Mia hugged Leeky. “Good, I’m famished.”
She walked right through the door with a smile on her face, but Talon had no choice other than to hesitate as he forced two more breaths down deep into his lungs before he could convince his feet to move forward.
It was worse than he’d thought.
Laycee Shortz was in a pale pink see-through bra and panties. Even with the bra’s push up cups and under wires, her saggy boobs almost touched her bellybutton, and they swung from side to side with every move she made, like a pendulum. She had cork-screw looking gray hairs springing out both sides of her thong, and the blonde wig she normally wore was missing entirely, leaving the top of her head looking as pale and wrinkled as her pasty white bottom.
Talon shuddered.
She wiggled her ass cheeks right at him and grinned. He took in a few more deep gulps of air and tried his best to look anywhere except at Mrs. Laycee Shortz.
But looking anywhere else brought him eye to eye with Leeky and Laycee’s daughter Lavender. The young lass was standing in a doorway, and she was dressed much like her mother, but in the color matching her name and her hair.
She squealed, ran forward, threw her arms around Mia, and squeezed. “I heard ya was coming. It’s so good ta see ya.”
All the while the sixteen-year-old gnome was talking to Mia and squeezing her, it was Talon she was really looking at. He gulped and took a step back toward the door. She winked and blew him a kiss.
He shuddered again.
Not that Lavender Shortz wasn’t cute, for a gnome female anyway, because she was. The young girl, who was a tad under four feet, and had thick, light purple hair, that if not up in pigtails, would probably hang well past her ass, was absolutely adorable. She had huge violet eyes, thick dark lashes, a pert little nose, and full pink lips. There was no doubt she’d make some gnome guy a fine, frisky, little bride someday.
Where her mother’s breasts were saggy and baggy, Lavender’s certainly weren’t. They were high, round, and pert. Her waist was tiny, and her hips were lush. But the girl was more trouble tied up in a small bundle than one gnome ever had the right to be.
Even at sixteen, Lavender Shortz knew exactly how to move, how to talk, how to tempt, and how to torment a man. Since her recent deflowering, more than a few males of every race, creed, and color had fallen prey to her charms.
Talon had no intention of ever being counted amongst them.
He backed away another step.
Mia turned and glared as she stripped off her gown and stood in only her panties and bra. Her sheer lacy, bright red, low cut, thong and barely-there bra. “Well, go on, you heard Uncle Leeky. Take off your clothes. You don’t want to insult our host, do you?”
Talon gulped at the sight of Mia all but nude, and his cock leapt to attention. He shook his head as heat crept up his neck and flooded his cheeks. “I—I can’t. I don’t wear, umm, anything, let alone panties, under my breeks.”
Leeky cackled. “No panties, ya say? What the shaved bare ass of a backwards walking dwarf donut maker hoping ta get lucky with a big chested troll trombone player do ya mean ya don’t wear panties? Everyone who’s anyone wears panties.” He narrowed his eyes. “Are ya one of those free willy flying in the wind types, then? Letting it all hang out natural-like? Nut sacks slapping ya knees? Cock swinging back and worth? It’s all right if’n ya are, though. We don’t mind plain old-fashioned nakey as the day ya was born, either.”
Chapter Five
Sweat slowly trickled down Talon’s back. There was no way in VoT he was going to strip naked among this bunch, but he also didn’t want to insult Leeky or upset Mia.
From somewhere inside the apartment someone howled, as if they were dying. Pearl wiggled right out of his arms and took off in a flash.
He had almost caught up to her when the door leading to Pierced’s room flew open and out stumbled the saddest sight Talon had seen in a long time. The young male gnome was in tears, not just slowly-dripping-down-his-cheeks tears, but big, fat, washing-black-Goth-eye-makeup-into–two-long-trails-on-both-sides-of-his-face-all-the-way-to-his-chin tears.
The poor little guy wailed, as if he were dying, and his family didn’t even seem to notice. As a matter of fact, Leeky fiddled with his bright blue, chili-eating gloves, while Laycee and Lavender continued to chat with Mia, as if Pierced hadn’t entered the room at all.
Talon couldn’t help himself. Even though he knew it was probably a mistake and even though he knew he’d probably regret asking, he still did. “You all right, Pierced? What’s wrong little buddy? Can I help?”
Pierced wailed louder. “No one can help me. My life is over.”
“Now, see what ya’ve done,” Leeky yelled above the commotion. “What the red blistering boils next ta the puckered hiney hole of a high elf harmonica player soaking his sore arse in a vat of virgin olive oil do ya think is wrong with the lad? Can’t ya tell, he’s suffering something awful from a broken heart? Two days back Steve and Baabette up and ran off together. And all they left behind was a note saying they couldn’t help themselves, they were eloping, cause ya can’t fight true love or a deep seated plastic fetish.”
Leeky shook his head. “Laycee’s useless Tug McGroin blow-up doll and my sweet little Miss Bunny 2000 are both so upset they haven’t left their room since it happened. They can’t believe their beautiful, adopted, plastic sheep of a daughter, Baabette, would run off with that indigo-blue skinned, white-haired, gay dark elf, Steve. Especially after they took her in when no one else would. I guess they should’ve listened closer to the rumors that she was a plastic Jezebel in sheep’s clothing. As it is, our family has suffered a tragedy that’s for certain. One we may never completely recover from. Especially poor Pierced.”
The little gay-goth gnome wailed again.
Mia rushed to his side and wrapped her arms about him. “Oh, cousin, Lumpy, is there anything I can do?” His face was right at her bellybutton level, his chin just a hair above her pussy. He nuzzled the small patch of red lace that made up the front of her thong.
Talon could swear the little pecker head was suddenly smiling.
Pierced looked right up at Mia, tears still in his eyes. “How many times do I have ta remind ya? Don’t call me Lumpy. I’m Pierced now, and I can prove it.” Then he wiggled both of his eyebrows, one at a time. “You could always sit on my cock. I’ve been so very lonely since Steve left. Bet that’d make me feel a little better. I know you aren’t a man.” He wailed again. “But right now, almost any old hole, even yours, would give me some small measure of comfort.”
Mia laughed out loud and pushed him away. “Even if you were dying, and your very survival depended on me sitting on your tiny excuse for a pecker, I’m afraid you’d have to die. I’d go to your funeral, though, cousin, and I’d say kind things”
Pierced looked toward Talon, and his lip quivered. “What about you, big guy? Since our dear sweet Mia here is so cruel, would ya be willing to help out a heartbroken gnome? Just a little cuddling, perhaps some Ride-Em-Cowboy action?” He pumped his hips. “I’ve never had the pleasure of fucking a barbarian.” He grinned. “You’d be my first.”
Talon backed up four more steps, any thought of finding the missing baby dragon now completely forgotten. He shook his head. “Umm, no.” He shook his head again and put his arms out in front of his body. “Just no.”
Pierced shrugged. “Whatever. No harm in asking. When ya are single like I am now, ya never know when or where ya’re going ta get lucky.” He grabbed an apple out of a bowl sitting on a small side table, took a bite, and headed back into his room. “I’ll take my chili in my room, Ma. I’m just ta distraught ta be good company tonight.”
Talon didn’t want to stay for dinner, especially if it meant stripping to his bare ass, and he certainly didn’t want to go traipsing through the weird gnome household, looking for a dragon he hadn’t asked for in the first place. He wanted to go back to Mia’s suite of rooms, go to sleep, and not wake up until
this silly challenge she had her heart set on was over and done with.
Better yet, he wanted to go back to the way things were before his best friend married the daughter of the leader of the Paladins of Albrath. Back to a time when his biggest responsibility had been watching Zander’s back and tupping whichever pretty little serving wench he could entice into his room.
“Well, what the torn off toenails of a slow dancing, debonair troll transvestite doing the hoochy coo with a tap-dancing ogress in green leotards are ya waiting for. Let’s eat.” Leeky turned toward his daughter, Lavender. “Go tell ya cousin, Ohfeelya, supper’s ready.”
Something brushed against Talon’s shin, and he glanced down. There stood Pearl, the dragling. Where she’d been, what she’d been up to, or where she’d come from, he had no clue, and really didn’t want to know. He simply sighed, shook his head, bent down, picked her up, and followed Leeky, Laycee, and Mia, into the dining room.
Leeky suddenly stopped right in front of them and whirled around. It was all Talon could manage to do not to run Mia over. The crotchety little gnome scrunched up his face and tapped his chin twice before speaking. “About Ohfeelya. She’s a sensitive little thing, so be careful what ya say around her. She’s the love child of Laycee’s favorite second cousin Giddy, from the Upz side of the family, and she’ll be staying with us for the duration of the semester. She has self-esteem issues. She’s a tad, let’s say, bigger boned than most gnomes. But there’s not a kinder, gentler soul in all of Albrath than our very own Ohfeelya Upz.”
Talon couldn’t care less what the gnome cousin looked like. He was glad that it appeared the Shortz family had forgotten about his unwillingness to get naked.
****
Mia stared down at her bowl of chili. She didn’t want to appear to be unfriendly or a glutton, but it really was the only safe place to look. If she glanced to her right, she’d be face to face with Pierced, who’d decided he’d eat with the family after all. Every time she even glanced in his direction, the little gnome would do something even more outrageous. Already he’d winked at her, blown her kisses, and tried to play footsie under the table. Then, the very next time she made the mistake of glancing in his direction the gay-Goth gnome had licked his eyebrows and wiggled them at her.
She giggled. Though no real relation, the Shortz’s family was part of her own and always had been. She’d been raised around these people all her life, and their antics never failed to entertain.
She shook her head and looked to her left. There sat her teenaged pseudo cousin Lavender. She could swear, the teen gnome sighed with every other breath, and when she wasn’t sighing, she was batting her eye lashes at Talon. It was so frequent, Mia almost worried Lavender had a real medical problem that might need attending to. Something other than her overactive hormone surges.
She had even tried looking across the table where Talon sat, but even that was a mistake. For sitting right beside Talon sat Miss Ohfeelya Upz.
She cringed.
Big boned? That’s not how Mia would’ve described poor Ohfeelya, but then she also wouldn’t have described her as any kind of gnome she’d ever seen before either. Though just a tad taller than most female humans, probably five foot eight or ten, Ohfeelya was so wide, she easily took up the space of two full grown people of almost any race. Her blonde hair, all ten or fifteen strands of it anyway, was fashioned into some kind of braid-looking thing on the very top of her head. She had a big hairy mole sticking out the side of her bulbous nose, and the skin of her neck was pasty white and hung in…folds. Her jowls were full and round, her big blue eyes bulging, and her poochy red lips smacking noisily around a pair of prominent canines with every bite of chili she took.
In other words, Ohfeelya Upz was not a cute little gnome at all. She was a full-blown ogre if Mia had ever seen one. And not just an ogre, but an ogre wearing nothing at all but a neon yellow bra, almost as big as a tent, and pair of matching granny panties.
Mia took a deep breath and cleared her throat. “Wonderful chili as usual, Aunt Laycee. One of these days you’re going to have to give me the recipe.”
Laycee Shortz chuckled. “I’ll give the recipe ta ya castle cook. Princesses, and future queens, don’t waste their time in the kitchen like us common folk. They have much more important duties ta attend ta.”
“Oh, cousin, Mia,” Lavender piped up. “We really are so very proud of ya.” The little gnome sighed again. “Just think, taking on Queen Adrina’s Challenge. How exciting. If anyone can do it, I know ya can.”
Mia was about to thank her aunt and young cousin, when Leeky suddenly spoke. “What the green, slimy, snot wad sliding in and out of the left nose hole of a halfling horticulturist with a bad case of post nasal drip are ya two talking about. Don’t be encouraging the lass. There’s no way in VoT she can accomplish the challenge. All she’s gonna do is get herself and anybody fool enough ta help her killed.”
He faced Mia. “As ya well know, since I was immortal back then, I was there when Adrina took up her challenge. I’ll never forget it. She was one amazing, if not scary, barbarian chit, I tell ya.” He glanced toward Talon. “But she was as big, if not bigger, than ya bodyguard there. Not some delicate little princess like ya are. And she’d just as soon cut off ya head and spit down the hole as look at ya. Mean, that’s what Adrina was.
“Ya, on the other hand…” He shook a finger at her. “I love ya, God Draka knows I do, but ya aren’t much bigger than a healthy shit, Mia, and ya couldn’t hurt a mosquito even if it was sucking ya dry of ya last drop of blood. I don’t know what ya da was thinking letting ya even consider such a thing. Forget this nonsense. Take the easy way out and be a good lass. Choose a big, strapping lad ta rule in ya place.”
****
Mia stared up into the near total darkness of her sleeping chamber at the ceiling above her bed and sighed. Only a sliver of soft light from the second moon of Albrath reflecting through the floor-to-ceiling windows offered any respite from the gloom she was feeling.
Was Uncle Leeky, her parents, Talon, and basically the rest of the population of Albrath right while she was so dead wrong? Should she give up the idea of taking on Queen Adrina’s Challenge and simply chose a man to rule in her place? It certainly would be easier and not one single soul would blame her. Except she’d blame herself, of course.
A shudder racked her. Was it ever the right decision to foist off responsibilities onto another simply because he’d be a man and it would make her own life simpler? And was it ever right, no matter the consequences, to put her own needs above the safety and wellbeing of her people?
What if whomever she chose turned out to be a scoundrel? Once made, the decision could never be undone. How could she be sure she’d choose the right mate? What if she were wrong? If the past was any indication, her choices in men had been extremely bad, to say the least. But then again, there must have been some reason God Draka chose to put her in the family he had. Gods didn’t just do things on a whim. She wished she could somehow know what God Draka’s reasons were, though.
She sighed again and glanced at Talon sleeping so peacefully right beside her. In her heart, Mia knew he’d follow her wherever she went and do whatever she bid him to do, even at the risk of his own life. After all, it was his sworn duty, and if Talon was nothing else, he was a man of honor. Her brother, Zander, surrounded himself with no less.
The scent of Talon filled the air, and her pussy hummed to life with awareness. She knew also, that even though he hadn’t gotten much sleep the night before, if she woke him this very moment and asked him to fuck her, he would.
She put the thought away and forced the throbbing between her thighs to quiet. She wanted more, much more from Talon than simple creature comforts. In truth, she wanted more than she was willing to ask for from every soul on Albrath who knew her. She wanted them all to believe in her, to back her. But how was she ever going to convince not only Talon, but her parents, Uncle Leeky, and the rest of Albrath her cause was just?
That she could do this challenge if given the chance?
What no one seemed to understand was she was a whole lot tougher on the inside than she appeared to be on the outside and always had been. And not simply tough, but as resilient and stubborn and determined, and brave as any barbarian female born before her, even Queen Adrina herself.
Mia knew in her heart what she didn’t have in brawn, she’d more than make up for with her brain. Other than her poor choices in men, she really was quite smart, and her people deserved no less than her very best effort. And she deserved the chance to prove she could be their leader. At least, she had to give it a try.
Something suddenly brushed up against her leg. Mia gasped and quickly jerked her foot away. Glancing down at the end of the bed, she spied Pearl, the snow-white dragling, sleeping contently on top of the furs between her and Talon. She chuckled. So much for being the big, brave barbarian type. She sighed yet again. Perhaps she wasn’t big and perhaps she wasn’t so very brave after all, but she was determined.
She took two really deep breaths and commanded herself to fall asleep. Morning would come soon enough, and with it, perhaps the start of her quest. And if nothing else the start of her classes. She didn’t wish to face either exhausted.
Sleep wouldn’t come, however. She tossed and turned a couple of times, fluffed her pillow, punched it for good measure, and scrunched her eyes tightly closed. She could hear the sound of Talon’s breathing. She could remember the feel of being held in his arms. She could smell and taste the essence of the man upon the tip of her tongue, and her mouth watered with the urge to savor him once more.
She shivered as his heady scent of moonlight, musk, and sandalwood filled the room to the point the throbbing between her thighs ignored her previous orders and became a steady staccato deep within her pussy. And her heart did a double take as it realized she was in trouble. She probably already liked Talon Starkweather more than she should. Though she wasn’t in love with the big stubborn barbarian—yet—she was well on her way. The thought disturbed her.
Tested by the Night Page 6
