I couldn’t hear anymore. I didn’t need to relive that day.
I sighed, “Nate, why are you even here?”
He didn’t answer, but when I looked up at him, he was staring at me intently.
“You know why, Ash.”
My brows knitted together and I studied his serious expression.
“Why? So you could apologize? So you could explain? So you could get some fucked up sense of closure or feel forgiven?” My voice rose as I continued my rant. “So you could be my knight in shining armor? You just swoop in whenever you think I need you, and then leave again.”
I huffed, anger suddenly overshadowing all the pain and confusion. “So that I can never really get over you? Is that why?”
Nathan grabbed me by my arms and leaned down until we were eye to eye. “What is so wrong with any of those things, Face? Yes, I wanted to apologize. Yes, I thought you deserved an explanation. Yes, I hope to be forgiven.”
He let go of my arms and threw his arms out wide. “And yes, I wanted to comfort you. To be the one you need. The one here for you.”
Tears stung my eyes.
He pounded one fist against his chest. His voice was deep and wavered with emotion. “Because you are the one I need. The one I will always want.”
My tears spilled over and ran down my flushed cheeks.
“And I can’t lie Ash,” he said, lowering his voice to a harsh whisper. “I don’t want you to get over me. Ever.”
He cupped my cheeks in his large warm hands and bent to kiss me. His lips stopped just a breath from mine as he held my gaze.
“But that’s not why I came here today.”
I swallowed hard, rooted to the spot. With wide eyes and a quivering lip, I asked, “It’s not?”
“No.”
“Then why?”
He brushed his lips over mine once, twice, then pulled back just enough to meet my eyes again.
“Because I still love you.”
I sucked in a sharp breath. My whole world narrowed as the moment between us came into sharp focus.
Nathan and I stood there staring at each other, our lips millimeters apart, both of us holding our breath. Our hearts pulsed loudly in the silence that followed his confession.
His declaration.
It felt like a gauntlet.
“Ashley!” Katie hollered loudly—and a bit drunkenly—as she walked in the front door. Nathan and I jumped apart, the moment shattered into tiny shards of glass. “Come on girl, we’re—”
She stopped short when she saw Nathan and me in the hallway. Her eyes went wide and her mouth popped open. Drew was right behind her. Along with Chase and the rest of Drew’s band.
“I, uh…I just have to…I’ll be right back,” I stammered, as I fled the awkwardness and shut myself in my room. I leaned my head against the door and tried to catch my breath.
Because I love you.
Those four words echoed in my mind. Over and over again.
A tentative knock brought me back to the present. I stepped away from the door and opened it slowly.
“Ashley?” Nathan asked. He stepped into my room and I could see the concern etched in his features. The fear and worry and longing shone brightly in his eyes.
After a few seconds ticked by, Nathan gently closed the door behind him and I was overwhelmed with the memories of him and me in that room.
He closed his eyes a moment and I wondered if he felt them too. He took a couple of deep measured breaths, seemingly trying to gather himself. When he opened his eyes they were cautious but determined.
Nathan stepped slightly closer to me and then stuffed his hands in the pockets of his jeans.
“I’m not asking for you to take me back,” he started and nearly choked. “I just want to be here for you. That’s all.”
His words surprised me. Nathan stood there, tall and broad and vulnerable. His blue eyes were soft and imploring.
“That’s all?” I asked.
He nodded. I took a deep breath and then rubbed my palms over my eyes.
“Can we just watch a movie in here?” I asked.
Nathan nodded and so I moved my lap top to my nightstand and made room for him on my bed. He settled onto the mattress, keeping a few inches of space between us. Maybe it was a bad idea, but right then I didn’t care. The strength and connection he was offering was too tempting.
~000~
Thirty minutes into the movie I’d selected, I started fidgeting. I wanted to scoot closer. I wanted to crawl up beside him and have him cuddle me, wrapping his big strong arms around me to hold me together.
But I knew I shouldn’t.
Another thirty minutes passed, and Nathan sighed loudly, then reached over and set his hand on my bouncing knee.
“What’s wrong, Face?” Nathan asked, turning to look me in the eye. I looked away and blushed. Nathan chuckled, grabbed my chin and gently turned my gaze back on him. “Tell me.”
My face heated up as I struggled to find the right words. When none came, I gave up and scooted closer until I was pressed up against his side. I laid my head on his chest and he slowly wrapped one arm around me.
The feel of him, the smell of him, was so familiar and soothing. I took a few deep breaths and then let my eyes flutter close. I fell into a dreamless sleep wrapped up in Nathan’s arms.
~000~
When I woke up the next morning, I had a lot of questions. They were like an angry swarm of wasps buzzing around inside my skull. My room was brightly lit, flooded with mid-morning sunshine. Nathan’s arms were tightly wound around me and my head lay on his chest.
I lay there for several minutes, well past when I noticed his breathing had changed. I knew he was awake, but for several minutes I lay there, frozen, letting question after question run through my mind.
Finally, I whispered, “Why are you here?”
Nathan cleared his throat and then said, “I told you last night. I—”
“No, that’s not what I meant,” I stopped him. I didn’t want to hear him say he loved me again. I couldn’t. Not while I was warm and wrapped up in his arms. If he said it now, I might just believe in fairytales again.
And forget about Caleb.
I swallowed hard, remembering the last time I’d seen him.
My stomach churned.
“Where’s the baby? And your…girlfriend?” I stuttered.
Nathan sighed, then shifted. His hand moved from its place on my hip, up my arm and then he cupped my cheek, tilting my chin up. He looked sleepy and sexy with his hair all mussed up and his eye lids heavy.
“She’s not my girlfriend,” he said, his voice low and deep. “And the baby wasn’t mine. I found out the day after he was born. They did a DNA test in the hospital.”
My eyes widened.
“So, what,” I responded, feeling my anger rise. I sat up, and wiggled out of his embrace. “You just dumped her and then come back here wanting me to give you another chance?! After you lied and—”
“No, Face. It’s not—” he blew out an exaggerated breath and ran his hand though his hair. He looked back at me, looking lost and defeated. “I had no agenda coming here, baby. I was just worried about you. That’s all. Because I—”
I squeezed my eyes shut and held my hands to my ears. “No! Please…don’t.”
My heart beat hard and fast and fresh tears pricked my eyes. I was sure then, he was going to press me like he did last night. That he was going to fight for what he wanted.
When he merely sighed, pulled on his clothes and shoes and started to leave, my heart broke all over again.
Why did he really come here? Did he see the picture?
My eyes flew open, landing on his retreating back. Just as his hand twisted the knob, I asked, “Did you just come here because you knew I was with another guy?”
Nathan didn’t turn around but his shoulders tensed and his head dropped. He gripped the back of his neck with his free hand and squeezed.
My nostrils flared. “I
s that what this is?” Dammit. My voice sounded high pitched betraying my ragged emotions. “Some caveman thing?”
Nathan shook his head. Turning around, I gasped at the intense blueness of his eyes. “Are you with him, Ashley?”
“I, uh—”
He took a step toward me. “Are you?”
“I…it’s complicated. You—”
“What, Face? Tell me.”
I shook my head and dashed away the tears that had leaked from my eyes. “You just what you can’t have.”
He made a noise of disgust low in his throat. “What do you want me to say, baby? I couldn’t stand seeing you with another man,” he said. “That picture…” his face visibly paled. “God,” he whispered. “It broke my fuckin’ heart.”
I looked up at the ceiling, blinking away tears. When I felt like I could speak, I lowered my gaze back to his face and said, my voice cracking on the words, “That’s not fair. You broke my heart first! You broke up with me!”
“I’m not going to stop,” he said forcefully. “I love you. I’ll never stop loving you.”
My eyes widened. Shock slammed into me. Wasn’t he just walking out the door?
His voice was rough with emotion, his eyes a swirling violent stormy mix of blue and gray. His words shook with passion.
Nathan crossed the room in three long strides and then dropped to his knees in front of me. The fierce expression in his face softened, his eyes shone brightly.
With excruciating tenderness, he tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear and framed my face in both his hands.
My breath faltered. My heart threatened to gallop out my chest and fresh tears wet my lashes.
“I love you, Ashley,” he said fervent conviction. “I’ll go now if you want me to go. But I won’t stop loving you. Or trying to win you back. Not until—”
He paused and I swallowed hard against the lump in my throat and whispered, “Until?”
The knot in his throat bobbed and his eyes darted between mine, searching for something, I guess.
His mouth lifted up on my one side.
“Do you want me to go?” he asked.
My eyebrows rose up and my eyes widened at his abrupt change. A smirk curved his lips and his words sounded almost playful. But the raw emotion I saw radiating in his eyes belied all that.
And a very real part of me wanted to say no. Wanted to wrap my arms and legs around him and drag him back into my bed. To feel his lips on mine, his heat, his love, him.
Instead, I held onto my resolve and nodded, knowing this wouldn’t be the last I saw of Nathan Williams.
“I want you to go.”
Chapter 22
“Katie,” I whined the next morning as I was packing. She sat on my bed with a sad pensive look on her face. “Please come with me. Just for the summer.”
She sighed. “What about my job?”
I wrinkled my nose. “You’ve only been working there for two weeks! And it was only so you could score free drinks!”
She laughed.
“Please Katie,” I pouted. “I need you there.”
She raised an eyebrow at me. “Why, Ash?”
My shoulders slumped and I sat heavily on the edge of the bed.
“Because. I’m not sure what’s going to happen when I get back to California, but I feel it in my gut that something is going to happen. Nathan’s only an hour away playing football in San Diego. And Caleb—”
I stopped. I didn’t even know where to begin with Caleb. Was it just affection and attraction? If I could let go of Nathan could it be love? Would Caleb even want that?
The questions plaguing me were part of the reason I needed Katie there. I needed someone who supported me, someone who could run interference.
Someone who could possibly keep me from making a mistake if Nathan kept relentlessly pursing me.
I thought about the determined glint in his eye the night before. The promises that swam in those blue eyes and in his kiss. Promises I desperately wanted to believe, to drown in.
Promises I knew Caleb wouldn’t make. And I wasn’t sure Nathan could keep.
I stuck my bottom lip out at Katie. I needed her. Otherwise I was sure I was going to make an even bigger mess.
“Okay!” Katie squealed excitedly, distracting me from my gloomy thoughts.. “Let me get packed, and we’ll go. I gotta tell Dad.”
I smiled wide. “And what about Drew?”
Katie paused in the doorway. Her whole body tensed. She frowned and shook her head. “Who the hell cares what Drew thinks?”
I raised my eyebrows in surprise. “Did something happen?”
She blew out a frustrated breath. “It’s a long story, Ash. I’ll tell you on the plane.”
~000~
“So…he basically asked you to move in, you said no, and then he was all over some other girl? But last night he came back to the apartment with you.”
Making sense of Katie’s story was not easy. She had rambled on, with angry tears and exaggerated hand gestures, for the last thirty minutes.
She sighed. “I didn’t say no. I just…that’s a big step. A step I’m pretty sure my parents wouldn’t like without a ring and a church.”
Katie leaned her head back against the seat. “And last night?”
“Last night I saw him at the bar, he and the guys waited until I got off and then came back with me. I basically ignored him all night and then we got into a huge fight this morning before he left.”
I chuckled and shook my head. “I give him a week before he shows up in Cali.”
~000~
Four days later, Katie and I got dressed up and walked two blocks to a party Caleb had texted me about.
I was nervous to see him. I didn’t even know he had my phone number until the day before when he texted me.
Katie and I walked into the party and my eyes immediately landed on Caleb. His familiar form was a welcome sight. All long lean muscles, inked up arms and a dangerous swagger that could make any girl swoon.
I watched him for a moment talking with two other guys and a couple of girls who leaned in as he talked. The beach house was full of people talking and loud music blared out of some speakers in the living room.
When Caleb turned and his eyes caught mine, his whole face changed betraying that cool easy confident mask he usually wore.
He immediately stalked across the room. Before I could utter a word or even breathe, he gripped me by the nape of my neck and slammed his lips to mine.
I melted, my body went pliant as I surrendered to his kiss. And the easy escape it offered.
Suddenly, it was all I needed. I reached up and fisted my hands in his t-shirt, clinging to him and pulling myself closer. All the muddled thoughts and hurt from seeing Nathan suddenly destroyed, wiped out with the sweep of his tongue against my lips.
Before I could register a coherent thought—or realize that we’d just kissed in a very public party and I was pretty sure I just saw the flash of a camera phone—someone came barreling at us, tackling Caleb to the ground.
I got shoved backwards as shouts erupted as the sounds of flesh hitting flesh, and two men grunting and cursing on the ground filled the air.
The screaming of party-goers signaled a massive fight. I pushed my way back though the crowd until finally I found myself in the middle of a circle of people.
I was stunned as I watched Caleb and Nathan grapple with each other on the floor.
“What the—?”
Caleb was a strong guy but I wasn’t sure he was any match for a two hundred and thirty pound, six foot five NFL quarterback.
Oh god. I thought suddenly.
I looked around at all the camera phones out and Caleb and Nathan fighting—presumably over me—in public. Shit.
After the photo of my dirty romp with Caleb, this was exactly what I didn’t need.
“Nathan!” I screamed as I propelled myself forward. “Nate, stop!”
They didn’t hear me. I moved closer just as they
broke apart and stood up. I lunged for Caleb, who was closer to me, but he didn’t see me or hear me, and when he cocked his fists back, his elbow caught me in the nose.
Blood immediately gushed my vision blurred from the pain. I wavered on my feet.
The Best Kind of Trouble Page 15
