I smile at Samantha, bewildered by the way she was still holding my hands.
Her dark eyes flash with fear. What the…?
"Like I said honey, I don't want you to worry but, well, we just put on the T.V as you know, and there has been some breaking news. There has been an accident."
My heart thuds again, I really don't see what this has to do with my parents.
"Urm…. Well what it is, is that uh… "
"Spit it out Samantha" I snap angrily, almost shouting and waking Lucas up in the process. Everyone turns to look at us.
"There has been a helicopter crash. Two helicopters collided mid-air, killing all 18 people on board both aircraft."
Ice cold fear clutches my heart. My belly feels, well, I feel the need to vomit. Had I eaten something funny. Ouch, my head … it feels like it’s going to explode. What was Samantha saying again?
I search her face; certain she is messing with me. What a sick thing to do.
"Excuse me?"
She squeezes my hands, then points at the T.V. I don't look at it, instead I stare at her, waiting for an answer.
"Should we call someone or…. Like I said, try not to worry will you, I mean, there are loads of those copters each day full of tourists…. It wouldn't be, it can't be your…" She stops, unable to say anything else.
I shrug my shoulders. Suddenly, my panic has started to subside.
"Of course we shouldn't call anyone. It's not my parents. They will phone me at eight pm. Just like they have done every night for the last few days. See, this is the first time they have left me by myself like this, they say I am old enough now I am a respectable NYSSA girl, before they used to leave me with 'Aunty Glenda' except she is not really my aunty so I don't know why they do that and I never liked her anyway and she always smelt..."
"Louise?"
It was Zoes voice this time, she had walked over and put her arm around me. When did that happen?
"Sweetie, It's half ten."
I close my eyes and shake my head.
"No it's not. You have always hated me Zoe. I have never done anything to you. You hate me."
"No she doesn't, you are one of her best friends. Look Louise, let's call someone yeah, just to make sure they are safe. Like Samantha said, there are loads of those tours every day. It will be OK."
It was Frankies friendly voice this time. I open my eyes and look up at him as he smiles down at me kindly.
We all jump as the doorbell rings. I really need to throw up now. But just because it’s half ten and my parents haven't called, and just because I have someone at my door when everyone I know is already here, and just because there has been eighteen people killed in a helicopter crash where my parents were doesn't mean anything.
I walk to the door, gasping for breath with each step. My legs feel like lead and everybody is staring at me.
I open it slowly, not daring to look up at the faces of the two men stood before me. I stare at their shoes instead.
"Miss Hart?"
I nod, confirming that I am indeed Miss Hart.
"We are so sorry, but we have some bad news. Can we come in?"
I open the door wide to allow them through, then shut it with a huge bang. The two police officers jump, and turn to stare at me.
I look into the eyes of the oldest man, the man with kind blue eyes and a greying beard. I feel it. I actually feel my heart breaking. It is like a clean rip. Life will never be the same again. I ask all the never note kids to go, they file out silently , some patting me on the shoulder on the way out, some not even daring to look at me.
Then I listen to the police officers explain what I already knew.
My parents were dead.
Drew catches up to me, slightly out of breath from the running. I had known it was him as soon as I heard my name being called out.
"Remember when I told you that you had to be really talented to get into this place?"
I look at him, my heart beating fast from the memories of that awful night almost three months ago.
He points to himself and smirks.
"Well, obviously I was right. You have to be really talented."
I stare at him warily. He is wearing a dark green shirt with brown trousers and matching shoes. Now he is close up, I can see how handsome he really is. He has gotten even better over the summer, his dark skin tanning even more. I can tell he has lost none of his cockiness over the summer.
"What do you want Drew?"
I continue walking down the corridor, hoping if I walk fast enough, I will lose him. I have my singing class to get to, and I didn't want to be late for that. I had already made an enemy of one teacher today.
"I want you. We need to get this hardcore fuck out-of-the-way. You were gagging for it as much as I was, don't even try to pretend otherwise."
Was this happening? What the hell had I done to deserve this? As if I hadn't had a bad enough year already.
"Get lost."
He chuckles beside me, that same chuckle from the first night. It was still irritating.
"I can't get lost. You are holding a map."
I roll my eyes, then stop as I realise I have reached my class.
"Look, we are never going to happen. We weren't going to happen then, we aren't going to happen now, and we aren't going to happen in the future. You are in your element here. Look at all these gorgeous girls strutting the hall ways just waiting for an asshole like you to take them home. Go and find someone. But just leave me alone. I honestly don't want to talk to you Drew."
I walk into my class, sitting down on the nearest chair, taking a deep breath. That boy infuriated me. If I wasn't careful, I was going to have a panic attack. They had become a firm part of my daily routine for the last three months. I will never forget the first one for as long as I live.
‘Aunt Glenda’ arrived with suitcases galore and bloodshot eyes. She was an old school friend of my parents and I had always found her to be loud and over dramatic about everything. And coming from me, that was saying something.
It had been a week since my parents had been killed. Nothing felt like it was real. I couldn't wrap my head around the enormity of what had happened. I had only cried once, just after the police officers had left my house.
‘Aunt Glenda’ had arrived to help me through the funeral and stuff. My parents bodies had been flown back, and they were buried together. As I watched my only family members being lowered into the ground, knowing that I would never hear their voices again, see their faces, hear their laughter, I lost it. I broke down in front of the massive crowd of five hundred people who had gathered. I don't just mean I started crying. I mean I literally tried to jump in the grave and pull the coffins up with my bare hands. Of course, people were holding me back, so I didn't have the chance to get in the grave. I was screaming at them, tears falling down my face. I was lashing out, trying to hit everyone who touched me, I was like a caged animal. I clawed at the ground, If I couldn't be next to the coffins in the grave, I would dig my way down. I hurled myself on the ground, my dress and hands becoming caked with soil and dirt as I hammered and scratched at the ground, many pairs of hands trying to pick me up and drag me away. I shouted that I hated them all. That I never wanted to see any of them again.
Then I went home with ‘Aunt Glenda’, locked myself in the bathroom , and sat on the edge of the bath. My heart was racing and my hands were sweaty. I took a deep lung full of air, except I didn't, because there was no air. I tried again. Still no air. It was hot in here. I opened the tiny bathroom window, trying to breathe in the outside air. It didn't help. I clutched my chest, there were shooting pains running up and down my body now. My heart felt like it would explode any moment. But not from sadness, like it had for the last week, but out of actual pain. Oh god. There was something really wrong with me. I would be joining my parents after all. I took great big breaths, still not getting any air, I didn't want to be here, but I didn't want to join my parents. I was too young. They shouldn't have l
eft me. I wanted to see them. Tell them off for going on that fucking trip. Shit…. OK, I really was dying.
I curled up on the floor, waiting for death. I honestly thought I was going to die. I could have lied on that floor for ten minutes or ten hours, I didn't know. It came as a complete surprise when I realised I was breathing again and the pains had stopped. I wasn't to know that I would get these attacks every single day from then on, sometimes even more than once a day. I read up about it. Panic attacks. It was no wonder really.
I had lost my beloved parents, I had not spoken to anyone, the club kids kept phoning and texting and calling round, but I didn't want to see any of them. I felt like I hated them all. And to top it all off, ‘Aunt Glenda’ had kindly informed me that my parents had left a huge amount of debt behind, and that my family home I had grown up in would be taken. Repossessed. My three years at NYSSA were the one thing they had paid off entirely, because they were so focused on helping me achieve my goal. That is why I had to go there in September, whether I liked it or not. I had no family, no friends, £5,000 of my own savings, and three years at NYSSA to face. Life could be fucking miserable sometimes.
And here I was. Sitting at a school I so far hated, trying to hold it together and not have a panic attack in front of a class full of people. I had managed to rent out a simple dorm room with just a bed and a chest of drawers for ninety pounds a week, and I had already started looking for a job.
I knew one thing for sure, and that was no matter how much I hated it, I had to do it for my parents. Paying for this place was probably the reason they had been left with so many other debts, and I would not fail them.
But as I saw Drew walk towards me, pulling up a chair and plonking himself down beside me, I groaned.
Staying here was going to be easier said than done.
Chapter Six - Louise
"So Princess, looks like we have a class together. How exciting for you."
I scrape my chair across the floor, moving away from him. I have no idea why I bother, he just follows me straight away.
"Give it up Drew."
He has a winkle in his eye. A twinkle that tells me he is not about to give up on anything. He was so exotic looking that it was hard to focus on anything else when he was around.
"You give it up. How long are we going to play this game Miss Hart? We just need to get whatever this is out-of-the-way, so we can both move on."
I stare at him coldly. I briefly remember how it felt when he was kissing me. How it felt when he ran his expert hands down my body. I shake the thoughts away quickly. I hadn't felt anything but sadness for the last few months. Sadness and anger.
How could my parents have been stupid? Why couldn't they have been normal? The type of parents who liked staying indoors with a cup of tea instead of killer helicopter rides? Why did they have to rake up so much debt by giving me a stupid future that I didn't want? I didn’t want it. Not anymore. Why had they left me like this?
"Your silence suggests you are considering a replay of FSC night."
His voice snaps me out of my dark thoughts.
“You’re wrong. My silence suggests I’m thinking of ways to tell you to get lost. I’m going to go with the ‘Fuck off’ option.”
He runs a hand through his hair. His cool demeanour never faltering.
"No need for that. Save the dirty talk for the bedroom baby."
I turn to away from him as the teacher walks in. For the next two hours, the other students sing their hearts out. I sit in silence and a world of pain while Drew alternates between singing and giving me filthy chat up lines. I had to hand it to him, he was a guy that never let up.
When the screeching bell signals the end of the class, the singing teacher takes me to the side. She’s not as awful as Amber the monster dance teacher, but I’m not sure I like this one yet. I find it hard to judge anyone and anything since my life got turned upside down.
"When NYSSA accepted you, it means that we saw talent and promise. You made no effort to participate during the whole two hours. This is a singing class Louise. I will let it slide today, because everybody gets first day nerves and I know for a fact that you have the talent and drive…. but it can't happen again. Up your game."
I nod sadly, unable to mutter a word back. I had waited to join this college my whole life. Now I was finally here, I hated every minute. I make my way out of the school grounds. I just couldn’t believe that this was how my first day at the school of my dreams has ended. What the hell was I supposed to do now? The thought of joining in with classes made me feel nauseous. I was only here for my parents, but what good was that anyway? They weren't here to see me suffering. They had left me.
I walk through the parking lot, not knowing how I would face the next few months, or even the next few days.
"So…. Your place or mine?"
I jump out of my skin when Drew leaps out from behind a tree. He must have been spying on me since we left class. He was taking it to stalker level now.
"You really don't get hints do you?"
He walks beside me, keeping up my pace. I know he is staring at me, but I have no wish to tear my eyes from the ground as we walk along.
"I have never had to take hints before. This is an unusual situation for me."
I stuff my hands in my jeans pocket, determined not to give him any part of my fractured soul. Not today. Not ever. My room was only five minutes away. Then I could shut myself off from the rest of the world. At least until tomorrow. I had a lot of thinking to do tonight about if I was going to go through this all again. Right now, I didn’t think I could.
"It’s good practice to take a knockback, especially with an ego as big as yours. We may go to the same college as each other now, but I still want nothing to do with you. Thanks for the heads up by the way. You could have warned me I would have to face you. It would have given me time to transfer"
He walks with such ease. You could tell he was someone who had no cares in the world. He shrugs lazily, reminding me of the night we first met.
"It’s going to be a struggle to get rid of me. I’m persistent. I’m not going anywhere."
My belly flutters slightly at his words. I know that he doesn’t mean it like that and I know that he is only after one thing, but the thought of him staying around to bug me both excites and maddens me. Anyway, he will soon get bored once he realises I’m not going to give him what he wants.
"Why didn't you tell me you were a student here? You didn't mention one word about it that night. You had plenty of chances."
My cheeks turn pink at the thought of what we got up to. I couldn’t help it; it was just my natural reaction. The thought of just how close we came to doing it still surprises me. It was hard not to get flustered. I do regret being so upset after though. My parents being killed has definitely made me realise you should only waste your sadness on worthwhile things.
"I didn't feel the need to mention it. You should have figured it out. I am crazy talented and NYSSA would be worse off without me."
I sigh. A part of me admires his confidence. Another part of me wants to throttle his ego down a few sizes.
"Right. You are so modest. Anyone ever told you that?"
He disarms me with a charming smile. He knew how to work his looks to his best advantage. I’m sure he could have even the hardest people weak at the knees.
"Nope, never heard that one. I mostly just get told how amazing and sexy I am. Especially when I’m having sex. It’s like some sort of super power. People just want me."
I scoff. I didn’t know whether to be angry or amused. His arrogance was something else.
"Are you serious? Maybe these people that have sex with you just don’t know any better. I mean, we didn’t go all the way but you were nothing to write home about Drew Evans."
His smile turns to a frown. He looks downright shocked. His cheeks are even starting to turn pink. It is the first time I have seen him react badly to something I have said. So that’s what it takes? A g
ood old fashioned insult about his bedroom skills. I would never let on that he really was good. He had the ability to turn me on with just a look. I didn't have much to compare it to, but I knew nothing had ever felt as good to me as that night.
We have been walking so quick that we have already reached my dorm room. The old tattered building is dusty and grey. It looks like an abandoned warehouse. My room is on the first floor. The front door on the building is wide open, so I walk in. I don’t even think about Drew, I just want to shut myself away. I am irritated as he decides to follow me up the stairs and down the dirty corridor leading to my room.
"Was that night honestly a let-down for you? I thought you…. I mean….. was it bad?” I have never heard him so wounded. My words had definitely affected him. I didn’t feel bad. He deserved it.
I ignore him for a moment. I find my key and open the heavy door. I throw my bag onto the disgusting tiny bed and pull the brown blind down over my tiny window. I liked being shut in these days. The outside world was terrifying. The walls in here were yellowing. I think they had been cream or maybe even white at some point but now they were just old and needed a good paint job. The carpet was the same muddy brown as the blind. It was a shit room.
I had left the door open. Drew had been lingering at the doorway. I wanted him to go, but it was clear he had another agenda.
I sit down on the bed, wondering if this will be the time it breaks on me. Drew walks in shutting the door behind him. He glances around the room with a look of distaste on his face. I didn’t blame him; it was awful in here.
"It doesn't matter if I think it was a bad night Drew. You keep talking the talk about how all these other girls fall at your feet, so as long as they think you are the worlds greatest, it doesn’t matter what I think."
He sits down on the grim carpet opposite me. He stretches out his legs and studies his shoes.
"It does matter."
His voice sounds small. I check out his expression, shocked to find he looks serious. It was probably the most genuine thing he had said to me since the day we first met.
Take A Bite Of My Heart Tonight Page 6
