She nods, still upset and unsure. I pull her back against me and hold her face, caressing her cheeks with my knuckles. I see her eyes feather shut as her breathing picks up. A feeling low in my gut seizes me, something protective. I don’t want to share her with him or anyone else. Our lives need to be fixed. I have to say this, so I let down my guard and go on.
“Things between us are pretty fucked up. Our relationship’s unstable, Kylie. This won’t be easy for us. This is me trying, baby, but I need you to understand something. I don’t trust you.”
She recoils and looks away. I wish I could say this in a way that won’t wound her, but we’re so raw, cut open, that I don’t think any more damage can be done.
“No, don’t look away. Look at me.” She does, and I feel sucker punched. Her face is filled with an emotion I can’t read. A piece of her black hair falls in her eyes and I tuck it behind her ear, just needing to touch her. “I know you don’t trust me either, Ky. That’s okay. We’ll work toward that. We’ll take our time and fix us slowly. I just need you to work with me, let me handle this. I swear I will do my best not to hurt you and to become what you need me to be.”
My chest throbs as I gaze into the eyes that can put any grown man on his knees. I grip her tighter, and she wraps her silky arms around my neck. I feel possessive, needy, and I fucking hate it. I hate that this girl owns the edges of my sanity. I tuck my face in the hollow of her neck and let her scent entice me to relax. I give in to her and force myself to try to trust her. If she’s telling me the truth and she hasn’t fucked Gray, then I can work with that. I should’ve been taking care of her all along.
“I don’t want to share you.” I groan, the thought of him touching her churning a storm in me. “Please, this thing with him needs to stop. Let me work that out. Let me take care of Layla. Don’t worry about the business. I’ve got it. You know me. I know what I’m doing, and I’ve got something else worked out.”
She sighs, weaving her hands in my hair. “God, Cooper, I don’t want you to give all this up because of me. I don’t want to ruin things for you any more than I have.”
“You haven’t ruined anything. We’ve both screwed this up. But seriously, listen to what I’m saying. No more Gray. He’s my responsibility. I can handle this for us.” My heart rate doubles as I wait for her to tell me what I want to hear.
“Okay. No more Gray.” She sighs. “I don’t want to hurt him, Coop. I really don’t. This is going to kill him. I feel like a piece of shit just cutting him off.”
I pull back and look at her. I know I’m being a dick, but she’s mine, and I’m going to take care of what’s mine. “What about me? Do you want to hurt me?” Fuck, she doesn’t want to hurt him? What about me? I don’t give a rat’s ass about how he feels. How can she even think that this wouldn’t bother me?
She looks shocked by the question. “No, of course not. Never.”
“Good. Because thinking about him with you makes me feel deadly.”
Understanding penetrates her features. “Are you jealous?” she whispers, her eyes gleaming.
I look at her a minute, gauging her reactions that feel new to me. I feel a buzz low in my belly. She’s crushed up against me, her nipples stroking my chest, her hips hugging my legs. “Yeah, I’m jealous. I’m not letting you go again. We may fight, we may scream, throw shit, and get angry, but I finally have you back, and fuck if I’m letting anyone else have you.”
“That feels good,” she murmurs with a shy smile.
“What feels good?” I rub my fingers across the arch of her cheek.
“You feeling jealous of me. It’s been a while.”
My throat tightens as I struggle for words. “I’ve never stopped being jealous of you. I just… I’m sorry, baby.”
“It’s okay,” she whispers. “I think there’s a lot that we’re both sorry for.” We stare at each other. After a minute, she smiles weakly. “We should go inside.”
I look around the quiet parking lot and nod. I’m dreading it, but Layla awaits. “Okay, we’ll talk more later. Are you going to be okay? If you want to go, just yell.” I smile, trying to lighten the mood.
“Yell?” She giggles.
I kiss her cheek, grab her hand, and lead her to the entrance. “You know what I mean. Just come get me.”
“I will.” She stops just as we get to the door, pulling on my hand. “Cooper, wait, I need to ask you for something.”
“Okay,” I say quietly.
“This is going to sound stupid, but please don’t touch her or let her touch you.”
She winces, and I notice the possessiveness that takes over her body. My dick stirs at the way she wants me only for herself. I love it. We’ve been drowning our desire and need for each other for too long, and now our buried feelings are springing to life.
“I won’t,” I say.
“Just say what you need to say and keep your distance. Please? For me?”
“What do you think I’m going to do with her?” I ask.
“I don’t know.” Honesty and vulnerability filters through her words. “But my mind’s running away with me.”
“Try to trust me. I won’t hurt you anymore, Kylie.”
“I’m trying.” She trembles.
“You can be there with Layla and me if you want to,” I say, attempting to make her feel better. I really don’t want her there because I don’t know what’s going to be said or how it’s going to go, but I also don’t like that look in her eyes. She’s given me the opportunity to deal with Gray, so I should do the same with Layla.
“Your face is telling me another story, Cooper. I can see right through you. You don’t want me there,” she says, her tone hurt.
“It’s not for the reason you’re thinking.”
“Whatever the reason, just tell me that this is it. After this, no more with her.”
“This is it,” I say, pulling her in for a hug. “Nothing’s going to happen but talking. I promise.”
“Okay.”
“One day, one moment, one step at a time, Kylie.”
She nods and pulls back. We continue through the doors. When we step inside, I pull on her hand to stop her.
“One other thing,” I whisper, pulling her flush to my chest. She looks at me wide-eyed. I bring my mouth to her ear. “When we get home, those shoes Gray gave you are getting burned.”
She laughs, the sound tickling its way to my cock. “Oh my God, are you serious?”
“As a motherfucking heart attack.”
Her giggle lightens my chest. Let’s hope that at the end of this, we’ll be better off than when we started.
I hear a knock and look up as a head of glossy auburn hair peeks in the door. Layla smiles, her green eyes dancing happily. My stomach tightens. Damn, I hate to be a dick to this girl. She’s been really good to me.
“Can I come in?” she asks in that husky lilt that first caught my attention.
I lean back and bring my eyes to hers. “Yeah. I was just going to call you in here actually.”
“Did you need something?” she asks with a temptress smile.
I swallow and avert my eyes. She steps into the room, closing the door behind her. Suddenly I feel hot, almost suffocated. I pull at the collar of my shirt. The way she’s staring at me makes me uncomfortable. She thinks she’s coming in here for a quick fuck.
“Nope, I just needed to talk to you,” I say, as casual and unaffected as possible.
She sits on the edge of my desk, smiling at me as she crosses her legs. I remind myself that I need to do this in a way that won’t hurt her. She knew I was married and that things between us were strictly sexual. Yes, I used her, but that was what she signed up for.
“Okay, about?” she whispers, her eyes locking on mine. She leans forward, revealing the dip between her tits, and my eyes go to a place they’ve been time and time again.
I’m a man. Women are beautiful. It’s hard not to look, especially when a woman as beautiful as Layla flaunts herself in my
face. But as soon as I see the swell of her breasts, Kylie’s face pops into my head. Having her again reminds me that no other woman can come close to her beauty.
“Us.” I lift my eyes to hers, watching her face cautiously.
She sits up a little, the gleam disappearing from her face. “Okay… Is something wrong?”
I collect my thoughts. “Yeah. You could say that.”
Her eyes skip across my face. I watch her carefully. She casually smiles again, as if dispelling what I just said, and drags her gaze down my body, pausing on my cock. I feel blood rush to my head as she draws her bottom lip into her mouth and lazily lifts her eyes back to mine. The woman’s a fucking tiger. She could eat me alive in seconds.
“Where have you been the last couple of days?” she asks, ignoring my last statement.
I feel my body tighten with the sexual energy she releases. There’s no doubt we’ve had some good times. Times where I’ve needed and used her, but there have definitely been others where I’ve fucked her raw, pushed her hard while thinking about another blue eyed beauty. One that’s been haunting me and following me for the last two years. One that I need to earn back. And this, what she’s throwing at me right now, is not something Kylie would be okay with. It’s time to come clean.
“I’ve been with my wife,” I say as gently as I can, waiting for the backlash.
“What?” Anger and hurt flares in her eyes, and her vixen composure slips.
I feel like shit. This is what happens when you play with fire too long. “I’m sorry, Layla. I don’t want to hurt you, but we’re working it out.”
“Do you really want her?” There’s a sting in her eyes that hurts me to see. She’s walked into this knowingly, but she’s still a woman, and one with a heart. She doesn’t deserve to be tossed to the side without an explanation.
“Yeah,” I say, trying to be delicate. “I’ve always wanted her.”
“I don’t think you know what you want,” she whispers, her voice wounded but serious.
“That’s not true. You knew where I stood. I never wanted to hurt you, but you knew what you were getting with me. I’ve told you plenty of times how I feel about Kylie.”
“Yeah, you have, but you don’t need her. You think you do, but I promise you don’t. I could be good for you, Cooper. I can give you something she can’t.”
“Don’t, Lay, don’t do this,” I say in warning.
“No, you need to hear this. You’ve got to understand what kind of woman you’re going back to. You owe me this.”
“I don’t want to hear it,” I say. “I’m not going to let you tear her down.”
“Fuck that, Cooper. You’re either naïve or stupid. I can’t decide which, but I’m saying this anyway. Your wife can’t be loyal. I can. I can be faithful to you. You’d never, ever have to doubt my commitment to you.” She searches my face.
I feel my blood pressure rise, pulsing through my nervous system like poison. I can tell what she has left to say is going to be damaging. I see it written all over her face.
“Please,” she continues, “please just stop and remember how many times she’s screwed you over. How did we start, Cooper? You and I?”
“It doesn’t matter how we started. None of that matters. I love her.”
“Do you even know how many men she’s taken to her bed?” She shakes her head, eyes glinting with upset. “Ask yourself how many men have touched your wife, have been buried inside her body.”
I try to contain the hurt that picture paints. My foot taps until I can’t contain the urge to move. I stand and walk over to the window. Kylie’s made mistakes. I get it. It hurts so fucking badly to think of someone touching her, but does it matter? Does it mean anything? My insides twist, wringing me dry. “Stop,” I expel, tortured. “Please, stop this bullshit.”
I can’t speak. The thought of Ky being handled by someone else knocks the air right out of my body like a pitcher throwing a fastball and hitting the batter. There’s a lot I don’t know. So much so, that if I actually knew, I wouldn’t be able to bear it. The guilt would devour me.
“Jesus,” she murmurs, “she doesn’t know, does she?”
My hurt turns to anger. “What the fuck does that matter? It doesn’t. All that means nothing.”
She walks around the desk like a cobra getting ready to strike. I brace myself. No matter what she does, it won’t work. When I close my eyes, all I see is Kylie. When I breathe, all I smell is Kylie. Good or bad, I don’t give a shit anymore. I simply don’t care about anything but fixing my marriage.
“This,” I say, pointing between us, “is over. You knew what you were getting with me. I was very clear. What did I tell you when we started this?” I pause, my brows rising. “That this could be over at a moment’s notice. Well, Lay, this is your notice.” I cringe inwardly at my hateful tone. “I didn’t want to be a bastard, but you’re insulting my wife.”
She laughs mirthlessly, her eyes filling with disbelief. “What are you now? The fucking Brady Bunch after a couple days?” She throws her hands up and shakes her head. “Wake up, Cooper. She’s going to screw you over again. It’s inevitable. Do you really think she’s going to be faithful to you?”
“We had an agreement, Layla. There was no unfaithfulness in my marriage. I knew what she was doing.” Of course I felt betrayed by my wife, but Layla doesn’t need to know that.
“Are you sure you knew exactly what she was doing?” she asks. “She’s been pretty damn cozy with Grayson. Wasn’t that one of your ridiculous ‘lines in the sand’?”
I try to stay calm, reminding myself that Kylie insists nothing is going on between her and Grayson. No deep feelings, no sex, and that I can deal with. We’d set boundaries, and as messed up as they were, they were there for a reason. Yes, I led myself to believe I’d get over the men she would rotate through her door, but I knew that if she’d fallen in love and had sex with Gray, I would lose it. It’d sever us completely. He’s like my brother, and I’d feel fucking lethal if there was something deep going on there that she’s lied to me about.
“There’s nothing there. He looked after her, and obviously they’ve developed a close friendship, but that’s it. Not that any of this is your business.”
“Are you sure about that?”
My blood’s thrashing in my ears like angry waves in the middle of a thunderstorm. I don’t know what I think or what I’m sure about, but I know I’m going to give Kylie the benefit of the doubt, because we’ve both repeatedly fucked up. She knows me better than anyone in this world and her screwing Gray would be like me screwing Cali.
She wouldn’t do it.
“I want my wife back, and nothing you’re saying or trying to get me to believe will change that. I love her, Layla. The past two years have been nothing short of torturous, but I finally have her back. I’m not going to let you or Gray get in the way.”
She whips her head back and forth, her eyes flaring. “You’re being naïve. You don’t know her, Coop. You think you do, but she’s changed. You’ve told me everything she’s done because you needed someone to confide in. Taking her back and playing house like nothing’s happened is stupid. You’re both not even close to being able to move on. I don’t know why you bothered staying married to that nasty bitch.”
That comment sends me fucking volcanic. Heat swells deep within my chest, lava spewing from every fiber of my being. “Are you fucking kidding me? You have no idea what we’ve been through. It’s a nightmare watching your dead child being pulled from your wife’s body. You have no damn clue what it’s like to see the life drain out of her or how fucking powerless and pathetic it makes you feel. Do not ever come at me and degrade my wife and our marriage.” I try to control the shaking that’s ripping through my every fucking muscle.
“She’s my soul, Layla, and I don’t deserve her. You might not understand that, but I don’t deserve one ounce of her. Have we fucked up? Yes. But it’s not your place to say shit to me about my marriage. My mistake wa
s getting involved with you in the first place. I should have never said a word to you about Kylie.”
She looks stunned, but I’m not done. I lightly grip her face, not letting her eyes budge from my stare. I would never hurt a woman, but she needs to know that talking about Kylie in such a way is crossing the mother of all lines.
“Let me fill you in on something,” I say, my tone heated. “My life, from this moment forward, is not up for discussion. Know your place. We weren’t serious. We were never serious. You got that?”
She blanches, but recovers quickly. I grip her tighter, trying to make my point. This girl’s a live-wire, which is what attracted me to her in the first place, but I won’t stand for her talking about my marriage.
“Fine.” She swallows, her eyes filling with anger. “If you want her, then have her. I’m not going to beg for a man, not even you. I have more self-respect than that. We had a good thing, and I thought we could have become more.” We stare at each other, breathing hard, our emotions raging. After a minute, her eyes fill with tears. “I really care about you, Cooper.”
“Shit, don’t do this, Layla. This is a mess.” I let her face go and step back. I hate this world I’ve created, and most of all, I hate that I’ve taken other people down with me.
“Yeah, it is a mess,” she says. “But I can’t say I didn’t see it coming. I think you’re making a big mistake. She’s never going to love you the way you want her to. The moment you disagree or can’t give her what she wants, she’s going to pull back from you.” She pauses, her voice dropping low and concerned. “Think about how you’re going to feel when she betrays you again. How hollow it’s going to leave you.”
My muscles ache. It’s hard to trust a woman who’s broken me. My head’s fucked up, but I’d rather take the risk of Kylie crushing me than go on without her. I need her. It’s clear I can’t function without her.
“Cooper, when I first saw you, that light in your eyes was gone. You were a hurt, broken man. I wanted to bring you back, and I think when we made love, you did. You came back. I saw you. I saw your heart, and I’m the kind of woman who can take care of that.”
Against All Odds Page 20
