Jaicyn sat down on the couch. She was still mad but she needed to know how Rayshawn really felt about her. If he truly loved her or if he hated her, then he needed to open his mouth and be clear about it. She wasn’t leaving until he did.
“Rayshawn,” Jaicyn began, “I sat down in West Virginia thinking about you every day. Some days I was mad at you but most days, I just missed you and couldn’t wait to get home.”
“You’ve never had to go through what I went through. When you stopped calling, all I could think was that I took a charge for you. I lost everything because of you, and you wouldn’t even return a phone call. Now you sit here all pitiful like I said something to hurt your feelings.”
When Rayshawn still didn’t say anything, Jaicyn felt herself growing hot and she was about to explode.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” she yelled. “You acting like this shit ain’t your fault! So if that’s how you really feel, Rayshawn, look me in my face and tell me how you really feel. Don’t sit there like a bitch and pout.”
This time Rayshawn did look at Jaicyn. She’d crossed the line.
“You think you did something great Jay-Jay? You think I’m supposed to be at your beck and call because you took a simple possession charge?” Rayshawn’s tone matched Jaicyn’s antagonizing one perfectly.
“I respect the fact that you kept your damn mouth closed when you got arrested but that’s what you were supposed to do! If you have to take a charge to protect me, then that’s what you do. You don’t get credit for doing shit you’re supposed to do!”
Jaicyn started to interrupt Rayshawn’s tirade but he stopped her.
“No, you’ve said all you’re going to say to me. Just fuckin’ listen for a change! You came here claiming that I’m creeping with other broads, that I don’t care about you, but if I didn’t why would I have paid for your lawyer? Did you think King put up the cash for you to only get probation for all the dope they found in here? That was me!” he yelled. “Guess what else I did. I got your mother out of jail and paid for her to go to rehab so your little sisters wouldn’t have to sit in foster care until you got back. Lawyers, bail, rehab, that shit costs a lot of money.” Rayshawn paused and stood up.
“My mother is clean?” Jaicyn whispered.
“Hell no!” Rayshawn chuckled evilly. “She started using as soon as she got out. She can’t cop over here because I won’t let anyone sell anything to her on this side of town. I remember when you begged me not to sell drugs to your mom. I remember how that made you feel. So don’t play that ‘woe is me’ shit with me, Jaicyn, just because I didn’t return a few damn phone calls. Look at all the other shit I did for you!”
This was all brand new information to Jaicyn and she didn’t know how to react. On one hand, she felt bad for blowing things out of proportion, but on the other, she still felt that Rayshawn could have done a better job of being there for her. She didn’t know how to express that to him so she just stood up, straightened her clothes, and gave Rayshawn a final glance.
“Yeah,” she said, “I guess what you did was more important. But let’s not forget, if I hadn’t done what I did, your ass would be in jail right now. I’m out.”
Jaicyn walked out of the apartment and Rayshawn locked the door behind her.
Let her ungrateful ass leave, Rayshawn thought. She was horribly mistaken if she thought she could come into his place, yell, scream, and blame everything on him and he was just going to take it. Maybe she’d been gone too long and forgot that people change. At least Rayshawn had changed. He didn’t back down to no one, especially not a girl. He loved her but she made her decision when she walked out of the door.
Chapter 17
Jaicyn stepped off the number 5 bus into unfamiliar territory. She’d only been on the east side a few times. She didn’t know anyone on that side of town but she knew she was in the right place. She’d found out that her mother was often seen on 29th Street. Last time anyone had seen her was over a week ago. Still, Jaicyn had a feeling that she was still hanging around.
Feeling a little apprehensive but still determined, Jaicyn started walking down the street, hoping to catch a glimpse of her mother. She was determined to find her. It had taken two days to work up the nerve to come over here but she was clueless about where to go or what to do. She hadn’t come up with a real plan.
Jaicyn stood about thirty feet from the bus stop and looked up and down the street. 29th Street wasn’t that big. It was just a regular city street in the inner city. She saw a couple of dope boys slinging product in front of a row of apartments. She headed in their direction. If anyone on the block knew where Angelina was it would be them.
The two boys couldn’t have been any older than sixteen and neither of them looked like they really knew what they were doing. It was apparent to anyone walking past that they were selling dope. If Jaicyn, who hadn’t handled any drugs in her life could figure it out so quickly then so would the cops. Rayshawn would lose it if he saw any of his crew lounging and doing handoffs so recklessly. Jaicyn chuckled at the thought.
Jaicyn could hear the boys talking to each other as she approached their stoop. They were definitely Jamaican and so young. Jaicyn was tempted to ask them why they weren’t in school but held her tongue. She wasn’t their mother.
The teens immediately took notice of the cute girl in the tight jeans walking towards them. She didn’t look like a crackhead or a cop so they felt like she was okay to talk to.
“What’s up,” the darker skinned boy called to her, his Jamaican accent making Jaicyn smile.
“Nothing much,” Jaicyn answered, flashing him a flirty smile that set both of the boys at ease.
The other boy was Jamaican too but he was light skinned and a lot flashier than the other boy. He had gold teeth and his huge gold chain hung down to mid waist with an even bigger gold nameplate that identified him as “BONES”. He smiled at Jaicyn too. She was fine and she looked vaguely familiar. He’d seen her before and his smile faded when he remembered where.
“I know you,” Bones, said, standing up from the stoop. “You’re from the south side.”
Jaicyn nodded.
“You’re Rayshawn’s girl, ain’t you?” he asked.
Based on the boy’s sudden nervousness that Rayshawn not only was making more money, but his reputation had definitely grown bigger than the south side, a fact that Jaicyn planned to use to her advantage if need be.
“What are you doing over here?” asked the dark skinned boy. “We haven’t done anything to Rayshawn or his people.”
“Rayshawn didn’t send me over here. I’m looking for someone.”
Sensing a bit of relief, Jaicyn continued. “Her name is Angelina but she might go by Angie.”
Jaicyn pulled out a picture she had of her mom and showed it to the boys.
“Yeah,” the dark one said, recognizing the woman in the picture. “I know her. But she don’t look like that now.”
“Yup,” Bones agreed, laughing. “That bitch is ugly now. I can’t believe that’s her. Why you looking for her? She steal something from you?”
“Don’t worry about that,” Jaicyn said. “Do you know where she’s at?”
“She came by earlier, trying to sell me a CD player,” Bones said. “I think she’s staying with some people in some apartment around the corner.”
“Thanks,” Jaicyn said and walked away before she said anything else.
“Hey,” the other boy called, “you forgot your picture!”
Jaicyn kept walking. She had no intention of going back. That was the only picture she had of her mother and after she found the good for nothing fiend, she didn’t want any more memories of her.
Jaicyn rounded the corner and stopped abruptly. She wouldn’t have to search apartment buildings for Angelina. There she was, standing in front of a convenience store talking to a man who Jaicyn instantly recognized as Bobby, the father of her youngest sister.
Angelina looked horrible. Her once long and prett
y hair was pulled back into a tangled and matted ponytail. Her white t-shirt was dingy and stained and her jean shorts had seen better days.
Jaicyn was disgusted to see that her mother looked like she’d spent the last two years in a crack induced stupor but it didn’t stop her from breaking into a quick jog over to where her mom was standing.
“Mommy!” Jaicyn stomped over to Angelina.
The sound of her daughter’s voice startled the mother of three. She turned around and saw her oldest child staring angrily at her.
“Jaicyn?” Angelina asked “What are you doing here?”
“Don’t give me that shit,” Jaicyn yelled. “What the hell are you doing over here?”
Angelina looked down at the ground. She was embarrassed that Jaicyn had found her on the east side. She made it a point of staying clear of everyone she knew, especially since Rayshawn had practically banned her from coming back over to the south side. Now here was Jaicyn, back from Job Corps, doing what she did best, yelling and killing Angelina’s buzz.
“What do you want?” Angelina demanded to know. She was agitated and none too happy about seeing her daughter. Especially since Jaicyn had betrayed her by leaving Washington Heights.
“What do I want?” Jaicyn repeated. “Are you kidding me?”
Jaicyn looked around. People were beginning to stare at the nice looking young lady screaming at the raggedy and dirty crackhead. She didn’t care about them but Jaicyn knew that Angelina wouldn’t talk if she was embarrassed.
“Look,” Jaicyn said through gritted teeth, “where are you staying? We can talk there.”
“I rent a room with some friends,” Angelina answered.
Jaicyn cringed, knowing that these so called friends were most likely crackheads too since they all seemed to stick together. She looked at her watch. It was only noon but she felt the need to hurry this visit along. Angelina wasn’t the only business she had to tend to.
“Are they home?”
When Angelina shook her head Jaicyn insisted that they go to Angelina’s apartment. Reluctantly she led her daughter to an apartment building two blocks away. Jaicyn paused in disgust when she saw the squalor that her mother was living in. The hallways of the building smelled like urine and when Jaicyn looked around she could see pools of it drying in the corners. There was trash everywhere. She kicked an empty Burger King back out of her path and screamed when a dozen cockroaches scurried out of it.
Angelina looked back and rolled her eyes. It was just a few roaches. She continued walking and finally ended up at the apartment at the end of the hall. She pushed opened the door and Jaicyn was stunned to see the apartment that Angelina claimed to be paying money for.
In what was supposed to be the living room, there was an ancient smelly sofa covered with dirty blankets and an old TV box served as a makeshift table. Jaicyn couldn’t help but laugh out loud at the two rusty lawn chairs that were sitting around a milk crate. She guessed that it was the dining room table.
Jaicyn’s previous thought regarding her mother’s roommates was confirmed by all of the empty crack vials on the floor and the permanent burning smell in the air. Angelina sat down on the couch and looked at her daughter.
“Well, have a seat,” she said, offering a place on the couch or one of the lawn chairs.
Jaicyn wrinkled her nose. “Yeah right.”
“Whatever. Stand up if you want to, I don’t care.”
“I bet you don’t,” Jaicyn agreed.
“What do you want and how did you find me?” Angelina asked.
“Don’t worry about it.”
“Well, what do you want?”
Jaicyn was already pissed at the situation her mother was in and Angelina’s funky attitude wasn’t making it any better. She wanted to grab her mother and slap some sense into her. She couldn’t believe that the crackhead sitting in front of her was the woman that had given birth to her.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” Jaicyn yelled. “You were supposed to get clean and get the girls back. And this is where I find you, strung out and living in this dump? I can’t fucking believe you!”
“Don’t come around here with all that bullshit, Jaicyn,” Angelina fired back defensively. “You ain’t no better than me.”
The gloves were off! Jaicyn resisted the urge to punch Angelina in the face like she was just another bitch in the street.
“I am better than you. Because right now, all I want to do is slap the hell out of you but unlike you I can resist my urges. Just tell me where my sisters are.”
Angie shrugged her shoulders. “How the fuck am I supposed to know?”
“You’re their mother, damn it! You’re supposed to know,” Jaicyn screamed, losing her cool. She hadn’t planned on making such a big scene but how could Angelina act so nonchalantly about her own children?
“I know what I am, Jaicyn, but look at me. Do you really think that a judge is going to tell me where my children are?”
“You’re such a bitch!” Jaicyn yelled. “You have never done shit for us and now, when all I want is some information, you can’t even give me that. God, I hate you!”
Angelina leaned forward on the couch and looked at Jaicyn with contempt in her eyes and a flatness in her voice.
“Then nothing’s changed I guess. And you have a lot of fucking nerve coming up in here trying to cuss me out. This is all your fault!” Angelina yelled.
Jaicyn stood stiff as a board, shocked at the words that Angelina had just spoke.
“Yeah,” Angie sneered, “you try and act all high and mighty but it’s your fault that Rickie and Bobbie got taken away. You had your drug dealing boyfriend living in my house and got caught with all his shit! So, yes, this is all your fault.”
Oh my God, this bitch has lost her mind, Jaicyn thought to herself, which probably would have been the nicer thing to say instead of what came pouring out of her mouth.
“Fuck you, you crackhead bitch! If you had been there from the jump, like a real mother, I wouldn’t have needed Rayshawn to live there.
“That’s okay, Angelina,” Jaicyn continued, “you sit here in your cracked out apartment with your crackhead friends. While you’re sucking on that glass dick or getting AIDS from sharing needles or whatever it is that you do, I’m going to get the girls back and when they ask about you I’m going to tell them that you died. And if you ever come near us again, I will kill you and put us all out of our misery. That’s a promise.”
Jaicyn stomped out of the apartment and ran out of the building. It hurt to see her mom like that because she knew that at one time, Angelina had really loved her children. Flashes of Angelina back when she was beautiful and sober and a real mother brought tears to Jaicyn’s eyes as she walked to the bus stop. She didn’t care who noticed her tears. Her trip to the east side had accomplished nothing but heartache. She still had no idea where her sisters were and she had to witness her mother at the very lowest point in her life. Who wouldn’t cry?
Jaicyn closed her eyes and willed the tears to stop. She wasn’t weak. Tears are the signs of weakness and she’d never let anyone see her cry. She sat with her eyes closed, trying to think of her next move when she heard someone call her name. She looked up and there was Rayshawn sitting in the passenger seat of a gorgeous convertible Lexus. As usual, Little Man was behind the wheel.
“Jaicyn,” Rayshawn called again, “get in.”
Jaicyn walked over to the car. “What?”
“Get in. We’ll take you home,” Rayshawn ordered.
“That’s okay, I’m good. How’d you know I was over here in the first place?”
“Autumn told me,” Rayshawn confessed. “Please get in the car. You know how these damn Jamaicans are. They’ll be shooting at us in a minute.”
Jaicyn laughed, remembering how scared the two boys were when they realized she was connected to Rayshawn. Him being shot at on the east side was doubtful. But then again, he was getting money so the sight of him could ignite the Jamaicans already sh
ort fuses.
“Whose car is this,” she asked as Little Man sped down 29th Street.
“It’s mine,” Rayshawn answered. “I bought it last weekend. You would have seen it if you hadn’t come over talkin’ shit.”
Jaicyn rolled her eyes. She wasn’t having that conversation with him again.
“So why did you come over here to get me?”
“Because you and I need to talk.”
The way Rayshawn said it, Jaicyn knew enough not to protest. In fact, she was impressed by him. In the backseat of the Lexus, Jaicyn grinned. She was still mad at her ex but she respected that he wasn’t going to let her have the last word on their relationship. She loved the fact that he wasn’t giving her up without a fight.
Chapter 18
Rayshawn looked around the large hotel ballroom smugly. Over a hundred and fifty people had shown up for Dayshawn’s going away party, even though only about half actually knew the reason for the party.
Dayshawn had gotten accepted into Morehouse and was on his way to Atlanta. Rayshawn was excited for his brother. As much as he would miss him, Atlanta wasn’t Washington Heights and Dayshawn was better for getting out. Of course, he wouldn’t have been able to go to Morehouse without his brother’s help. Rayshawn had put aside practically every dollar he made in order to pay Dayshawn’s tuition. It taken hours upon hours of standing out on the street corners selling dime bags of weed and twenty dollar vials to save up enough money so that Dayshawn wouldn’t have to take out any student loans.
Now that his brother was taken care of, Rayshawn felt the need to splurge a little and throw him a going away party at the Ritz Carlton. Besides buying the Lexus, this party was the first time that Rayshawn really had a chance to show everyone in Washington Heights that he was more than just a boy standing on the corner hustling. He was the top man in Oak Park Projects. Like Jim Jones said, he was “Ballin’!”
Out of all the people in the room, the only person he really wanted to impress with this extravagant flash of cash was Jaicyn. As he watched her and Autumn turn down dance requests from one guy after another, Rayshawn couldn’t help but feel a little jealous that every other guy in the room was at least getting a chance to hear her voice. She and Autumn hadn’t said one word to him since they walked into the party.
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