by Laura Kaye
“Dismissed,” Joe said.
Caden made quick work of going home—to his townhouse in Fairlington that was just three blocks away. Makenna wouldn’t be at the apartment yet, and he was way too raw to be around her just then anyway.
Which was why he texted her a lie.
Came home sick. Flu or something. Gonna sleep it off here for a few days so I don’t get you sick. Talk to you later.
He stared at the words for a moment, then he hit Send. Maybe it wasn’t that much of a lie after all. Something was wrong with him. And he didn’t want to burden her with it. At least not until he figured out what had happened, what it meant, and what he needed to do about it.
* * *
Makenna was going a little crazy. Sitting in a ball on her couch, she’d been flipping cable channels for fifteen minutes without seeing a single thing worth watching. How was that even possible? But that wasn’t what was really driving her crazy.
No, she was going crazy because she hadn’t seen Caden in three days. They’d been texting all weekend, but he was still sick and not wanting to make her sick. It was killing her not to go help him, but he kept insisting she not come.
On top of that, she was going crazy because she’d gotten the official results from her doctor, and they’d confirmed what she already knew. She was pregnant.
But they’d also told her something she hadn’t known—based on her bloodwork, she could be as far along as eight weeks. Which meant it really had happened when that condom broke back in October. Knowing she was pregnant was the only thing keeping her from helping Caden whether he wanted her to or not. She probably shouldn’t chance getting sick.
Given how far along she was, the doctor’s office managed to fit her in for an ultrasound appointment for Tuesday. And part of what was making her crazy was not knowing whether she should tell Caden before Tuesday so he could go with her, or get the ultrasound by herself and make sure the baby was healthy before raising it with him. She knew she was probably overthinking the whole thing and not giving him enough credit, but all this alone time had hit at the worst possible moment and had her conjuring up every bad outcome possible.
And all the craziness was compounded by the fact that she didn’t feel like she should tell anyone else before Caden. She’d resisted calling her best friend, Jen, who was out of town on a Christmas shopping trip with her mom anyway. Besides Jen, her other closest friends had been college roommates, none of whom lived in the D.C. area. At any rate, she wasn’t so close with them anymore that she would’ve felt comfortable calling and dropping the Hey, I’m pregnant and scared my boyfriend is going to freak out conversation on them. In this moment, part of her wished she had more girlfriends, but she’d always had an easier time making guy friends. She’d always blamed that on growing up surrounded by men.
Which had her wondering what she was going to tell her family—and when. Patrick had always been a great sounding board for her. Because he was so much older than her, Ian, and Collin, he’d helped his dad out a lot when they were all young. Later, he became almost a mentor to Makenna as she made decisions about college and careers. And her dad had never been anything but incredibly supportive, even when she was the first in the family to move out of the Philadelphia area. But telling one James man could be akin to telling them all, and that definitely wasn’t something she was ready to do yet.
Which was why at four o’clock on Sunday afternoon she was still in her pajamas and an entire pound bag of peanut M&Ms lay demolished on the end table next to her.
At least peanut M&Ms had protein.
Sorry lil’ nut. I’ll do better.
Makenna sighed.
And then she decided she’d had enough.
A woman on a mission, she turned off the TV and marched directly to the shower. Once clean, she awkwardly worked to apply Aquaphor to her tattoo, which had moved from being sore to being itchy. She threw on some comfortable clothes, stuffed her feet into boots, and grabbed her purse and coat. And then she headed to the store.
She had a care package to put together.
At the very least, she needed to see Caden, even if she didn’t stay.
Thinking of what she liked to have when she didn’t feel good, she roamed around the supermarket picking up chicken noodle soup and crackers, popsicles and ginger ale, tea bags for hot tea and bread for toast, among other things. As little as Caden had stayed there over the past two months, he couldn’t possibly have much food in the house, which made her feel bad for not doing this sooner. She threw in pain medicine and throat lozenges and Pepto Bismol.
And then she passed the aisle full of holiday items. Gift wrap, decoration, candy, and toys made it look like the North Pole had exploded in the middle of the Giant. Makenna grabbed Caden a bag of peanut M&Ms, because he liked them, too. A shelf of stuffed animals caught her eye, and even though it was a little corny, she was drawn closer.
What said Feel better! more than a cuddly stuffed animal? The fact that she was considering giving it to a big, tattooed, pierced, and scarred guy made it kinda funny, too—and anything that might make him smile seemed like a good idea to her. Besides, Caden might look a little rough around the edges, but he was a big teddy bear inside. And she’d always loved that dichotomy about him.
And then she saw the perfect little guy.
He was a brown bear with black stitching here and there like he’d been hand-sewn or put back together. He had a sweet face and an even sweeter red patchwork heart on his chest. And something about all that stitchwork and the heart reminded her of Caden. Without letting herself overthink it, Makenna grabbed him and threw him in the cart.
It was a short trip from the store to Caden’s townhouse. She’d always loved where he lived in Fairlington. Built in the 1940s to house workers for the then-new Pentagon office building, the neighborhood was all red-brick collections of townhouses grouped around small cul-de-sacs. They were charming and close to everything and some of the units were surprisingly spacious, including Caden’s, which had two bedrooms and a finished basement.
As she parked her Prius in one of the visitors’ spots, that got her to thinking.
Here she’d been wondering why he didn’t get rid of his place. Given the baby, it would make much more sense for them to get rid of hers. Caden’s house had easily twice the square footage of her apartment, and he didn’t even use the room next to his bedroom, which would make a perfect nursery.
As she stared at the front of his house, her belly did a little flip. Obviously, she was getting ahead of herself. But thoughts of where the baby would live represented just one in about a million things she now had to consider. Well, they. They now had to consider. She had to stop thinking about this like she was on her own.
She had Caden.
And right now, he needed her.
Makenna collected all the bags from the car and hefted them up to his front porch. She had to sit some down to knock on the door.
It opened in less than a minute.
“Makenna? What are you doing here?” Caden asked, clearly surprised to see her. Wearing a pair of old sweatpants and a threadbare T-shirt, he was a sight for sore eyes, making her want to throw her arms around him and burrow into his chest. But he also had dark and almost sunken circles under his eyes like he hadn’t slept in days, and something about his color wasn’t quite right. He really did look unwell.
“I missed you too much to stay away anymore, so I brought you a care package. Well, it kinda grew into a care grocery order, but same difference.” She smiled, though inside she was bursting to tell him their news. “I won’t stay if you’re not up to it, but at least let me put this away for you and maybe make you a bowl of soup or something.” Was she imagining it, or did his face look thinner, too? God, she really should’ve come sooner.
He frowned but nodded, then reached down and grabbed the bags she’d rested on the porch. “You didn’t have to do all this,” he said, leading her inside. “But thank you.”
“Of course, I did,” she said
as they walked through the open living and dining room to the small kitchen at the back of the house. “I’ve been dying to come take care of you, but I didn’t want to wake you up if you were sleeping or something. But then I started worrying that you were over here needing help or food or medicine and would be too stubborn to ask for what you needed.” She gave him a knowing smile.
He chuffed out a little laugh as they settled everything onto the counters. “Yeah. Well. You know me.”
“So what’s been going on? Is it a stomach virus? The flu?” she asked as she started unpacking the bags.
Brow furrowed, Caden crossed his arms and leaned against the counter. “Yeah. Uh, my stomach. But, it’s starting to feel better.” Looking down at the floor, he gave a little shrug.
And there was something so…almost…defeated in the gesture and his posture that Makenna immediately stopped what she was doing and went to him. “I don’t care if you’re sick. I’m hugging you.” She gently wrapped her arms around his waist and held him. And damn if he didn’t feel a little leaner, too. “Have you been getting sick a lot?”
Caden’s arms came around her on a long sigh. Like he’d been needing her. “Nothing I can’t handle,” he said in a low voice.
Which probably meant he’d been puking his brains out. Poor guy. “You don’t have to handle this on your own, you know. I would’ve come sooner. I would’ve slept over here to take care of you.”
“Didn’t want to be a burden.” He nuzzled his face against her hair.
Heart clenching, she pulled back to look him in the eye. “Caden, you could never be a burden to me. No matter what you needed, I would be there for you. Every time. You can always count on that. Do you hear me?” How did he not know this by now? The question had her wanting to lay all her feelings on the line. If he knew she loved him, he’d know all of this was true. But she definitely wasn’t doing that when he wasn’t feeling good.
He stared at her a long moment, almost like he was weighing her words. Finally, he simply said, “Yeah.” He kissed her forehead. “Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me. This is me officially taking care of you. Do you think you could eat something?”
“Probably,” he said.
Makenna kissed his cheek, and his stubble tickled her lips. “This is kinda cute,” she said, stroking her finger along the couple of days’ worth of growth.
“Oh yeah?” He lips almost quirked into a smile. “Good to know.”
“Yep,” she said, returning to the groceries. She had everything unpacked within a few minutes. “What would you like?”
His gaze roamed over the choices. “Soup and crackers would be great.” He stepped closer. “I can’t believe you brought all this. Ooh, M&Ms.” He picked up the bag.
Makenna laughed. “You might want to wait on those until you’re not getting sick anymore. It would be a shame to ruin M&Ms by knowing what they look like when you vomit them.”
“Nice,” he said with a smirk.
“Just saying. Okay, you go sit, and I’ll get everything ready,” she said, shooing him from the kitchen. “Oh, wait. One other thing.” She handed him the bag with the bear in it.
“What’s this?” he asked.
“A feel-better present,” she said, unable to hold back her grin. He was going to think this was so silly. And it was. In a good way.
Caden stuck his hand in and pulled out the stuffed animal. “You got me a teddy bear,” he said, his face finally breaking into a little smile. He rubbed his hand over the scar on the side of his head, something she’d seen him do so many times.
“Everybody needs a teddy when they’re sick,” she said. “That’s, like, totally common knowledge. He can keep you company when I’m not here.” Which wouldn’t be often, but still.
Nodding, Caden gave her the softest look. “Thanks, Red. I…I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
She smiled, so glad she’d come to see him. He needed this. They both did. “Well, don’t worry about that. Because you won’t ever have to find out.”
CHAPTER TWELVE
Makenna walked alone into her doctor’s office on Tuesday morning. After going back and forth, she’d decided the best approach was to gather all the information she could before telling Caden she was pregnant. Most importantly, she wanted to know that the baby was healthy. Assuming that was the case, she planned to tell him tonight after work. Tell him everything.
It was time. And she was bursting at the seams.
She checked in at the desk and took a seat. A number of other people were waiting, and two of the women were obviously pregnant. Excitement shivered through Makenna’s chest. That was going to be her in not too many months. At the side of one of the women, a man sat whispering into her ear, making her laugh. He rested his hand on her belly as they spoke.
And that…that would be Caden. Who hadn’t had a family in so very long. God, she hoped he was excited about having one now. Even if he was scared—hell, she was too—she hoped his excitement would outweigh it. Because at the end of all this, they were going to have a tiny product that was a part of them both. And that was amazing to Makenna.
The waiting room door opened. “Makenna James?” called a nurse wearing a set of pink scrubs.
She followed the woman to an exam room, her heart racing a little faster with each passing moment. Because she was about to see her child for the very first time.
Before too long, she was wearing a paper gown and her long-time gynecologist entered the room with a nurse. “Makenna, nice to see you again,” Dr. Lyons said.
“Nice to see you, too,” she said, smiling at the woman’s always upbeat personality.
“Are you here alone today?” the doctor asked as she scrubbed her hands.
Makenna nodded. “I wanted to make sure the pregnancy was okay before telling my boyfriend.”
“Okay,” Dr. Lyons said, “well, let’s get started then.” The doctor explained how the internal ultrasound worked and then Makenna was laying back on her back with her feet in the stirrups—which always felt incredibly awkward no matter how many times she’d had to do it in her life.
But all of that fell away as an image appeared on the screen and a fast beat rung out in the room.
“Hello, little one,” the doctor said, taking some measurements on the monitor.
Tha-thump tha-thump tha-thump tha-thump tha-thump.
“Is that the heart beat?” Makenna asked, the sound planting itself inside her chest and squeezing.
Dr. Lyons smiled as she made some adjustments with the ultrasound wand. “It sure is. Sounds perfectly normal, too.”
“It’s supposed to be that fast?” Makenna’s gaze locked on the screen where the doctor had zooned in on a grainy, peanut-shaped object with tiny nubs protruding from the sides.
In her mind, she heard her father calling her peanut, and now she knew why.
That was her baby and he was totally a little peanut. Well, he or she.
“Based on the measurements here you’re nine weeks and three days along, and your estimated due date is July seventh. Everything looks to be progressing normally.” Dr. Lyons smiled. “So I think you’re safe to share your news.”
Makenna couldn’t pull her gaze away from the screen. Suddenly, the whole situation crashed down on her and she caught her breath as tears pricked her eyes. “This is so incredible. I wish I’d brought him now.”
“There will be plenty more to share with him, including more scans,” the doctor said as she removed the wand. The image stayed on the screen. “And I’ll send you away with parting gifts.” The imagining machine made a whirring sound and spit out a strip of paper. Dr. Lyons handed it to her.
Pictures of their peanut. Makenna pressed them to her heart, any uncertainty she might’ve felt about having a baby disappearing. “I can’t wait to show him. So everything’s okay?”
“Yep. I want to put you on pre-natal vitamins and we’ll get you set up with your pre-natal appointments. We’ll see you back i
n four weeks.” The doctor discussed some pregnancy dos and don’ts and gave her some information sheets to take home. God, there was a lot to learn about all this, wasn’t there?
When they were done, the doctor walked to the door, then turned back with a smile. “Have fun telling your boyfriend tonight. I hope it goes great.”
“Thanks,” Makenna said. Dr. Lyons left, and Makenna slid off the table. Looking down at the pictures, she just felt so amazed and overwhelmed and excited. “I hope it goes great, too.”
* * *
As Caden climbed the five flights of steps up to Makenna’s apartment, he felt like years had passed since he’d last been there. He certainly felt like he’d aged years since he’d last been there.
What a wasted wreck he’d been the past few days. His PTSD hadn’t flared like this for years. For most of the weekend, he hadn’t slept, and when he had, the nightmares had been torturous. His mind was like a maze full of dark corners and dead-ends and looming shadows. He’d had no appetite, and the two times he’d tried to eat, he’d thrown it back up again. Luckily, Makenna had left on Sunday evening before he’d lost the soup and crackers she’d brought him. Aches racked his body like he really had been sick, and he’d had a non-stop headache since Friday night that made it hard to think.
All of which was why he was hoofing it up the steps. In the lobby, he’d stood in front of the open elevator door for a long moment before his central nervous system had threatened a full-on lock-down, and he’d known he just couldn’t get in that little box. No matter how short a ride it would be. That’s how out of control his bullshit was right now.
The last twenty-four hours had been his first shift back to work, and getting out of bed to get his ass down to the station had taken Herculean effort. Not to mention making it through the shift itself. It felt like he was walking through molasses-filled air that made his limbs heavy and his muscles tired.
He’d finally given in and made an appointment with his doctor.
As he stepped out into the fifth-floor hallway, Caden recalled feeling this bad once before.
