by Laura Kaye
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Caden was climbing the walls. Once they’d reached the emergency department, the staff had made him wait while Makenna was triaged and treated. But there was one thing he could do to fill the crawling time. Her family needed to know what’d happened.
At Thanksgiving, Caden and Patrick had exchanged information. He found her brother’s number and waited as it rang.
“Patrick James here,” he answered.
“Patrick, it’s Caden Grayson, Makenna’s—”
“I know who you are, Caden.” The ice in the other man’s tone made it crystal clear that Patrick knew what’d gone down between him and Makenna. “To what do I owe the call?”
“Makenna was in an accident. She’s stable but in the hospital. Came in by ambulance fifteen minutes ago,” Caden said, hating to be the bearer of this news when he knew how close Patrick and Makenna were.
“Fuck,” Patrick said. “What happened? Is she injured? How’s the baby?”
Patrick knowing about the baby made Caden feel grateful that Makenna hadn’t been dealing with that all on her own. Caden should’ve been there, but at least she’d had her family. “She was semi-conscious and banged up when she came in but her injuries weren’t serious, although they haven’t determined the baby’s condition yet. Ten-car pile-up on Interstate 66. Makenna’s Prius got flipped over a guard rail and overturned.” Caden scrubbed his hand over his scar as he paced in the busy waiting room.
“I’m going to get the family together and we’ll get down there as fast as we can. Where are you?” Patrick asked. Caden gave him the hospital information, and then Patrick said, “Thanks for calling me, Caden. I appreciate it. But I need you to be prepared to answer some questions for me when we get Makenna squared away. You hearing me?”
“A hundred percent. I’ll be happy to tell you anything you want to know,” Caden said. “I love her, Patrick. I fucked up, but I love her.”
A long pause, and then, “We’ll see you soon.” Patrick hung up.
Caden couldn’t spare any worry for the James men’s reactions to him, not when every cell in his body agonized over what was going on with Makenna. Besides, any anger they bore toward him he’d earned with his mistakes. So he understood that he’d have to work to earn back their trust. He’d be fucking happy to grovel to anyone who wanted that from him if it would make Makenna and their baby okay.
Their baby. Every time he thought about Makenna’s pregnancy, the wonder of it smacked him upside the head anew. Sheer awe lit up his chest. There was fear inside him, too, he wasn’t going to deny that. Fear for this little, vulnerable life, maybe struggling to survive. Fear that he would be responsible for protecting and guiding that life. Fear of the million unknowns that could rain down on you at absolutely any moment.
As tonight proved.
But the wonder, the awe, the light—the love—all of it was so much bigger than the fear. So much more powerful. It was the fiery brightness of the sun against the cool glow of the moon.
No matter what happened, Caden had a family. Right this very minute. For the first time in over fourteen years.
And he wanted that family more than he’d ever wanted anything in his life.
“Makenna James family?” a blond-haired woman wearing scrubs called from the doors to the emergency department.
Caden rushed over. “I’m her boyfriend,” he said. The word was so fucking inadequate compared to what she was to him—his everything.
The doctor guided him inside past patients waiting in cubicles, on gurneys, and in chairs. “I’m Dr. Ellison. Makenna’s awake and stable. She’s cramping a little and the baby’s heartrate is elevated, but otherwise the baby seems to be fine. The next twelve to twenty-four hours will give us more information.” They turned a corner into a hallway with curtained rooms. “She needs an X-ray on her hand and a CT scan for the head injury. We’ve got those orders in, but radiology’s backed up so we’re in a holding pattern. Hopefully it won’t be too long.” The doctor stopped at the edge of a curtain. “Any questions?”
Only about a million, but none that he needed the doctor to answer. “No, thanks.”
With a nod, Dr. Ellison drew back the striped curtain and stepped into the small room. And there was his Makenna, bandaged and bruised with IVs protruding from her hand, but alive and awake. And without question the most beautiful thing Caden Grayson had ever seen in his life.
* * *
Makenna felt like she was moving slower than everything around her, or maybe that was just the pain meds they’d given her. Sounds came as if from a distance. The walls seemed a little wavy. Her limbs were like lead.
The curtain to her room suddenly opened and the doctor walked in…with Caden!
“Makenna,” Dr. Ellison said, “I have Caden here for you. I’ve updated him on your condition. We’re just waiting on radiology, okay?” The woman patted Makenna’s arm.
“Okay,” Makenna said in a weak voice, her gaze glued to Caden. He wore his uniform, his coat dirty with mud and blood here and there. “Thank you.”
“Press the call button if either of you need anything,” Dr. Ellison said, and then she was gone.
Caden shrugged out of his coat and dropped it on a chair, and then it was like he was stuck there at the edge of the room. She ached for him to come to her, but all she could manage was his name before she started crying. “Caden…”
He was to her in an instant, his body folding over her, his forehead settling against hers. “I’m sorry, Makenna. I’m so fucking sorry,” he said.
Makenna shook her head as her mind struggled to process his words. “It wasn’t your fault,” she said. “I was just glad you were there. I was praying for it, actually, so hard. When you showed up, I wasn’t sure whether to believe you were real.”
Caden reached behind him and dragged a chair as close to her bedside as he could. He sat heavily and cradled her hand against his big chest. “I’m not talking about the accident,” he said, dark eyes blazing. “I’m talking about how I left you, how I shut you out, how I lost myself and didn’t know how to own up to it with you.” He swallowed thickly, his Adams apple bobbing in his throat. “I’m talking about making you go through finding out you were pregnant all by yourself, making you worry for even a second that you would have to raise a child by yourself.” He shook his head, and she’d never seen his expression more earnest.
Relief flooded through her that he’d accepted the idea of the baby so readily, and that he seemed to want to be involved. Which meant that her little one wouldn’t have to grow up with only one parent as Makenna had, after all.
“Do you remember what I said after they pulled you from the car?” he asked, his eyes on fire with an intensity that reached inside her chest and just…owned her.
But Makenna couldn’t remember anything after the scare of her car door screeching open. They’d cut her loose from the seat belt, and then… It was all a blur. “No,” she whispered. “What did you say?” Her heart tripped into a sprint because the moment felt weighted with a significance she didn’t understand and didn’t want to read too much into. She wouldn’t be able to withstand the disappointment and heartache. Not after the scares this night had entailed.
“I said…I said that I love you, Makenna. I said—”
“Because of the baby,” she threw out, fear getting the best of her. But she had to know.
“Yes, because of the baby—”
“Caden—”
“Makenna, I’ve been in love with you since the night we met. I’m as sure of that as I am that I let my family’s accident dictate my life in ways I wasn’t even aware of—until I totally crashed and burned. I love you so much if feels like a part of me is gone when we’re not together. I love you because you’re beautiful and kind and smart and funny. Because you accepted me when I didn’t even accept myself. Because your heart is more filled with empathy and understanding than anyone I’ve ever met. I don’t make any sense without you. Not anymore. Be
cause you’re in me, and I want you there. I want you there forever. You and the baby. Our baby.”
“You…you love me?” she asked, trying the words out as emotion ballooned inside her chest. “Then why…why?” Awkwardly, she tried to scrub away the tears from her face, but the bandages on one hand and the IV in the back of the other made it nearly impossible.
Caden grasped a tissue from the box on the rolling tray, and then he leaned in and dried her tears for her. It was such a ridiculously tender gesture that Makenna sucked in a breath.
“Why did you walk away?” she asked again.
With a heavy sigh, Caden sat back down and took her hand again. He pressed a lingering kiss to her knuckles, the little caring gestures lending credence to his words. “The short answer is that I lost myself, I let myself spiral until I couldn’t control it, and then I became clinically depressed.”
“Oh, Caden,” she said, the knowledge that he’d been hurting so badly cutting right through her.
He shook his head. “I’m better now, so don’t worry. I’ve been working on getting myself back on track for months. And I am better, Red, I need you to know that. Better than I’ve ever been since the accident.” Another kiss to her knuckles. “I let a lot of things chip away at my confidence until I’d convinced myself I didn’t deserve you—”
“I don’t love Cameron, Caden. I don’t want him. And I want you to know I’ve asked him never to contact me again,” she rushed out.
“I know you don’t love him. I know you were honest and sincere in everything you said to me. Problem was, I couldn’t hear what you were saying, or I couldn’t let myself believe it. I don’t know. And that’s another thing I should apologize for,” he said, lips pressing into a hard line. “That I let my lack of faith in myself affect the faith I had in you. And I fucking hate that I did that. Because you did nothing to warrant it. It was all my own bullshit. But that realization was why I was waiting to come back to you, to come back and ask for a second chance. I wanted to come back to you whole. I wanted to be healthy. I wanted to be confident I wouldn’t make the same mistakes all over again. I couldn’t do that to you.”
“And are you all those things now?” she asked, hope and pride rising up inside her. Because there was something in the light in his eyes and the strength of his words that had already answered the question.
“Yes,” he said, nodding, his gaze burning into hers. “For the first time, yes. I had been planning to see you this weekend, even before you stopped by the station Wednesday night.” He gave a little shrug. “You showing up felt like a sign. That it was time. And that I was ready.”
Makenna closed her eyes and inhaled a deep breath, all the stressful uncertainty she’d been carrying sloughing right off her shoulders. It was the most beautiful relief, even as exhaustion from the night stole over her body. Looking at him again, she gave a small smile. “I’m so proud of you, Caden.”
“So,” he said in a low voice. “Do you think…could you give me a second chance to be in your life? To love you? You and the baby?”
“Oh, Caden, I’ve just been waiting for you to say the words,” she said, her throat going tight. “I want you in my life more than anything, and not a second has passed since we’ve been apart that I haven’t loved you with everything that I am.” She rubbed her knuckles along the prominent ridge of his cheekbone and wished her body was in a condition that would let her do what she really wanted—to climb into his lap, wrap herself around him, and never let go. “I’m going to love you forever. I’m not going anywhere, no matter what.”
“Jesus, Makenna, I was so damn scared you’d be done with me for good,” he said, stretching over her to give her a hug.
“You never have to worry about that, Caden. But you have to promise me you’ll never shut me out like that again. You have to let me be there for you the same way you were here for me tonight, when things are at their very worst and everything seems to be falling apart. I want to be there for you. I need to be there for you. And you have to promise to let me. Because I can’t lose you like that again. I won’t.”
Caden pressed their clasped hands to his heart. “I promise,” he said, a fierceness in his gaze. “I want and need that too, and I promise. I’m so sorry.”
The smile she gave him was all joy and love. “Then it’s you and me, ‘til the end. In the darkness and in the light.”
The words healed places inside him he didn’t ever think would get better. “You and me, ‘til the end,” he repeated. And then he sat back enough to gently lay his head on her stomach. “You and me and this little guy.” He pressed a kiss against her belly.
Seeing him nuzzle her stomach, with the little baby bump just starting to show, was something she’d feared she’d never get to experience. And it was so sweet it stole her breath. She gently stroked his close-shaved hair. “I’m so relieved that you’re happy about the baby.”
“I’m fucking ecstatic, Makenna. You two are the luckiest, best thing to ever happen to me.” He eased off of her and grasped her hand again. “How far along are you?”
“Seventeen weeks on Sunday,” she said, a little thrill going through her at getting to share this with him after all.
“Wow,” he said, a smile dawning on his face. It brought out his dimples. “Do you know if it’s a boy or a girl yet? How have you been feeling?”
“I don’t know the sex yet, but my ultrasound appointment is next week. That’s why I came to see you at the station. I wanted you to know about the baby so you could be involved, and I wanted to invite you to that appointment because I thought you deserved to meet your child. Aside from tonight, I’ve been feeling good for the past month or so. Earlier my morning sickness was terrible, but it passed.” And now, talking about how she was feeling, Makenna realized that the cramps she’d had earlier had gone away. Hope flooded through her. They were going to make it out of this night after all—together and stronger for it.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there to help, Makenna, but all that changes right now,” he said.
“Makenna James?” a man said as he came through the curtain. “Time for your scans.”
“Oh, that didn’t take too long after all,” she said, ready to know just how bad her hand was and whether the bump on the head she’d gotten that’d required three stitches was anything more serious.
“Can I come?” Caden asked, standing.
“Unfortunately not, but you can wait here. She won’t be gone long,” the orderly said.
“Okay,” Caden said, his brow furrowed. “Just give me a minute.” And then he folded down the rail on her bed, leaned over her, and pulled her gently into his arms. For a long moment, he just held her. Held her so damn close. The embrace was love and life and belonging, and it eased so much of the hurt she’d been carrying around inside her. “Love you so much,” he whispered. Finally, he let her go. “Sorry, I couldn’t resist.”
“Never be sorry for that,” Makenna said with a smile as the orderly unlocked the brakes on the bed and wheeled her out of the room.
The orderly was right—the hand X-ray and head CT didn’t take long. Even better, several hours later she received the news that her head scans were clean and only the first two fingers on her right hand were broken—the doctors had feared breaks throughout her hand, but it appeared to be mostly sprained. Those airbags had clearly done their job, because everyone who knew what’d happened to her repeated how lucky she was.
And every time she looked at Caden, Makenna agreed.
She drifted in and out of sleep, each time finding Caden right by her side, sometimes awake, other times asleep, his head against her hip, his hand curled around hers. Makenna didn’t think she was imagining the new peacefulness he wore on his gorgeous face. Sleep had never been peaceful for him, and seeing him rest so quietly was further proof of everything he’d said.
The next time she woke up, she found her father sitting in a chair at her other side.
“Daddy,” she whispered.
&nb
sp; “Oh, Makenna. I’ve been trying so hard to let you sleep.” He came to her side. “But I’ve been dying to see your eyes so I could know you were really okay,” he said, so much emotion on his face. God, it was good to see him.
“I am. Or at least I will be,” she said, filling him in on what the doctors had told her.
Her father blew out a deep breath and pressed a kiss to her cheek. “I hate to see you hurting.”
“Don’t worry,” she said, his concern lodging a lump in her throat.
“Ha,” he said with a wink. “Tell me how that works out for you when this little one comes.”
Makenna smiled. “I suppose that’s fair.”
Her father’s gaze dropped to where Caden slept. “So, things are…”
“Things are good, Dad. Really good. We have a lot more to talk about, but I understand what was going on and I know that we love each other. And that’s all I need to know for right now. The rest we’ll work out together,” she said, needing her father’s support.
Dad brushed a strand of hair back off her face. “Sometimes, you remind me so much of your mother. She’d be so proud of the woman you’ve become,” he said, making her eyes well up. “You’re all big heart and kind soul. And don’t ever change.”
“Aw, Dad,” she said, her eyes leaking again.
Just then, Caden pushed into a sitting position. “Sorry I fell—” he said. His eyes went wide, and he was on his feet in an instant. “Mike. Uh, Mr. James.”
“Mike is fine, son,” Dad said, nailing him with a stare. “You here for my baby girl now?”
Caden nodded. Part of Makenna felt bad for him, but a bigger part of her was proud of how confident he was standing before her father. “Yes, sir. A hundred percent. When Makenna’s better, I’d like to tell you what happened if you’re open to it. I know how important you are to her and, well…” He nodded. “I’d just like to try to make things right.”
Her father walked around the bottom of the hospital bed and came to stand in front of a much taller Caden. “It looks like you already have, but of course I’ll hear what you have to say. We all will. Because you’re part of the family now.” Her father held out a hand, and when Caden took it, Makenna couldn’t stop smiling. “Congratulations on the little one.”
