Andy tried to focus. She had to get through this. Quickly, like ripping a bandage off and mourning the loss later. It was now or never. If she continued to stare at him, she would fall even deeper into them. She took a deep breath and summoned enough courage to meet his gaze. She saw the blast of heat from those blue eyes. They smoldered with a passion she had only just tasted. Her stomach fluttered, anticipating many more encounters. Appalled at herself, Andy ruthlessly shoved them down.
"Matt, we can't do this anymore. We can't see each other anymore." There! Oh, gosh! Her stomach fell as her mind boasted in triumph. Matt's blue eyes never wavered. The fire didn't leave them either. He remained still on the couch. Andy swallowed hard. What else did she need to say? She hugged Harper closer to her for comfort. She couldn't stop looking at him. Slowly he shook his head no.
"No, Andy, this isn't over. We are not over. I refuse to let Monica win. This is what she wants." His voice was strong, low and steady. There was absolutely no doubt that he wasn't taking no as an answer. She pressed her lips together. She assessed the situation. He didn't look angry. He didn't seem to think she meant the words that she said. He was calm and collected. Lucky him!
"Matt, what is she capable of after all this? I'm afraid to be here alone with Harper. If giving you up will get her to back off of me, then I have to do it!" Uncertainty and panic clawed at her throat. Her heart was banging wildly against her chest. This was not going well. This was going to hurt.
"I'm sorry. I never thought this would happen and I sure as hell didn't want it to happen to you and Harper. You do not deserve this!" He fumed quietly on the couch, trying not to wake Harper. He sat forward and looked directly at Andy. "I do deserve you! You can't tell me that you want us to break up, can you?" All the questions in his eyes nailed her self-esteem. She wasn't sure at all, but could she tell him that? The inner war of a mother was bloody and deadly. Harper's safety and welfare came first.
"Honestly, Matt, I don't see any other way." Her voice came out soft and he strained to hear her. She had to look away, blinking back the tears that pricked the corners. Her chest felt tight. No words came for several minutes and finally she looked back over at him. Matt still sat forward with his palms over his eyes, running each hand through his short, dark hair. The silence was so strange with all of the feelings darting between them. The clock ticked the seconds down.
"There is another way. You can move into my house with me. The upstairs would be perfect. We can do anything you need to feel comfortable, but I won't let you stay here alone. I can't let us go." His gaze nearly incinerated her on the spot. He was so sure. He was laying so much on the line and he was moving at light speed in their relationship. Her inner self yearned for his strength and his certainty. Leaning her head back against the chair's cushion, she continued to rock Harper. She took in a few deep breaths, trying to calm her clamoring thoughts. Is this right? Is it wrong? What do I have to lose? She had her heart to lose and without much thought, she realized it leaned towards Matt Johnson anyway.
"I don't know, Matt. I have only had myself to depend on for the last while, but you have shown me that you can be trusted. You have to promise me something." Her words were firm. She watched him.
"Name it." His voice was husky and it sent shivers across her skin. She punched her resolve into submission. Sweet lord, isn't he sexy! Her train of thought was starting to wander.
"If this doesn't work and Monica doesn't lay off, we cool it for a while. It might not mean breaking up completely, but until you can get her to stop, we let this go." She gestured to the space between them. His brows raised slightly and his mouth opened. She knew he wanted to refute what she was asking of him, but he silently packed his argument away. Probably for a better time. She would deal with that bridge when they got to it. She wasn't very good at long term planning. Right now, they had to take one day at a time. It was all she could handle emotionally.
"All right." Matt pulled out his cell phone and dialed a number. Lifting it to his ear he waited. "Hey Margaret, I won't be in today. Can you have Garrett call me when he comes into the office? No, everything is fine, but if our lawyer calls there, direct him to my cell phone. I need to speak to him too." He nodded and finished with a goodbye. He hung up and slipped the phone back in his pocket. Andy figured she had better put Harper down in her bed.
Sliding out of the chair, Andy grimaced as her lower back screamed at her. She definitely wouldn't mind the more comfortable looking furniture in Matt's house. A slight worry about Garrett's reaction came and went. She would leave that up to Matt. She was taking a huge gamble and she hoped it would pay off. Gingerly she lowered Harper into her bed and covered her with the blanket. She stayed a moment, looking down on her daughter's softly rounded cheeks. Am I making the right choice?
"Her mother deserves to be happy. It will make Harper happy to see you living and enjoying life again." Matt's voice was soft at her ear, his warm breath caressing her neck. Andy closed her eyes. She had been so absorbed she hadn't heard him come in. Her nerves skittered at the brush of his breath and she longed for his touch elsewhere.
"What if I get hurt again, Matt? What if this all blows up in my face and I can't move past this?" Her voice was equally as soft, but the pain and doubt that threaded it was very real. He slid his arm around her waist, pulling her back against his front. She closed her eyes when she felt his muscled frame holding her up. Longing to lean against him and let him fight the world for her, Andy sighed.
"Baby, I can't tell you that you won't hurt again. It happens far more often than we would like. I can promise that I will never hurt you intentionally. I want to slay all of your dragons if you will let me." Matt kissed her neck, his lips hot and firm. His words had comforted. They were a balm to the raw wounds still open and sore. She squeezed his arm and hugged him.
"I would like that too." Her reply was so soft, she wasn't even sure she had said it. It was true. She wanted someone else to take the lead for once. She was tired. It was more than that. She was exhausted. It seemed like such a never-ending fight and uphill most times too. Maybe Matt really could take over the heavy lifting for a while. Maybe without all of the stress, she could finally fix some of the things that were broken; not all of them. She knew that wasn't possible. Just round off some of the jagged edges if she could. Harper did deserve a happy mom. Andy deserved to be happy.
"All right. Now we need to make a list of what we need for my house. I have zero baby stuff." Matt grinned as he led her from the bedroom. "I think I will move our office to the exercise room upstairs. That will open up the guest room for you and the office for Harper's room." He grinned at Andy. "Unless you want to stay in my room."
She rolled her eyes. Hastily her heart leaped and it was excited by the offer. Her head told her she needed her own space. Even if she might occasionally stay the night in his room.
"Not yet. Let's see how we navigate everything else. Just moving in together is a bit of a stretch." Andy tried to curb her grin when his expression fell some. He was really hoping she would rise to the challenge and accept his offer. He should have known better. Andy did grin then.
"So we need a crib, dresser, changing table, and a rocker." Matt ticked the furniture off on his fingers. Andy thought hard about what he was offering. New everything. Wow! She felt weird about him spending so much money on them and her without a job, but he looked so darned happy about it. She didn't want to shred his delight in treating them as he wished.
"Should we take anything from here? None of the furniture is great, but it's sturdy." Even she didn't sound so sure about hauling her old, worn out furniture into his lovely new and modern house.
"Just bring your clothes and anything else you cannot live without. Everything else we have or will go buy. I will still pay rent here so your stuff can stay until we know how this will work out, if that is fine with you?"
Andy was touched by his compassion and understanding. She nodded quickly. Her eyes drank in the curve of his lips an
d she mentally sighed. He always had such a way of turning her thoughts into something decidedly naughty. She took a deep breath and tried to remain on solid ground. Her mind wandered back to Monica and the conversation Matt had with Detective Briggs.
"Are you going to tell me what Detective Briggs had to say?" She tried to make it sound inconsequential, but of course, it wasn't. She felt like she was on pins and needles. She really hated uncertainty. Matt looked as if he were weighing just exactly what to tell her. She waited.
"He agreed that the tires had been slashed. Knife probably. He took some notes and made a call. We had a tow truck come get the car and take it to the garage for new tires." Matt was dodging what she most wanted to know. She had to ask. She had to see what he knew.
"Will it get worse? Did he say what he thought she might do now?" Andy's voice quivered.
"It's likely that she is getting more desperate. The protection orders are very nearly finished and that puts one more obstacle in her way." Matt reached out and held Andy's hand. His thumb stroked across her knuckles and back again. It felt good. The connection seemed to lessen the distance between them. She could feel the desire build again and push out into the world. It was like a flower blossoming in the sunshine and she marveled at how fragile and sweet it was. Her blood pulsed hot and needy in her veins. She swallowed hard and met his gaze as he took in the blush on her cheeks.
Pulling her slowly into him, Matt lowered his lips to hers. Heaven. A sweet, intricate world opened to swallow them whole. Never had she experienced immediate need and acceptance. There was a riot of bursting color behind her lids and she opened her mouth to him. His tongue sparred with hers. It flicked across her bottom lip and he held her tighter. Running her palms up under his t-shirt, she outline the warm muscles of his back to his shoulders. She groaned when his hand traced her hip and slid across her behind. He kneaded one cheek with a desperate grip.
Matt lifted his lips away from hers to set fire down her neck and to the hollow of her shoulder. She gasped at his lips on her skin. She pressed her breasts into him, silently begging for attention. He growled as he pressed his already impressive erection against her abdomen. Her core pulsed white hot and ached with an imperative need. Andy groaned low in her throat, causing Matt to pull her more firmly against him. There was no space left between them.
She wanted him. There was no possibility of denial here. She wanted to enjoy every feeling he created within her. She loved that she could make him crazy with need and that he wasn't afraid of letting her know it. Andy was glad that he had fought for them. She was beyond the moon that he didn't want this to end either. There was no guarantees on the future. No one could predict what might come, but one thing she knew was that right now had to be cherished. She did. She wouldn't trade these moments for anything. Matt was right. She did deserve happiness. She was going to reach for it with both hands. The future be damned.
Chapter Thirteen
Andy sighed in the quiet house as she sat in the overstuffed chair on the second floor. It had been such a mind blowing day! She rested her head back against the plush cushion and stared at the gently turning ceiling fan. It was hard to believe that just this morning she had been trying to work up the courage to tell Matt that they had to go their separate ways. Monica's threats and now the damage to her car was more than she was willing to deal with alone. Alone. Matt had refused even the possibility of them separating and at the last she had let him make his point. Her cheeks blushed.
She shifted in the chair at the thoughts of what they had done this morning. Feeling the temperature rising and her heart speeding up, Andy closed her eyes and let some of the scenes wash over her. It had been a turning point for her. She had decided to take a chance, more on trusting herself than trusting Matt. For some reason she didn't understand, she knew Matt would be a constant, her North Star. He was grounded, capable, sincere and unbelievably sexy! She grinned picturing him in half undress as he pressed his lips to her skin and how he moaned in his throat when she touched him.
Swallowing and trying hard to tamp down the desire that suddenly flared insanely hot, Andy got up from her chair to check on Harper one more time before she went downstairs. She slipped out her door and down the hall to the room right next to hers. The door was open and she went quietly inside. The room looked like a fairy tale. A huge dark wood chest of drawers loomed tall and silent next to the closet door. The dresser matched both the changing table and the sleigh crib. Beautiful yellow curtains shaded the full window. Andy couldn't help herself. She had picked a yellow, baby bedding set complete with yellow and white checked sheets and comforter. Matt had been a bit more practical with his baby monitor set, diapers, clothes, and assorted lotions, soaps, and powders.
Andy swept the room, taking in how wonderful it looked and grinned as she noticed the one not so practical thing Matt had chosen for Harper. A three-foot, yellow plush duck that sat in the cream colored rocker. Her grin settled a bit deeper in her heart and less on her face. Matt really did care about them. He wouldn't have invited them into his home and bought everything to make sure they would be comfortable. He was a gem! One she wasn't sure she would ever deserve, but if things continued on a good track, she would try very hard to deserve Matt Johnson.
Clicking on the small hand-held speaker, Andy walked out of Harper's room and went downstairs to the kitchen. Since she hadn't a vehicle to drive, she had convinced Matt to stop by the grocery store so that she could get something to fix for dinner. Matt was no help whatsoever when she asked him what they liked to eat. Andy wasn't a proficient cook, but she could make a few things well. Settling on lasagna, she rounded up the ingredients. It took a session of going from cupboard to cupboard and drawer to drawer to locate the utensils and cooking pans she would need.
Soon she had the hamburger browning in the skillet. She found a glass casserole dish that she could layer the entree inside to bake in the oven. Groaning as she tried to twist off the tomato sauce, Andy almost wished Matt were at home to open it. On her last attempt, the metal lid gave a bit and soon came off. Pouring just enough to cover the bottom of the casserole dish, she layered lasagna noodles, meat, noodles, meat, sauce and topped it all off with mozzarella cheese. Covering it in aluminum foil, she slipped it into the preheated oven.
She loved the smell of cooking food. The warmth of the kitchen enveloped her and Andy fought back the urge to cry. Growing up at home, the kitchen was her favorite place in the world. Her mother would cook and bake, making every sense come alive. That warm place was where she always felt she belonged and was loved. It was where everything was understood. Andy sighed, leaning up against the counter and resting her chin on her palms as her elbows held her up.
If she were having a bad day at school, her mom would pull up a stool and offer a homemade chocolate chip cookie. They would talk. Her mom may not have been able to fix what was wrong, but just by listening it had felt like she did. She blinked back another wave of fresh sadness. What happened? Why couldn't she be there for me now? Her throat ached with the need to let the tears flow, but she refused to do it. She didn't want to cloud those precious memories with the ugliness of now. Besides she didn't want to ruin the warmth she still felt by cooking and baking for Harper. It was a gift she would give her daughter someday.
Andy's new cell phone rang with Adele's Rollin in the Deep as her ringtone. She loved that song!
"Hey Matt." She said into the speaker and smiled at the sound of his voice.
"Hey babe, we are about to head home now. I thought I would warn you."
"Warn me? You mean in case I was lounging around in my underwear?" Andy chuckled playfully.
"Oh, please don't tease me! I have been thinking about you with and without clothes all day." He laughed when she groaned into the phone.
"Me too." She half whispered, her cheeks blushing furiously. She burned at the thought of him without clothes on that muscled, tanned body of his. She wanted to run her hands over his chest, trailing that dark line
of hair into his jeans.
"I talked to Garrett and he wanted a chance to talk to you tonight over dinner. Don't worry. He's going to throw in his support, I'm sure of it. Anyway, I will see you in a little while." Matt said before he hung up the phone after her goodbye. Her heart beat seemed to have fallen over itself and it hadn't quite recovered its natural rhythm. Matt loved his older brother, Garrett. Andy even liked him herself. She just wasn't certain of what he would say, let alone how he would feel about having his brother's girlfriend and her infant daughter living in the same house. Girlfriend. Yes, I am!
Pushing away from the counter, Andy found the loaf of French bread and set to work. She sliced thick pieces, brushed each side with a mixture of butter and herbs, wrapped it in aluminum foil and slid it into the oven to warm. Her stomach rumbled at the smells perfuming the kitchen. Next she found the dishes and place settings to lay them out on the oak dining room table. The timer beeped on the oven and she quickly took up the hot pads to pull out the bubbling lasagna. Next she took out the French bread, opened to check on its melty goodness and smiled at her triumph. She carried the glass casserole dish into the dining room and set it on the large mat to keep it from scarring the table.
A loud cry came over the baby monitor to signal Harper was awake and not happy to still be in her bed. Switching the monitor off, Andy bounced happily up the stairs to the second floor and walked into Harper's room.
"How's my sleepy head?" Large blue eyes took in the surrounding room. Both of her tiny hands waved in the air for Andy to pick her up and she granted the silent request. Harper's downy head bobbed against Andy's chest and her heart swelled at the baby's insistence at being fed. Smiling broadly, she carried her daughter back downstairs to fix a bottle of formula. As they turned the corner from the stairs, the locked clicked at the front door and in walked Garrett and Matt.
Black Hills Angel (Black Hills Series) Page 12
