking tone.
‘I didn’t see the point of school,’ said Pearl. ‘And my mum never made me go, not really. I liked sitting up at the back of the class and teasing the teachers and hanging out with my homegirls and just having a laugh really. We didn’t care. We’d have eaten you two for breakfast.’
Issy agreed fervently with this.
‘Yours sounds the most fun,’ she said.
Pearl shook her head. ‘I can’t believe I wasted what I had,’ she said, with only a trace of bitterness in her voice. ‘They offered me a decent education and I chewed gum and smoked on buses. I envy Darny so much – he wants to learn, he wants to communicate and tell people stuff and engage. I couldn’t be bothered doing anything like that.’
She shook her head. ‘I tell you what, Issy, I hope Louis turns out like him.’
Issy sighed. And she hadn’t even told them about Austin’s job yet. She watched Louis patting the Advent calendar. ‘I wish your chocolate comes back one day,’ he was whispering to it. You were never supposed to want to swap worries with anyone, but for once she felt she could make an exception.
Chapter Nine
In fact, although she’d tried to make light of it, Issy had been close to tears by the time they’d got home the previous evening. She knew it was ridiculous – Darny’s outburst had nothing to do with her, and he was completely unfazed anyway – but it hurt that he didn’t even mind that she was upset with him. Everything she had ever told herself about not interfering in Darny’s life, not caring about him well, she did care about him. Of course she did. So it was galling to see that he didn’t feel the same way about her – why would he, some girlfriend of his stupid big brother?
Deep down, too, she knew that if she had pulled a stunt like that, no matter what the nuns at St Clement’s would have said, her mother would have been delighted. Thrilled with her, so proud. Her mother wasn’t often very proud of her. It occurred to her she ought to get Marian and Darny together.
‘So you mean it?’ Austin had said excitedly when she picked up the phone, exhausted.
‘What?’ she said, dispiritedly. She’d thought he was only sending her the message ‘Want to leave the country?’ as a joke, and had texted back, ‘YES PLEASE.’ ‘Look, Darny did something …’
‘Did he bite anyone?’
‘No.’
‘Oh lord,’ said Austin, thinking back to what Mrs Baedeker had said. She couldn’t mean it, could she? She wouldn’t seriously exclude Darny. No. He convinced himself she wouldn’t. Darny hadn’t hit anyone or stolen anything. It was freedom of speech. There’d be a row, but in that case it was an even better idea to get him out of the way for a few days. Yes. That would do it. And he’d make him apologise and everything would be fine.
‘Listen, I’ve got good news: the bank has invited you guys out for a few days!’
‘What do you mean, “out”?’
‘To New York!’
‘Why does the bank want me to go to New York?’
‘To see if you like it, of course. And Darny.’
‘Well, after Darny’s little stunt, he’ll probably be excluded,’ said Issy.
‘What did he do now?’
‘He deviated from the script in his school play. A bit. A lot.’
‘Oh yes,’ said Austin. ‘Yeah, I knew how he felt about that.’
‘And you didn’t tell him to stop it?’
‘I think he’s got a point.’
‘But how is that the right way to make it?’
‘I am imagining you as the goodiest goody two-shoes at school,’ said Austin.
‘Just because I behaved myself!’
/> ‘Well, as long as Darny didn’t bite anyone, I’m sure he’ll be all right to come. Don’t you think it’s amazing? Haven’t you always longed to see New York, Issy?’
This was a low blow. Of course she had. She paused.
‘But … I mean, is this it? Are you staying there for ever?’
‘Of course not!’ said Austin. ‘I can leave whenever I like,’ he added, skirting round the truth. ‘I mean, it’s really just a taster, then I can take it or leave it.’
‘If they’re flying us out, it doesn’t sound like they particularly want you to leave it,’ said Issy.
‘Well, tough luck for them, then.’
Austin didn’t have, Issy reflected, that same desire to please everyone that she had. She admired that. Normally.
‘But won’t you owe them something?’
‘Nope,’ said Austin. ‘I’m in demand, baby!’
Issy smiled. ‘Anyway. I can’t, it’s a crazy, busy time of year for us.’
‘That’s why you’ve employed two excellent staff members,’ said Austin. ‘To cover for you. Cut down on the cake styles to the ones Pearl can do, or leave mix or whatever it is you do … It should be like leaving a dog in kennels, shouldn’t it? Hey, you could take on a temp cook and—’
‘A temporary cook three weeks before Christmas?’ said Issy. ‘Right.’
There was a silence.
‘Well, I thought you would like it,’ said Austin finally. ‘It’s only a few days.’
‘I know, I know. It’s just impossible,’ said Issy. ‘Come home.’
‘I will. Soon,’ said Austin, deflated. ‘Can I speak to Darny?’
‘Are you going to tell him off?’
‘Um … I’ll do my best.’
Issy had sunk down on the bed, utterly deflated. Why was she doing this? Why was she lying? Of course she wanted to be in New York. Of course she wanted to get on a plane, leave everything behind her, fly to Austin, jump on his hotel bed … of course she did.
But Austin, she had to be honest, wasn’t the only thing she loved. She loved the Cupcake Café too. More than loved it; she had built it, nourished it, grown it. It supported her and her friends, and was the single best thing she had ever done in her life. And she knew Austin was pretending this didn’t mean anything, that it was only a holiday, a bit of fun, that he could say no whenever he wanted to, but it didn’t feel like that to her. It felt like soon, down the line, he was going to make her choose between the loves of her life. The thought was unbearable.
From the other room, she could hear Darny shouting. So Austin obviously had tried to give him a telling-off. She didn’t know what he was going to do about Darny either. Moving him right now seemed to her a very bad idea. But she was only the girlfriend. What did she know?
‘So you’re going?’ said Caroline and Pearl simultaneously when she told them about it.
‘I can’t,’ said Issy. ‘We’re so busy, look at us, we’re overrun. I need the cash this time of year.’
‘A free trip to New York,’ said Pearl. She shook her head. ‘A free trip to New York. At Christmas. Can you even imagine how many people would dream of something like that?’
‘Oh, I used to go with an empty suitcase,’ said Caroline.
‘Whatever for?’ said Issy.
‘To fill it up with stuff, of course! We’d just shop all weekend and then I’d take off all the tags to avoid paying tax at customs. Brilliant days.’
‘Shopping and tax avoidance?’ said Issy. ‘Well, it does sound wonderful.’
‘You’re the one turning down the free trip to New York,’ said Caroline. ‘So I will decide not to listen to you.’
But she couldn’t turn her head away for long.
‘Where’s he staying?’ she said. ‘Because 72 E45th is fine these days but the Royale is really going downhill and you won’t believe what they’ve done to the Plaza … all those awful condominiums.’
‘What’s a condominium?’ asked Issy.
Caroline sniffed. ‘You know. A condo.’
‘I don’t know,’ said Issy. ‘It’s just something Americans say, like bangs, that I’ve never really understood.’
‘Well,’ said Caroline, bustling off to tidy up, ‘I don’t have time to explain it to you now. In fact, why don’t you go to the States and find out?’
‘And cilantro,’ Pearl called to her retreating back. ‘What’s cilantro, Caroline?’
Pearl and Issy shared a smile, but it didn’t help Issy’s problem. The bell tinged as Doti came in, without Maya today.
‘Where’s your glamorous assistant?’ said Pearl, far too quickly, in Issy’s opinion, for someone who was meant to be making a go of it with someone else and wasn’t at all interested in the postman. Even Doti looked surprised.
‘Oh, she’s doing so well I’ve let her take some of the run on her own,’ he said, unleashing a block of cards wrapped up in a small red elastic band, and a large box.
‘Hurrah,’ said Issy. She had been completely surprised when people had started sending Christmas cards to the shop – it would never have occurred to her to do so. But they’d had one from Tom and Carly; Tobes and Trinida; from the students, Lauren and Joaquim, who had looked longingly at each other across the smallest, cheapest cappuccinos for months on end before finally plucking up the courage to talk to one another and were now madly in love, which was fantastic for them, but a bit of a loss of income; from Mrs Hanowitz, even though she didn’t celebrate Christmas, who thought Louis might like a picture of a polar bear wearing a hat (he did); and even from Des, the estate agent who’d rented them the property in the first place. And as Issy had strung the cards up around the shop (Pearl grumbling about dust), more and more people had joined in, and now they had a lot. So Issy had thought about it and decided as a marketing cost (she said this to placate Pearl and Austin) to get some printed up. She’d enlisted her printer friend Zac, and Louis’ artistic talents, and now they’d come back and they looked lovely.
Caroline had sniffed and said why didn’t they go for minimalist, and Issy had pointed out that when you sold cakes with three inches of pink glitter icing sitting on the top, nobody was going to mistake you for a Scandinavian furniture shop, and didn’t Caroline think Louis’ drawing was nice, and Caroline had said you had to be careful not to over-praise children – it was bad for them and meant they’d never achieve – and Louis had overheard and asked Issy what ovah-pwaze meant, and Issy had come closer to sacking someone than she’d ever thought possible.
Merry Christmas from all at the Cupcake Café
‘Well, aren’t they lovely?’ said Doti.
Issy nodded, then sighed. ‘Better add getting these out to my to-do list.’
Pearl rolled her eyes. ‘She won’t go to America to see her boyfriend on a free flight,’ she said. ‘Boo hoo hoo.’
‘Why not?’ said Doti kindly.
‘Because there’s too much to do and I don’t want to leave the shop,’ said Issy, expertly making up three hot chocolates and handing them over to some back-packers while spraying whipped cream on a nut latte for a fourth.
Pearl slipped four cranberry and fig cupcakes decorated with holly on to a plate whilst pouring two orange juices, wiping the surface, taking money, giving change and rearranging the front of the glass cabinet.
‘Why can’t you leave the shop?’ persisted Doti.
‘Because we’re too busy,’ said Issy. ‘Which is nice, but it means I can’t really go.’
Doti looked confused, as Maya clanged open the door behind him.
‘Oh, I love this place,’ she said, beaming her lovely smile.
Pearl gave her a surly look. ‘Hello, Maya,’ she said. ‘I like your outfit.’
Maya looked down at the standard-issue postman anorak she was wearing, which looked at least four sizes too big for her.
‘Really?’ she said, then anxiously, ‘You’re joking, right?’
‘She is joking,’ said Doti sternly. ‘Pearl is actually very nice, aren�
�t you, Pearl?’
‘Do you want coffee?’ said Pearl.
‘I’ve finished my round!’ said Maya. ‘We’re a good team.’
Doti looked at Issy. ‘What’s that, Maya? You’ve finished for the day? Wouldn’t it be lovely to have an extra job at Christmas time?’
Maya glanced at Doti and then at Issy.
‘You’re not hiring, are you?’ she said, a flare of excitement in her eyes.
Issy shot Doti a cross look.
‘No, no.’
‘It’s quite hard,’ said Pearl. ‘You’d need training.’
‘Ha,’ said Caroline from down in the kitchen.
‘I don’t understand,’ said Doti slowly. ‘If Maya could work for a few days so you could go and see your beloved, wouldn’t that be a good idea?’
‘It’s not that simple,’ said Issy. She was very reluctant to say that she would worry about not being in charge.
‘Can’t Pearl be in charge?’
‘Well …’ said Issy.
‘Don’t you think I could do it?’ said Pearl.
‘Of course you could,’ said Issy. ‘Of course. I mean, yes, we could narrow our menu … I’ll leave my book.’
‘I’d be completely fine,’ said Pearl. ‘And also, when I cash up, mine comes out even.’
‘Don’t rub it in,’ said Issy.
‘I …’ Maya’s face looked excited, then fell a little. She looked extremely young. ‘Sorry,’ she said. ‘It’s just … I’ve been job-hunting for six months. The idea of getting two … well. It would be amazing.’
‘It would only be for a few days,’ warned Issy.
‘It would be such a help,’ said Maya.
‘She’s a fast learner,’ said Doti.
‘Issy, did you break the new bowl?’ shouted up Caroline from the cellar.
Issy’s phone buzzed with a text. It was from Austin and said simply, ‘17.35 Heathrow Terminal 5. YES!!!!!’
This should, she knew, fill her with joy and excitement. Instead, irrationally, it made her a bit cross. It seemed presumptuous and bossy, as if she was being railroaded into a decision that wasn’t hers at all.
