She pressed her hand over her mouth and blinked back the sudden tears.
The doll.
Nicole whirled and rushed into the bedroom.
“Nicole. Nicole, wait.” Jake followed her all the way into the closet. “I’m sorry—”
She pulled the little doll out of her bag and turned to show it to Jake.
“Oh baby. Come here.” He walked to her and folded her into his arms, cradling her against his chest.
She let him hold her, soaking in the comfort she hadn’t felt from him in so long. He stroked her hair and rested his chin on top of her head.
“You’re right that we never talked about Willow. I’m sorry. I didn’t know how to handle it, so it was just easier to move on and not talk about her.”
His words stunned her. He hadn’t even been able to say Willow’s name. She listened, half afraid to move or even breathe because she might break whatever spell had been cast over him.
“I wrongly thought you needed space and to be left alone. It was easier to just pretend it hadn’t happened. You aren’t supposed to have to bury your kid, and we didn’t even get to hold her or even know who she might be. I kept feeling sorry for myself, and you’re right. I wasn’t there for you and you had to have been going through so much more than I was. It was selfish and wrong. I’m sorry. I don’t know how to make it right, I don’t know how to go back to how things were before and I don’t think we can. I want to figure out how to move forward, though. Together, because I do still love you. And I fucked up.”
His words poured over her like a healing balm to her spirit. It was everything she’d wanted to hear, and while she relaxed against him, things didn’t quite click into place. She didn’t know if there was a future. Words were easy, but could things change? There was no going backward, only forward.
“I still wonder if it’s my fault,” she admitted into the silence. “If something I did caused it.” She tripped over her words. Jake wasn’t the only one who had trouble talking about their daughter.
“The doctors said it wasn’t.”
“I know. But what if it was all my fault?” She peered up at him. “We don’t know.”
He couldn’t argue with her because the truth was they didn’t know and never would.
“Where do we go from here?” he asked.
“Out of the closet?”
A smile curled his lips and she could have sighed in happiness.
“Come on.” Jake took her hand and led her into the bedroom. With the lack of furniture, the only place to go was the bed. He sat down on the edge and tugged her hand until she settled in next to him. They each had their toys in their lap.
“I still want to be a mother.” She hadn’t enunciated that out loud, but admitting it now felt good.
Jake placed his hand on her knee. “You’re going to be a great mother someday.”
But would he be the father? She loved him, but was it enough? Could it be?
She wanted it to be him. Deep inside, it was the vision of her life she’d had and she wasn’t ready to let that go. Trying again might mean more heartache, making the same mistakes they’d already made, but if they did it together she could survive it. It was a lot of trust to put in his hands.
“I still love you,” Nicole said and her insides quivered.
Jake reached for her, cupping her face. “I love you too.”
He leaned in and kissed her. All the turmoil, the pain—it faded away until the only two constants were hope and love.
She pushed him back on the bed and straddled his waist, drawing her hair over her shoulder and leaning over him. It wouldn’t do to smother either of them with her unruly locks, not right now. They grinned at each other. Nicole was giddy on the joy, the desire, finally feeling the connection with her husband she’d feared had been destroyed.
They kissed again and it was wonderful. His lips on hers, so perfect.
He pushed his hands under her shirt, flattening them on her stomach, and slid them up to her ribs. He pulled her shirt off, tossing it off the bed before wrapping his arms around her. He hugged her to his chest and she laughed.
Jake had never totally mastered the knack of the bra clasp, a fact that never ceased to amuse her.
She kissed his cheek up to his brow while he fumbled with the clasp for a second. Finally it came free and she sat up, allowing the lace construction to fall down her arms.
Nicole knew she was lucky. Even now the way Jake stared at her was full of lust and desire. He’d never lost that. It’d been there all along.
Jake sat up, hugged her to him and took her to the mattress, rolling until he was on top. He kissed his way down her body and unfastened her pants, pulling them down slowly, covering each inch he exposed with kisses down to her ankles.
She’d painted her toes to match the lingerie. Silly? Maybe, but she’d grabbed it at the drugstore because it had made her smile.
Jake lifted her feet, kissing the arch of one foot then the other.
He’d noticed. But then again, he was the kind of man who could enter a room and tell at a glance how many electrical outlets there were. She didn’t know how a man so observant had missed her slipping away, but everyone messed up. Her most of all. What was life without second chances?
Jake kissed his way up her legs, melting her a little bit at a time. If they had five days, five years or five decades together, she wanted to savor it. To hell with all this back-and-forth bullshit.
He blew a hot breath across her panties and she quaked. Her inner muscles rippled, desire suffusing every cell and fiber of her body.
Jake swiped his thumb over her mound. The jolt of sensation as he traversed her clit shot all the way to her toes. She fisted the comforter in her hands and panted for breath.
He slipped her panties down her legs and pushed her knees apart. They’d had more sex and orgasms this last week than the last year. Maybe with a vacation where she could wear as little as possible for easy access. For now, she’d enjoy every precious moment they had together. And she did mean to make the most of tonight. Every minute of it.
Jake passed his fingers through her folds and her eyes fluttered close. He was good with his hands, so good she could come at his touch alone, but she wanted more. She wanted to feel him, to stare into his eyes and know what he felt.
It was different now. The sex they’d had this week was passionate and hot, but it had lacked this connection, where she felt as if their hearts beat as one. There wasn’t anyone else who could play her body and master her heart as he did.
Jake leaned over her, snagging her gaze with his while his fingers continued to tease and stroke her down below. His eyes glinted with emotion, lust and something deeper she hadn’t seen for a while. Love. She gasped as he slid a finger into her pussy, stroking her sensitive flesh.
Nicole reached for him but he pushed her hands back.
“Not yet,” he said and went to a knee next to the bed.
She put one leg over his shoulders and flattened her palms on the bed. The cool fabric felt good against her hot skin. Her eyes drifted closed and she moaned as Jake curled his finger inside her channel. She felt his breath on her mound a second before his lips wrapped around her clit. Her voice rose as he sucked the sensitive nub.
More. She needed more.
Nicole pinched her nipples. She could feel Jake hum against her clit, approving her actions. Did her breasts still make him hard?
She stroked her engorged nipples, imagining it was his hands instead of hers.
He added a second finger and increased his rhythm. She knew deep down that he wasn’t going anywhere, not until she came seven ways ’til Sunday.
Her world burst apart in a shower of colors set to her keening wail as the orgasm washed over her. He continued to tease her sensitive flesh, drawing the pleasure out until it bordered on the edge of pain. It was too much and not enough all at once. She wanted him. All of him. Now.
Jake watched Nicole settle against the mattress in a boneles
s, twisted pose that couldn’t be comfortable. She was beautiful when she came.
He bent and kissed her thigh, her hip and her stomach.
Hell, he loved it when she touched herself like that. Made him jealous as fuck that he didn’t have more hands to do all the jobs properly, but he did like the show.
Nicole sat up, color high in her cheeks and a dreamy smile on her lips.
I still love you.
Her words echoed in his mind. Hearing them, finally knowing it wasn’t all lost, he was so relieved. If she loved him, if they wanted to make this work, they would. He had faith in them.
She leaned forward and kissed him, a sweet brush of lips tasting of the best candy. He wouldn’t get enough of her. Not for a long time. Not ever.
He rose on his knees to deepen the kiss, except his erection was incredibly uncomfortable crammed into his jeans.
Nicole reached for his shirt, grabbing a handful of the material and pulling it up. Well, he could make quick work of this. He reached for the hem but she stopped him.
“Let me.”
Well, he wasn’t about to deny the lady what she wanted.
He let the shirt drop back into place. Nicole smiled at him, a cheeky thing. She tugged his shirt up to his chest and he lifted his arms. The shirt landed somewhere behind him, but that didn’t matter.
Nicole smiled and watched him as if they were years in their past. When the relationship was new and they hadn’t a problem in the world.
He leaned forward and kissed her, unable to relinquish total control. It was in his DNA and he knew she liked it. She cupped his head and pulled him closer. He could feel her smiling against his mouth and he loved her more.
She pushed him back on his heels, her gaze going lower. He glanced down at the bulge.
“Want to help me with that?” he asked.
“I think I do.”
He stood and so did she. Nicole didn’t go for his pants first, as much as he wanted her to. She began at his shoulders, running her fingers and palms over him, dropping random kisses in her wake. He’d stand there all night and let her torture him like this if that was what she wanted, he didn’t care. All that mattered was that she still loved him.
There was hope.
She unfastened his jeans and cupped his length, stroking him through his underwear. The lady knew how to drive him mad, which seemed to be what she was up to. He’d take her sweet torment and dish it back to her. Two could play this game, and he wanted to go many, many rounds with her. She worked his jeans down to his thighs, her lower lip caught between her teeth and a smile teasing her lips all the while.
Nicole went to her knees, taking his jeans with her. She held the denim while he stepped out of it, leaving him in his boxer-briefs with his erection trying to get out. There was a mischievous quality to Nicole’s smile as she ran her fingers along the elastic band of his underwear.
He narrowed his gaze and she grinned. This playful side of her was one he hadn’t seen in an age, so he gritted his teeth and remained still long after when he would normally have forced her hand.
Nicole ran her fingers over the outline of his cock. Her cheeks were pink and gaze a little dilated still. It was a good look for her.
Finally she hooked her thumbs in the waistband and pulled the elastic down, freeing his cock. It bobbed toward her and he didn’t know who was happier to see her smile, him or his cock.
She stroked his length, peeking up at him through her lashes. The minx knew exactly what she was doing to him. But more importantly, they weren’t just fucking. They were enjoying each other again. Playing even.
He grasped her hair and let the strands flow through his fingers. She tipped forward as if that were some signal and took the head of his cock in her mouth. His eyes rolled back in his head at the sensation of her hot tongue stroking the underside of his crown, her fingers stroking the vein, rolling his balls in her hand. It was sweet, sweet torture.
His grasp on her hair tightened as he thrust more of himself into her mouth.
It felt so good. His muscles warmed and relaxed. He could come in a matter of a few pumps, but he wouldn’t. Not like this.
Jake stepped back, pulling his cock from her mouth and urging her to her feet. If he was going to come it would be inside her pussy, face-to-face. Where he could see her love.
Nicole pouted, but it was only to hide that impish grin.
They kissed, hands skating over flesh, bodies aligned. He backed her up to the wall. A flash of memory told him he’d done this once before in the same exact spot but it had been a while.
He grabbed her around the waist and hoisted her up. Nicole wrapped her legs around his waist, fitting perfectly to his body. Their lips never separated, the connection never lapsed. It was as if they’d become one creature, one being with no ending, sharing a heart and desire for one thing. The other half of the whole.
Jake slid his hands down to her bottom and she reached between them, grasping his cock and bringing it to her entrance. They were completely in tune, as if there’d been no interruption.
His cock slid deep in her slick pussy. She gasped against his mouth, her face frozen in a silent moan. With each orgasm, her body grew more sensitive. He hadn’t forgotten the tricks of the trade when it came to sex with Nicole. Which was good, because he rode a fine line, his desire tightly reined.
She hugged his hard length so tight it was sweet agony pulling out of her. The thrill of plunging deep, their mingled breath and the way her gaze fluttered wide giving him a window into her soul—that was priceless. He thrust over and over again, her back hitting the wall each time.
“Come on, baby,” he muttered against her lips.
Sweat slicked their skin, so he dug his fingers in harder, but she never once complained. Lust drove them onward. She clawed his shoulders and tossed her head back.
Nicole’s eyes opened wide, she screamed and dug her nails into his flesh. He plunged deep, roaring his release.
I still love you was in her eyes.
She slumped forward against his shoulders and he leaned against her, keeping her in place with his weight alone. His muscles were shot, his strength sapped. They panted in time, and with his ear to her neck he could hear their simultaneous heartbeats.
Nicole chuckled. It was contagious. He laughed and she picked her head up off his shoulder and kissed his cheek.
He let her legs slide down his until she had her feet on the ground. She clung to him still. He clutched her closer and kissed her hair. He couldn’t lose this.
“Come on, let’s lie down.” Jake steered her toward the bed and they crawled between the sheets. She snuggled against his chest, her head tucked under his chin, and for the first time since this nightmare began, he finally thought this might work out. They might find happiness again.
* * * * *
Nicole stumbled into the kitchen. Even after a nap, her legs were still weak from sex. She pulled open the refrigerator, wishing food would magically appear. The shelves were mostly empty, except for the brown paper bag Jake had brought with him. She didn’t recall him putting it in the fridge, but her memories after sex were fuzzy and she’d been in the bathroom for a few minutes at least. Maybe he’d moved it then.
She peeked inside the bag and gasped.
A bottle of wine. She most certainly hadn’t seen that when he came in the house, but she’d been too worried, tied up in knots over him.
The wine wasn’t pizza but she’d take it.
The chocolates were still on the counter so she grabbed those, some plastic cups and the wine and went back to the bedroom.
Jake stepped out of the bathroom as she entered, the light at his back. “What are you doing?”
“Getting a snack.” She wiggled the bottle of wine and grinned. Tomorrow she’d regret staying up this late and drinking, but right now she didn’t care.
“Come here first.” He nodded toward the bathroom. She could hear the spray of water hitting tile. The shower must be on.
&
nbsp; “You don’t want any?” she asked.
“Sure, but later. Come here.” He walked across the bedroom and took the chocolates from her and tossed them onto the dresser.
“But…”
“How about a nice shower first?” He placed the wine and cups next to the chocolates and took her hand.
Jake led her into the bathroom. He pulled his t-shirt she’d put on earlier off and pushed her toward the tub.
She chuckled, remembering all the times they’d taken showers together here in the past. Almost to a one they were a disaster. He was too big and the tub too small to really accommodate them both, but they still tried. It was one of the reasons they’d insisted on the huge bathroom at the new house.
Nicole stepped into the tub and scooted forward into the hot spray of water. She closed her eyes as it splashed her face and pounded her chest. Behind her Jake climbed into the small space and drew the curtain. There’d be water all over the floor by the time they were done, but it was one of the small prices of being together again.
Hands touched her back and she turned to face her husband. Not all of the worry lines were gone, but he looked far more relaxed than he had been. Maybe even happy. She hadn’t seen that from him in an age. She’d almost forgotten what it looked like.
He wrapped his arms around her waist and she looped hers around his neck. They swayed to a music that existed only in their hearts and rested their foreheads against each other. He slowly turned them a bit at a time until his back was to the water.
She let go of him and reached for her shower gel. It wasn’t his manly scent but it would have to do. She squirted some into her palm and lathered her hands up while he watched. He didn’t even mention the fruity smell when she placed her palms on his chest and spread the soap out on him.
He lifted his arms, allowing her free access to his body. She took her time coating him in suds, watching them run off his chest in rivulets of water running down from his shoulders.
These precious moments could never be replaced. Not with anyone else.
Jake turned and she scrubbed at his back, but paused when she got to his shoulders. Two sets of scratches marked him where she’d dug in during their lovemaking.
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