“Happy graduation, sweetheart.” She hands the box to me and I take it with shaky hands. I look up at her before I slowly open it. Nestled inside is a heart shaped locket. On the front, there’s an inscription that reads ‘Ma Cheri Cheri,’ which I know means “My Darling Sweetheart” in French. I open it up to find a picture of her and me on one side, and on the other an inscription that says ‘Always in your heart.’ After reading that part, my hands drop in my lap with the locket and I start to sob.
She pulls me down so my head is on her shoulder, and begins to rub little circles on my back while murmuring, “Shhh…it’s okay, sweetheart, I’ve got you.” It makes me remember all the times when I was little and hurt or sad, and she would pull me onto her lap and rock me back and forth until I calmed down.
It takes me forever to finally compose myself again before I sit up. “I love it, Gram. Thank you.” Words cannot express how much I love this woman and what she has done for me. I will forever be thankful to have her in my life. I start to say she didn’t have to get me anything when the doorbell rings.
“That must be Jax,” I say with a sigh. I don’t even try to ask her if she wants me to stay home because I know she already has her mind set that I need to go out and have fun. It’s a day of celebration in her eyes.
“Go have fun, Danielle. I love you so much, I hope you know that.”
I lean down to give her a kiss on the cheek and walk toward the door.
“I love you too, Gram. I’ll see you tomorrow.” As I walk out her door, I hear her say, “Goodbye, sweetheart.”
I put on my new necklace on my way to the door. Once I have it hooked, I make sure I have my purse and walk out.
“All rea—Whoa, you okay?” Jaxon asks me once he gets a good look at my face. I forgot I had been crying a few minutes ago.
I wipe under my eyes and find black on my fingers when I pull them away. Great. “Yeah, I’m good.” I add a little smile and we walk to his truck.
Once inside, I pull the visor down to look in the mirror. My face isn’t as bad as I thought it would be, only a few smudges and my eyes are a little puffy. Nothing I can’t fix. He takes one last look in my direction before putting the truck onto the road and starts driving toward the lake. He doesn’t try to start up conversation with me, which I am grateful for.
Before I know it, we are at the party and getting out of the truck. “All right, let the party begin!” He takes my hand and we walk to the keg.
***
We have been at this stupid party for over two hours, and every minute of it I have spent sipping my beer and trying to come up with a way to skip out. I just want to be home, in my bed, thinking about my life and where I go from here. Without Zane, I really don’t know where that is. Yes, it wasn’t like I had him as a huge part of my plan anyway, but he was still there as my friend. Now, all of that is gone. I need to get over it and come up with a way to get on with my life without him in it.
I bring my cup up to my lips. Empty. I get up and head over to the keg to get a refill. I haven’t touched any of the bottles because I don’t plan on staying long. I’m only trying to pass the time by sipping a couple of beers, make it look like I’m having fun, then tell Jaxon that I am ready to go. If he doesn’t want to leave, then I’ll find a ride home from someone else. There has to be someone here that will be leaving early, and if not, I’ll bribe someone.
As I get my cup under the nozzle of the keg but before I’m able to get anything out, I’m being lifted up from behind and twirled around toward a table off to one side that wasn’t there earlier.
“Put me down!” I yell at whoever is holding me. I don’t care who it is as long as they let me go. They don’t say anything, but they do as I say when we are beside the table. Before I can turn around and yell, I feel hands on my shoulders pushing me down onto one of the chairs. This person is really asking for it. I’m in no mood to be here, let alone being manhandled.
I open my mouth to give them a piece of my mind when Jaxon walks out from behind me to sit in the chair next to mine. I should have known it was him. Instead of voicing my outrage, I level him with a look that says it all; I’m pissed. You know that saying “if looks could kill”? Yeah, I was giving him one of those glares. Not only would he be dead, but scorched and in ashes right now.
“Oh, calm the fuck down. We have been here for a while and you have only had, what, maybe three drinks, and barely said ten words. I don’t care if I have to suffer your wrath for an eternity, you are going to sit here and play drinking games and you will have fun. Do you understand me?”
So this is how he’s going to play it? I want to hand him an ass kicking, but decide to go another route. “Fine. I’ll make you a deal.”
He gives me a look that says there is no deal in the world that he will make with me tonight, but he stays quiet to hear me out. Smart guy.
“I will drink, play stupid games, and be sociable. I will honest to God try to have a good time. But if in two hours I still want to go home, you have to either take me or not stop me from leaving. Deal?” There is no way that even after two hours of trying to let loose and have a good time I will want to stay longer. Sure, I can drink with the best of them, but I haven’t been sociable in so long that I doubt tonight will be any different. But because Jaxon is my friend and he is making an effort to try and lighten my mood, I will try.
“Fine, but you better try one hundred and ten percent, otherwise the deal is off and you go home when I do.” Like he would know if I’m really putting all my effort into it or not. According to him, we’ll be playing drinking games, so the more we play, the less observant he will be.
“Okay, I’ll give it my all, but at the end, you have to keep your word if I say I want to leave. No matter how wasted and upset you are.”
He nods, grabs the stack of cards on the table, and starts shuffling.
“Okay. We’ll start with beer, but we'll work our way up to Jack.” I have no idea what we are playing, but drinking games can’t be that hard, right? Even if I lose, it’s still a good thing for me because I can handle any kind of alcohol.
“We’ll start off with Fubar.” As he starts telling me how the game is played, four guys join us at the table: Marc, Heath, Robbie, and Jon. I don’t know if Jaxon told them that we were going to be playing or if they noticed that a game was about to start. Doesn’t matter either way. The more people that are playing, the less I’ll have to interact. Though I will have to jump into the conversations to show the effort I'm making to have a good time, the others should distract Jaxon so that he won't notice me too much.
Two hours later, we have played Fubar, Never Have I Ever, High/Low, and are getting ready to play Paranoia. They said that this is the best game, especially after everyone has a good number of drinks in their system. I’ve had more to drink than I thought I would, and surprisingly, this is fun. I still want to go home, but I’m no longer sorry I came.
“So…” Jaxon says smugly, knowing I’ve had a good time. He’s had more to drink than me but he is holding his own. I thought for sure that he would be slurring and forgetting about me by now, but he has kept me involved and succeeded in helping me relax.
“You were right. I did have fun.”
He starts to say something, probably “I told you so,” or some other bullshit, but I hold my hand out to stop him.
“But…I do still want to go. I’m glad I came, but it’s been a long day and I just want it to be over. I’m sorry.”
He looks a little disappointed, but I see understanding in his eyes. “Okay, I respect that, but would you at least play this last game with us and then we’ll go?”
What’s another half hour anyway? “Sure. How do you play it again?”
He tells me the rules again. When it’s your turn, you whisper a question into someone’s ear and they have to answer it for everyone to hear with the name of the person in the group. The questions are general, like who’s the hottest person here? The part the makes it fun is that the
person named has to drink and then gets to flip a coin that decides whether the questioner has to reveal what the question was. This could get very personal and interesting, but it could also get ugly fast. And I thought Never Have I Ever was rough.
Since I’m the only girl at the table, I’m guessing that my name could be mentioned quite a bit, but I don’t usually care what people think of me, so I doubt I will get very paranoid.
As it turns out, my name has only been mentioned twice, and I haven’t cared when I flipped the coin to have them say the question out loud. Everyone else has seemed to really want to know what people think of them, especially when I say their name. It’s really funny. They now know who in the group I consider my top friend, which is Jaxon of course. Who I would kiss if dared, which again is Jaxon. Who I’d have sex with, again it would be Jaxon since I don’t know the others that well. And lastly, who I think could be gay, which was very awkward, but I answered with Robbie, who didn’t seem all that upset, so maybe I’m right?
Someone asks Jaxon a question and he says my name. He hasn’t said my name before, so I’m a little curious. This time when I flip the coin, I pray that I get heads so I can hear what the question was. Luck is on my side for the time being.
“Okay, spill,” I say, eager to know the question.
“The question was…who I would take a bullet for.”
Definitely not what I was expecting. It confuses me. I know we are pretty good friends, but I thought he’d for sure take a bullet for one of his guy friends and former teammates. Everyone around the table is silent, trying to figure out for themselves what that means.
Before the game starts up again, I take his hand in mine and give it a squeeze. I want him to know that I appreciate what he said. Even though I’m still a little confused, it makes me happy that he considers me worth saving, like a best friend or sister. Having someone care for me like that means more than wanting me as a girlfriend or a friend.
He looks down at our joined hands and then back up to my eyes. “You’re an amazing person, Danielle, and someone I consider family.”
I push back my tears and squeeze his hand once more before releasing it. “Thank you.” I don’t know what else to say.
“You ready to go?” he asks as he releases my hand.
I'm feeling a good buzz but am more emotionally drained than anything. I am definitely ready to go home. “Yeah, if you don’t mind.” I stand up and wait for him to follow.
“Not at all.” He takes my hand and leads me to his truck.
When we are outside my house, I turn to look at him. “Thanks for making me go. I really did have a good time.”
He smiles in return, then waits till I’m in the house before driving away.
I head straight to my room and don’t even bother changing before slipping under my covers. I barely have time to finish a full thought before I fall into a dreamless sleep.
Chapter 12
I wake up to my phone going off. I reach over to my nightstand and unlock the screen. It’s a text message from Jaxon telling me he is heading back to school. I type a quick response and jump in the shower.
I dress in yoga pants and a t-shirt, then head down to find something to eat. Once in the kitchen, I notice that Gram isn’t up yet. She wasn’t in the living room and she’s not in here, so either she went out for a bit or she’s sleeping. It’s after one in the afternoon so my guess is that she’s napping, which she often does in the afternoon.
When I finish my orange juice and a bowl of cereal, I go back to my room to clean and gather laundry. It takes me a little over an hour to finish, then I head down to start the wash.
I still haven’t heard or seen my grandmother up and about yet. I should to let her sleep, but really want to see what her plans are for the day. I’m thinking a nice lazy day is in order and what better than to lie around on the couch all day and watch movies?
I quietly open her door and see her in bed. I notice that she still has some pictures on her bed from last night. She must have fallen asleep while looking at them. As I step quietly into her room to pick them up to put them away, I notice how utterly still she is. She looks very pale too. I walk slowly up to the bed and gently shake her. But when my hand touches her shoulder, I feel how cold she is. “Gram, wake up.”
She doesn’t move or even attempt to open her eyes, and the only thing that I keep thinking about is how cold she is. “Gram, time to get up,” I say again but a little louder. Still nothing. “Gram, wake up…please…”
I shake her again and again, but she doesn’t move and she doesn’t wake up.
“Gram!” I shake her one last time, almost violently and start to sob. “No no no no no! Gram, please wake up. Please!” But she’s gone. She must have passed away last night while I was out drinking and having a good time. “Gram, please don’t leave me…”
***
Today is the day of Gram’s funeral. The past four days have been a blur of emotions and activity. I learned that she had heart disease and kept it from me. She knew she was sick for almost a year and declined any treatment. Her doctor said that he gave her medicine to make things easier for her and more comfortable, but she wouldn’t let him do anything else for her. I don’t understand why she didn’t tell me, but knowing what I know now, everything makes sense. Her being sick all the time, arguing about which college to attend, making sure I went out and built a life of my own beyond the walls of her house, and even our talk the night before she died. I see now that it was her goodbye.
I also learned that she had planned her funeral and made all the arrangements, going as far as making sure it was all paid for. That means at least I don’t have to worry about what needs to happen or what she would want. The funeral home even sent out all the announcements and said they would take care of all the rest. I'm thankful because I’m so lost right now I would probably mess it up, and she deserves to have a nice service and burial.
People stopped by the house and some called to give their condolences and ask if there is anything they could do. I tried to be polite, and though I'm not sure if I succeeded, no one commented on it. I just wanted to be left alone so I could come to terms with the fact that my grandmother is gone and is never coming back. It’s so hard because she was my rock; she was what grounded me. What am I supposed to do without her? I don’t worry about what I’ll do financially, not like I’d have to since she left the house and almost $50,000 of life insurance. On top of that, I still have the college fund and trust fund from my father. Money was the last thing on my mind. But I honestly didn’t know what I would do physically without her here. I would give all the money away if I could get my grandmother back.
I look at the clock and see that I only have an hour before I need to be at the funeral home, so I jump into the shower and put on the new black dress I bought yesterday. I didn’t have anything that I wanted to wear on the day I have to say my final goodbye to my grandmother and I want to look nice for her.
I don’t put any makeup on so I won't have to worry about ruining it when the tears come again, and I know they will. I thought I’d be all dried out by now, but I still cry every time I think about her or saying goodbye. I leave my purse because I don’t need to take anything with me. I just want to go and get this over with so I can come home, cry myself to sleep, and then tomorrow start to figure out where I go from here. That's all I feel like I've been doing lately, trying to figure out what to do and where my life will lead me.
***
The ceremony was beautiful and so many people showed up. More than I thought possible. Some I didn’t recognize, but mostly friends of my grandmother that I’ve seen from time to time and of course our neighbors; Mr. and Mrs. Hendrix, but no Zane. The only person who was really there for me was Jaxon. I don’t know how he knew about my grandmother’s death, but he showed up on my doorstep the day after, holding a bottle of Jack Daniels, chocolate, and pizzas. We didn't even really talk; he was just there for me.
I’m still standin
g at her final resting place in the cemetery when I hear my name being called behind me. I don’t turn around, but I feel someone stop beside me.
“Danielle?” I don’t recognize the voice so I glance up to see who would be here, talking to me. I regret it immediately. I know from one look exactly who it is.
“What the hell are you doing here?” I try to keep my voice down but am so pissed off that my whole body is shaking. He looks at me in shock, but quickly recovers.
“Danielle, I know I’m the last person you probably want to see right now, but when I heard what happened, I had to come to make sure you were okay.”
I can’t believe this man. After everything he has done to me and put me through, he shows up here, the day I buried my grandmother. “Okay? Am I okay? What the fuck do you care?” I seethe.
“Danie—”
“No! Shut your fucking mouth. How dare you come here, today of all fucking days, and think that you deserve to even ask that fucking question? What? You think because you fathered me that you get to walk into my life anytime you want? That you could ever comfort me? If that’s what you think, then you are even more of an asshole than I thought.”
I turn to walk away but he grabs my arm. “Danielle, I understand that you're angry—”
“Angry? No, I moved past anger a long fucking time ago. Now, I’m just plain fucking livid!” I try to walk away again, but stop because I want to say one more thing to him. “I understand that you were hurt after my mother died. I get it. You gave me up. I get that too. You had to do what you did to make yourself better. And I had a great childhood and was raised by a woman who loved me enough to last a lifetime. So if it’s forgiveness you need, fine, I forgive you for abandoning me. But you gave up the right to be my father the day you walked out on me, so do me a favor and leave me the hell alone. I never want to see or hear from you again.” I don’t wait for his reply. I turn and walk away. Now he knows how it feels to be rejected.
Rewriting Destiny (Forsaken Sinners MC #1) Page 11
