by Lane, Terri
Jack saw a look of relief pass over Walter’s face. The old man still had a way of getting people to follow his orders, no matter what his situation was. He was amused at his mentor’s cleverness.
Jack looked at Sam and was relieved when she finally looked back at him. He shrugged, as if to say they had no choice in the matter. The corners of her mouth tilted up in a small smile. She kissed Walter on his forehead and drew the covers up to his chin and touched his hand. “We’re coming back, Papa.”
Walter nodded and looked past her at Jack. “I’ll be here,” he said simply.
Jack waited for Sam to gather her purse and offered her his hand again if only for Walter to see. He wanted him to know that they both entered into the marriage of their own accord, despite their reservations. It was the least he could do to provide comfort to him.
***
Hours later, when they were nearing the hospital, Jack noticed Sam’s fists were clenched in her lap. “What’s wrong?” he asked. He already knew as they neared the hospital that something was wrong. But he hoped he could hide it from her for just a little while longer. She seemed to have a strong connection with her father, though. So she knew something wasn’t right.
“Nothing. I don’t know.” She twisted the strap of her purse and looked at him. “I think we should have stayed,” she said, her voice wavering. Her phone rang and she slipped it out to look at the caller I.D. It was the hospital. She pushed it back into the pocket of her purse, her face white.
Jack pulled into a spot and turned to face her. “We did what he wanted. He was happy, you saw him.”
Tears spilled from her eyes. “I don’t want to go up there,” she whispered. “I can’t do it.”
Jack didn’t say anything, but pulled her into his arms. She dropped her head on his shoulder and soon sobs wracked her body. He might have felt alarm had anyone depended on him to provide this kind of comfort even last week. But it felt natural. This was his wife. His wife. He held her tighter before he felt her pull back to search for tissues in her purse.
“You don’t have to go up if you don’t want to,” he said calmly. “I’ll go.” He was upset too, but he knew when a man’s time was up, it was up. It was something he’d learned to surrender to long ago and he was satisfied that Walter had his final wish fulfilled and he went with dignity. It happened, he could tell. A feeling of sorrow washed over him and inside he felt a desperate need to shift grip him.
Sam dabbed at her eyes and gave him a grateful look. “I’ll make it,” she said finally. She sounded surer of herself but her eyes told another story. He understood her fear and gave her hand a squeeze.
He led her up to Walter’s floor and noticed all the looks the staff gave them as they approached the nurse's station. Sam opened her mouth to speak but the words didn’t come out. Jack wrapped an arm around her as her tears began to flow anew.
“We’re so sorry,” one of the nurses said sympathetically.
“He was our favorite,” another one said coming to rub Sam’s back. She looked at Jack and back at Sam. “He was really happy about you two. He went to sleep after you left and he just never woke up. He was at peace.”
Sam wept harder and Jack pulled her into his arms again. He gave the staff a nod of thanks and pulled Sam into the waiting room. She spent the next hour between bouts of crying and moments of utter silence. He used the quiet moments to look over the paperwork that the hospital required them to fill out before Walter’s body was to be picked up.
When Sam had fallen asleep, he covered her with his jacket and slipped into Walter’s room before his body was wheeled away. He paid his respects and vowed to keep his promise to take care of Sam. He went back to the waiting room to do just that, scooping her up to take her home.
***
Samantha gave the armchair a shove into position next to the side table and stood back to admire the new arrangement. A little over a month had passed by since Papa passed away. In that time, Jack had arranged everything for his funeral, had Sam move into his house, and took over the debt that was largely due to Walter’s medical expenses. It gave Sam some much needed relief from the pressure of having to take on more than she could handle at a time when she could only grieve.
She came home for lunch, something she hadn’t been able to do before because she’d had to make a forty-five minute commute into work. Now that she’d moved in with Jack it allowed her to come and relax before going back to work since his house was mere blocks away from her office.
Humming to herself, Sam made a plate for Jack and covered it. A few times they’d made it back to the house at the same time and she enjoyed their meals together. But occasionally they missed each other and she liked to leave something for him to eat when he came home.
They’d fallen into an easy routine, which helped cushion the blow of losing Papa. Although she’d seen his health declining for months, she’d been in denial that the strong man could succumb to any illness. She’d wanted to believe that he was more powerful than that. She was just glad he’d died happy.
A few times after the funeral, Jack took the time to tell her stories about how Papa was instrumental in helping him grow into the man he was today. She teared at the thought. Most of her childhood she could say she was ungrateful towards her father. He had his flaws, he was distant both physically and emotionally. But even when she knew he was reaching out to have her come spend quality time with him, she rejected those moments out of spite. Looking back now, she knew why her father behaved the way he did. He wanted her to be stronger, and he tried to toughen her up the only way he knew how. He wanted to provide her with stability when she would have only had chaos if she were with him. He gave her anonymity because he knew that if she were with him, she could become a target.
Hearing Jack talk about how Papa had coached him didn’t make her feel envious, oddly enough. It was almost as if Papa had known that he was preparing Jack to be with Sam since the beginning. So even when they were at odds with one another in her teenage years, he was busy preparing for her future.
She gave a small smile at the thought as she set out to walk back to the office. Although she and Jack didn’t have much time to get to know each other intimately, she felt an attraction towards him and knew he felt the same about her.
Once she got inside, Jonathan jogged up to her. “We’ve got a little bit of a problem.”
“Oh no, what happened? Is this about the Murphy file?” Samantha’s mind was already racing with the possibilities.
“No, actually. I’ve heard from one of my contacts in the military. Since your dad died, there’s been a change in the officers and long story short, the files he’d had permanently sealed are now under threat. So the new guy wants to throw his weight around and unseal these documents which, I suspect, were sealed for good reason.”
Sam bit her lip. She didn’t know the first thing about what was in the files but she knew her father would have mentioned them if he thought they might be reopened. “When did all this start?”
“Almost as soon as Walter died,” Jonathan said shaking his head. “It’s like they were waiting for him to go before they started all this.”
“Are we privy to any of these files?” she asked.
“Well, yes and no. We can see some of the files, but not detailed information just yet. We can see who or what they are concerning, so we can properly advise them or offer counsel, but until we take on a case, we can’t see anything.”
“Okay, let’s see them.” Sam said marching to her office, her mind already working out ways to argue to keep the files under wraps and out of the public sphere.
“Well, one more thing you should know,” Jonathan said haltingly. “Uh, your husband is one of the names listed.”
Sam’s brow arched at this. This was new. Why hadn’t her father told that much, at least? It must not have been anything he thought was concerning enough or he would have mentioned it. “Okay, thanks,” she said absently, sinking into her chair.
&
nbsp; Jonathan nodded. “I’ll have my secretary make the request that they send the files over. Nothing electronic, all old school as far as I know. Maybe that’s a blessing in this case. Less chance of it spreading.”
Soon Sam was elbow deep in paperwork trying to unearth as much information as she could about Jack. At the same time, she was wracking her brain trying to recall anything her father might have said that had anything to do with Jack needing some records sealed. Nothing, he hadn’t said a word about it. But why would he? He’d assumed they were sealed forever. He couldn’t have known that someone would want to have the files reopened.
She could just call Jack and ask him. She felt odd doing that. Suppose it wasn’t something he wanted to discuss with her. Without more information to go on, her hands were tied. She had to ask him what the files were about. She called Jack and he answered right away.
“Thank you for the sandwich.” He sounded happy and Sam forgot she’d even left it for him.
“Oh, you’re welcome,” she said. “I have to ask you a serious question…what can you tell me about some files that my father had sealed for you?”
Jack was silent for a few beats. “I can talk to you about that tonight. Walter never told you?”
“I don’t think so. I would have remembered him saying something about some sealed records.”
Jack sighed. “He told me he did mention it to you when you two spoke before I went into the room.”
Sam grew thoughtful. Had he? Had she just been consumed with Papa’s sickness and overwhelmed by his request to marry Jack that she hadn’t heard what he’d said to her? “I don’t...I mean it’s possible. He didn’t sound like he was entirely there when we were talking. He said you were a shapeshifter,” she laughed.
Jack was silent again.
“Jack?”
“Let’s talk when you get home,” he said quietly.
Sam hung up with him and thought about their conversation again and again the rest of the day. Why hadn’t he denied it? What was a shapeshifter anyway? She didn’t want to look up anything on her computer and was scared about the conversation she’d just had with him on the phone. Was she being monitored?
She left the office early, taking home a few things to look over for tomorrow. She spoke with Jack again briefly and he told her he would have dinner ready and would tell her whatever she needed to know. She sensed an alarm in his voice that, in turn, alarmed her more.
True to his word, Jack had dinner ready when she walked in and they ate together in awkward silence, his secret hanging between them. When they’d finished cleaning up, Sam sat across from Jack and looked at him expectantly. “We need to clear this up. I need to know what’s in the file if I have to defend maintaining the seal on it.”
Jack nodded. “I agree. Not just because you have to defend it, but because we’re married. You will find out anyway. Walter was right. I am a shapeshifter.”
Sam stared at him. “I just don’t get it. You’re normal. You’re human.”
“I’m also a werebear. And the records that have to remain sealed will reveal my identity as a shapeshifter. If that happens, all hell breaks loose.”
“How did this make it to an official record anyway? How did anyone find out?”
Jack massaged the bridge of his nose. “I’ll tell you more in detail another time. But the gist of it is that we were on a mission, Walter was caught and that was the only way I could get him out. That’s when he found out and he helped seal the records for me. No one else on the mission knew about it, except one officer who had to record the damn thing. He’s gone too now, but the record remains. I didn’t think anything of it because, well, they were sealed.”
Sam briefed him about why the records could be revealed to the public and he thrust his hand into his hair. “I can’t believe this,” he growled rising to pace around the room. “They were waiting for Walter to leave. These are all files of guys who did what they had to do to save other men. Sometimes you have to do the wrong thing to do the right thing.”
Sam wanted to press him about what some of the other files contained but she stopped herself. At the moment, this was about him and his file. She was married to him now, so whatever he had done in his past would reflect on her too. Her commitment to the marriage so early on surprised her.
She turned to ask him if there was anyone he might know that would be of assistance to him, or possibly owe him a favor but she didn’t see him. Samantha swiveled around in time to see him standing in her blind spot. “Do you want to see?” he asked her.
“See? Oh, well…” She didn’t know how to respond.
“If you’re looking for more information, this is it.” Without further warning, he fell to the ground on his hands and knees and his back arched as his body transformed before her eyes. Jack was gone, replaced with a bear. He came to a standing position again, but this time, his shadow was looming over her. He had to be at least seven feet tall.
Samantha screamed and leapt off the armchair she was perched on. “Jack!” she cried out and backed away as he began to walk towards her slowly. His hand was outstretched. They were Jack’s brown eyes, but this couldn’t be him. Her heart pounding, she backed into the door to their bedroom and ran inside shutting the door just as she heard him emit a low growl. Tears streamed down her face. What had she gotten herself into? What had her father been thinking? She sank to the floor and buried her face in her hands.
“Sam,” Jack said from behind the door. “It’s still me,” he said. His voice sounded even deeper, if that was possible. She felt, rather than heard, a growl from the other side and she scooted away from the door out of fear. Sam hugged herself tighter and clamped her lips together tightly.
A few minutes passed by, and the low growls she’d heard before she shut the door on him were long gone. “Sam?” Jack said in his usual voice. “I changed back. I’m sorry I frightened you. I just needed you to see for yourself.”
All she could see when she closed her eyes was him coming towards her. Did he cease to be himself when he changed, or did he retain all his thoughts and memories too? She had so many questions but she was too shaken to voice any of them.
“I’m sorry,” she said opening the door. “I’ve never seen that before. This is all very different for me. I don’t know what I was expecting.”
“It’s fine,” he said quickly. “It’s not something most people ruminate over anyway.”
The rest of their evening was relatively normal, but Sam made an excuse and turned in early. They had been moving closer and closer towards each other in the bed that she shared with him, and even last night he’d pulled her body flush against his own as they slept. Tonight, she wanted none of that. She wondered if she should consider sleeping in another room. Suppose he couldn’t control his shifting. She shuddered. Even the energy he put out while he was himself was so powerful that she found it difficult to do small tasks without getting distracted. But it was just a fraction of the power he gave out compared to when he was a bear.
Jack was nice enough to give her some much needed space after that and they only discussed the files as needed. She felt like he’d pulled away from her the night he shifted and she couldn’t tell why. She was the one who was frightened by it, and she had every right to be! She could hardly call what her father told her a warning. After all, she was overwhelmed with emotions the day before he died, she couldn’t have made sense of anything, let alone such a strange revelation.
A week passed by, and Sam realized that he was becoming more and more aloof with her. She felt a familiar sense of dread that she’d felt when Papa used to treat her as such when he bid her goodbye and sent her to boarding school after her mother had disappeared. It wasn’t an overt cruelty, but a loneliness settled into her that she couldn’t shake. And that feeling made her incredibly sad.
Papa had the best intentions when he asked her to marry Jack, and she saw that. He was capable, smart, kind, but he was exactly like Papa in this area. She just didn’t t
hink she could deal with another man who would keep his emotions so tightly under wraps because he decided it was better than releasing them so they could heal together. Jack was not the right man for her, she thought tears still stinging her eyes. She might feel a strong attachment to him, but she had to cut it loose. She wouldn’t allow herself to go down that road again, because in her experience, the payoff would be delayed until it was almost too late to appreciate.
***
Jack jerked his car towards the left lane and honked at the driver that pulled out in front of him. He was irritated by the smallest things and it was only getting worse. Since the day he had shown Sam the other part of himself, he’d felt the sting of her rejection. It brought back all the unwelcome memories he had as a child. Just when he thought he was long past those feelings, they found a way to manifest themselves at the worst possible time.
He understood why Sam was scared that evening. She wasn’t prepared, or she was ill-prepared, he couldn’t tell which. He had just assumed she would accept the other part of him as easily as she’d accepted his human form. He hadn’t anticipated her reaction to be quite so...loud. He recalled the look of terror in her eyes when she screamed. He waited for her to adjust to him being a bear but she’d been too disgusted by him.
It took him a long time to get over the aversion to himself when he was younger, and after a while he embraced it. Brash though he was back then, he met Walter soon enough and it helped him rein in his urges, or at least gain control of them.
The worst part about all of this was how his attraction to her was growing even though they were barely making eye contact. They were polite and distant with each other. He could tell she was avoiding him, and he tried to give her space to allow her to adjust. But the more space he gave her, the further she pulled away. He wanted to fix what he’d done and thought about planning a quiet evening at home so she would feel relaxed and open about her fears. He couldn’t change himself, but he knew she would come to accept him eventually, she had to.
