James was just as adventurous sexually. I often thought he’d eventually tire of me since I hadn’t experienced the things he had or even had any real notion of what constituted adventurous sex. To me, getting crazy was doing it in the car while parked in the garage with the door open. One night, we were laying in my bed after a particularly vigorous game of naked Twister. He had showed up at my door with a wrapped present and a huge shit-eating grin. Imagine my surprise when I ripped open the paper and found a kids’ game inside. He explained that the game wasn’t just for kids especially not the way he wanted to play. Of course, I had heard the jokes about naked Twister, but I never thought people actually did it. I thought it was just another way of referring to sex. Leave it to James to give it a good try for real. I have to admit, it was a lot of fun.
“Next time, I want to put baby oil all over each other and give it a try,” he said while we were laying there.
“Are you insane? One of us will end up breaking a limb at the very least!” I exclaimed as I lay draped across his chest.
“Oh, but we’d have so much fun before we did,” he said, pulling me closer.
“I don’t think so. You’ll have to try it out with one of your other girls.”
He immediately lifted me up and sat up himself. “I don’t have any other girls, Mimi. I’m only interested in you. Very interested. I’m not going to do anything to jeopardize what we’ve got going on here.”
My eyes widened. I’d had no idea he was so invested in our budding relationship. I cleared my throat and said, “I don’t know what to say. I didn’t know this was anything more than fun to you.”
“Is that all it is to you?” he inquired.
“Well, no, not exactly. I am open to all possibilities in my life right now. I was just letting things progress on their own, but I didn’t think of this as an exclusive relationship at this point.”
“So you’re telling me you’re seeing other guys?” he asked with narrowed eyes.
“Well, not guys plural, and I’m not actively seeking anyone to date, but I do have a relationship with someone who has been a very close friend which has taken a more intimate turn.” I responded sheepishly. I didn’t want James to get the wrong idea about me, and I sure didn’t want things to end between us. I had to be honest though.
“Are you sleeping with him, too?”
“No, I’m not. It hasn’t progressed to that point.” I replied.
James was silent for a few minutes, his jaw clenching and unclenching. Finally, he said, “I am disappointed, Mimi. I really thought we had something going here. I don’t see how we can truly get to know each other and explore our potential if someone else is in the mix. It’s been my experience that it only interferes.”
I didn’t know what to say. I adored James. He made me feel exhilarated when we were together. He was the most fun person I had ever met, and I was coming to learn that his softer side was extremely appealing. I didn’t want this to end--not at all. Conversely, my relationship with Justin was something nebulous at this point. I loved him and he would always be dear to me so it wasn’t like I could just stop seeing him to explore my relationship with James. I didn’t know how to put a halt to my new direction with Justin, and just then, I didn’t really want to. I didn’t want to be selfish, but I didn’t think it was wise to rush into a commitment or exclusive relationship with either of them. I did my best to explain this to James.
“James, I’m sorry if there was any confusion and if I contributed to it somehow. I don’t want to stop seeing you. Is this a deal breaker for us?” I asked, nervously.
“I don’t know, Mimi. I don’t like to compete for attention or affection.”
“It’s not a competition--.” I started.
“The hell if it isn’t. I’m not interested in women who are players. I don’t operate that way, and I don’t want to be with anyone who does.”
I was flabbergasted. “I am not a player, James. I haven’t tried to deceive you. I am just not ready to make a commitment to anyone or be exclusive. You’re the first person I’ve dated since my husband died. Surely you can understand where I’m coming from.”
“Then what do you call this other guy? A friend with benefits?”
“No, what I have with Justin isn’t like that. He was one of Vance’s best friends and became one of mine. He was there for me when I needed someone the most, and has been a tremendous support in my life ever since. We have a deep friendship. Just now, he’s interested in making it more than that. I am attracted to him and I love him for all that he’s done for me, but I don’t know where anything is going with us.”
“It’s best I go now. You give me a call if you decide I’m who you want.”
James got up and started getting dressed. I didn’t know how to make things right, and I couldn’t make him stay and hash this out if I didn’t know what direction I wanted to go. I certainly wasn’t going to allow myself to be forced into making some kind of final decision just then. All I could do was let him go even though the idea saddened me more than I would have imagined.
“I’ll see myself out,” he said after he had dressed and collected his things. “Best wishes, Mimi.”
With that, he left me sitting in bed wondering how this had gone so terribly wrong. Should I have been more up front with him from the beginning? I didn’t know he had serious intentions. If I had, I would have said something about Justin. Did I miss some kind of signal or inadvertently give or send some kind of message that I was serious, or did he just make assumptions? Maybe it was because we’d been sleeping together, and I made the assumption that he was just like most guys who didn’t construe sex as a sign of an exclusive relationship. With my marriage to Vance being the first serious experience I’d had as far as relationships with men go, I was once again out of my depth.
I got up from the bed and dressed in a soft cotton pajama set. I wandered into the kitchen to make some warm milk as I was far from sleep. I looked at the clock and realized the time was only ten minutes after ten. James had been here just two-and-a-half hours. I wondered if it was too late to call Grace. If anyone knew how to navigate this kind of difficulty, it was she. I picked up the phone and scrolled to her name in my contacts list.
“Hello, you’ve reached Grace Sinclair. I’m out doing wondrous and marvelous things, and I’m out doing you at it. Don’t be bitter and leave me a message. I’ll get back to you as soon as there’s a lull in my schedule.”
I shook my head at her out-going greeting. Only Grace would have the audacity to record something so obnoxious. At the tone, I left a message asking her to call me as soon as possible. I told her I had a dating dilemma to make sure she’d waste no time returning my call. One thing Grace couldn’t resist was the promise of some juicy details of some kind.
Not expecting to hear back from her that night, I took my warmed milk and sat in my living room turning on the television. I figured I could find some late-night movie and maybe find myself ready to sleep after it ended.
The following morning was a Sunday, and I got a call back from Grace bright and early. When I say early, I mean about six a.m., and when I say bright, I mean annoyingly bright for that time of day. She was just getting home from her date the night before, and as I expected, as soon as she heard my voicemail, was dying to know what was going on. We made arrangements to meet for brunch, and I promised to fill her in on my issues.
We met at The Sycamore Café around ten-thirty a.m. There was a bit of a crowd, but fortunately we didn’t have too much trouble finding a table after we’d ordered at the counter. Grace was remarkably self-controlled and didn’t press me for details until we were seated and she’d taken a few sips of the espresso she’d ordered. I figured since she was just coming off a very late night, she needed something with a lot of kick to it. I, on the other hand, ordered my favorite addiction from The Sycamore, an Iced Cubano, which was made from espresso, milk, and flavored with cinnamon.
Once we had our food and drinks and wer
e seated at a table outside, she started. “Ok, Mimi. The Dating Doctor, Dr. Grace, is in the house. What seems to be the problem?” she said with a twinkle in her barely bloodshot eyes. Only Grace could make a morning-after look good. I launched into my explanation of what had transpired the night before until she squealed with delight.
“Oh my God! You’ve been getting cozy with Justin? How did I not know this? Why have you not given me all of those details before!” she cried.
I had forgotten I’d kept the information about Justin and me to myself. Now that the cat was out of the bag, I had no choice but to buck up and let it all out. I needed help and giving those details was the only way I was going to get it.
“Um…yeah. We’ve gotten a little cozy since the end of May. I might have forgotten to mention it.”
“Forgot, my ass. We’ll get to your secretiveness in a little while. Tell me what he looks like naked. That man is smokin’ hot. I’ve been surprised you haven’t jumped on that horse well before now.”
I shook my head and took a bite of my quiche to stall for time. After I’d swallowed, I responded, “No, we haven’t had sex so I’m sorry to say I can’t tell you what he looks like naked.”
“Yet. You’d better dish up those details pronto once you do. I’ve been imagining it since your wedding reception so I need to know. If you manage to snap a photo with your cell phone while you’re at it, I won’t complain.”
I just gave her a withering stare. “Seriously, Grace. I am not going to take a picture of him naked for you. I don’t even know that I will see him naked. We’ve been taking things very slow as I’m not sure where I want to take things, and because I’m still seeing James.”
Her eyes rounded in surprise. “You mean to tell me that you told him about James? What on earth were you thinking?”
“Well, it’s hardly a detail I would keep to myself. It would be pretty bad of me to not tell him, especially considering he’s one of my best friends.” I put my fork down and leaned back in the chair. “Besides, he found out when we were on a date and a call came in from James on my cell phone. I have a picture of the two of us from Havasu pinned to his number so I couldn’t exactly wave it off.”
“So does James know about Justin?” she asked, then put a forkful of French toast in her mouth. “Please tell me you didn’t tell him.”
“Why do you think I need help?” I exclaimed. “We were talking last night, and it took a serious turn. Without going into excruciating detail, it came out that I wasn’t seeing only him. He had been operating under the assumption that we were in some sort of exclusive situation, and I had to be upfront with him.”
“It’s not how I would have handled the situation. I would have kept the knowledge of each other well away from either one of them, but that’s me. What happened when James found out?”
I sighed and pushed away my food, resting my elbows on the table and my chin in my hands. “He didn’t take it well and left. He told me to call when I figured out what I wanted. The problem is, I don’t know exactly what I want right now. I don’t think I’m ready to pick anyone or be in a committed relationship.”
“Well that sure makes sense, and it’s not fair that he would ask you to choose. Did Justin insist you pick between them?”
“No, not at all, but he doubled down on his intentions. He told me he means to make me his.”
Grace squealed again. “Oh this is so good. It’s going to be like watching a soap opera!”
“Can you please tone down your entertainment at my situation long enough to give me some advice?” I implored.
“Sorry, sorry. Let me think this through for a few minutes while I finish this delicious French toast,” she said. She took her sweet time eating every last crumb from her plate. I worried that she was going to lick the remnants off it too before she responded to me.
“Okay, I can see this a few ways. One, you talk to James again and see if you can convince him somehow that you’re not trying to double-deal him. Surely, he is just looking to protect himself from getting hurt. He obviously likes you a lot. Plus, you said the sex was good so you don’t want to lose that,” she said as I rolled my eyes. “If he won’t go for it, he’s not the guy for you. Any reasonable person would understand after everything you’ve been through in the last few years. Which brings me to my next point.
“Justin knows what you’ve been through so he’s not going to push you. He understands. He witnessed first-hand the kind of relationship you and Vance had and is sensitive your emotional needs. Just by not asking you to choose makes him look like the best potential candidate if you have to pick.
“This brings me back to my advice. You’re on the right track. You are not in a position to choose right now. You need to test the waters around you. You’re not going to find another Vance, we know that. So you have to see what kind of men are out there. Try them all. You’ll find what you want by finding out what you don’t want.”
“Well that’s a depressing way of looking at it,” I said. “You mean to suggest that I should date more men?”
“You know what they say,” she nodded at me. “You have to ride a lot of horses before you find your stallion.”
“I don’t think that’s quite how the expression goes,” I muttered, “but I’m afraid I already found my prince and now he’s gone.” My heart sank as that realization came to me. Vance was my once-in-a-lifetime love.
Grace looked at me with a tender expression. “It’s true, you’re never going to find someone like Vance again. That said, you’re a different person now. What you needed when you found Vance is probably not what you need now which leads me back to my advice. Don’t decide between the two of them. Keep all of your options open. Neither of them may be the right one, and if they’re not willing to wait around, what they need they aren’t going to find in you.”
I deliberated what she had said. I wasn’t convinced I’d ever find anyone I wanted to be with heart, body, and soul again, but I had made a promise to Vance to try. Now was not the time to be considering that. Grace was right. I needed to just keep my options open, and if someone, be it James, Justin, or anyone else I might meet, they were just going to have to understand and be patient or move right along. I didn’t need to be with someone right now. I was just open to the idea of companionship and getting to know someone I found interesting and was attracted to.
“I think you’re right, Grace. You’ve basically reinforced what I was already feeling, but it helps to get an outside opinion on the subject.”
“My pleasure, girlfriend. Now, tonight we need to get dressed up real sexy and get you out there to check out other potential options.”
“Grace, it’s Sunday!” I exclaimed. “Don’t you ever slow down?”
“I’ll slow down when I’m dead or have an STD,” she joked.
“My God! Please tell me you’re being careful!”
“Of course I am. I’m only kidding. You saw how many condoms we had in Havasu. No glove, no love, baby.”
I just shook my head. “Don’t you want to get into anything serious either?”
“I’ve learned that serious and I don’t work out, Mimi. I’m better off this way. There’s no Prince Charming for me. Well, more aptly put, I’m no one’s Cinderella.”
I was floored. Yes, Grace may have been a little wild and crazy, and it could be exhausting trying to keep up with her, but she was a fabulous person. I couldn’t imagine she wasn’t leaving a trail of broken hearts in her wake. “Grace, surely that’s not true.”
“Mimi, I’m thirty-four years old. I have had enough heartache by now to know that I don’t want any more. We didn’t come here to discuss me, though. You don’t have to work tomorrow, and you don’t have school. I’m picking you up at seven tonight, and I won’t take any excuses.”
“Fine. I’ll go out with you, but I’m not getting all hoochie-fied,” I said. “I don’t even have those kinds of clothes anyway.
“We’ll see about that. I’ll make sure to brin
g a few things along with me,” she said, winking at me.
I just shook my head again and wondered what I was getting myself into.
Grace showed up at my house right on time. She brought with her three dresses and three pairs of shoes. The heels were all five inches high, and the hems on the dresses seemed to measure about the same—from the hips. I vetoed them all. In the end, I wore the red dress I’d tried to wear on my first date with James.
She guided us in her car to Hollywood Boulevard where we stopped at a club well known for its electronic music and party vibes. As we walked to the door, I noticed a sign that said it had been reserved for a private party. I pointed it out to Grace.
Nodding, she said, “I know. It’s a singles event run by some dating agency or website. I don’t know which. I have tickets that my friend, Jill, gave me. Don’t worry, we’re all set.”
I followed her right up to a massive wall of muscle who was collecting the admission tickets from would-be entrants. Grace offered him her highest wattage smile and come-hither eyes as she gave him our passes to the mixer. With a sly smile of his own, he opened the velvet rope in front of the door and waved us inside.
As we walked through the lobby to the main dance area, I noticed another sign--this one announcing the event was sponsored by the Los Angeles Jewish Singles Association. I brought Grace to a halt by the arm.
“You brought me to a Jewish singles’ mixer?” I asked incredulously.
“Is it?” she asked with false innocence. “I had no idea. Do you suddenly have a problem with Jewish people?”
Fighting Perfection (The Perfection Series Book 2) Page 13
