I open the window, and lean out to tell him I’ll be out in a minute. It takes my eyes a couple seconds to adjust, but once they do, I’m stunned to see who is staring back up at me. I almost fall out. “Zane? What are you doing here?” Am I dreaming? I can’t believe after all these months and the excuses for not being able to make it home, he’s here. Outside my bedroom.
“Hey…can I come up?”
I’m so shocked that he’s here that before I can answer, he’s walking around to the front of the house. He’s no stranger to sneaking in. We used to do that a lot after Zeke died and I was having nightmares. He would sneak over, and we would stay up all night talking so neither of us had to go to sleep, afraid of what we would see in our dreams. Then, when I finally passed out, he would hold me till the early hours of the morning before he’d sneak back out.
I am still at the window when I hear the door open. He closes it and stares at me with a look I can’t quite place. I glance down and notice that I’m only in my panties and tank top, so I rush to my dresser for some sweatpants. Zane has seen me in almost every state of dress or undress except complete nakedness over the years, but tonight it feels more intimate somehow. Or maybe it’s the fact that I haven’t seen him for months that makes me suddenly nervous around him.
We stare at each other across my room for what feels like hours, but in actuality, it’s probably only a couple of seconds. Finally, I find my voice. “W-what are you doing here?” I can’t figure out why he came back after he made such a big deal that he couldn’t make it. Did he send a text to let me know plans had changed and I didn’t see it because my phone was off? I feel like I should pinch myself, like I’m dreaming he is here with me. But if I’m dreaming, I don’t want to wake up, because then he will be gone.
“Well, after your last text last night, I tried messaging you back to see what was going on. You said you and what’s his name weren’t together anymore, so I wanted to make sure you were okay. But you never answered me, and then when I called, your phone was off.”
I forgot I had told him that I was breaking up with Gunnar. “Wait a minute. You mean to tell me that you came all this way because I told you I broke up with Gunnar and then didn’t answer you after you pretty much bitched me out for asking why you couldn’t come home?” Why would that warrant a trip home? Especially since he said he had so much going on that he couldn’t make it.
“I don’t get it. You told me you had practice and a project so you weren’t coming. Then all of a sudden, I tell you I broke things off with Gunnar and turned my phone off so I could forget about everything for a night and have fun. You try to get ahold of me, and when you can’t, you decide to rush to the rescue?” It’s actually kind of sweet that he would drop everything to make sure I was okay. “Ya know what, forget it, it doesn’t really matter why you came back, I’m just glad I finally get to see you. How long are you staying?” I don’t have any plans for tomorrow because I hate going Black Friday shopping. I would rather stay away from all the crazies and not lose any sleep.
“I’m only here to make sure you’re okay. I have to go back tonight, Baby Girl.” He says this like it’s causing him physical pain.
“You drove all this way to make sure I was alright and then you’re going to leave again? But you just got here!” I turn away so he can’t see the tears that I know are coming. I’ve missed him so much, and now that he’s here with me, I’m not sure I can watch him drive away again. It’s going to hurt worse than the first time I had to watch him walk out of my life. The only difference is now I know things are different, and going off of the way things have been the last few months, this could be the very last time I see him.
I hear him come up behind me. Then his arms slide around my waist and he turns me around. “Don’t cry, Baby Girl. I can’t stand it when you cry,” he whispers into my hair as I let the floodgates open and stain his grey shirt with my tears.
I’m not sure how long we stand there, me crying and him rubbing small circles on my back while murmuring assurances, before I finally get ahold of myself enough to look up at him. What happens next comes out of nowhere. I have no explanation and I could not tell you who leaned in first, but the next thing I know, my arms are around his neck and his are so tight around my waist that I guarantee there will be bruises in the shape of his fingertips tomorrow. I don't care, though; I want his mouth on mine. I have dreamed of kissing him, but even my wildest fantasies don’t come close to this.
He walks me backwards toward my bed without breaking the kiss. I feel lightheaded from our connection or it could be that we hadn’t come up for air yet. Either way, I wasn’t going to complain. If I died right now, I would be happy.
Suddenly, we are falling back onto my bed. Fuck oxygen! I don’t need to breathe when I have Zane kissing me like this.
He is the first one to break the connection, but it isn't long before he moves his lips down my neck. “Please don’t leave me,” I beg. If he leaves tonight, I think I may die, because not only is he here with me, he’s making all my dreams come true with a couple strokes of his tongue.
He doesn’t answer me with words, but his actions are enough. He kisses down my neck, across my collarbone, and up the other side of my face. God, his mouth is magic. I feel like I could come from his kisses alone.
His hands are still in safe areas, but fuck, I want him to touch me everywhere. I want to strip him of his clothes slowly, and feel all the ridges of his abdomen with my hands and then my tongue. I want him to make love to me. The thought alone should scare me, or at least make me nervous, but it doesn't. I’m ready, and I want him to be my first—my only.
He makes his way back up to my mouth, but his hands are slowly moving down. His finger slips under my shirt, and he draws tiny circles on my stomach. He’s driving me crazy, and he’s barely touched me. I turn my head to the side to catch my breath, but grab his hand to move it up toward my chest while keeping the skin on skin contact. He hesitates for only a second before he starts to massage my naked breast, then runs his fingernail over my nipple. I gasp at the feeling that travels down my stomach to my core. Fuck, I’m so close to coming.
He lifts his head and looks at me with hooded eyes. “Fuck, you’re so beautiful.”
I reach out for him and run my hands up under his shirt. Holy shit, his chest feels better than I had imagined. I’ve seen it a million times, but touching him like this is unbelievable. I move my hands back down to the bottom of his shirt, and push them up gradually. “Please, take it off.” I don’t even recognize my own voice. It’s thick with lust and desire.
I don’t have to tell him twice. He leans back on his knees, reaches one hand behind his neck and pulls it off. His muscles flex in a way that has my mouth watering. He throws the shirt on the floor and reaches to take mine off. His eyes meet mine like he’s asking permission. I nod slowly and bite my lip. That draws his eyes to my mouth and makes his eyes heat. Before I know it, my shirt is ripped off and thrown somewhere behind him, then he’s on me again. I cradle him between my legs while he has one hand on my breast and the other fisted in my hair, pulling me into another dizzying kiss.
I can feel his hard length pressing into my core and it feels so good I let out a long, dragged-out moan. “Oh, God.” I rock my hips to meet him, which causes his grip in my hair to tighten almost painfully.
“Fuck, baby, you feel so fucking good.” He moves his head down and latches his hot mouth on my nipple. His teeth scrape against it with the right amount of pleasure and pain.
His hand slides down my side and inside my panties. Oh my God, yes, please touch me! He doesn’t disappoint. I feel the tip of his finger make contact with my clit first, then he starts to slowly rub in small circles. I've never touched myself before, so the feelings his fingers are bringing out in me are overwhelming to say the least, but in a good way.
I start to move my hips in rhythm with his movements, making the sensation triple in strength. Oh shit, this feels so good.
Z
ane moves his hand further into my panties, then brings the tip of his finger to my entrance. He slowly starts to push inside until I let out a loud moan. Hearing that, Zane starts to pump into me faster, then adds another finger. I feel so full and complete with him inside me, though I wish it were something else instead of his fingers.
Not wanting to be the only one feeling this good, I slip my hands down his pants. I must be bolder with the pleasure flowing through my veins. I start to stroke him, causing him to curse, then pick up speed with his fingers.
“I’m gonna come, Zane. Oh my God, it feels so good, please don’t stop!” He makes a sound that’s a cross between a moan and a growl, and it’s so sexy I think the sound alone makes me come.
As my orgasm starts, he lets go of my nipple and drowns my screams in his mouth. It feels like a live wire is connected to my lower limbs and fireworks are going off behind my eyelids. He slows his thrusting fingers, but doesn’t stop kissing me.
I can’t believe I just had my first orgasm. Not only my first orgasm, but it was given to me by Zane. It's lame, but the only thing that keeps running through my head is that dreams really do come true.
My body goes slack and our kiss slows. “That was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen,” he says breathlessly as he pushes hair out of my face. I should probably feel disgusting with my hair soaked with sweat, and embarrassed with his fingers still inside me, but the way he’s looking at me, I don’t even care.
We both catch our breath, and he rolls over to lie down beside me, my hand slipping out of his pants from the movement. My heart rate finally gets back to its normal pace and I turn on my side to look at him. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see he’s still hard.
“Did you come?” Even though I had my hand wrapped around his cock, I have no idea if he finished or not, I was so caught up in my own pleasure.
He softly chuckles and shakes his head. “Unbelievably, no. I thought you were going to unman me there for a minute, though.”
I’m not sure if that’s a good or bad thing. “I’m sorry?” I roll onto my back and close my eyes. It’s embarrassing enough that I had my first orgasm when we didn’t even have all of our clothes off, but to add insult to injury, he didn’t even come. Was it not good enough? Was I not good enough?
He interrupts my inner battle with myself by turning onto his side and gently caresses my face. “Hey. What’s the matter?”
What do I say? This is so new to me, but it feels wrong that I got off and he didn’t. Don’t guys get pissed if they don’t get their rocks off too? I’m not sure how this is supposed to work; it’s so frustrating. I want to lie in my afterglow and share it with him, not worry that I did something wrong. “What’s going on in that gorgeous head of yours?”
I look into his eyes and see they don’t look upset. “Did I do something wrong? I mean…for you not to, uh, for you not t-to get off?”
He looks at me like I’ve grown two heads. “Are you kidding me? It felt so fucking good I was worried I was going to come in my pants.”
I still don’t get it. “So why didn’t you? Didn’t you want to come?”
I try to keep my eyes on him, but I’m too embarrassed. He doesn’t let me stop, though. “Look at me, Danielle. Yes, I wanted to come, but I wanted to watch you lose control more. It was the sexiest thing I have ever seen, so I wasn't even thinking about myself.”
I consider what he said, and then come up with a plan.
I sit up and put my hands on his shoulders to push him back onto the bed. He opens his mouth to say something, probably to ask what the hell I’m doing, but I put my finger to his lips, silencing him. “Shhh…I want to do this for you.” I don’t let him answer; I just kiss him, then work my way past his collarbone, spend a little time playing with his nipple, then kiss down toward his stomach.
“Danielle…”
I start to unbutton his pants. He must be too stunned to speak, because before he can even get words out, I have his cock out of his pants and in my hand.
His head drops back as I start to stroke him again. I take the time while he isn’t paying attention to me to get a good look at what he’s been hiding in his pants. I’ve never seen a guy’s penis before, but Zane’s could be a work of art. I almost want to get my drawing pad out and capture it on paper, it’s so gorgeous.
I'm not really sure what I should be doing; I just keep stroking him, long and hard. If the grunts and his heavy breathing mean anything, I think I’m going a pretty good job. But I want to make him lose control, like he made me.
I glance up and notice he still has his eyes closed, so I use that to my advantage and lower my mouth to his cock. There’s a drop of moisture at his tip, so I run my tongue along the top to see what he tastes like, taking him by surprise.
“Oh fuck!”
Now I have his full attention. His eyes are no longer closed, but staring heavily at me. Holding his stare, I run my tongue around the top of his cock, then take him fully into my mouth. He hisses, and I’m not sure if it’s in pain, so I pull up to make sure he’s okay.
“Oh God, don’t stop. Fuck, please don’t stop.”
Loving how I’ve reduced him to begging, I enthusiastically take him back into my mouth, but he’s so big, I have to adjust. When I have him all the way in the back of my throat, I thank God I don’t have much of a gag reflex, because that wouldn’t be sexy at all.
“Oh fuck yeah, baby.”
Hearing that he likes it makes me get more creative. I've never given a blowjob before, but I've read enough books that I should be able to make it good for him. I reach down and massage his balls and start to work my mouth in a twisting motion while hollowing out my checks to get better suction.
He tangles his hands in my hair. “Shit, Danielle that feels so fucking good.”
I speed my pace up a bit and bring my other hand around to work the bottom of his shaft, adding a couple turns to my strokes. He grips my hair harder and starts pumping his hips. “Fuck, I’m going to come.”
He goes to pull away, but I really want to taste him, so instead I suck him harder. I remove my hand and take him as deep as I can.
“Fuck, baby, you need to stop or I’m going to come in your mouth.”
I push him all the way to the back of my throat and try to swallow him whole.
“Fuuucccckkkk!” he shouts softly. I feel warm, salty liquid hit the back of my throat, so I swallow again, which makes him growl. “Shit! Fuck, Danielle!”
A couple more spurts hit the back of my throat before I feel him soften in my mouth. I lick him clean, then sit back and look up to see he’s got his arm over his eyes and is breathing heavily. Not bad for my first blow job, I think. I crawl up beside him and cuddle into his side.
“Holy shit, where did you learn to do that? Wait, don’t answer.”
I don’t really want to tell him it was my first time, but the way it sounds, it may ease his thoughts. “I’ve never done it before,” I say quietly, still a little embarrassed, but happy that he seemed to have enjoyed it so much.
We don’t say anything for a while. We only lie there, side by side. I yawn and snuggle closer to him.
“Go to sleep, Baby Girl.”
I want to stay up and spend this moment with him, but I can barely keep my eyes open. Before I drift off to sleep, I hear him say, “I love you, but I can’t lose you.” I fall asleep before I can decide whether I heard him right or if it was just my imagination.
Chapter 9
I wake up lying on my stomach with the sun warming my back and the covers tangled around my feet. I reach my hand out behind me, but feel nothing but cold sheets. My head snaps up, seeing nothing but an empty bed where Zane was only a few hours ago. I look around my room and over toward my bathroom door, thinking maybe he’s taking a shower, but the door is open and the light is off. Where is he? Would he have gone downstairs?
I sit up and grab my phone when I see a note lying underneath it. I pick both up, check the time quickly and see it is a li
ttle after noon, and then open the letter.
Danielle,
I don’t know what to say besides I’m sorry. Last night shouldn’t have happened. You are my best friend, and I have no excuse for what came over me. I hope you don’t hate me and that what happened doesn’t ruin our friendship. I had to head back to school, but I’ll call you later. I’m sorry…
Zane
He regrets what happened last night. What I thought was a turning point for us was nothing but a mistake for him. Tears slip down my face, but I don’t even care enough to lift my hand to wipe them away. I can’t believe that what we shared meant so little to him. I thought watching him leave again would hurt, but my heart feels like it’s broken into a million pieces and someone set fire the remains. I should have known better than to think that my dreams were coming true, that destiny was finally going to make up for the shit life has thrown me.
I don’t know how I’m going to get over this. It was hard enough being around him when I knew I had feelings for him, but now actually getting a taste of what I so badly wanted and having it taken away, I feel like I’m dying inside. No, death would be too easy; I’m being tortured.
I fall back onto my bed and push the letter under my pillow. I want to keep it as a reminder to myself that he’ll never want me. Last night was a mistake. Our emotions got the best of us and one thing lead to another. No matter what I feel for him, he will never feel the same way. I don’t know how I am going to act like nothing happened; I’ll have to pull my big girl panties on and get over it. Or at least pretend I’m okay until I’m behind closed doors. That should be easy enough considering I have done a lot of pretending in my life. It's either that or the alternative, not having him in my life at all, and I'm not sure I can handle that.
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