“I haven’t seen nor heard a word from him since last week. He’s making me nervous. What do you think he’s waiting for?”
“It could be any number of things,” he said as he led her to the gazebo the town had built halfway between the church and the schoolyard. “He could be waiting for someone to arrive. He could have decided against going through with it, though that is highly unlikely. He could be waiting to see if you’re serious enough to contact him again.”
They slowly mounted the stairs to the empty gazebo. “So what do I do?”
“Give him a little while longer. We’ll try to stick to our original plan, and if he doesn’t come through, we’ll figure something else out.” He sat near the end of the wooden bench that followed the curve of the gazebo. His gaze strayed from hers to rest on the schoolhouse. “You’ve made quite an impression on my family. Almost a week has passed, and they’re still talking about you, especially Timothy.”
An unbidden smile rose to her lips. “They were sweet and Timothy was adorable.”
“You seem to make a good impression on children, Lorelei.”
“I guess I do,” she said, thinking about her rapport with the Brightly children. “I can’t for the life of me figure out why.”
He frowned at her self-derisive comment. “I don’t think it’s too hard to figure out. You let down your guard when you’re with them.”
Her eyes flashed to his suspiciously. “What does that mean?”
“You’re different somehow. Maybe it’s because you know they won’t hurt you. I’ve watched you. You suddenly become more charming and clever and interesting. Your eyes even start to twinkle.”
She crossed her arms. “I think I should be offended by that comment.”
“Don’t be.”
“Why are you telling me this?”
“Because I’m beginning to think you aren’t exactly who you’ve presented yourself to be—at least, not to me.”
She couldn’t look away for a long breathless moment. Finally, she stood and turned away from him to lean against the gazebo railing that looked out toward the schoolhouse. She could almost see herself as a child slipping away from her friends in the playground to confidently tell the boy she loved that she’d marry him one day. It hadn’t even crossed her mind that he wouldn’t feel the same way. His disgust had taken her aback, and the schoolchildren’s incessant teasing for weeks had kept the wound from healing as it should.
She’d learned a valuable lesson. Love wasn’t something that should be boldly exposed but rather hidden away for protection. Somehow in hiding that she’d hidden away so much more. She’d hidden part of herself.
She suddenly realized Sean had joined her. He caught her arm to guide her away from the railing, so she faced him. He looked searchingly over her features. “I think I figured out what’s missing from our courtship, Lorelei. It’s you, isn’t it?”
She allowed her gaze to drop to their feet.
He sighed. “Maybe that’s for the best.”
She glanced up in sharp inquiry.
He shrugged. “The woman I glimpsed playing with my nephew, having dinner with my family and racing across the barnyard with my sister wasn’t just downright beautiful. She was practically irresistible. I don’t think either of us are ready to handle that, are we?”
She tensed and stepped back. “No.”
He picked up the Stetson from where he’d dropped it on the gazebo bench. “I think I’d better get you home.”
* * *
Lorelei desperately tried to focus on her job to put yesterday’s conversation with Sean out of her mind, but she’d discovered a problem. She couldn’t breathe. At least, she couldn’t breathe normally. She concentrated on pulling even breaths through her lips as she placed one hat aside to look at the request for another. Orders for hats had come rushing in after a few of her designs had been seen around Peppin. Lorelei took special care in designing the hats so they would live up to the expectations of the new customers. But it was hard to concentrate on sartorial brilliance when she could barely breathe. Mainly, she just wanted to live past her shift.
She glanced around the lonely workroom and sighed. “Lord, I so wanted to prove that I could stick to something, but this is just awful. The feathers are simply everywhere—in the air, on the table. I even find them in my hair when I get home. I don’t understand. Really, I don’t. They just seem to multiply.”
She opened her eyes to stare at the fragments of feathers lying on the table. She had hoped that her body would get use to them after a while. Instead of getting better, she seemed to be getting worse. She hadn’t noticed how much worse until this morning. She closed her eyes a moment to gather herself. “Well, so much for that.”
Tucking her handkerchief back into her pocket, she marched the few feet to Mrs. Cummings’s office. Mrs. Cummings glanced up from her books. “Yes, Lorelei?”
Lorelei opened the door farther and stepped in the room.
The woman’s eyes widened. “Your face is remarkably red.”
She reached up a hand to touch her warm cheek. “Is it?”
“Are you all right?”
“No. I’m afraid not. I can’t tell you how sorry I am. I will have to leave early today.” She took a moment to gather her breath, then shook her head. “I appreciate this opportunity, but I will not be coming back.”
“I was expecting that.”
“You were?”
“This is your last check.” Mrs. Cummings took an envelope from her desk and handed it to Lorelei. “I was going to let you go at the end of the day.”
“Oh,” Lorelei breathed.
“Child, I’ve never heard anyone sneeze so much in my life.” The woman gave a firm nod. “As wonderful as your work has been, I, for one, am glad you came to your senses. Promise me you’ll go see Doc Williams right away.”
“Yes, ma’am, I will.” She didn’t bother to smile. She gathered her hat and reticule from the workroom before hurrying out the door. It slammed shut behind her with a plaintive ring of its bell. She’d hoped the fresh air would help, but the air was humid and she felt even more uncomfortable.
“Lorelei!”
She glanced up from her boots at the sound of someone cheerily calling her name. She lifted her lips into a weak smile as Ellie fell in step beside her. “Ellie, I’m sorry. I’ve got to get to Doc’s.”
Ellie’s large green eyes widened as they traced Lorelei’s features. “Heavens, you look as if you might faint.”
Lorelei shook her head. “I’ll be fine. I’m just allergic to the feathers I’ve been working with.”
“At least wait a minute to catch your breath.” She pulled Lorelei to a stop, then glanced around in a mix of frustration and concern. “Now, where did Sean go? There he is.”
“Please,” Lorelei said as kindly as she could while she removed Ellie’s detaining hand and tried not to panic. She continued on by herself for a moment before a strong arm slipped beneath hers to offer support. She glanced up into Sean’s concerned gaze.
“Let me carry you to Doc’s.”
She immediately shook her head. “It isn’t that bad.”
Ellie stepped up to the other side of her. “Please, Lorelei. We don’t know what’s wrong, but we want to help. Let him carry you. You’ll get there faster.”
She glanced toward the bank. “If Father sees—”
“He won’t,” Sean promised. “I know a back way that’s shorter.”
She nodded, then followed Sean off the sidewalk to the narrow alleyway behind the businesses with Ellie at her side. Sean immediately lifted her into his arms. Her arms instinctively went around his shoulders while embarrassment caused her to turn her face into his neck. She caught her breath enough to murmur, “I don’t think this is necessary.”
“A lot of things aren’t necessary in life, Lorelei,” he said quietly. “That doesn’t mean you should do without them.”
“Things like allowing others to care for you when you’re in
need,” Ellie said firmly. Glancing over her shoulder at the two of them, she smiled. “And things like love. It may not be as necessary as the air you breathe or the water you drink, but a life without love is hardly worth living.”
Lorelei lowered her brow in confusion.
“Ellie, this is not the time,” Sean said with a bit of exasperation. “Run ahead and tell Doc we’re coming, will you?”
Ellie’s eyes flashed Sean a silent message Lorelei couldn’t quite decipher before she lifted her skirts to run down the alley.
“We’re almost there. Just relax.”
Lorelei closed her eyes and tried to do exactly that. It felt like the longest few minutes of her life. The tension in her chest refused to ease as she attempted to take easy breaths. Thinking about breathing seemed to make it more difficult, so she tried to think of something else. She lifted her face from Sean’s chest to see if they were attracting any attention. Thankfully, they were now the only ones in the alleyway.
She slowly became conscious of the rapid thundering of Sean’s heart beneath her fingers and swallowed. When exactly had her free hand slid over his heart? She stared at it for a long moment. Sean shifted her closer. She readjusted her arm around his shoulder. Lord, please help me. I really can’t breathe.
Sean glanced down, distracting her with a rueful smile. “This is beginning to become a habit with us, isn’t it?”
She lifted her shoulder in a hapless shrug. “Don’t get—used to it.”
He chuckled quietly. “No, I suppose not.”
She closed her eyes as he turned a corner, then mounted the steps to Doc Williams’s office. Ellie threw the door open for them. Doc led them down a hallway and into an examining room, then promptly commanded Sean to leave. One quick encouraging look later, Sean was gone. Lorelei glanced over at the doctor who had turned away to prepare her treatment.
“From what I’ve heard, you are having trouble breathing, is that right?”
“Yes,” she exhaled.
“Runny nose, watery eyes, itchy nose and eyes,” he rattled off as he examined her. “You, my dear, have a severe case of hay fever. Try breathing through your mouth calmly instead of gasping for breath. If you keep overcompensating, you’ll hyperventilate. There’s nothing to worry about. I’ll give you some medicine and keep an eye on you for a while.”
“It isn’t serious?” she asked in disbelief. “But…”
“But what?”
But…when Sean held me I couldn’t breathe. She swallowed. “Nothing, Doc. It was nothing.”
* * *
Sean’s thumb tapped a frantic rhythm on his denim-covered knee while he waited for Doc and Lorelei to emerge from the examining room. Ellie’s hand covered his. He squeezed it gently, then glanced up at her. Her smile was reassuring. He leaned back in his chair and let out a pent-up breath.
“Don’t be so worried. She’s with Doc. If anyone can make her better, he can,” Ellie said.
He glanced at her. “I know that. I’ve just never been good at waiting.”
Her lips curved into a smile. “You’re really starting to care for Lorelei, aren’t you, Sean?”
The question settled into the air like the smell of kerosene at an explosion site. Sean grunted. Let it settle all it liked, he wasn’t about to answer. “Do you really want to ask that question, knowing what you know?”
She winked. He shot her a glare. She gave him a saccharine-sweet smile, then picked up a catalog from a table. He sighed, then walked the window for some time alone.
“Lord, I can’t make heads or tails of anything lately,” he muttered in a barely audible voice to keep Ellie from hearing. “I don’t know if it’s me messing up my life or if You’re trying to teach me something, but I’ve never been so lost or confused. Please help me out here.”
He stood in quiet anticipation in the stillness interrupted only by Ellie’s intermittent page turning. He waited for peace to overtake him, but instead panic filled his chest. His heart began to beat faster. His hands clenched into fists. He wanted to take it back. Those words he’d spoken were good in theory, but they came a bit too close to surrender. He wanted to believe that he could fix it on his own. Perhaps if he just tried a little harder to do…something… .
The truth was he’d become so invested in his relationship with Lorelei that it was making him a little crazy. The more he thought about it and the more he played along, the more he really began to hate this game of pretend he and Lorelei were involved in. He hated wondering if the town would find his proposal too sudden and start asking questions he wouldn’t want answered. But most of all, he hated the way he wasn’t sure himself how real their courtship was, for him or for her. They’d been getting along so much better recently, but was the new cordiality real, or was Lorelei just keeping up appearances? And what about him? Were his feelings for her truly growing?
He probably shouldn’t have told her that he found her irresistible when she wasn’t acting like someone she wasn’t. It was true though. He realized that they’d finally been able to create a friendship. But it wasn’t enough. She wasn’t the type of person he’d planned on spending his life with, but they were getting married. That meant he needed to do something that would start them on a path that would eventually lead to love. But would he end up on that path alone?
He closed his eyes against the dizziness and heard a door open down the hall. Grateful for the distraction, Sean glanced up to see Doc Williams walking toward him. “How is she?”
“She should be fine. I’m going to watch her for a while to make sure the treatment is working. She asked me to take her home after that.”
Ellie slipped up to Sean and nudged him softly in the ribs. “I guess that’s our cue to leave.”
“I guess so.” He reached down to grab his Stetson.
“Tell her we’ll be praying for her,” Ellie urged.
“I’ll do that,” Doc promised.
Ellie stepped up to press a kiss on Doc’s cheek. “Bye, Doc.”
Sean shook Doc’s hand. When he would have let go, Doc held on. He glanced up to find the man looking at him carefully. “Actually, Ellie, I’d like to speak with Sean alone.”
Ellie nodded. “I’ll wait at your office, Sean.”
Before Sean had a chance to respond, Doc released his hand and turned back down the hallway he’d just walked. Sean followed him in confusion. Doc motioned Sean into an empty examination room. “Sit down, Sean.”
“What’s wrong?”
Doc took the chair across from him, pulled out a notepad and looked him in the eye. “How long have you been having this panic problem?”
Shock stilled his rapidly beating heart for a moment before it resumed its quick pace. He shifted in his chair, then stared at the door. So that’s what these episodes were called. He wasn’t sure if he was more alarmed or relieved to know what they were. His gaze shot back to Doc’s. “How did you know?”
“I felt your racing heart during our rather moist handshake, you seem short of breath and if the look in your eyes tells me anything, you are feeling an unexplained sense of terror or lack of control right now.” He didn’t wait for Sean’s confirmation. “Do any other symptoms usually occur along with or instead of these?”
He swallowed. “Dizziness.”
Doc marked it down, then nodded for him to continue. “When did you first begin to have these episodes?”
“After my parents’ deaths.”
Doc put down his pencil. “I’m not surprised, but I am concerned that you have not mentioned this to me before. Does your family know?”
“Should they?”
Doc smiled slightly. “It isn’t fatal, if that’s what you’re asking. Telling them is up to you.”
“Is there a cure?”
“That depends. Do you know what triggers them?”
Sean was thoughtful for a long moment. “Thinking about certain things like situations I can’t control.”
“A loss of control due to outside pressures,”
Doc muttered as he wrote in his tablet. He glanced up. “In that case, I would suggest you find someone to confide in. Talking about what’s wrong rather than internalizing it, will probably help. Also, how often during those moments do you pray and surrender the situation to God?”
“I pray…sometimes.” He swallowed.
“I see.” Doc leaned forward. “In medicine we have vaccines. That means to keep someone from contracting diseases such as smallpox we give them smallpox in a little dose. Once the body builds defenses against the small dose, it can fight off a stronger infection. In my opinion, the best vaccine for the panic you feel when giving up control is to give up control in small ways until you can do it comfortably in large ways.”
Sean’s smile was wry. “So to treat panic I need to panic.”
Doc laughed. “Yes, because the point is to learn how to deal with that panic.”
“If I do that, will I finally be able to overcome this?”
“With time, I hope that you will.”
He wanted to overcome this, and if that meant he needed to give up a little bit of control, then maybe he could do that. The biggest source of stress for him was his relationship with Lorelei. What had he thought earlier? He needed to start them on a path toward love. That meant taking a chance. That was a form of giving up control, wasn’t it? Perhaps it was time to be honest with himself and with Lorelei. He was tired of playing pretend. He wanted a real relationship with her. For once, he’d take a risk. He’d approach Lorelei and ask her to let him court her for real. Maybe, just maybe, she’d say yes. Perhaps that would help him shake this panic once and for all.
Chapter Fourteen
Sitting on the wooden bench of her parents’ back lawn the next afternoon, Lorelei placed her pencil back onto the paper. It was the first time she’d ventured out of the house since Doc had helped her drowsily inside. Whatever medicine he’d given her had been enough to fell a horse. She’d slept her way past the effects of the allergy and the medication to awaken feeling healthy and strong again. Now that she didn’t have a job and Silas Smithson hadn’t contacted her, she figured she might as well try a new hobby. Obviously drawing wasn’t going to be it. She drew line after line with her pencil, but no matter how many lines she drew, she couldn’t come up with a flower.
The Runaway Bride Page 14
