“Actually, Evelyn, I was coming to see if you wanted to train after lunch.”
I straightened. “Oh. . . . I guess I cou—”
“Not today,” started Jaden. “She's training with me.”
“Takes priority,” added Ikovos.
I just kept quiet.
“O-kay . . . ,” drawled Holdan. Then he stood up, lifting his plate. “I guess I'll see you later then, Evelyn.
I nodded. “Yeah.”
“Let me know when you can. Maybe tonight.”
I smiled. “I will. Thanks again for offering.”
He grinned wide at me then, before nodding coldly to both Ikovos and Jaden and walking off towards the kitchen.
I looked back ahead with an obviously questioning face and contemplated saying something. Ikovos held my gaze for a moment, then turned down to his food, but when I looked at Jaden he was staring at me intensely. It made me feel more like I had been the one that had done something wrong. I decided to let it go, allowing only one pointed remark.
“So are we really going to train after lunch, or . . .”
Jaden's eyes narrowed at me. Apparently he was offended that I assumed he would lie, no matter how probable.
Ikovos looked at both of us and chuckled slightly, raising a hand up to cover his mouth.
“Yeah. We're training,” said Jaden.
I smiled at that, happy that I would finally be able to start . . . but then the corners of Jaden's mouth lifted a little, and everything turned to a confusing ball of mush. My eyes dropped to the table, widening, grin vanished. I forgot about what had just happened with Holdan. And whatever it was that was going on with Ikovos and Jaden . . . pretty much anything I'd been worrying about. All were irrelevant compared to the idea of training in a room alone with him in my present condition.
Both the boys were eating, oblivious to my panic. I looked over to Ikovos forcing a regular face. “Are, ah . . . you gonna come, Ikovos?”
He lifted his eyes up to meet mine then shrugged. “I don't know. It's up to you I suppose.”
I glanced over to Jaden. As soon as his piercingly wondrous gaze hit me, I started to nod, turning back to Ikovos. “You should come, I think. I mean—” I cleared my throat “—since you already started teaching me before.”
He smiled at first . . . but then something fell and his eyes shifted hesitantly to and from Jaden. I tried to catch its meaning. When I looked over to the dark-haired boy he was just staring of detachedly. It made my chest hurt. My eyes darkened. . . .
A loud clap came behind me, one of the other tables.
I shook out my head. God, Evelyn. What the heck is wrong with you today?
I stood up quickly, blinking. Ikovos and Jaden eyed me.
“Do you guys mind if I go back a little bit ahead of you? . . . I just need to do a couple things first.”
They looked curious, but didn't object.
“Yeah, sure,” said Jaden.
“Go ahead,” added Ikovos.
I smiled. “Thanks. . . . I'll see you in just a bit then. . . . And thank you for going with me today.”
They both nodded. I turned around too quick to give them a chance to respond.
My hand went up to my chest as I rushed through the now familiar halls. I thought I'd had this under control, but obviously I didn't. It was getting worse.
You just need to clear your head, Evelyn, get back to reality. The idea came welcomingly. I immediately ran with it and spent the walk back trying to think of good method for doing just that. Unfortunately magic training would hardly be helpful . . . hopefully they'd take a while to get here.
By the time I reached the study, I decided all I needed was to find a good book to immerse myself into, an emotional outlet of sorts. Back in Tiver I read story-books constantly . . . this was all probably just some sort of withdrawal.
I checked on Tanis first, he was still asleep, then went over to the shelves to find a book. As I bent down to read names, I noticed a rather large silver one. It reminded me of the silver book Adzamaruha had given me.
“Oh.” I reached into my pocket and pulled it out. The cover was smooth leather, emitting a soft glow I hadn't noticed outside.
I touched it delicately, then opened to the first page. No name. No author. No description. The pages were thin, fragile. They also glowed silver.
I turned to the next carefully. This one seemed to begin the actually story itself, though it had no introduction of chapter numbering. Unconsciously, I turned my back against the shelves and sat down. My eyes scanned across the words intently. The script was beautiful, elegant. It spoke first of humans, people, almost as if describing them, only with metaphors and stories rather than any practical or scientific explanations.
Ten pages in I realized I had never read anything like this before. It was so adventurous and emotional, but believable . . . realistic. I could relate so completely to some of the stories, I had seen them play out in life. The names I didn't recognize, of either places or people, still nothing seemed false.
I had no clue whether this was history or fiction.
After going on a while about humans, the Meoden were mentioned, by name no less. This had me pouring through even more avidly. Though I decided straight away that if anything like what was in the last Meoden book I'd read came up I would stop immediately.
Nothing did. It spoke of their cruelties in a detached, inexplicit, manner. Named as evil and nothing more than what it was. Before long another species was mentioned, mysterious and uncommon, but opposite to the Meoden, creatures of light. They were called the Gaeln.
As soon as I read the word something clicked in the back of my mind, an image, light fighting dark, swirling colors. I looked up from the book to the red flame on the table. The painting! The one I'd seen in the room down the hall the other night. . . .
My eyes narrowed. I looked down at the book, then back up.
After carefully marking my spot and tucking the book back in my pocket, I single-mindedly headed for the door.
My heart jumped when I opened it. Jaden was standing there, hand up as if preparing to knock.
“Going somewhere?” he asked.
I was thinking about explaining, until I looked up to his face, it, taken in with the posture and tone . . . I couldn't really remember where it was that I was going.
I fumbled. “I, um . . . no. I mean, yes . . . I was going to see if you were coming soon.”
He nodded, a little dubious, but didn't respond. After a while he made a look with his eyes to my arm blocking the doorway. I moved back.
“Oh. Sorry.”
He walked by briskly. Ikovos was behind him, but my gaze was still following the former.
“Did we take too long?” asked Ikovos.
I looked back to him quickly. “Wha? Oh . . . no, perfect tim—” I stopped. There was an expression on his face I couldn't pin, gentle but pained, questioning. “What is it?” I asked him, narrowing my eyes.
He looked a bit surprised, like he hadn't planned on me noticing something was up. A moment of silence passed, then he straightened up, glanced back at Jaden, and eyed me. “Why is it that you had to come back early again?”
Now I was the one taken off guard. I swallowed slowly and thought about formulating a good excuse. Only, I didn't really want to lie to Ikovos. . . .
“I just needed some time to clear my head,” I said, shrugging, but looking up as if for approval.
He nodded understandingly, and I smiled, relieved. But then he took in a breath and looked down at me hard with his striking, blue eyes. This was intimidating Ikovos, who always managed to take me by surprise. “You know you can talk to me about anything, right?”
My brow darkened.
“You guys just gonna stand by the door all day?”
Our eyes held for a moment longer. Then Ikovos looked forward to Jaden, smiling. “Anyone ever tell you that you have a patience problem?”
He walked by me and my lids closed firmly.
I shut the door wistfully then walked back to the boys as they continued their discussion.
“I can't relate to patient people,” snorted Jaden. He was sitting in the same chair as last night. Ikovos was on the couch.
“I'm a patient person,” said Ikovos, almost defensively.
I sat on the empty side of the sofa, farthest from Jaden.
“Not when it really matters.”
Ikovos’s eyes narrowed at him quizzically. I had to agree, the statement didn't make much sense.
“What about you, Evelyn?” asked Ikovos.
They both got quiet. My hands fidgeted nervously, but I really tried to think of the actual answer.
“I think . . . only when I'm scared.” I looked up. “—am I patient, that is. I guess because I'd rather things went slower, so I was more prepared if they turned bad.”
They looked at me, though not with the dubious or condescending faces I had expected, something else.
“I'm over-thinking it, aren't I?” I said, smiling slightly.
Both seemed to clear. Jaden turned down to the table, eyes hard. The other shook his head.
“No,” said Ikovos. “It's amazing that you're that aware of yourself. . . .” It got quiet for a moment, then he added. “It'll be helpful as you're learning magic.”
I lifted. This reminded me of when Ikovos was first teaching me about magic. He’d said that it had to do with knowing yourself well enough to realize that you already had the ability . . . almost a surety in yourself. My eyes shifted to the fire. No wonder Ikovos and Jaden are exceptional at magic: they're both confident as heck, most definitely in themselves, often broaching cockiness.
Me on the other hand . . . this could be tricky.
*
The prediction proved true. Over the next, I don't even know how long, Jaden attempted to teach me some spells. Well, not attempt, he taught perfectly, I just wasn't getting it.
Ikovos helped him a little bit, but for the most part kept quiet, content to simply watch. Jaden was fairly mellow too. I wished I could say the same for myself. I was so nervous that I was practically shaking. For some reason, whenever I was learning something new, I felt like I should already be able to do them at least well. It was a stupid trait, and unfortunately made actually learning a lot harder.
“Just relax,” said Jaden in the midst of me attempting a spell. “You're doing fine.”
I pulled my hand glumly into my lap. “I haven't done anything.”
He smirked, it was more disbelieving than humored. “What did you expect? It's your first day.”
I sighed. The words gave me some slight relief, but the concept was easier said the done.
I was being taught by two of the most advanced people in the order . . . Just a half a week ago they had disappeared for three days, they had important responsibilities. How long could I expect them to spend teaching me?
“How about we take a break?” suggested Ikovos. “We could all go to the pool and swim, or maybe just take a walk?”
I thought about it. The idea of swimming on a day like today was appealing, but . . . I looked at the fire on the table, then at the hand that I’d been attempting to conjure magic with. I didn't want to waste time, something in me had to learn this.
My eyes narrowed and I looked up at Ikovos. “No. I want to keep going till I get this.” My voice was more commanding than usual. Ikovos definitely caught it. Jaden just had a slight smirk.
My straight brow dropped. “I . . . I mean, if it's okay for you guys.”
Jaden shrugged his shoulders. “I've got time.” I assumed he meant his grounding.
Ikovos sighed. “As long as you promise that when you do your first spell, we'll go to the pool to celebrate.”
I smiled and nodded, then turned my eyes to Jaden determinedly.
If I wasn’t ever able to use magic . . . I’d make sure that it was due in no part to trying.
~ ~ ~
Chapter 13
Lucky
FOR THE NEXT three days I did little besides train. Every day I went to the cafeteria less and less to eat. I rarely saw anyone besides Ikovos and Jaden. Thoran and Cornelius were almost never around. It had been like this since the last Meoden meeting. Even Sophie left for the towns more than once.
I did weapons training with Holdan about an hour each night . . . neither Jaden nor Ikovos liked this very much, so I usually went when they weren't around. Both boys had been so wonderful with helping me throughout.
Luckily, concentrating on my studies, combined with intense willpower, had helped me get my mind off of any fanciful imaginations. Every day I felt more comfortable around the boys. It helped that they chose to spend a lot of their time with me, despite the fact that at this point with the magic training it wasn't so much them showing, as me practicing.
Ikovos had to leave the lodge every so often for different duties, but Jaden never did due to his grounding. Another piece of his punishment, I discovered, was intensified studies. He also had to teach a class of younger boys, history. Because of this, we ended up moving from Cornelius’s small study to the much larger library which was accessible to all of the members of the order.
It was a wonderful place, two stories. The second level rapped along the wall of almost the entire room with staircases leading up to it in multiple spots throughout the room. There were bookcases all over, covering every wall. And books, so many books. In the middle of the room was a large sitting area with couches scattered here and there, but mostly tables, long rows of them, benched and at least four lit candles on each.
My favorite spot had become a small, doughy couch in front of a fireplace on the farthest wall. Lots of times I would sit and read or practice there while Ikovos studied. He usually sat on the floor by the shelves. Jaden would always take the other sofa cornered to mine.
This afternoon, neither boy was around. Ikovos was out scouting, and Jaden was who knows where.
Quite a few people scattered the library now. Their quiet murmuring was comforting as I read through a spell process book.
I almost screamed when a small body jumped onto the sofa beside me.
“Hey, Evelyn!” shouted Nathan.
I looked at him, smiling. Though he surprised me every time, I was getting quite used to him doing that. “Hey, Nate,” I replied. “How are your studies going today?”
He beamed. “Good . . . as usual.”
I pursed my lips. “They really should let you advance to the next class.”
He looked around wistfully. “Yeah. . . . I guess it's because I'm not showing any signs of artisan potential yet.” The adorable, chocolate-eyed, face turned glum. My own fell, but then I looked back over with a cheering grin.
“Well, if it helps, I'm not making much progress either.”
Nathan shrugged it off. “Sure, but you just started . . . and you're a girl.”
My eyes blinked slowly for a second, but I was thoroughly used to the sexist statements by now.
“Plus . . . ,” he started, “Master Jaden says you'll be able to, and he knows everything.”
My lips drew at the last bit. The older, wiser, side of me argued that it wasn't really the truth . . . but the young, wistful, part that I'd kept under wraps for days agreed completely with a disheartened frown.
He does know everything.
I shook this out quickly, thinking back to Nathan. “Nate, I'm sure Jaden would say you have as good a chance as me to become an artisan, more even.”
“You really think so?” he asked uncertainly.
I nodded. “Absolutely.”
He pursed his lips, smirking slightly, though I'm not sure I'd completely convinced him. . . .
*
“Would you like to work on it together for a while?” I asked.
He brightened excitedly. “Yeah!”
I laughed. His exuberance was infectious.
In the next hour my confident “take-care-of-Nathan” attitu
de turned into confused inferiority. I'd read so many books on this over the past few days, but even young Nathan knew so much more than me. By the time Ikovos came, informing Nate that he was going to be late for his artisan class, my brain was shot.
“Bye, Evelyn. Thanks for studying with me!”
I waved dizzily. “For sure. Bye.”
Ikovos fell into the couch beside me, propping his legs up on the table ahead. “You let him study with you?”
I smiled at him. “I think it was more the other way around. How does everyone always know so much more than me?”
Ikovos chuckled. “Evelyn . . . you have to remember, we grew up in this world, hearing about it, learning about it. You can't expect to get caught up in a few days.” He turned his head sideways to face me, a book open in his hands.
His blonde hair was especially wild today. I had the sudden urge to reach my hand up and smooth it, but refrained, looking back down at my book.
“I suppose you're right. . . . Sometimes I forget I had a life before this place.”
He nodded, eyes narrowing at the fire. “I know what you mean.”
My attention perked. I swung my head to him. “Do you?”
His tongue went into his cheek and he grazed my eyes knowingly before lifting his book up and turning to it. “Yup.”
With a sigh I turned back to my own studies. I had long since made it clear that I wanted to know about his . . . and Jaden's, good god, any of the boys', pasts . . . but no one was forthcoming. Ikovos and Jaden were downright evasive.
After studying quietly for another good hour — well, somewhat quietly . . . with Ikovos there, we would much too often distract each other with what the other person was reading — Jaden joined us. As usual he didn't sit on the same couch, lounging instead on the sofa beside.
He fell over with a sigh.
“Tough lesson?” asked Ikovos.
Jaden put a hand over his face then up into his hair. He could make this a bit easier sometimes . . . “I don't know why we're working so hard to get rid of the Meoden. I'd rather fight with them any day than deal with a bunch of twelve year olds.”
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