“Now you’ve returned the favor,” Alistair said. “So what?”
“A lot has changed since we talked last. I got demoted, for one thing,” Rebecca said cheerfully. “I think I have the record for shortest run as Director, but at least I’ve already got a new job.”
“Glad to hear it. What are you doing these days?”
“Meet the new boss, same as the old boss. I’m an Auditor again, Alistair. Chief Auditor, actually, with an expanded mandate and roster, and a long-ass list of people who apparently need to be reminded who runs this mess.”
“If you are the Chief Auditor, then who is the Director?”
“Don’t worry about it right now,” Rebecca said. “Let’s talk about why you’ve been such a jerk.”
Alistair paled slightly.
“You know, I do feel bad about it,” he admitted. “Even though I had to get you out of the way, I do regret deceiving you.”
“Why’d you do it, then? Why betray Central?”
“Better benefits,” Alistair said, grinning.
“I can’t believe you can still lie to me, even now,” Rebecca said, laughing. “You are a piece of work.”
“I’m not with the Anathema anymore, if that helps your opinion of me.”
“How like you. Why did you turn on them?”
“Found a better job,” Alistair said, grinning. “Think I met a girl.”
“You’re full of shit,” Rebecca said, giving him a searching look. “Are you serious? You aren’t serious. Are you?”
“I’m serious,” Alistair insisted. “Why don’t we talk it out?”
“Becca?” Alice called out. “Why aren’t you killing him?”
“I’m working on it,” Rebecca replied.
“Is it safe to come over?” Alice asked. “I’ll help!”
“It’s not safe at all,” Rebecca said. “Please be quiet, Alice. I need to work.”
“You might need her help,” Alistair suggested. “Or do you have more surprises planned?”
“I might,” Rebecca said. “You never know.”
“That does seem to be the case,” Alistair said. “What happens from here?”
“I think apologizing for betraying your good friend for no reason would be a good place to start.”
“I actually am sorry about that,” Alistair said. “I would have preferred to bring you along, but I knew you’d never go for it. That’s all you get, though, after what you did to Mitzi.”
“I hated having to do it,” Rebecca said softly. “If it means anything to you.”
“Not in the slightest,” Alistair said. “What now?”
“That all depends on you.”
“I know that, but I like hearing you say it,” Alistair said. “You can’t hold me forever, and while your empathy keeps you safe, that won’t mean shit for all your little Auditors. You’ll get tired eventually.”
“I’ve got another surprise for you,” Rebecca said. “Like you said.”
“Oh yeah?” Alistair looked around. “What else am I missing?”
“We have an audience,” Rebecca said, gesturing dramatically. “And he really hates you.”
Alex stood in the middle of wreckage, his arms folded across his chest, furiously glaring.
“I see the gang’s all here,” Alistair said. “I can see why you let yourself be talked into this, Alex. Fighting me has gone so well for you in the past.”
“Not this time,” Alex said. “Things have changed.”
“Alex is giving me a bit of an assist right now,” Rebecca said. “You can feel it, now, can’t you? We’ve been subverting your mind, piece by piece, for the last few minutes.”
“You’re lying,” Alistair said. “My shielding is…”
He frowned, and then went silent.
Rebecca beamed at him.
“Now you see it,” she said, putting her hand on his cheek, and gently turning his face up, so she could look him in the eyes. “I’m already so far inside of you.”
***
“I’m surprised you sent him,” Vivik said, enlarging the window that depicted the Auditors. “Aren’t you worried that Alex and Katya will rejoin the Auditors?”
“If they want to do that, that’s fine,” Emily said, pinching her lower lip as she stared at the window. “It changes things, certainly, but I don’t mind having a couple of close friends working as Auditors.”
They watched Rebecca browbeat Alistair, who slumped despondently at her feet.
“What are you going to do about the Auditors, once this is over?” Vivik asked. “They are going to want the Far Shores back.”
“Yes,” Emily agreed. “They certainly are.”
“And? What do you plan to do about it?”
“Don’t ask me to predict the future,” Emily teased. “Ask Chandi. That’s her department.”
“I don’t want to fight the Auditors,” Vivik said bashfully. “I don’t want to give up the Far Shores or go back to Central, but I won’t do anything to hurt them.”
“I’d never ask you to do that,” Emily said. “You don’t need to worry, in any case. I have no intentions of fighting them again. I think I’ve already proved my point in that regard.”
“Ms. Levy is in charge now. That must change the odds, right?”
“I don’t think about it like that. I prefer to accentuate the positive.”
“Which is what, exactly?”
“Ms. Levy is much more reasonable than Ms. Gallow, for one thing,” Emily said. “Also, Miss Levy is no longer the Director. Lord North is in a new and precarious situation, and in need of allies. I think we will find the new Administration more amenable to ceding the Far Shores to us.”
“Okay,” Vivik said, rubbing his chin. “I see it now.”
“I’m glad,” Emily said. “I knew you would.”
Through the window, they watched as Alistair lowered his head until it rested on the dirt. Rebecca bent over him, whispering in his ear.
“I overheard that super-secret boy conversation the other night,” Emily said, taking his arm. “I didn’t mean to, but my name kept coming up, and that drew my awareness, even as I slept.”
“I see,” Vivik said regretfully. “I, uh, should probably explain…”
“You don’t need to explain anything when you already have so eloquently,” Emily said, smiling at him and batting her moist eyelashes. “I know how you feel about me, and I’ve always admired and appreciated your restraint and caring. You are my best friend, Vivik. My only true friend in the entire world.”
“I, uh,” Vivik blushed and shuffled his feet, the constellation of windows in front of them orbiting madly. “I feel the same way.”
“I know that isn’t what you want from me, and I’m sorry for that. You are an extremely important person to me, but it’s not…”
“I know,” Vivik said. “I don’t need to be an empath to know that.”
“Is it enough for you?”
“Our friendship and my other feelings are separate things,” Vivik said. “Just because I might wish that things could be different, that doesn’t mean that I’m not happy with how things are.”
“I am very lucky to have met you. You are brave and strong, Vivik, and I’m so happy that you decided to stand beside me. I promise to be the best friend that you’ve ever had,” Emily said, squeezing his hand, and smiling at him for an appropriate interval. Then she cleared her throat politely. “Could you bring the Auditors back up, please? We seem to be looking at us, dear.”
Vivik blushed and the windows rotated, bringing the Auditors back into view.
Alistair was prostrate before Rebecca, who sat beside him, her elbows resting on her knees, still talking.
“Looks like it’s working,” Vivik said. “Alex’s support was enough, I guess.”
“I’m not so sure,” Emily said. “Look.”
***
Alistair rose to his knees with gritted teeth.
“It won’t work,” he said, panting slightly betwee
n words. “I don’t die that easily.”
“Are you sure?” Rebecca asked. “You really should kill yourself.”
“No thanks,” Alistair said. “I’m not the suicidal type.”
“Give it a try. You might be surprised how much it would suit you.”
“I do feel a bit guilty about what happened between us, but the rest of it, well, try as you might,” Alistair said, grinning weakly, “I barely feel bad at all.”
Alex edged nearer, not at all succeeding in hiding his nervousness.
“I don’t think that’s true.” Rebecca dug through her pockets. “I think you feel awful. So, so awful.”
“Would you cut that out?” Alistair shook his head. “I’m starting to lose my patience.”
“You don’t need to be patient. You need to die.” Rebecca beckoned Alex closer. “That’s the only way to stop the pain, the guilt, and the fear. Oh my God, the fear. Am I right? You know that I am. You’re worthless and awful, and it hurts so much.”
Alistair put his hands on the ground, but he did not fall over.
“It isn’t working,” Alistair said, the strain evident in his voice. “Even with the kid’s help.”
“Isn’t it?” Rebecca pulled Alex over by his arm, and then took the gun that was holstered at his waist. “I think you’re full of shit. I think you’re barely holding it together. I think you are too tired to go on. I think you’re tired of suffering. No one loves you, you know? No one will cry when they find out you’re dead.”
Rebecca tugged the pistol’s action back, then let it snap forward.
“Everyone will be so glad when they find out that you are gone,” Rebecca said, offering the gun to Alistair. “When was the last time you felt even a shred of happiness? Do you even remember what it felt like? Because you never will again, I promise you. I’m inside your head, breaking things. There will be no fixing this damage, Alistair. I’ve ruined your dopamine production and sabotaged your serotonin receptors. You’ll never feel anything but hurt. That will be all that you can feel.”
Alistair groaned and shuddered, slumping beside Rebecca.
“This is textbook stuff,” Alistair said. “I know exactly how to counter it.”
“Then why aren’t you doing that?” Rebecca said, pushing the gun into his hands. “You know why. I’m right, and you know I’m right. I’m right about all of it, aren’t I?”
Alistair nodded slowly, staring at the gun.
“I know one thing for certain,” he said slowly. “You should not have given me a gun.”
He aimed at Alex and pulled the trigger.
The gun clicked, the hammer falling on an empty chamber.
“It’s not loaded, dumbass,” Alex said, sneering. “We’re just fucking with you.”
“Shut the hell up,” Alistair said. “I can’t hurt Rebecca, but I’ve got no problem fucking you up.”
“You sure?” Alex taunted. “I don’t know, man. I don’t think you’re up for it.”
Alistair tried to wipe the sweat from his face, and discovered that his hand was entirely gone, and there was only a smooth stump that terminated just above where his wrist had been.
He closed his eyes and then opened them again, shattering the telepathic illusion.
Alistair was crouched in Alice’s shadow, and that shadow was full of squirming appendages and crude tentacles that were busily taking him to pieces.
“You had this coming,” Alice said, with her lunatic grin. “You didn’t even notice, did you?”
He was missing one leg to the knee and both of his hands, and there was a cavity in his left side that exposed his ribcage. There was no blood, only smooth, pink skin stretched across the space where a part of him had been.
The shadow writhed and grasped, and Alistair tried to recoil. He only managed to roll over, his brain sending commands to the hands and leg that he no longer had.
“Not a problem,” Alistair said, his skin burning away in layers like crepe paper. “We’ll just start over.”
“Nah, man. This is the end,” Alex said, grinning as the air chilled around them. “No more extra lives for you.”
Alistair stopped burning as frost formed across his skin.
“You think any of this worries me?” Alistair laughed. “Go ahead, call everybody! You’re just saving me the time of tracking you all down. You think a little ice is going to bother me, Alex? You know, I think I’m going to cut you up again,” Alistair said. “No knife, though. What to do?”
“It’s not the cold you need to worry about,” Alex said, his breath steaming. “Have you still not noticed?”
“You are such an annoying kid,” Alistair said, raising his hand. Shining Cloud.
Nothing happened.
Alex smirked, while Alice grinned like a lunatic behind him, her hand on his shoulder.
“He really is annoying, isn’t he?” Alice said. “There’s no Ether. Can’t you feel it? Alex purged it all. You know what that means, right? No protocols.” Alice’s smile grew until it seemed to stretch the dimensions of her face. “No resurrections.”
Alice raised her revolver and put three holes in Alistair’s torso.
Everything from mid-thigh was gone already.
Rebecca put her hand on Alistair’s forehead and brushed away the hair glued to his forehead with sweat, caressing him with unexpected tenderness.
“You are dying,” Rebecca said gently. “You should just let it happen. Aren’t you tired, Alistair? Isn’t it time for you to rest?”
He gasped and clung to her arm as the shadow devoured him, his eyes filled with desperation. He opened his mouth, as if to speak, and blood spilled over his lips, staining them red.
“Hush now. Just be quiet,” Rebecca commanded, tugging the dying man’s head into her lap, where he bled all over her thighs. “Don’t fight it. You don’t need to fight anymore.”
Alex watched from a distance, beside Alice and Hayley.
“What is she doing?” Alex whispered. “There’s no Ether, so her empathy…”
“Empaths don’t really work like that,” Hayley said in a hushed voice. “She’s a psychologist, you know.”
“That’s unethical,” Alex said uncomfortably. “Super unethical.”
“Shut up,” Alice said. “Let her work.”
Rebecca stroked Alistair’s head, heedless of the sticky mess he was making of her.
“We were never friends. Because of Mitsuru, mostly,” Rebecca said. “That doesn’t mean I disliked you, though. I like everyone, at least a little, but I liked you more than that. It hurt me when you betrayed us, but I couldn’t really bring myself to hate you for very long. I don’t understand your reasons, but I know you must have had them. Whatever they were, that must have been quite a burden to carry. I bet it only got heavier after you betrayed us all.”
Alistair groaned as tremors passed through his body. Rebecca cradled his head and caressed his cheeks.
“I still don’t hate you, even after everything,” Rebecca said. “Does that make the guilt worse? The people you hurt the most still care for you, despite what you’ve done. Don’t you think you are terrible person? Truly, unredeemably terrible?”
Alistair shook and squirmed, and Rebecca held him down with gentle pressure on his forehead.
“Everything is done now. It is time for you to be over,” Rebecca said. “Everyone you’ve loved is dead. Don’t you want to be dead, too?”
“I can’t listen to this shit,” Alex muttered. “This is fucked.”
“Walk away, Alex,” Alice commanded. “Not another word.”
Alex stomped off, but Rebecca never even seemed to notice, occupied by her ministrations to the dying man. She sat in a pool of gore, the blood still pulsing weakly from the gaping wound in his neck.
The shadow had him up to the waist.
“Mitzi loved you,” Rebecca said. “She loved you, and that’s why she died. You didn’t love her back. You should have, but you didn’t. Did you really care so little? Or did y
ou protect yourself from the one thing that might have made you happy? Do you really want to live with that rattling around in your head?”
Alistair whimpered and shuddered.
The shadow disappeared, taking Alistair’s lower half with it.
Rebecca held him and stroked his forehead until he finally went still.
The Auditors stood in a silent half-circle, excepting Alex, who was already far down the beach. Rebecca looked at the dead man in her lap with a slightly traumatized expression.
“I was in his head,” Rebecca said dully. “Right at the end there. Alex left, and the Ether returned, and…I was there for it.”
“Yeah,” Alice said. “Thought so. You okay?”
Rebecca seemed to think about it for a long time.
“Do you think you have another jump in you?” Rebecca glanced at Alice. “I hate to ask, but…”
“I’m up for it,” Alice assured her. “Back to the Far Shores?”
“Yeah.” Rebecca looked at her blood-smeared hands, and then at the corpse in her lap. “I need to change my clothes, and I want to take, oh, maybe a million showers.”
“Sure, no problem,” Alice said, picking up Alistair’s knife, which lay not far from where he did. “Just give me a quick moment to make sure he’s not coming back and then we’re off.”
Twenty-Four
Day Five
Alex limped from the apport platform to the locker room in an exhausted daze, feeling stretched out and used up, like mortar scraped too thin. The men’s locker room had been flooded and was still unusable, so a privacy screen had been erected across the women’s instead, and Alex was assigned a locker in the far corner of the room.
He hurried past Leigh Feld, who looked to have just returned from the field herself, without a word, and then stripped off his stinking field gear, leaving it in a pile on the floor. He stumbled to the shower, where he lingered beneath the hot water, soaping up multiple times.
He was haunted by the image of Rebecca with Alistair’s bloody head in her lap, whispering into the ear of a dying man.
It made little sense to him, why this deeply merited end would trouble him so, in comparison to all the unjust death he had seen. The scene stayed with him, though, and his thoughts went around in a pointless circle while he absently shampooed his hair.
The Church of Sleep (Central Series Book 5) Page 63
