Bailey struggled against David’s hold, but his friend had a lot of years of Jiu Jitsu under his belt where he’d only had a couple. Stars appeared before his eyes the harder he struggled.
“You’ve had enough time sitting around here feeling sorry for yourself. Now, it’s time to go back to Oxford.”
“I . . .,” Bailey wheezed out the words, “don’t want to go back.”
“No? You want to stay here hanging around your brother’s place watching him have a life while you remain lost and alone? You want to give up on the art history degree you were working toward? Why? Because something may or may not happen someday.”
David released him and pushed him away.
Bailey rubbed his sore neck and eyed Leo first, who nodded and then his brother. “You agree with him, don’t you?”
“Yeah, man. I do. You were yourself again for the first time in years when we flew out for Christmas and now it’s like you’ve slipped back into this half-life.” Oliver stepped forward, and shrugged. “We love you, man, and it sucks to see you this way.”
Bailey met David’s eyes and surprisingly, he didn’t seem angry. Even though his right eye was swelling and his lip was bloody, he seemed a little sad maybe, but the heat of the fight was gone.
The room was silent while Bailey’s emotions waged war. He’d done the right thing, hadn’t he? He’d given Brie her life back. He rubbed his hands over his face, as the weight of David’s words swam around in his head over and over. Would it be better if you’d never met her?
A sharp pain rooted in his chest and started to spread. Brie’s laugh filled his ears, her smile flashed in his mind. He could feel the way her body fit against his when they were together. Like two notes meant to be paired or the lovers reflected in her favorite painting. They were meant to be. And, his life was better because of her, for loving her.
He fell to his knees. “Shit, what have I done?”
The guys circled around him and then David rested a hand on his shoulder. “Don’t worry, we’ve got you.”
“You know it,” Leo added.
Oliver reached out a hand and yanked him to his feet. “Tell us what we can do to help.”
Chapter 29
The sight of Oxford as they’d driven through town the day before felt as much like returning home as L.A. had. They’d traded sun for fog and sand for old buildings, but Bailey drank in the sight as though seeing it for the first time. There was comfort in the familiarity and though his nerves had snapped with each passing mile, he was glad to be back. How had he almost let this slip away?
When he returned to the hotel after attending his meeting on campus, the rest of the guys were waiting for him.
“How’d it go with the dean guy?”
Bailey sat down on the edge of the table since all the other seats were currently being occupied. “It was good.”
It was good now, at least, but it hadn’t been easy convincing Mr. Catling he was serious about finishing his degree. After a lot of negotiating and a lengthy discussion about where he’d been the last two months, he’d been granted permission to return for the summer semester.
“Did you guys talk to Simone?”
“She’s on her way to your place.” Oliver stood up and stretched. “Are you ready to do some groveling?”
Bailey sucked in a breath. Compared to what was coming, the Head of School was going to seem like a saint. He had more than a few fences to mend.
“Yeah, let’s go.” He touched his pocket and when he felt the bump inside it, moved for the door. It wasn’t going to be easy or pleasant, but if he wanted a chance at a future with Brie, he was going to have to fight for it. David had been right.
He’d fought to live, fought to have a future, and then when he’d gotten so close to having one, he’d panicked. Brie deserved better. She deserved a man who would fight for her, for their future.
When they arrived at his place, music could be heard coming from the next row house over. The apologies had to start somewhere. He knocked on the door to John, Cohen, and Freddie’s place while the rest of the guys stood a little distance back.
When the door finally opened, John’s bulk filled the fame, his eyes widening at the sight of Bailey. “I didn’t expect to see you.”
“Listen, John—”
“Hey, mate, I thought I heard . . .” Cohen’s face appeared over John’s shoulder. “Oh.”
“Hey, Cohen.”
The silence stretched between them, but Bailey held firm. He was in the wrong and he would have to take whatever was coming his way.
John stepped outside, forcing Bailey back. “I thought you and I had an understanding about Brie. Didn’t you promise me that you wouldn’t hurt her or was that some yank bullshit you were feeding me?” He cracked his knuckles. “You said she wasn’t just a challenge for you.”
John didn’t wait to hear Bailey’s excuses. Instead, he reared back and punched Bailey hard enough to knock him to the ground. Darkness curled around the edges of his vision, but he staggered back to his feet at the same time his bandmates charged for John.
“No,” Bailey held up one hand and rubbed his throbbing jaw with the other. “I deserved that.”
The guys halted and there was another awkward pause while the two sets of guys eyed each other. It was one thing for David to kick his ass, but to the Survival guys, John was an outsider.
“Damn man, I always figured getting hit by you would hurt, but shit. Your fist is like a hammer.” Not to mention if he kept getting his ass kicked, he was going to end up with a concussion.
“Yeah, well, you could’ve avoided it if you hadn’t acted like a total wanker.” John turned and headed for his place where Cohen and Freddie were watching the exchange with solemn expressions. It seemed John wasn’t alone in his disappointment. Christ, the whole world hated him.
“John, wait.” Bailey followed him to the steps and stopped. “I know I seriously fucked up. Believe me, I know.”
John kicked at the edge of the concrete step. “You’ve got a hell of a way of showing it.”
“I know.” Bailey leaned to the left and caught Cohen’s eye. “And, I’m truly sorry about missing Jessica’s show, too. Brie was upset about missing it and if it weren’t for me she would’ve been there.”
“Yeah, mate she would’ve and Jess missed her being there.”
Bailey dropped his gaze to his shoes. He needed to make them understand, make them see how sorry he was.
“I need to see Brie.”
John chuckled. “You think a little apology is going to make Brie forgive you?” He whistled.
“I know it’s going to take more than an apology, but I have to try.” He met John’s eyes. “I love her, man.”
Cohen, John, and Freddie exchanged looks and then Cohen jerked his head toward the house. “Do you guys want to come in for bit? Grab a brew?”
“I would, but there’s someone else I’ve got to go see.” Bailey turned and motioned to the guys where they were waiting near the short wall bordering the property. “They might be down to jam awhile though.”
“Always.” Leo jumped up onto the top of the wall and made a drumming motion in the air. “Let’s do it.”
Cohen grinned. He was a hell of a musician and though he’d hung out with Bailey numerous times, Bailey recognized the look of awe on his face at the thought of playing with the rest of the guys.
Bailey slapped his bother on the shoulder. “Use the side porch at my place. It’s the only space there’ll be enough room for all of you and I’ll catch up to you later.”
“Hey,” Cohen called over to Bailey and held up his phone. “Brie’s over at Splash Pad.”
Oliver and the other guys grinned at him and a minute later he was well on his way to get back what he’d lost.
~ ~ ~
Brie paced the room as the familiar sounds of pencils dragging across paper filled the air. The model tonight was male and while his form was pleasant enough, he wasn’t mouthwatering to look at. His skin was smooth and clear of ink, unlike Bailey whose body told a story without words and where the model’s hair was blond and long, she missed the thick, dark waves she was used to. It seemed Jessica’s idea for some hot model revenge sex was off the table.
Not that the idea had appealed to her in the first place. The last thing she needed was another male complicating her life. Hadn’t she been on the correct path at the beginning of the semester? Focus, finish, and get started on the rest of her life. And, then Bailey had shown up.
Brie paused to make a suggestion to one of her long-time students, a mom of four who used the class as much to escape her everyday life as to hone her craft. With a different grip on the pencil and a tilt of the head, her shadow work improved in a few strokes. Brie touched her shoulder in encouragement and continued on.
She hadn’t expected someone like Bailey though, had she? Bailey had been surprising in every way and sure he’d made mistakes, stepped in where he wasn’t invited, pulled her attention away from what was important, he’d also filled her life with a joy her heart and her body had been missing. Bailey with his thousand-watt smile and protective nature. A man who oozed talent and charisma, a man who made sure she felt pleasure when they were together. One who took an interest in the same things she did and who listened when she spoke. And, a man who . . .
She stopped midstride and stared openmouthed toward the hallway. Bailey was a man who . . . who was here.
Her heart sprang into her throat at the same time her legs threatened to buckle. What was he doing there in Splash Pad or, rather, in Oxford? He wasn’t supposed to be here. He’d made it clear that he wouldn’t be back. That he wouldn’t be a part of her life anymore.
The shock was soon replaced by the pain of seeing him again and it took her breath away. She shook her head and forced her feet to move, but she didn’t go to him. She wouldn’t let him see her weakness or let him know she thought about him every waking minute. In fact, she wouldn’t speak to him at all. What more was there to say anyway?
Brie eyed the clock. Five minutes of class remained and as feared, they ended up being the longest five minutes of her life. With an effort that could only be described as monumental, she didn’t look at Bailey. She finished up the class, chatted with a few remaining stragglers and proceeded to straighten up the room, acutely aware he was there and that they were alone together.
Without asking, he helped put away easels and stacked pads of paper. Waiting for him to speak was like waiting for a bomb to go off. The anticipation of what he could possibly have to say to her was excruciating. She didn’t want to hear it, but at the same time she was desperate to hear his voice. Listening to his albums hadn’t been the same because he rarely sang and watching interviews on YouTube had merely been a means of torture. Though if asked, she’d never admit to her stalker-like behavior. It was more than a little embarrassing.
She grabbed her bag from behind the lone desk and turned to leave.
“Brie.”
The sound of her name on his lips twisted her insides as her head and heart waged war. Her heart yearned for him, but her head was screaming to get away. For her own protection it was time for fight or flight and damnit she wanted flight. She was tired of fighting. Tired of being sad.
“Brie, please. Will you look at me?”
She blew out a breath and turned, keeping one hand on the desk for support. “What are you doing here, Bailey? The last time I saw you, you made your feelings about us perfectly clear.”
Bailey at least had the decency to look ashamed. Head bowed, he tucked his hands into his coat pockets and took a few steps toward her. “Brie, there are no words I can say to you that will ever make up for how I treated you when you flew out to L.A.”
She scoffed. “You’re right about that at least.”
“I’m sorry, Brie.”
“I appreciate your apology.” She hooked her messenger bag over her shoulder and strode past Bailey and out the door. Surely, he didn’t think she was going to drop everything and forgive him? She shook her head as she pulled her key out of her bag. “If that’s it then, I need to lock up.”
“No, that’s not it. That’s not even close.” He moved to her and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear that had escaped her paintbrushes.
She sucked in a breath, it was one thing to be strong from a distance, but not when he was this close—his intoxicating scent, his familiar touch awakening her down to her core.
“Brie, what I said before. I want you to know that although a part of me still feels that you would be better off without me, a bigger part of me can’t stay away. I don’t know if it makes me selfish as hell or not, but Christ, Brie, I love you. That’s not going to change in a week or a few months or in a few years. I tried to stay away, truly I did, but I can’t.”
He leaned his head down and touched his forehead to hers. The gesture so gentle and intimate, tears burned behind her closed eyes. What he was saying, it was how she felt, too, but how could she trust him not to hurt her again? How could she forget and forgive?
She pulled away from him. It was the only way she could think clearly. “What made you change your mind?”
“Let’s just say I got some sense beaten into me,” Bailey’s lips twitched and a ghost of a smile appeared a second before he messaged his jaw on one side, “a few times actually.”
“Right.” She didn’t quite follow his meaning, but considering the remnants of what looked like a bruise on his cheek, she could guess. Though, whatever had happened didn’t matter. The bottom line was he’d done what he’d done and she hadn’t been enough. She hadn’t been able to get through to him and now it was too late. Her hand tightened on the strap of her bag. “Bailey, I appreciate your apology. I do. But, what you said to me. What you did?”
“I didn’t want to hurt you, Brie.”
She shrugged. “But, you did.”
Bailey fell back a step and she could see regret reflected in every line of his face, but she had to protect herself.
“Bailey, I know people make mistakes, but you said you loved me and then at the first sign of trouble, you treated me like I was the cancer and cut me out of your life instead of letting me share in your burden. That’s what love is, Bailey. It’s facing things together.”
“Brie—”
“No,” she held up a hand to cut him off, “it’s my turn now. You said your piece in California when you broke my heart.”
She stood up straight, all the things she hadn’t been able to say, everything she’d been holding in for months bubbling to the surface like a tube of paint being squeezed too tight. “Not only did you cut me out of your life, you also made me look like a fool.”
Her voice echoed around the empty studio and she stopped to regain her composure. “After Theo,” she tried again in a quieter tone, “that was the one thing I swore I would never do again. I swore I’d never let anyone discard me and make me feel like nothing and you did, Bailey. You embarrassed me in front of my friends and you made me feel like a git and I’m not a git, Bailey.”
“I know,” his voice was a whisper. “Brie, you’re the smartest person I know, and I hate that I made you feel that way. I hate that, for one second, you doubted your place beside me. There’s no one else, Brie. There never will be.”
“The problem is, I don’t know how to believe you. Sure, things are fine now, but what happens when they aren’t?” She let one of her shoulders rise and then fall. “Because, that’s life, Bailey. At some point there will be downs and what happens then?”
Bailey reached a hand in his pocket and knelt down.
Brie’s hand flew to her mou
th as she held her breath. “Bailey, no. What’re you doing?”
“This is how you’ll know, Brie. This is how you’ll know that I won’t turn away from you. Marry me, Brie. Be my partner in life.”
Tears slid down Brie’s cheeks as her chest threatened to crack open. This was wrong. It was all wrong. She wanted to scream at him for shutting her out when he had. If he hadn’t they’d be together right now planning for a future together, but not anymore. She wouldn’t give up her dreams for him or anyone. Her future plans were all she had left.
Summoning every ounce of courage she had, she met Bailey’s hopeful eyes with her own and gave him the only answer she could.
“No. I’m sorry, Bailey, but I can’t.”
Chapter 30
When Bailey finally managed to drag himself home and closed the door to his place, he found he was far from alone. The neighbors were there along with the guys from Survival, and at some point, Simone and Jessica had shown up and added themselves to the mix.
“Hey, everybody.”
A collective ‘hey’ was shouted in his direction from everyone except Jessica. She was watching him with hawk-like eyes. Did she know what had happened earlier that afternoon?
“I think this little guy missed you.” Simone placed Bowie in his arms and squeezed his shoulder. “It’s good to see you.”
“Thanks for taking care of him for me.” Bailey chuckled when Bowie preceded to head-butt his face by way of greeting. “Hey, little guy.”
“How’d it go?” Oliver stretched to try to see outside and then seemed surprised when Brie was nowhere to be found.
“Later, okay?”
Oliver’s eyebrows drew together in obvious concern, but he let it drop. When he returned to the discussion that Bailey’s return had interrupted with John and Freddie, the names Vedder and Cobain reached his ears—no doubt the grunge era was being dissected. Though the scene was comical, he wasn’t laughing.
A Light in the Dark_Survival of the Fittest Page 24
