Concerned, he entered the back room and caught his sister staring hard at the cell phone in her hand.
“Steph?”
Crimson with distress, she looked like she might throw the phone against the wall before smacking it down on the desktop surface.
“What’s wrong?” he pushed.
Lips pursed like she’d swallowed vinegar, she snapped a single name: “Ryan.”
Seb knew the divorce wasn’t the smoothest, but he thought things were civil between them. “What about him?”
Rubbing at her temples, she turned to him poker-faced. “Nothing.”
Scoffing, Seb rounded closer. “Stephie…. What the heck? I’m not stupid. What did he say to upset you?” Glancing around, Stephanie briefly closed her eyes. Softening his tone, Seb asked again, “What’s going on?”
Stephanie rubbed her arms and set her lips in a grim line before meeting his worried stare. “Our custody arrangement calls for us to alternate Christmases every year.”
Brows knitting, Seb felt the seed of concern multiply like out-of-control weeds. As far as he knew the girls had spent every Christmas with Stephanie and their grandmother. He was missing something. “But… they’ve been with you—?”
“I know. The first year, Ryan and I agreed to be all together as a family for their sake. Then the next year, I joked that we let it be my year and it wasn’t a problem. He came to town and we were together again. Last year, well, the girls, Chance especially, were so upset, that Ryan caved again and came to town. Matt put him up, bless his soul.”
Seb’s stomach churned; he’d had no idea any of that was going on. “Why didn’t you tell me that before?”
Her blue eyes grazed over him with an incongruous mix of exasperation and patience. “You are always so busy at this time of year—you weren’t going to even be here. And what could you have done?”
The dismissiveness made Seb feel about the size of the Elf on a Shelf but a lot less happy. At that moment Mom called out to Seb for help, and seeing customers waiting to pay, he threw a last worried look at Stephanie and made a quick escape.
Matthew
A GLANCE at the calendar hanging on a peg in Matt’s workshop showed a drawn stick figure rendition of a dog over Monday, December 5—with the curve of the five forming the dog’s nose. A helpless smile formed as he recalled the excitement in Chance’s voice as she had marked his calendar and then put down her magic marker to announce the day’s significance.
“It’s puppy day, Uncle Matt.” He’d wondered at the time if that was one of those new social media holidays when Chance had looked up at him with her most serious expression. “You know how some dogs have jobs? Like with blind people and people that need a little extra help?”
His lips had quirked because those had been his words to Chance when they’d encountered a black Labrador with a blue service vest in the supermarket, and Matt had to stop Chance from petting the animal. Pointing at her picture, Chance explained that Mrs. Jones, her teacher, said that the people who teach the service dogs brought puppies to her school every year and the kindergartners would be allowed to meet them.
The shop was busy and Matt knew Cheryl and Stephanie had their hands full. They’d been grateful to hear that Matt had signed up to see the puppies because they couldn’t get away midday. In her text reminding Matt of the event’s time, Steph had thrown out casually that Seb loved dogs. Of course, she’d tossed a winking emoji at the end of that text, which made Matt flush despite being alone at the time.
What to do? They hadn’t been in touch since the kiss on Baz’s porch Saturday night. Matt had been very thoughtful of Baz’s newfound desire to reconnect with his family and using work as an excuse, had kept away. They were such amazing girls. Matt wanted them to have rich relationships with everyone in their lives. But this would be such a fun day. Before he could change his mind, he pulled out his phone.
It’s puppy day.
The reply was immediate. What?
Service dog puppies in training are being brought to Chance’s school. I’ll be heading over around 1. Join me?
Would that be ok with the school?
Sure. You’re their uncle. :)
:) I’ll meet you there.
“BRINGING them here to visit you today lets the puppies get used to people. Who can tell me why that would be important?”
Brenna, a fair, freckled girl with a halo of red hair raised her hand. “So they don’t bark at strangers?”
The Guiding Eyes representative, Ms. Wise, nodded enthusiastically. “That’s correct.” She pointed to Chance, who was lifting her arm like a submarine scope.
“And so the dog could be in a crowd.”
Tickling under the brown puppy’s chin, Ms. Wise addressed Chance. “That’s also correct. Once they are big enough to be paired with their new owners, they’ll have many new responsibilities, including guiding their owners through crowds of people.”
No other child was requesting to speak, so Ms. Wise continued, “We also bring them to schools so they can get used to children, who might be more enthusiastic toward them than adults.”
Matt made grabby hands toward the puppy, prompting Ms. Wise to add, “Although that depends on the adult.” The kids burst into laughter, used to Matt’s antics from other class visits. Next to him Baz stood stiffly. Baz could use some socialization sessions himself, Matt mused.
From the front of the classroom, Mrs. Jones let out a soft tut and addressed Matt. “Well, I guess I don’t have to ask who wants to volunteer to supervise the pups with the children.”
Not stopping to think, Matt pulled at Baz’s sleeve and said, “We’d love to.”
Yanking back, Baz resisted with a subtle headshake. Matt mouthed “c’mon” at him and Baz reluctantly approached Ms. Wise with Matty. She’d given the puppy she’d been holding to Chance’s friend Ava, a brown-skinned girl with a neat part dividing two fluffy pigtails tied with red ribbons. Matt had overseen many a playdate with Ava. They’d often been joined by Brenna, the two of them Chance’s best friends from preschool.
Adhering to Ms. Wise’s instructions on how to hold the puppies, Matt assisted the students one at a time. Bobby and Karen needed to be cautioned not to be too rough. Meanwhile Darren, Ava’s twin, was hiding in the corner. He was a slight boy with a cloud of corkscrew coiled hair that he liked to hide behind. He also joined the playdates with Chance, Brenna, and Ava, although he often ended up playing alone because their boisterous make-believe games didn’t interest him.
Distracted by the rowdier kids and needing to ensure the safety of the puppy he’d been asked to supervise, Matt was surprised to look up and see Baz with a hand on Darren’s shoulder. “Can this little guy get a chance?”
Matt asked Darren to place his arm across his chest and set the puppy in the boy’s arms, demonstrating how to securely hold him. “His name is Ronald.”
Darren looked up proudly, the gap from his missing teeth making tiny caves in his smile.
“They all have R names,” Baz observed.
Matt glanced away from boy and puppy to note Baz’s curious stare. “They name the litters that way on purpose.” He tipped his head to the left where Ms. Wise was holding court. “That one’s Renee.”
Chance appeared at Darren’s side, looking on with interest. “Mrs. Jones has River.”
“Girl or boy?” Baz asked her.
Puzzled, Chance said, “I dunno.”
Matt contributed helpfully, “Ms. Wise said there was only one boy puppy so….”
“How can you tell?” Chance interrupted.
Baz looked at her with such panicked eyes that Matt had to bite back a laugh. He met the mischievous glint in Chance’s eyes and the little girl lost it in a spray of giggles. “Oh, Uncle Seb. I know about boy parts.”
“Um… good,” Baz spluttered. Matt couldn’t help thinking how adorable Baz was all flushed and narrowing his eyes as he realized she was winding him up on purpose.
The puppies were cho
colate brown with round eyes and velvet fur. If Matt didn’t spend so much of his time in his basement studio with art materials scattered about, he would have adopted a pet. Especially at this time of year, he could imagine the fun of taking his dog on a walk, enjoying the holiday window displays and the lights strung across Main Street blinking to life as the sun set. He pictured a companion who would come with him to the weekly caroling in the Square and join him in front of the fire when the inevitable snow starting coming down.
In these fantasies, there was someone else there, a shadowy figure who would laugh at his jokes and lick whipped cream off his upper lip as they sipped hot chocolate, the dog at their feet.
“Matty… I think they’re done.” Blinking out of his daydream, Matt noticed Ms. Wise ready to take back the puppy.
He returned Ronald and straightened his jeans, embarrassed at having been caught so self-absorbed. The kids had been sent back to their desks, and Matt ran a hand through his hair while heading toward the door. He waved at Chance and saw Baz do the same. In the hallway, he and Baz helped Ms. Wise take the dog carriers to the next classroom, and then they were alone in the quiet corridor.
Meeting Baz’s warm blue-gray eyes, Matt gave a lopsided grin. “That was fun.”
“Yeah. It was.” Baz leaned against the wall. “You’re good with puppies.” His face was contemplative. “Kids too.”
“They’re just little people.” He chuckled. “And little dogs.”
“I saw photos of that little girl and boy with Chance.”
Baz nodded. “Ava and Darren. Twins. They were in preschool with Chance.”
“Different personalities,” Baz observed.
“Yep. Ava is more like Chance—fearless, you know.”
Ducking his head, Baz said, “I was more like Darren.”
“Were you?” It was hard to keep the amusement out of his voice.
Baz started to answer but stopped himself. He chuckled self-effacingly. Their eyes locked for a long moment and Matt’s eyes dropped to Baz worrying his lower lip. Baz finally broke the silence. “Mom and Steph are expecting me back.”
They walked in step toward the main entrance. Matt was hyperaware of how close their hands came to skimming as they exited the school and made their way to the guest parking spots. He imagined himself slipping his hand into Baz’s, an impulse which puzzled him because he’d never been a hand holder, thought that kind of romantic stuff belonged to the hetero world. No, not even that, he realized now. He’d dismissed those little gestures as contrived mannerisms that were used to cover insecurity in a relationship. His parents were as close as a couple could be after being together thirty-four years—yet they never held hands.
Matt’s eyes slipped down again to Baz’s hand swinging beside his. Baz’s fingers were long and blunt edged with a light smattering of dark hair skimming the back where his wrist peeked out from his jacket sleeve. He remembered those hands, soft with the freshness of youth, skimming over his bare flesh like he was a fruit that bruised at the barest touch.
“I’m parked there.” Baz pointed. “Borrowed Mom’s car,” he added needlessly because Matty recognized Cheryl’s Volvo.
Hands now stuffed in pockets, they looked at each other and started to speak at the same time. With a half smile, Matt indicated that Baz should continue.
“I know that you’ve been… keeping your distance to give me time with my family. But we’re going to hang the holidays lights on the house Wednesday evening. Mom said that you always help.” Baz rubbed the scruff on his chin. “If you want to come by… I mean, I can do it if you don’t want to bother this year. But if you want to help—”
“Yes,” Matt enthused. “I’d like to… if it’s okay with you. It’s one of those traditions… but I meant it about giving you time with your family.”
Baz’s eyes brightened. “I’ll still be with them.” He leaned a little closer as if imparting a secret. “I’m not sure they trust me to do it right. Steph said you had ‘magic fingers.’” The second the words were out Matt couldn’t help but smirk and Baz blushed. “She didn’t mean… at least I don’t think she meant….”
It was too adorable.
“See ya, Baz.”
“Yeah, see ya.”
Sebastian
SEB should have kissed him. But the school parking lot is hardly the place. Who cares when there is no around? He should have fucking kissed him.
It was time to start living like millions of other gay men and enjoy another man’s company without expecting it to turn into a Hallmark movie. Hell, he didn’t want that anyway. He had a career to nurture so he could provide for his mom and sister. The Stephanie voice in his mind scoffed and said, We’re A-OK. Sebby, worry about yourself.
Okay, fine—he wanted Matt. See, he was honest with himself enough to admit it. He wanted him like air and food and water. The memory of his first orgasm at Matty’s hands and the way the tingling reverberated to his toes and his heart wanted to leap out of his rib cage…. Seb shifted in the driver’s seat.
But then he remembered Steph’s voice from all those years ago, soft and careful. You fell for him, didn’t you? I’m sorry, kiddo.
He’d tried denying it. Told her she was being a busybody and not to tell their parents and that it was just a thing. It didn’t mean anything. Weeks later, with college looming in his future, he came out to his parents. Not about Matty. They didn’t need to know that. His mom asked him if there was anyone special.
The lie was easy enough and what did it matter? Matty had moved on to another boy. He flitted like a hummingbird. Playful eyes and wicked sense of humor. The man Matty’d grown into still liked to tease. Seb couldn’t let himself forget that. It would just be a “thing” again. And then Seb would leave and start that new job and send his mom money and FaceTime with his nieces.
Maybe this time they’d remember him a little longer.
ONE hand pointing while the other struggled to keep a long row of lights from tangling, Mom reminded, “John always started on the left, makes it easier to plug in that way.”
Matty gave Mom a wide, toothy smile of fond indulgence. “Yep. I’ll set up the ladder on that side.” He winked at Seb and Seb thought, Who does that?
Helping meant holding the ladder steady as Matty strutted up. Matty wasn’t wearing tight jeans, but Seb still had a lovely vantage point of a high, rounded butt. Mentally shaking himself, Seb admitted he had it bad.
“Okay, start unreeling,” Matty called down.
Seb took the lights from his mother and did as he was told, releasing the string of lights from the coil at an even pace as Matty attached them with clips along the edge of the roofline. Mom, Stephanie, and both girls supervised from the yard. He heard Chance mumbling to her mother and then Stephanie called out, “Keep it straight, Matt.”
“Yes, ma’am.” A pause. “Of course, that might be hard for me.”
The joke was so cheesy Seb couldn’t keep the amusement from his face.
“Hardee-har-har,” Steph tossed back.
Mom’s eyes crinkled at the corners with a fondness rooted in a fount of memories, and Seb felt a stab of loneliness. It seemed everything was aimed at reminding him of what he’d missed, how he was an outsider, viewing life through a big picture window, all the warmth and joy on the other side of the cool glass.
“Hey, you falling asleep down there? Coming down, got to move the ladder over.”
Startled, Seb looked up at Matty’s crooked grin. “Sorry.”
When Matty tired, Seb took over and strung the lights around the second-floor riser windows. He recalled their dad doing this every year; the man had made it seem effortless, while Seb figured his arm was going to ache for a week from the unaccustomed stretching and twisting to get the corners squared acceptably to those bossing from below.
It was just darkening into twilight when they finished, and Matty offered Seb the honor of flipping the switch. Chance and Rowen squealed gleefully as the glimmering array of multicolor
ed lights sparked to life.
“Much more successful than Clark Griswold’s attempt,” Matty murmured in Seb’s ear, the tickle of Matty’s warm breath sending a small shiver down Seb’s back.
His mom took the girls inside once Matty promised that he’d see everyone Friday at the Caroling on the Square. Seb helped put the ladder away and stood with his hands in his pockets as Matty shuffled in front of him as if practicing a two-step.
“Will you be at the Square Friday night too?”
Seb hadn’t planned on going, his avoidance of holiday trappings being a habit, but he caught the entreaty in Matty’s open expression and relented. “I can’t promise to sing, but I’ll be there.”
Held in Matty’s pleased stare, Seb tugged on the neon orange scarf draped around Matty’s neck. “I have one like this. Mom knitted it.”
“Yeah? Ma gave it to me last year. It’s great, right?”
Biting his lip, Seb didn’t reply. The truth was he thought it hideous and had never worn his. He studied the small mole on the side of Matty’s cheek to avoid answering. Unbidden, the sight of the tiny mark prompted another memory.
“Remember ditching caroling when we were young?” It had been one of the last times they’d been together. They’d used the excuse of everyone caroling to sneak back to Seb’s empty house. Matty had pushed him up against the front door the moment it shut behind them, all flinging arms and pent-up energy. At Seb’s intake of shocked breath, he’d laughed and backed off. Seb remembered noticing Matty’s mole then, their faces inches apart.
It had all been new to Seb, the intimacy of naked skin and searching hands. Salty sweat and sweet kisses. Matty’s fearlessness at every act, nothing being too much, too close. Licking him clean and bursting into giggles when Seb wasn’t sure they should kiss right after….
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