by Ann Fisher
She looked at him in wonder. “It didn’t hurt.”
Not after that first twinge. Now there was a slight ache that disappeared when he shifted. Janek’s chest expanded against her breasts with his breath.
“You took the pain,” she accused.
His fingers flexed in her hair. “If I can save you any pain, I will. I wish I’d been there for the birth of our son.”
She wished he’d been there too. “You can’t protect me from everything, you know.”
“I can try.”
He clamped an arm around her hips and rolled them both, half lifting her at the end because the bed was so narrow. Naked and lit by the fading sunlight, she felt another flash of uncertainty until she saw the raw hunger etched into the lines of his face.
Flexing her thighs, she slid down his length as he lifted to meet her. They moved together in a gentle rocking motion that reminded her of the ocean. Janek just as powerful as the sea, herself like the Raven dancing across the waves.
She let herself slip under his spell. All of her focus narrowed to this small cabin, the bed, the touch of Janek’s hands and the feel of him moving inside her. His blue eyes were intent on her face, assessing her response. She closed her eyes, not wanting him to see too much. There were some things she couldn’t share with him even now.
“Lorel.” His voice was a harsh rasp. “I won’t last much longer. What can I do?”
She bent over him, supporting herself on her arms. Her breasts hung just below his chin and his gaze dropped. His hands came up to cup her breasts. His thumbs brushed over her nipples and he lifted his head from the pillow to take one into his mouth. It was an awkward position for them given their size difference. They wouldn’t have managed it before. He pulled her deeper into his mouth and she gasped. Her thighs tightened around his hips. He responded to that goad by sucking on her more firmly.
Her orgasm rushed toward her, but she held back, knowing he was close too and wanting to go with him.
“Lorel…”
“Not without you.”
He made a sound that was half groan and half laugh. “I’m there, love. Let go. Come with me.”
That word on his lips… Love. There was no way for her to hold back. She cried out and his hands gripped her hips, pushing her down even as he thrust up into her.
And it was the best kind of release, rising like a tidal swell, lifting her from her body before dropping her in a crash of blinding pleasure. Janek’s grip anchored her in place as he came too, spurting inside her. He groaned, a deep rumble that vibrated through her. His arms wrapped around her and pulled her down. She nuzzled at his neck and sighed contentedly.
He kissed the top of her head. When their breathing finally slowed, he said, “This is my favorite part.”
“This is your favorite part?”
“Call it validation. Bodies don’t lie. You’re as limp as a ragdoll. I like to know that I’ve pleased you.”
He set his hand beneath his head, and she was momentarily distracted by the way the light hit his biceps. She knew that he was—not ashamed—of his body but that he regarded it as a scarred and crude tool like an ax or a shovel. He was beautiful though, strong and solidly knit together.
She kissed his chest. “You please me, Janek.”
Too much. He pleased her too much, upset all her notions of right and wrong, destroyed her boundaries, made her take risks she’d never contemplate otherwise. He was dangerous. And she didn’t want to have to give him up again.
12
Haxon was a fishing village on the northwest side of Erys. It was far enough away from the straits and the Keep to have remained beneath the Ghadrians’ notice. Most of the high-ranking Ghadrian soldiers had returned to the capital with Serat after the emperor’s death. The soldiers who remained on Erys were those too poor to bribe the captain, those who had personal ties to the island, or those who, having failed to succeed in a larger theater, chose to remain in a small one. Serat had placed an old soldier named Harn in charge, and Janek seemed to respect him to some extent. While Lorel trusted Janek’s opinion, she didn’t trust the invaders to leave them alone for long on their little corner of the island. But for now, the north belonged to the Erysians and Haxon belonged to the rebellion.
A chill wind chased them home. Janek seemed particularly affected by the weather, much to Lorel’s amusement. She’d called him thin-blooded that morning when he woke up shivering and pulling at the blankets. He’d swatted her rear, abandoned the blanket and pulled her atop him instead.
On the voyage back to Erys, they didn’t talk about the empire or what was to be done with Caden and Mira. They didn’t talk about Conri, or what Janek intended to do next. Lorel wanted him to stay on Erys, to choose her and Conri over the empire. She’d told him that, and he hadn’t given her an answer. He knew where she stood. It was his decision to make now. She wouldn’t beg.
They reached the cove just before noon. The cries of gulls gradually overtook the sounds of creaking rope and the calls from the sailors. When they passed Beacon Hill, two youths—a girl and a boy—raced them for several miles before giving up the chase. The watchman would have seen them too. He’d have signaled their approach, and by the time they anchored and rowed the final distance to shore, Cinn would be waiting to make certain that her ship was undamaged. She’d bring Conri with her.
Lorel missed her son. She missed the weight of his small body snuggled to hers, the clutch of his hands and the smell of his hair. She willed the ship to move faster. If she’d had Kenna’s powers, they’d be there already.
Janek came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. Lowering his head, his lips brushed the shell of her ear. “Happy to be home?”
He sounded skeptical, but then he’d never liked Erys much. He’d only seen the Keep and the broken villages the legion had destroyed. He might come to like it in time. “Are you?”
“I want to meet my son.”
Janek’s sorcery meant he’d been able to separate the salt and impurities from the seawater so she’d had the luxury of a bath that morning. She hadn’t bound her hair afterward and now the wind lifted the loose strands. Janek pulled one free from his mouth. “Is he walking yet?”
“He wasn’t when I left. He may be now.”
They’d had to make the run before winter locked the straits. They’d needed additional supplies to finish the ships that were nearly complete and dry goods to keep everyone from starving because the land hadn’t yet recovered from the invasion.
If Caden were able to reclaim the throne, then the fleet wouldn’t be quite as crucial to Erys’ survival. She hoped Caden would be able to take back the empire. She hoped he kept his promise to release Erys. She wasn’t betting on either of those things happening. They would still build their fleets. The people still needed to eat.
Janek’s arms tightened around her. “You’re worried about something. What is it?”
As always, he was too perceptive. She kissed his wrist. “Nothing.”
The rumble in his chest might have been either a growl or laughter. “You’re as wary of happiness as I am. This is a good day and I won’t let anything steal it from me.”
“You two.” Dani turned from her post and pointed at them. “I’m sending you in the first boat.”
Lorel shook her head, and Dani laughed. “I can take care of the ship. I’m telling Cinn I mutinied. Will you deny it?”
Lorel snorted. “She’ll have your head.”
“It’s what she’s been waiting for,” Dani said. “You and I both know that’s why she placed you in charge. She expected me to throw you overboard before we left the cove. The only thing I don’t know is what you did to piss her off.”
“I left her at home with a baby to oversee the harvest.”
“That would do it.”
Lorel tipped her head to one side. “Why did you go along with it for so long?”
Dani crossed her arms over her chest. The wind caught her linen shirt and tried
to tug it free of the heavy belt strapped to her waist. “I don’t like being manipulated. Not any more than you do. Do you surrender the ship or will you fight me for it?”
“The Raven is yours, Captain.”
Dani nodded and looked past Lorel to grin at Janek. “Make sure she’s on that boat.”
“Do I need to worry about Cinn?”
“If you’re smart, you will. Send my mother back out and I’ll deal with her. She won’t want to stay land bound any longer than she has to. Chances are she’ll run as soon as she hands over your boy. She has no tolerance for tearful reunions.”
“She won’t shed tears over your return, Captain?”
Dani snorted. “We’ll be lucky if there’s no blood.”
There was no need for Janek to drag her away from the ship. She was eager to go. It seemed to take forever though, dropping anchor and lowering the small boat. Dani promised to have Lorel’s chest of belongings delivered to her cottage once they were squared away. Dani didn’t plan to stay in Haxon. She wouldn’t winter so near to a Ghadrian outpost.
The boat shifted under Lorel’s feet, and she nearly lost her footing until Janek pulled her down to the bench.
The air felt different as they approached shore, softer and greener. The sky was clear. It was one of those sharp autumn days that made you wish for time to stand still. The winters were harsh this far north, and the village of Haxon was poor. With a short growing season, the people here relied on their fishing ships and the wool trade to survive. They’d have another month or two before snow and ice drove them inside.
When they reached the sandy shore, Lorel clambered out of the rowboat and took Janek’s hand. Together they walked up the dirt packed road toward the landing. A crowd had gathered. Lorel’s eyes were drawn instantly to Cinn, holding the squirming bundle of energy that was her son. Her relief at seeing Conri washed over her, making her feel instantly lighter.
Janek’s hand tightened on hers. “That’s him?”
His gaze was fixed on Conri. His expression was too raw for her to interpret, but she’d never seen him so shaken.
“That’s him.” She tugged at his hand. “Come on. Let me introduce you.”
“Lorel…” He began and then shook his head, overcome. They abandoned their packs along with Caden and Mira, and made the short climb to the top of the hill. Cinn pushed through the crowd to meet them.
Lorel held up a hand. “Cinn—”
“What’s wrong with the mizzen?” Cinn snapped. “One voyage on clear seas, Lorel. It shouldn’t have been a challenge even for you. Did Dani…? Oh, never mind. Here take this.”
Cinn shoved Conri into her arms and pushed past a dazed Janek to jog down the path to the water. Lorel clutched Conri to her chest and moved through the gathered people, nodding to the men and women who called out greetings. Conri wrapped his arms around her neck, pressed a slobbery open-mouthed kiss to her cheek and promptly tried to wriggle free. Lorel hitched him higher onto her hip and kept walking. She broke through the crowd, but didn’t stop until she reached the first cottage.
Seeing that they were alone, she set her back to the wall, pressed her nose to the top of Conri’s head and breathed in his scent. He pulled back and touched her cheek. “Ma.”
Her heart cracked open, and she blinked back tears. She’d worried that he might forget her. “Yes, that’s right, sweetheart. I’m your ma. I’m home now.”
Untouched by the moment, Conri resisted the next hug. He pointed back toward the sea. Clear as day, he said, “Boat.”
She laughed and swiped at her cheeks. “You’ve learned a new word!”
Forestalling another escape attempt, she turned to face Janek.
“Conri,” she said. “There’s someone very important I’d like you to meet, love. This is your father.”
Janek stood a few steps distant, as if he were afraid to get too close. He didn’t move forward to take Conri. Instead, his gaze flashed up to meet hers. “He’s so small.”
“He’s bigger than when I left.”
And heavier too. How was that possible? She hadn’t been gone that long.
Realizing that she had no intention of taking him down to the water, Conri appealed to the stranger. Holding out both arms, he wailed pitifully. “Boat.”
The corner of Janek’s mouth tucked up, and he reached for Conri. “Boat, is it? You want to be a sailor like your mother?”
Her life as a sailor was over now if she didn’t miss her guess, but she wasn’t going to argue. All of Janek’s attention was fixed on the child she passed into his arms. Conri looked tiny with Janek holding him. Next to Janek everyone seemed smaller.
“He’s not afraid of me.”
“Sadly, no. He’s not afraid of anything.” Lorel’s hand lingered for a moment on Conri’s back, and then she let him go. An unworthy pang of jealousy squeezed her heart when Janek turned away from her, staring at Conri with an enraptured look upon his face.
She’d never thought she’d actually see Janek and Conri together. She hadn’t even let herself imagine it. She’d done everything she could to put Janek out of her mind, knowing how unlikely it was that they would meet again.
Lots of women birthed their babies alone. That was especially true since the invasion. Seeing Conri nestled safely in his father’s arms opened a floodgate of emotion that she was incapable of dealing with at the moment.
She cleared her throat. “I’ll leave you alone for a bit, then.”
Janek turned his head and fixed her with a sharp, assessing look that pierced her soul. There were tears in his eyes, and she had to blink back her own.
“Lorel…” He seemed to struggle to find the right words. “I never thought to have a child.”
She hadn’t either. She knew what he was trying to say. Conri had changed everything for her too. Maybe not who she was, but in how she saw the world. She would die to give her child a chance at a future and count it a good trade.
“I understand.” She gestured toward the road that ran through the center of the village. “My cottage is the last one on the left, near the top of the hill. I’ll wait for you there.”
Janek nodded. “Thank you.”
13
Conri took his first steps less than two weeks after they arrived back on Erys. Lorel was happy to be there for the occasion, but it also made her sad, knowing that his days as an infant were over. There would be no sailing for him until he was old enough to serve as a cabin boy, and none for her either. She wouldn’t leave him alone on the island again, and if they traveled anywhere it would be as passengers and not as crew members.
Standing on the hill behind the cottage, she watched as Conri toddled across the packed dirt to Janek. He staggered like a drunk crossing a deck in high seas, but he made it to his destination. Janek swung the boy into his arms and then tossed him into the air. Lorel’s stomach dropped, watching as Conri sailed several feet over his father’s head.
Blessed Spirits.
Surely that was too high. He might not be a baby anymore, but he was still young and very breakable. Conri’s peel of laughter came to her on a drift of wind.
Dev left the barn where he’d been brushing down his horse and joined her at the fence. His boots were worn and he had a hole in one knee of his breeches. He looked like a farmer. It was a talent Dev had, fitting in wherever he was dropped. Fisherman. Farmer. Pirate. He’d have made a much better spy than she had.
Leaning against the post, he followed her gaze down the hill. “He’s not the sort of man I expected you to fall in love with.”
She raised an eyebrow. “You mean you didn’t expect me to bring home a Ghadrian sorcerer with a price on his head? Our mother wouldn’t have been surprised.”
“She always said you had awful taste in men.” Dev grinned. “He’s taken with Conri.”
“Who wouldn’t be?”
Conri was bright, fearless, and curious about everything. He was also a non-stop bundle of energy from the moment he opened his eyes unt
il he laid his head down at night. Captaining a ship was not an easy occupation, but mothering a toddler was exhausting.
“A Ghadrian is not who I would have picked for an oath-brother, but it’s hard to hate him. Will he stay do you think? As much as Bran and the others fear him, I wouldn’t mind having a sorcerer on our side.”
“I asked him to stay.” He still hadn’t given her an answer.
“You’ll need to bring him to the Keepers to get their approval. That will smooth the way.”
“It’s not up to the Keepers whether Janek stays or not.”
Dev rolled his eyes. “If the grove accepts him, then. Everyone else will come around eventually.”
She wasn’t as sure of that. She’d brought Janek into the tavern last week to meet Bran. The second they’d stepped through the door the room had gone silent. If Janek hadn’t been a sorcerer, she’d have been genuinely worried about making it out alive. Janek was powerful, but he wasn’t invincible. There were plenty of people on Erys who would like to see him dead, and she couldn’t fight them all.
Caden and Mira were a complication as well. She’d decided early on not to tell Bran that he was sheltering the missing prince and a runaway empress. Cinn had sworn the crew of the Raven to silence about the last mission. The crew was loyal and very few of them knew exactly who Mira and Caden truly were. But they would all have their suspicions, and it was only a matter of time before someone someone talked.
If the Order discovered Caden and Mira were hiding on Erys, they’d hit the island like a hurricane. Lorel folded her arms on the top rail of the fence and rested her chin on her hands. “I’ve placed everyone in danger by bringing them here.”
Dev shook his head. “You seized a ripe opportunity. Even Cinn was impressed by the boldness of the move.”
“Yeah?”
She turned her head to look at Dev, and he grimaced.
“Well, she’s not exactly happy about the state of the ship, but you’d be dead if she thought you’d torn up the Raven for a less worthy cause.”
