Addie goes back to washing her dishes. “How was Coy?”
“Not good.” I say, placing the carton of juice on the counter as I let out a sigh. “He went out to get bitten. And yes, he was successful.”
Addie looks up at the ceiling. “Maybe I should go talk to him.” I knew she would say something like that and it irritates me.
“Why? You don’t think I can handle it?”
Addie gives me an apologetic smile. “It’s not that. You know how I am. When I get worried about something or someone I just jump in. I’m sorry if I made you feel that way.”
I brush it off, not needing another conflict right now. “It’s okay. After we talked he seemed to understand. I told him some of the stories Danika told us. He understands the seriousness of it and wants some help. I just came down here to get some juice and cookies for him.”
“How did he get bitten?”
“Some girl bit him, which let me tell you was a hard thing for me to face.” I pour some juice in a glass and rummage through the cabinet for some cookies.
Addie looks back up at the ceiling. “Yeah but how did he survive? You know Vampires around here don’t-.”
“I know, they don’t let their victims live.” How was I going to answer Addie’s question. Here I was trying to prove that I could take care of Coy and I had forgotten to get the whole story. "I got a little side tracked after he admitted he needed help and didn’t think to ask for the real story.” I can’t believe I forgot to ask such a simple question. No, I know why, my stupid emotions got in the way. I was too wrapped up in my own feelings to get the rest of the story. “I’ll ask him later.”
Addie seems satisfied with my answer. “Okay but when you find out let me know.”
Mental note: Don’t forget to ask Coy about what really happened when he got bitten. And make sure to tell Mama Witch.
“How did everything else go?”
I know what Addie wants to hear about but I don’t want to talk about it now. I try blowing it off with a simple, “Fine,” but after I pick up the plate of cookies and glass of juice, I sag into a chair at the kitchen table. With a loud thud, I plop the plate and juice on the table. “Well…it was…awkward.”
I put my hands over my face, sinking deeper into my chair. Addie pulls out the chair next to me and sits down. She places her hand on my shoulder.
“What happened?”
“I don’t know. I was mad that he lied to me. I was also outraged that he let another Vampire bite him. But that was second to the anger I felt by his lie. Once we talked it out and he admitted to everything, he apologized and started telling me everything he’s going through. When he mentioned us, he said he felt like we have drifted apart and that something has come between us. I felt relieved because I felt the same way.” I pause before adding, “Then he kissed me.”
Addie raises her eyebrows but doesn’t say anything. She knows there’s more to the story and is giving me time to sort it all out in my head. “It was a good kiss, but—well—I didn’t really feel anything. It was…I don’t know. Stale.”
“How do you feel about Coy?” Addie removes her hand from my shoulder and rests her chin on her fist. She still appears tired even though she slept practically the whole way home.
“I don’t know. I mean, I like Coy. He’s a great guy but…” I trail off, dreading all the questions my “but” was going to bring.
“But what? You can tell me, Racquel. I’m always here for you. No judgment.” I want to make a remark about feeling the same way and ask her about the nightmares, but I don’t.
Taking a deep breath, I admit something I never thought I would utter out loud. “I keep thinking about Micah.” Once the words are out of my mouth, I’m unable to stop the explanation that follows. It’s a great relief to let it loose. “I feel guilty about it, especially when I find myself comparing Coy to Micah. The guilt sucks but I just don’t find myself attracted to Coy anymore.”
Addie nods. “Didn’t you guys get hot and heavy a few times?” I scowl at Addie. She knows we did. I had told her everything I knew about him and then some after we returned from Greenland. It had been embarrassing, but I guess that happens when you talk about your first make-out session.
“We did, but it was only when I bit him. Since we’ve been home we haven’t spent much time together. When we did, he always brought up my need for blood and how he was available. It always irritated me, and we would fight. I don’t know, maybe I’m over-thinking all this.” I put my head on the table, wishing I had never brought this up, although it was nice having a talk with my big sister about boys and dating. I almost felt normal. I never thought that would happen.
“Maybe you guys just need some time. A lot has been thrown at us and him. But if things don’t work out there will be other guys.” That brings my head up with a snap. Did she seriously think I was pouting over losing some guy and worrying that I would never snag another one?
“You’re going to sit here and tell me there are plenty of fish in the sea, when I could care less. I’m worried about dragging Coy along on some meaningless relationship and causing him more pain.”
“Oh, well you should have elaborated on that. Let me tell you something, whether you end it now, tomorrow, or in two years from now, it’s still going to cause him some pain. He obviously cares about you and you care about him. You just need to listen to your feelings and you’ll figure it out.”
That really wasn’t what I wanted to hear. I wanted her to tell me what to do. But she couldn’t know that.
“As for Micah, there could be a million reasons why you’re thinking of him. He saved you in Brazil, now you feel like you have to save him. You guys are now the same being, which is everything you’ve always wanted. Someone you could relate to. But it could be something more than that. You’ll figure it out. Just give it some time.”
Give it time. That seems to be everyone’s answer to everything.
I stand, grabbing the juice and cookies. Before leaving the kitchen, I glance back at a bleary-eyed Addie. “You going to bed?”
She stifles a yawn. “Yeah, you?” She rises from her seat and starts heading toward the stairs. I follow behind and notice a bruise on her arm. I wonder how she got that.
“No. I was going to talk to Ethan after I gave this to Coy.”
Addie reaches the bottom of the stairs but stops to turn around. “I can take that to him if you want. I wanted to check his wound before I went to bed anyway.” Once again I’ve missed details. I should have checked on his wound earlier but didn’t. I could have even offered to heal it but that thought didn’t cross my mind either. Not that I would have healed it. He needed the reminder. Plus, I don’t think I could have brought myself to lick a wound that wasn’t created by me.
“Okay. I can talk to him in the morning I guess.” Addie takes the plate of cookies and juice and heads up the stairs. Right before she reaches the top, I call out to her. “Hey Addie.” She stops and looks back over her shoulder. “What happened to your arm?”
Addie inspects her arm, then shrugs. “It’s nothing. I bumped it last night when I was helping Reed get more firewood.” She gives her arm another once-over before disappearing down the upstairs hall.
I stand there a moment, looking up at the spot she just occupied. Do I believe her story? I mean, sure, something like that could have happened. Then again, she could have banged it on the wall as she flailed out of bed. Either way, I don’t like the doubt that lingers between me and Addie now.
I walk into the living room and find Ethan sprawled out on the couch. His long body takes up most of its space. I nudge his feet and with a thud they hit the floor. Ethan lets out a stiff groan as he sits up, “I think I have a crick in my neck.”
I sit down in the newly-opened spot. “Probably. You’ve been sitting here all night fixated on that book.” I stretch my body, feeling my own stiff muscles protest.
“Can’t help it, it’s a good book.”
“Have you seen the
movie?” It’s odd sitting here with him, talking like this. Two months ago if someone had told me I would be sitting here talking to Ethan about books and movies, I would have laughed. We’ve always been rivals. As far back as I can remember he was mean to me. In grade school, he would chuck rocks at me from across the playground. Now here we were, chatting it up.
“No. I want to finish the book first.” Ethan puts his book down and sits up, rubbing his eyes. “So tell me, how did the visit really go?”
“It was fine. It was definitely weird compared to the last time we were there.”
Ethan raises an eyebrow, “How? Did they throw vegetables at you this time? The looks were bad enough last time.”
I shake my head thinking about the standing ovation outside the Elders’ House when I had arrived. “No. They actually had a lot of respect for me. A few girls even asked about you.”
That brings a flush to his face. He tried hiding it and crossed his arms over his chest. “How’s Danika?”
I groan inwardly. I knew he was going to ask that. I thought he would hold out a little longer than this, though. “I didn’t get to see her much while we were there but she seems great. She’s more laid back, although when it comes to her duties she’s full-on Tidy-D again.” I keep my word and don’t mention our talk we had after my vision.
A dark cloud crosses over Ethan’s face and fills his eyes with sadness. “That’s good. I’m glad she’s doing okay. After everything that happened with Eldrida, I wasn’t sure how she would handle everything.” His voice is as flat as a week-old Dr. Pepper.
Not knowing how to respond to his obvious sorrow, I change the subject. I tell him about the vision, which sends him into shock much like it did the others. Then I tell him about the bonfires and the meeting with the Elders. About the plan we have hashed out and hoped it worked. I finish it all up with the Perigee Moon.
“The moon’s special to all creatures in the Shadow World. It enhances our powers and rejuvenates us. Did you know it’s also a Hunter’s Moon?” Ethan asks.
“A what?” No pressure on the moon, huh? It was starting to sound like this moon would encrust the earth in gold, and save us all.
“Well, humans would use the Hunter’s Moon as a guide to hunt animals that would migrate for winter. It’s kind of a kick-off to the hunting season, although it’s not used much for that anymore. It was mostly an Indian thing. But it just so happens that when the Goddess Bendis created us it was the night of the Hunter’s Moon.”
“That’s interesting.”
“She thought it was appropriate, considering she created us to hunt Vampires.” Ethan leans back against the couch, closing his eyes. “Do you remember in London when you asked me about the feud?” I nod my head, remembering how Ethan and Jared had tried to rip each other apart. Jared, a Vampire who had ended up helping us, had ticked Ethan off by showing too much interest in Danika. The rest was history. “I told you that Vampires and Lycans just didn’t like each other. Well, that’s true. In the old days if a Vampire and Lycan crossed paths, one of them didn’t walk away. Then laws were set and we were supposed to back off. We aren’t supposed to kill one another without just cause. The problem is, our hatred for the leeches is encoded in us. It was set from the moment the goddess created us.”
That made sense. If Bendis created the Lycans to destroy the Vampires, it only made sense that she would engrave hatred for the Vampires into their essence. But how did my grandfather ignore the Lycan part of my grandmother? Did her wolf essence ever want to retaliate against him? I guess I need to do some more journal reading. “Do you think it’s possible to overcome it?”
Ethan opens his eyes. “Overcome what, the hatred that exists in our very veins?” Ethan lets out a chuckle. “In a rainbow-filled world where bunnies and lions frolic through fields picking daisies and chasing clouds, maybe. In the real world, highly, highly doubtful.”
I’m amused by his response. “Lions and bunnies?”
“What? It fits!” Ethan says defensively.
I shake my head, rolling my eyes. Whatever. “Besides this year, does the Hunter’s Moon give you an extra power boost or anything?” I knew this Hunter’s Moon would, but I didn’t know about any other time.
“No, it’s usually just a celebration of our creation. We always feel a pull to the moon but a Hunter’s Moon is stronger.”
I understand what he means. “I feel that sometimes too. Whenever there’s a full moon, all I want to do is bask in its light. There have been times that I’ve gone up to Steely Point and just stared at the moon all night.” Ethan stiffens at the mention of Steely Point, the highest point on the mountains surrounding our small slow town. It’s also called Haunted Point. Humans, and even some Shadows, claim that the woods around that area are haunted. Lycans don’t like ghost stories and most of the Lycans around here stay clear of there. Kind of ironic since they are supernatural beings themselves. “I never really knew why the pull was so strong. I, mean, yeah I knew that the wolves shifted on the full moon but I didn’t know you had an attraction to the moon itself.” I always feel like tearing myself apart when there’s a full moon. I can usually suppress that feeling by distracting myself, but the need still lingers at the edge of my mind, a lot like the thought of a cigarette will always be on the outskirts of a quitter’s mind no matter how long it’s been since they’ve had one.
“You’re just feeling the effects from the wolf inside you. We are naturally drawn to it because our goddess is a moon goddess. The moon pulls us toward her and her power.”
“Yeah but I don’t feel a pull to any other gods or goddesses.” Although I respect Hecate, I don’t feel drawn to worship or devote my life to her. In fact, I don’t feel any pull to any of the gods that created us—especially Hades.
“There are probably a couple of reasons for that,” Ethan replies. “For one, none of the other gods or goddesses are represented the way Bendis is. Hecate represents things that are around you at all times so it’s easy for someone to forget her. The other gods and goddesses have no true representation to remind us of them like Bendis does. When that moon comes out, all we think about is her, her power, and our mission. It can be overwhelming, and that’s why it’s so dangerous for wolves during the full moon. We still feel close to our goddess, much like the Witches do to their goddess, but their power is accessible all the time. Ours isn’t.”
I was surprised by Ethan’s pride and respect for his goddess. “I thought you said there were a few reasons.”
“Well another thing is that a lot of the Shadows have forgotten about the gods and goddesses. It happens over time. I’m not sure about the shifters, but from what I’ve heard and observed most of the world has forgotten. Even humans. The Elders make sure that the Covenant still remembers, and we are always reminded by the moon. I’m not sure about the Merfolk, we hardly ever see them, but I’d guess they’ve forgotten like the others.”
Red flags go off in my head when he mentions the Merfolk. “Crap. I forgot about them! I should have tried reaching out to them yesterday when we called out the alert but I didn’t.”
Ethan shrugs his shoulders, “I’m sure they won’t be offended considering we have almost no contact with them.”
“Yeah but maybe they could see something we don’t. What if Cerelia builds some underwater mansion and puts an air bubble around it? Only the Merfolk would know.” I run my hand through my hair. I can’t believe I forgot that.
“I don’t think Cerelia would do that but you could always call them tomorrow.” I roll my eyes at his nonchalance. I know too well that with Cerelia, anything’s possible.
I glance up at the clock and see it’s almost two in the morning. I didn’t even get to talk to Ethan about what was really on my mind. We got sidetracked with all this moon talk. “Are you going to be around tomorrow?”
Ethan scrunches his eyebrows, giving me a smug smile. “I don’t know, why? Developing a crush on me?”
I make like I’m going to barf. “
Ugh, no. I just wanted to talk to you about a few things, nothing important. It’s just my curiosity, still in overdrive.”
Ethan’s smile is so wide his dimples show. “Sure it is, buttercup.”
I gag, roll my eyes, and walk away, knowing anything I said would be tossed back at me with gross banter.
Before I reach the stairs, Ethan calls out my name. I turn to face him, ready to make a quick exit if he says something snarky.
“Yeah?”
“How did you do it?” Ethan’s face is clear of any smugness and is now grim with curiosity that is twisted with shame.
“Do what?”
“How did you forgive them? The Shadows who treated you so badly?” Ethan looks down with shame. “How did you forgive me?” After a moment he snaps his head back up when he realizes what he’s doing. He was appearing as weak. Lycans don’t ever want to appear weak to another Shadow. It’s a reaction that’s been engraved in them from when they were babies.
I look him in the eye, not needing time to think about an answer. “The crap you put me through before last year was bad, but after the near-life experiences we went through last month together, I guess, zeroed all that out. I don’t have any hard feelings toward you anymore. As for everyone else….I haven’t.”
Chapter Seven
“Racquel.” I hear my name faintly, through the darkness. I focus my eyes to see. Nothing’s there. I stretch out my arm but I can’t even see myself.
“Racquel, please.” The pleading voice echoes through the darkness again. I try making out the voice and the direction its coming from but I can’t. It seems more like an echo in my mind than something in this black room.
“Racquel.” I turn in frantic circles, trying to find the source of the voice but I’m met everywhere with a black sheet of nothing. I have to be in a dream. There’s no other explanation.
Blood Burdens (The Shadow World) Page 8
