“You shouldn’t feel like you have to choose at this point, Mimi. This is your first foray into new relationships, and there’s nothing wrong with taking your time. You may have rushed things with James a bit in some ways, but as time goes on you’ll see how your feelings develop and then you’ll be able to decide. Who knows, maybe you’ll decide that neither is right for you in the long run. Right now you have to think of yourself and gauge what feels right to you as you go along. Don’t worry about being selfish. You’re a young, beautiful woman coming into her own after a devastating loss. No one can fault you for not being certain of what you want yet.”
“I just wish you hadn’t had to leave me. We’d still be together living our perfect life. Who knows, we may have even had a child by now,” I said, gripping his arms even tighter around me. In that moment, all I wanted was him, to have him back. I told him as much.
“I know, Precious, but that can’t be. You have to live your life as it is now. Don’t worry though, I’m with you through it all. In that sense, we’re together forever. Now come. We’ll take a walk along the coast, and you can tell me about what you’re feeling.”
We rose from the chair and set off in the direction away from my hotel, hand-in-hand. I said nothing for a time, and he just waited for me to give voice to my thoughts as patient as he’d always been as I sorted through my feelings. Eventually I spilled all my hesitations and concerns, from being unaccustomed to being involved with more than one person to worrying about how my relationship with Justin would be affected, to the knowledge of sleeping with someone other than him.
“It’s all just new, Mimi. You’ve never had to confront issues like this. You and I were lucky to have been connected so quickly and consumed by our feelings for each other. There was no room for anything but us. Love and relationships are rarely like that.”
“I’ve only ever loved you, Vance. I still don’t know if there’s room for anyone else. I am not so worried about James at this point, we’re just getting to know each other and apparently having fun while doing so,” I admitted with some embarrassment.
“There’s nothing wrong with that. You have needs like any other normal person and you haven’t been ready for a new attraction to someone else. Don’t feel any guilt for it. You’re doing exactly what I wanted and asked of you. You’ll never be able to share your light with anyone else unless you take these kinds of steps.” He looked toward me with a soft smile on his face. “So what else is bugging you, my love?”
“What if the developments between Justin and I ruin what we already have? I love him dearly as a friend and can’t imagine my life without him, but I don’t know if any other feelings I have might just be a way of keeping you alive. He is a tie to you, my last remaining real connection. It may not be fair to proceed with him without knowing for sure.”
“How are you going to know if you don’t proceed? What if he’s the one you should be with in the end? You’ll never know and might miss out if you don’t take the chance. I know Justin, he’s not going to turn his back on you if things don’t work out. He’s not that kind of guy. Remember, I told you before how loyal a friend he is,” he advised. “If ultimately you decide you’re not meant for each other, he will recognize it as much as you will. He’s not a stupid guy.”
“I know. I just want to be careful.” I admitted.
“So be careful. Be honest and open with both Justin and James. This is where you are in your life, and if they can’t abide by it, then you will know right away they’re not for you. It’s really quite simple, Precious. You’re just overthinking things again. As usual,” he said to me with his usual playful grin.
I bumped his shoulder with mine and grinned at him as we turned to walk back in the direction we’d come. Oddly, the fog began to grow denser around us until I couldn’t see but a foot in front of me. It had even rolled over Vance, and I was having trouble seeing him clearly.
“It’s time for me to go back, Mimi. Come here and give me a kiss before I go,” he said as he pulled me into his arms. A spike of pain shot through my heart but dissipated as soon as his lips touched mine. This time his kiss was deeper than the last, and I poured all my love into it.
As the fog began to swallow him up, he reminded me, “Don’t worry so much, Mimi. Everything will work out fine. Just enjoy yourself for now. I’m here if you need me.”
As the fog completely obscured him from my view, I awoke with a start. I was back in bed in the hotel room with everything just as it had been before. Tears sprang to my eyes anew, but I was left with a warm feeling. If Vance said everything would be fine, it would be. Other than our difficult time apart, I’d always trusted him completely.
Once Justin awoke, I contemplated telling him about my dream. In the end, I decided it was a memory just for me and said nothing. We got ready and went out to partake of the lovely complimentary breakfast the hotel provided. I tried to be cheerful and enthusiastic, but I was thrown by the dream and really just wanted to go home and ruminate.
“Justin, would you be terribly disappointed if we didn’t go parasailing today? I’m a little worn out from yesterday. I kind of just want to go home,” I said.
“Oh. Sure, Peaches. After we finish up here, let’s go over to see when the next boat leaves.” He looked disappointed but put on a smile for me.
“I’ve really had such a good time, Justin. I hate to end our trip early.”
“Aw, it’s okay, hon. Like we talked about, we will come back another time. We can save the parasailing for then.”
It turned out we had an hour and half to kill so we did some shopping. We bought each other souvenirs, matching picture frames for one of the various photos we’d taken the day before. They were cheap and cheesy but the perfect memento for our trip. I would find a nice picture of the two of us to put in mine.
Once I arrived home, I almost instantly regretted cutting the day short because all I had was time on my hands to think and overanalyze. Then I remembered James had called the night before and left a voicemail. I pulled my phone out of my purse to listen to the message.
“Hey Kitten. I was just calling because I was thinking of you. I was hoping you might be free on Saturday. I’d like to take you out on a normal date this time. Not that I minded how things turned out last weekend, I have to admit.” I could practically see his devilish wink. “At any rate, give me a call whether you’re busy or not. I’d love to just talk to you.”
The message ended, and I couldn’t help but smile. I figured he was busy that time of morning so I decided I would call him back in the evening when I had a better chance of catching him. With that filling up three minutes of my otherwise unoccupied day, I decided to go shopping for supplies I’d need for school. I wanted to get a laptop I could take with me to my classes, and I needed some other ancillary supplies.
When I arrived home, I put away all my purchases. I had bought a mid-range laptop and sleek black leather case. I also bought far more pens and notebooks than necessary, but there was something about all the supplies and organizational materials that just called to me. I suppose it was just my excitement about embarking on this new phase of my life. Classes were slated to begin the following Tuesday and frankly, I couldn’t wait.
My phone rang just as I was arranging the last of my supplies in my case. I grinned as I looked at the display. It was James.
“Hey, James. I was planning to call you back tonight, but you beat me to it. I’m sorry I missed your call last night,” I answered as I flopped down onto my sofa and put my feet up on the arm.
“No worries, Mimi,” he answered. “I just had a few minutes and thought I’d brighten my own day by hearing your lovely voice.”
“I bet you say that to all the girls.”
“Now, now. Don’t go doubting my sincerity already. Give me a chance to screw things up before you get cynical on me.” He chuckled.
“Do you screw things up regularly?” I teased.
He laughed. “No, I don’t normally make
a habit of it. My life relies on me doing things perfectly every day.”
“I imagine it does. Well, fortunately I don’t set the bar quite so high,” I said twirling a lock of hair around my finger as I enjoyed our banter.
“Are you telling me you have low standards, Mimi? If you are, that leaves a world of possibilities open for me.”
“I am telling you no such thing. But if you happen to have a few ideas you’d care to share, I’d be happy to listen to them,” I said, laughing.
“You are quite a handful, Kitten. So hey, what are your plans for this weekend? I was hoping I could take you out all proper-like,” he offered.
“Don’t call me Kitten. As of now, I am completely free this weekend. When and what do you have in mind?”
“Well for the when I was thinking Saturday again, and as for the what, that’s a surprise,” he said cryptically.
“Hmmm. I’m not real keen on surprises, James. Especially where you’re concerned. I could end up at a nude beach or something.”
“Alright, I’ll scratch the nude beach off the list.” He laughed. “Seriously though, I have some place I’d really like to take you, and I promise you’ll need clothes for it.”
“Okay then it’s a date. What time shall I be ready and what shall I wear?”
“I’ll pick you up at noon, and you should dress casually, but bring a nice change of clothes for the evening. I suggest you not wear the red dress again, as we might have a repeat of last week if you do.”
I giggled as I dangled my feet over the arm of the sofa and swung them back and forth. “You say that as if it were a bad thing.”
I heard him clear his throat softly. “No, not a bad thing, but I don’t want it to be the only thing we do when we get together. That’s not all that this is about. At least for me.”
I smiled broadly, though he couldn’t see it. “I’m glad to know that.”
“Good. Okay, I need to get going here, but I look forward to seeing you Saturday. Until then, try to be good.”
“I’m always good, James.”
“Somehow, I have no doubt about that. But try to behave. Take care, Kitten.”
“Don’t call me that!” I exclaimed, but he had already dropped the call. Annoying man.
I awoke on Saturday morning with a happy feeling of anticipation. I wondered what sort of plans James had in mind. I spent time going through my closet for the appropriate clothing he recommended. Casual attire could encompass a wide variety of options from jeans and a tank top to leggings and an oversized t-shirt. In the end, I selected a pair of jeans that were soft and faded, along with a light green tank top with spaghetti straps. For the evening, I picked a cream lace, form-fitting dress with a tan underlay. It had capped sleeves, and the hem hit just below the knee. It was an elegant dress as I assumed we were going somewhere nice since he’d mentioned the red dress. I selected a pair of cream heels to go with it along with pearl earrings and necklace. I packed the evening wear into a small carry-on suitcase rather than a duffel since I didn’t want the dress to get wrinkled. I laughed when I thought of what he might think when he saw it. He’d probably assume I’d brought enough clothes for several days.
I wondered what to do with my hair that would easily transition from day to evening. I finally decided to wear it in a ponytail that I could quickly coil into a bun at the nape of my neck. With that also settled, I packed all of the essentials, hairbrush, pins, make-up, etc. into the case and zipped it up. I left it sitting by the door so I could quickly grab it on my way out.
At noon exactly my doorbell rang. I opened the door to find James standing there in a black tank top with athletic pants and flip flops. I immediately surmised that casual to James meant super-duper casual. I immediately rethought my jeans and sandals.
“Come on inside. Looking at you makes me think I might be a little bit overdressed,” I remarked.
James walked inside and gave me a brief hug. “You look great, but yeah, you might want to get a little more comfortable than that.”
Telling him to make himself at home, I ran off to the bedroom and put on a pair of yoga pants and my own pair of flip flops. One more quick inspection in the mirror told me I looked decent enough for whatever he might have in mind, and I returned to the living room where he was sitting flipping through channels on my TV.
He looked up at me with a dazzling smile. “That’s better. I think you’d have gotten too hot in the jeans. You ready to hit the road now?”
“Ready as I’ll ever be without knowing where we’re going.” I said, hoping I wasn’t getting myself into something I couldn’t handle. I had already learned with James there was no telling what he was up to.
After I locked up the house, we ambled to his car, if you could call it that. It was actually a beat-up, open topped, rusty and primered vintage Ford Bronco. I wondered how he had ever made it to Los Angeles from Lemoore in this death trap.
I stopped dead in my tracks. “Are you sure this thing is roadworthy?”
“Of course she is,” he responded looking at me with a shocked expression. “Don’t tell me you have a problem with Nelly, here.”
“Nelly? You named your car and you named it Nelly?”
“Yes, I did. You’ve heard the expression ‘Whoa, Nelly’, haven’t you? This baby goes pretty fast.”
“I think it’s more likely that people see it and say ‘Whoa! Nelly!” I said, looking at him skeptically.
“Just get in the truck, brat,” he replied, giving me a swat on the butt.
We set out west down Santa Monica Boulevard. I was happy we weren’t taking the freeway wherever we were going. I loved my city and never got tired of driving through it and looking at the people who populated it. There was so much diversity and flavor in Los Angeles, I couldn’t imagine living anywhere else. I snorted internally thinking of my short-lived plan to move to Arizona a couple years ago. In my desperation to escape my memories of my life with Vance, I was going to leave it all behind and start somewhere new. Thank God Laurel had talked me out of it when no one else could.
We got closer and closer to the ocean, and I wondered if we were going to the beach. He navigated us to the Third Street Promenade and eventually pulled into a parking structure. He turned to me with a huge grin and said, “Get ready to bring out your inner teenager, Mimi. This is going to be fun.”
He led me by the hand down Third Street to Ocean Avenue and then finally to the Santa Monica Pier. “We have some time to kill before the surprise, about an hour. Follow me.” He dragged me over to the historic carousel for a ride. He took a horse behind mine and spent the entire time shouting that he was gaining on me and going to catch me. Initially I rolled my eyes, but his infectious enthusiasm got the better of me, and I found myself leaning forward on my horse as if I were urging it on at a full gallop, screaming, “Never! You’ll never take me alive!” A few people may have looked at us like we were crazy fools. I suppose that wasn’t too far from the truth, at least as far as James was concerned.
After our ride, we went over to the vintage soda fountain inside. I suddenly wanted an ice cream sundae. They all looked so good, but James assured me that I wanted to wait until after his surprise. Instead, I got a cappuccino ice cream soda. He got a peppermint candy ice cream soda.
While we sat at the counter sipping our drinks, I did my best to try to get him to reveal his surprise. “You know, James, I’m a Los Angeles native. I have been to the pier a thousand times or more. I can’t possibly imagine what you think you can show me that I haven’t seen before.”
“Why Mimi, I thought you realized by now that I’m going to show you my idea of a good time,” he said with a devilish gleam in his eye.
“Well, I do enjoy coming to the pier so I’m sure I will think it’s a good time too, but I don’t know why it’s supposed to be such a surprise.”
He just winked at me and said, “You’ll see.”
After we finished our drinks, he looked at his watch and announced that it was
almost time for the big surprise. He led me again down the pier a little ways and for the second time that day, I stopped dead in my tracks. He was leading me to Trapeze School.
“You can’t be serious, James,” I sputtered.
“As serious as a heart attack, Kitten. You know I love to fly.”
“I assumed you meant in your plane!” I screeched.
“Oh no, babe. C’mon, don’t be afraid. You’re going to love this.” He tugged me forward, and we checked in for the beginner flying trapeze class that was about to start.
I cannot adequately express the thrill and exhilaration of trapeze flying. It was like the zip line with the wind rushing past me and the freedom of soaring through the air, only better. I didn’t have the cumbersome helmet, and I wasn’t confined in a heavy-duty harness. I did have safety lines on, but they extended from a belt at my waist. I felt the experience in every cell of my body.
We started with learning a basic take off. By the end of the class, I had only mastered (I use the term loosely) a knee hang still being somewhat of a ‘fraidy cat,’ while others learned neat tricks with names like the planche and whip. I was successfully able to make a transfer which made me feel like a real live circus performer so I didn’t feel the least bit bad about not being able to learn the other stuff. I was immediately interested in signing up for more classes so I could overcome my hesitancy about trying the other tricks and said as much to James as we were leaving.
“It’s an addiction, Mimi. You’ll take another class, and another, and another until the next thing you know you’re in the advanced classes,” he claimed.
“Have you done this a lot?” I asked as we strolled back the way we came. I assumed that I was finally going to get what I now considered a well-deserved hot fudge sundae.
Fighting Perfection (The Perfection Series Book 2) Page 10
