He shrugged.
“Let's just move on so I can disprove this bird theory.”
He smiled again. It was so hard to stay irritated with him doing that.
“Alright. Name another.”
I thought more carefully about this one. “Birds are . . . delicate.”
He laughed heartily then lifted another finger. “Okay, check.”
I narrowed my eyes, but was a little afraid of arguing that one. Ah-ha! “They're skittery.”
Another finger shot up.
Oh, great job Evelyn, take an idea from yourself.
“Free?” I checked, sure that this was too off to argue. But another finger went up.
“Free-spirited,” he clarified.
I sighed heartily and dropped my head again.
“Let me take it from here,” said Ikovos, before putting up his fifth finger. “They're sweet, for one . . . and gentle.” His fingers cleared back to one, which I guessed signified the six. “Curious. You can't argue with that, you said it yourself.”
I looked up carefully and he glanced away.
“They're very regal, or . . . untouchable. Like they're above you, too good for you . . . like they could leave you at any minute. . . .”
My heart was beating way off kilter at this point. These were all true things about a bird, but me?
His concentrated gaze cleared, and with a much lighter expression he fixed his eyes on me again. “And they're odd, you know, a little eccentric. You'll like that one.” He cleared his throat and I forced a laugh, sniffling.
“Yes, I suppose they can be a little strange.”
Our eyes met, then silence fell.
He broke it with a heavy breath. “Okay, so, that makes ten. And, I'm sorry, but ten definitely cements you as a bird-like person.”
I squinched my eyes, then waved a hand. “Fine. I'm a bird.”
In truth he still hadn't convinced me of this fact, but I wasn't about to argue it . . . not after what he'd just said, not when my head was still buzzing, and my thoughts were so jumbled, and definitely not after the look his face held now. He was pleased by my adherence, and that made me very happy.
He leaned up suddenly. “Well, I have to go patrol for a while. We can look up your last name when I get back.”
I straightened. “Okay.”
He stood up, wiping dirt off his pants. “I shouldn't be gone too long.”
“Are you going far?” I asked, much too quickly to sound not nervous.
He grinned as he leaned over to pick up a stray sword. “No. Just around the tunnels. But if something goes wrong just make a break for the portal.”
I tensed, standing up now. “Something could go wrong?”
He walked closer to me then, with the sword and the dim lighting he seemed much more intimidating than usual. “You really don't have a clue what you signed up for, do you?”
My eyebrows knit. The statement took me completely by surprise. From someone else, fine, but Ikovos had encouraged me to stay from the beginning. “I know how dangerous it is, “I informed him harshly.
To my, once again, surprise the corners of his mouth twitched up. “Okay,” he said. “Now, come here. I've gotta show you something.”
He went over to a dark corner that hadn't been part of the tour, then lit his hand. I saw that it was an opening in the stone down to a lower-level tunnel.
“This is where we watch for incoming troops. One way leads out, and the other leads back to the portal.”
Before I could acknowledge him with a nod he jumped into the dark hole.
“Ikovos!” I gasped, it had to be at least fifteen feet down.
When he landed on both feet and looked up my breath released. “Are you crazy?”
He grinned slyly. “You forget I know magic.”
I thought about it. “No, I'm just not aware of all the spells you can do with magic yet . . . a little hard to forget you can use magic when you're hand is glowing . . .”
He looked over, then back up at me before shaking his head. “I'll be back soon.” He moved back.
I thought about saying something, but my voice wavered. I was going to have to get over this “worried every time he left” thing. It was just too pathetic and didn't really work well given his job description . . . our job description. I turned around and walked towards the fire. The job that I was apparently unprepared for. My brows furrowed, but I couldn't hold the scowl long, it had been one off comment among many very good ones. And even the way he had said that one couldn't be construed, even in my mind, as insulting.
I hugged my arms around my chest and smiled.
No. I think I am going to have to accept the fact that Ikovos doesn't dislike me at all . . . or at least very little.
I looked down at the fire and almost jumped when I saw a furry, little, fuzz-ball with eyes resting on my arm. “Tanis!” I half screeched, grasping at my chest. “What are you doing here?”
He squeaked once.
I shook my head. “This place is way too dangerous for you. Were you hiding on me the entire time?”
He chirped again, blinking his big black eyes innocently.
I sighed. “You should at least have come out before we went through the portal.”
He scrambled over to my shoulder now. Apparently he’d taken that as my release of punishment. His head bobbed towards the dark corner, then he skittered down my body to the ground and over to my half-eaten plate of food.
I watched him munching and considered his nod . . . either he didn't like the dark or he was pointing out Ikovos. I guess it was possible he didn't want to reveal himself because of Ikovos. He could be afraid of him or . . . I raised an eyebrow . . . or he could be upset because I've practically ignored him since Ikovos and Jaden got back.
He bit into a grape and I shook my head dismissively. No. There's no way he's that smart. With one last skeptical stare, I looked back at the fire.
A couple feet away there was a stack of books. I grabbed a few and sat down next to the warm fire with them. The first talked about some basic principles of magic, and while this would normally interest me, I felt a little braver tonight. I picked another about names and passed it for the next, this one was dark and the front held no name.
After a gaze to check at Tanis, who was contentedly nibbling away, I opened the tome. It was old . . . dusty, I still couldn't find a title but after a few pages I saw something I did recognize.
Meoden. With their glowing eyes and sickening posture.
My stomach curdled. It was hard for me to believe that seeing a simple rendering of anything could yield such a reaction. But I had seen them . . . they were sickening . . . my fist tightened. This is exactly what Ikovos meant. I can't even handle a picture.
With fierce determination, now, I scanned through the pages. It was all about the Meoden, stories, interrogations, records of their “accomplishments.” My stomach continued to tie as I read. No one in the order could have written the things the book contained . . . I can't imagine the type of person that could. It was all so wrong. Story after story of deception, torture, death . . . and worse.
A few times my eyes almost brimmed over with tears . . . but then I would read the monster's responses: so cold, so twisted, so wrong, the grief would be replaced with anger.
I was reading one of these when I heard a noise ahead of me. My head shot up, eyes focusing fiercely.
My breath released. It was just Ikovos.
As he walked forward I tried to calm my shivering. “That was quick.” I smiled.
He nodded. “Yeah. It was all clear . . . plus I was kinda worried.”
He went to lean his sword against the wall and I slid the book behind me carefully. There was no doubt in my mind that Ikovos would not be pleased at my reading choice. So far the only subject he hesitated to speak with me about was the Meoden . . . and I’m sure it was because he wanted to shield me from the things I'd just read.
He sat down on the fireside log with a sigh and look
ed at me. “So, what did you do while I was gone?”
I panicked immediately, I could lie to most people, but I knew Ikovos was another story. I smiled when a sudden wriggling in my pocket prevented the crisis. “Actually I ran into a friend of mine.”
He raised an eyebrow.
I dug inside my pocket and the expected chirping began. Eventually though, I got Tanis out and onto my hand. He wrapped his long tail protectively around his body as Ikovos’s eyes widened.
“What is that?”
“Well—” I paused “—I'm not actually sure. I found him in the woods and . . . he sort of stuck.”
A grin crossed Ikovos’s face as he reached out a careful finger to stroke the velvety head. After a few defiant chirps Tanis calmed to a gentle purr. I smiled.
“Does he have a name?” asked Ikovos, removing his hand to rest back onto his lap.
“Yeah, Tanis Ven.”
He cocked his head. “Creative.”
I eyed him, not missing the slight smirk.
We both looked back at Tanis who was staring at Ikovos openly now. Without warning he suddenly leaped into the air and sprinted along the ground behind me. When I turned around to see where he had stopped, my smile vanished. He was standing on top of the black book with an innocent look, the traitor was far from it. At one point in my reading he had come to rest on my shoulder and peruse the book with me. After less than a second the chirping began, then he started crawling over the pages, obviously he didn't like it. I had no doubt of his intelligence then, just as I had no doubt of it now. He was tattling on me.
I immediately checked Ikovos’s face, hoping he didn't recognize it.
No such luck.
His usually lifted mouth was drawn, his body rigid. His eyes were narrowed blankly down at the book.
I gulped, heart racing with the prospect of that gaze moving up to me. When it finally did, it was worse than I expected . . . much worse. His blue eyes were livid, knife-like. I couldn't have imagined it, not from the boy with disheveled hair and a swift witty smile. But . . . this wasn't that boy.
“Why is that book out?” he asked calmly.
I stuttered. “I . . . ,” no good excuses, “you said I could read anything.”
His jaw tightened and I felt immediately sorry for saying it. The last thing I wanted him to do was blame himself.
“How much did you read?” His gaze was fierce, searching.
I looked away. I couldn't answer.
“Dang it, Evelyn, you didn't read the first page and think, 'maybe I should put this down'?”
I stayed quiet, staring into the corner. He was right. I shouldn't have kept going. I should have stopped myself.
“Well?!” His voice was loud, angrier than I'd have guessed it could be.
I bit my lip and turned to him. “Obviously you've read it.”
He shook his head. “That's completely different.”
Viscous tears pooled in my eyes. “Why, because I'm a girl?”
He eyed me hard. “Because I had to.”
“Then so did I, I'm the same—”
“No, Evelyn, you're not the same! You don't know what these things are, you don't have a clue! You can read about it and think about it till it makes you sick. But you can't understand. You've never touched it, it's never touched you. You're innocent. And I'll die before I see you throw that away.” He stood up and stormed off.
My breath shook. The tears had frozen now. For the first time since I'd gotten here I realized how selfish I had been. How terrible. I complained about my safe, spoiled, life, and my dull family, but what about these guys? Where were their families, their homes? They didn't have their own, none of them . . . and I doubted the circumstances that had preceded this were pleasant.
The tears began to fill again and I clenched my teeth. How could I have been so careless? . . . My claim was interrupted by Ikovos’s voice.
“It's late. You should go to sleep.”
I didn't meet his eyes. He was standing near the wall-side fire where a blanket and pillow were already laid out.
Without a word, I walked over and sank into the mattress. He had moved by the time I was laying down. I faced the wall, but glanced back once to see if he had left. He was just sitting back by the middle fire, staring hard into the flames. I turned back around and closed my eyes, trying to hold back the tears.
For the rest of the night, I thought of nothing but the boys in the order. Of Nathan . . . so young, so lively . . . and probably acquainted to more pain than I could try to imagine. . . .
This trickled around to other boys until I fell into a dark, troubled, sleep, full of evil dreams that would undoubtedly be suppressed in the morning.
~ ~ ~
Chapter 10
Escort
I AWOKE SLOWLY AND awkwardly, more like I’d just been knocked out with a large rock than I had slept a whole night. What had happened last night was not the least bit forgotten. By the time my eyes were open I was cold. Cold as I always got when I had to cope with pain. Put it down or at least store it for later so that I could be useful at present.
It was odd to see that the cave was still lit solely by fire. It didn't seem at all like morning. When I finally turned to look around I gasped to see a large man replacing Ikovos in the seat by the fire.
“Good morning,” he said.
Once my foggy morning eyes caught up, I realized it was the man I'd met before. Boron.
I nodded politely. “Morning.”
He grinned and turned back ahead.
Still fully dressed from last night, I hopped out of the bed stretching. My controlled bravado vanished as I slowly looked to all parts of the cave and realized there were no additional occupants. “Where's Ikovos?” I asked, trying to hide the panic.
Boron cleared his throat. “He left a while ago, when I came to take the shift over, told me to let you sleep.”
I closed my eyes tightly, thankful that the older man was not facing away. Was Ikovos so angry with me that he had to leave? My fist tightened. Of course he was . . . with how I'd acted, but I wasn't going to let this go. I would find him and do whatever I could to make things right.
Opening my eyes again slowly, I folded up my blanket and walked over to Boron. “Should I just go back through the portal then?”
The man nodded. “Yes . . . but if you can, take a knife with you.”
I nodded and turned around to retrieve my bag and . . . the weapon. I hadn't had the knife part of my training, but the rules couldn't be much different right?
After slipping a slim, curved, blade into my belt loop, I turned back to Boron. “Well, it was very nice seeing you again.”
He nodded. “Same to you. I'm sorry we didn't see more of each other.”
My lips pursed. It was rude of me to leave so quickly, but I had to find Ikovos.
With a final wave I walked quickly into the dark tunnel. It was foreboding again, without the blue light, but my pace didn't slow until I was physically stopped by the disorientation of the portal.
In the woods it was very bright out, probably nearing ten by now. It took me a few minutes to gather myself, but soon I was off in what I prayed was the correct direction.
A couple times I tried to form a coherent thought, particularly pertaining to what I was going to say to Ikovos, but I wasn't successful. My mind was on one track, find Ikovos, make things right.
I had this daunting feeling, though, that I wouldn't see him for days or something. I could just picture Sophie: ‘Oh, Ikovos? He went on a trip to one of the towns, won't be back for a week.’ I kicked a rock viscously, staring down at my feet.
“Ouch,” a voice ahead of me yelped.
I looked up and a ridiculously excessive smile covered my face.
Ikovos was a dozen feet ahead, rubbing his leg with one hand. “Ever consider soccer?”
I noticed the rock down near his foot, but paid little attention to it as I ran closer. “Oh, sorry. I . . .” I stopped mid-sentence. He was loo
king up at me now, and flashes of how he had been last night came flooding back. My face set. “Ikovos, I need to—”
He stopped me, standing up straight. “No, don't. It wasn't your fault, it was me. And I shouldn't have—”
“Yes, you should have!” I rested a hand on his arm. “I needed it, and it was my fault. I'm old enough to know what I should and shouldn't be doing, and smart enough to see that I should listen to people that know better than me.”
He opened his mouth to argue, but I gave him insistent eyes, tightening my grip on his arm. “No. This one's on me.”
He twisted his hand to grab my arm. “No, it's not. It doesn't matter how right I was. I blew. I yelled and—”
“And it was the most upset anyone has ever gotten over me, because they cared about me.”
We both stopped. Even as I said them, the words seemed foreign to me. How was it possible that the strong, confident, brilliant, boy standing in front of me could give a rip about what happened to me? That part just didn't fit in my head. But he did, his eyes, right now, made it impossible to deny.
Unable to hold the stare, and far past embarrassed, I looked down uncomfortably. I could already feel the blood rising in my face.
After a moment he released the grip on my wrist and backed up.
When I couldn't stand it anymore I looked up at him. “So are we good now?”
A grin crept across his face. “Yeah. We're good.”
I sighed, feeling so full of relief that I might explode.
“Ready to go then?”
I looked up quickly and nodded excessively. “Yep. All ready.”
With that we started walking through the sparse forest. I thought we would probably make the trip without much conversation, but Ikovos quickly broke the silence
“So, did you make it out of the cave okay?”
“Yeah, it was fine. To be honest I don't think I was even completely awake by the time I left . . . I was sort of in a hurry.”
I caught the corner of his mouth raise and decided to change the subject. “What about you? Why were you headed back anyways?”
He eyed me. “Well, let's see, I turned around as soon as I ran into you, so. . . .”
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