by Fiona Lowe
Now she was doing as Isla asked, staying with Tristan during the surgery, and she was glad. The guy was understandably stressed and she was more than happy to help.
The operating theatre was full of people scrubbed and wearing green gowns, unflattering blue paper hats and pale blue-green masks. Their only visible distinguishing features were their eyes and stance. She recognised Ed Yang, the anaesthetist, by his almond-shaped eyes, Oliver Evans’s by his wide-legged stance, and Jeremy Watson by his short stature and nimble movments, but she didn’t recognise the back of the taller doctor standing next to him.
‘Oliver is using ultrasound to guide Jeremy’s large-gauge needle into Flick’s abdomen. It will pierce the uterus before going directly into the baby’s heart,’ Tristan said, as if he was conducting a teaching session for the interns.
If talking was going to help him get through this then Lily was more than happy to listen.
‘Of course the risks are,’ he continued in a low voice, ‘rupture of the amniotic sac, bleeding through the insertion site, the baby’s heart bleeding into the pericardial sac and compressing the heart.’ His voice cracked. ‘And death.’
Lily slid her hand into his and squeezed it hard. ‘And the best-case scenario is the successful insertion of the stent and a healthy baby born at term.’
‘Who will still need more surgery.’
Lily heard the guilt and sadness in his voice. ‘But the baby will be strong enough to cope with it. Most importantly, unlike you, he or she is unlikely to need a heart transplant. You know it’s a different world now from when you were born and your baby is extremely fortunate to have the best doctors in the country.’
‘You’re right. She is.’ He gave her a grateful smile. ‘We’re having a little girl. We found out during the tests.’
‘That’s so exciting.’
‘It is.’ A slow smile wove across his face. ‘I thought I didn’t need anyone here with me today but I was wrong. Thanks for being here, Lily.’
‘Oh, Tris, it’s an honour. All I ask is for a big cuddle when she’s born.’
‘It’s a deal.’ He suddenly muttered something that sounded like, ‘Thank God.’
‘Tris?’
He grinned at her. ‘The stent’s in. Both my girls have come through the surgery with flying colours.’
‘Fantastic.’ She noticed the assistant surgeon suddenly raising both of his arms away from the surgical field as if he were a victim of an armed hold-up. He stepped back from the table. ‘What’s happening?’
‘That’s the surgical registrar. The operation’s almost over and he’s not required any more.’
As the unknown surgeon walked around, he glanced up at the glass. A set of very familiar brown eyes locked with hers. She stifled a gasp. Noah.
The Swiss chocolate colour of his eyes was familiar but she didn’t recognise anything else about them. Gone was the serious, slightly mocking expression that normally resided there and in its place was unadulterated joy. His eyes positively sparkled, like fireworks on New Year’s Eve.
Her heart kicked up, her knees sagged and lust wound down into every part of her, urging her dormant body to wake up. Wake up and dare to take a risk—live on the wild side and embrace it—like she’d often done before life with Trent had extinguished that part of her.
No. Not safe. You must stay safe.
Panic closed her eyes but the vision of his elation stayed with her—vibrant and full of life—permanently fused to her mind like a brand.
It scared the hell out of her.
CHAPTER FIVE
‘MAN, THAT WAS a great day,’ Noah said, smoothly changing through the gears as he took yet another bend on the narrow, winding and wet road back to Turraburra.
‘I’m glad,’ Lilia said with a quiet smile in her voice.
‘Why?’
She sighed. ‘Are you always so suspicious of someone being happy for you?’
He glanced at her quickly before returning his gaze to the rainy night, the windscreen wipers working overtime to keep the windshield clear. ‘Sorry, but you have to admit we don’t exactly get along.’
‘That’s true, I guess, but today I saw you in a new light.’
‘Should I be worried?’ he said, half teasing, half concerned.
‘I guess I saw you on your home turf and I’ve never seen you look like that before. You looked happy.’ Her fingers tangled with each other on her lap. ‘You’ve really missed the Victoria and surgery, haven’t you?
‘Like an amputee misses his leg.’ He shot her an appreciative glance, one part of him both happy and surprised that she’d drawn the connections. ‘Couldn’t you feel the vibe of the place? Being part of world-class surgery is my adrenalin rush.
‘It bubbles in my veins and I love it. What you saw today, when Jeremy inserted that stent into the Hamilton-Lawrence baby’s heart, is cutting-edge stuff. It’s an honour and a privilege to be part of it and I want to be part of it. I didn’t work this hard for this long to spend my life stuck in a backwater.’
‘Let me take a wild stab in the dark that you’re talking about a place like Turraburra.’
‘Exactly. By the way, you owe another two dollars to the S jar,’ he said lightly, then he sobered. ‘But, seriously, doesn’t it frustrate you on some level that you’re so far away from the centre of things?’
‘Not at all,’ she said emphatically, the truth in her voice ringing out loud and clear in the darkness of the car.
‘I can’t believe you didn’t even have to think about that for a second.’
‘How is it any different from me asking you if being in Melbourne frustrates you on any level?’
He nodded thoughtfully. ‘Fair point.’
‘Noah, babies have been coming into the world in pretty much the same way for thousands of years so, for me, the joy comes from helping women, not from feeling the need to be constantly chasing new and exciting ways of doing things.’
He thought of his mother. ‘There’s nothing wrong with wanting to discover new techniques and new ways of doing things. It’s how we progress, find cures for diseases, better ways of treating people.’
‘I never said there was anything wrong with it.’ She suddenly pointed out the window and yelled, ‘Wombat! Look out.’
His headlights picked up the solid black shape in the rain, standing stock-still on the road, right in the path of the car. He pulled the steering-wheel hard, swerving to avoid hitting and instantly killing the marsupial. Lilia’s hands gripped the dash, stark white in the dark as the car heaved left. The tyres hit the gravel edge of the road and the car fishtailed wildly.
Don’t do this. He braked, trying to pull the car back under control, but in the wet it had taken on its own unstoppable trajectory. The back wheels, unable to grip the gravel, skidded and the next moment the car pulled right, sliding across the white lines to the wrong side of the road. White posts and trees came at them fast and he hauled the wheel the other way, driving on instinct, adrenalin and fear.
The car suddenly spun one hundred and eighty degrees and stopped, coming to an abrupt halt and facing in the opposite direction from where they were headed. The headlights picked up shadows, the trees and the incessant rain, tumbling down from the sky like a wall of water. The wombat ambled in front of the car and disappeared into the bushes.
Noah barely dared to breathe while he did a mental checklist that all his body parts still moved and that he was indeed, alive. When reality pierced his terror, his half-numb fingers clumsily released his seat belt and he leaned towards Lilia, grabbing her shoulder. ‘Are you okay?’
‘I … I …’ Her voice wobbled in the darkness. ‘I thought for sure we’d slam into the trees. I thought we were dead.’
‘So did I.’ He flicked on the map reading light, needing to see her.
Her eyes stared back at him, wide and enormous, their blue depths obliterated by huge black discs. ‘But we’re not.’
‘No.’ He raised his right hand to her ch
eek, needing to touch her, needing to feel that she was in one piece. ‘We’re safe.’
‘Safe.’ She breathed out the word before wrapping her left hand tightly around his forearm as if she needed to hold onto something.
Her heat and sheer relief collided with his, calling to him, and he dropped his head close in to hers, capturing her lips in a kiss of reassurance. A kiss of mutual comfort that they’d survived unscathed. That they were fine and here to live another day.
Her lips were warm, pliant and, oh, so gloriously soft. As he brushed his lips gently against them, he tasted salt and sugar. God, he wanted to delve deep and taste more. Feel more.
He suddenly became aware she’d stilled. She was neither leaning into the kiss nor leaning back. She was perfectly motionless and for a brief moment he thought he should pull away—that his kiss was unwelcome—but then she made a raw sound in the back of her throat. Half moan, half groan, it tore through him like a primal force, igniting ten long days of suppressed desire.
He slid one hand gently around her neck, cupping the back of it and tilting her head. He deepened the kiss while he used his other hand to release her seat belt. Her arms immediately slid up around his neck and she met his kiss with one of her own.
If he’d expected hesitation and uncertainty, he’d been wrong. Her tongue frantically explored his mouth as if she had only one chance to do so, branding him with her heat and her taste, and setting him alight in a way he’d never known. His blood pounded need and desire through him hot and fast, and his breathing came short and ragged. He wanted to touch her and feel her, wanted her to touch and feel him. Hell, he just wanted her.
His talented surgical fingers, usually so nimble and controlled, fumbled with the buttons on her blouse. Lilia didn’t even try to undo his buttons—she just ripped. Designer buttons flew everywhere and then her palms pressed against his skin, searing him. Her lips followed, tracing a direct line along his chest to his nipples. Her tongue flicked. Silver spots danced before his eyes.
Somehow he managed to rasp out, ‘Need more room.’ Shooting his seat back, he hauled her over him. As she straddled him, her thighs pressed against his legs and she leaned forward, lowering her mouth to his again. Her hair swung, forming a curtain around their heads, encasing them in a blonde cocoon and isolating them from the real world. It was wild and crazy as elbows and knees collided with windows, the steering-wheel and the handbrake. A small part of him expected her to jolt back to sanity, pull back and scramble off him.
Thank God, it didn’t happen.
He’d never been kissed like it. She lurched from ingénue to moments of total control. Her mouth burned hot on his and her body quivered against him, driving him upward to breaking point. She matched his every move with one of her own, and when he finally managed to unhook her bra she whipped off his belt. When he slid his hand under her skirt, caressing the skin of her inner thighs, she undid his fly. When he cupped her, she gripped him.
She rose above him a glorious Amazon—face flushed, eyes huge, full breasts heaving—and he wanted nothing more than to watch her fly. ‘God, you’re amazing.’
‘Shush.’ Lilia managed to sound the warning. She didn’t want compliments, she didn’t want conversation—she didn’t want to risk anything being said that might make her think beyond this moment. She’d spent years living a safe and bland life and tonight she could have died. In this moment she needed to feel alive in a way she hadn’t felt in years. The woman she’d once been—the one life had subjugated—broke through, demanding to be heard. She had Noah under her, his hands on her, and she was taking everything he offered.
‘No condoms,’ he said huskily. ‘Sorry. Hope this will do.’ His thumb rotated gently on her clitoris as his fingers slid inside her, moving back and forth with delicious and mind-blowing pressure.
She swayed against him, her hands moving on him trying to return the favour, but under his deft and targeted ministrations they fell away. Sensations built inside her, drowning out everything until nothing existed at all except pleasure. Sheer, glorious, pleasure. It caught her, pushing her upwards, pulling her forward, and spinning her out on an axis of wonder until she exploded in a shower of light far, far away from everything that tied her to her life.
As she drifted back to earth, muscles twitching, chest panting, she caught his sparkling eyes and deliciously self-satisfied grin.
What have you done?
The enormity of what had just happened hit her like a truck, sucking the breath from her lungs and scaring her rigid.
If Lily hadn’t known better she would have said she’d drunk a lot of tequila and today’s headache was the result of a hangover. Only she knew she hadn’t touched a drop of alcohol yesterday or today. All she wanted was to desperately forget everything about last night’s drive home from Melbourne, but sadly it was all vividly crystal clear, including her screaming Noah’s name when she’d come.
She ruffled her dog’s ears. ‘Oh, Chippy, I’ve been so sensible and restrained for so long, why did I have to break last night? Break with Noah?’
But break she had—spectacularly. How could she have put herself at risk like that? Left herself open to so many awful possibilities?
It was Noah, not a mass murderer.
We don’t know that.
Oh, come on!
She blamed Isla’s suggestion that people should have sex to defuse tension, Noah’s look of utter joy in the operating theatre, which had reached out and deliciously wrapped around her, and finally, to cap it all off, their near-death experience. All of it had combined, making her throw caution to the wind. But despite how she was trying to justify her actions, the only person she could blame was herself. She’d spent all night wide awake, doing exactly that.
Gramps had even commented at breakfast that she looked in worse shape than he did. Since the insertion of his pacemaker he was doing really well and had a lot more energy than he’d had in a long time. For that she was grateful. She was also grateful that she hadn’t seen Noah all morning.
Last night, after she’d scrambled off his lap in a blind panic and had said, ‘Don’t say a word, just drive,’ he’d done exactly that. When he’d pulled up at the house just before eleven, he’d leaned in to kiss her on the cheek. She’d managed to duck him and had hopped out of the car fast. Using the door as a barrier between them, she’d thanked him for the ride and had tried to walk normally to the front door when every part of her had wanted to run. Run from the fact she’d just had sex in a car.
Dear God, she was twenty-nine years old and old enough to know better. She’d kept the wild side of herself boxed up for years and she still couldn’t believe she’d allowed it to surface. Not when she had the physical evidence on her body constantly reminding her of the danger it put her in.
She lined her pens up in a row on her desk and straightened the files in her in-box. Yesterday was just a bump in the road of her life and today everything went back to normal. Normal, just like it had been for the last three years. Like she needed it to be. Safe. Controlled. Restrained. Absolutely drama-free.
A hysterical laugh rose in her throat. She should probably text Isla, telling her that sex didn’t reduce tension at all. If anything, it made things ten times worse.
She dropped her head in her hands. She had to work with Noah for the next two and a half weeks and all the time he would know that if he tried, it barely took any time at all for him to strip away her reserve and reduce her to a primal mess of quivering and whimpering need. She’d unwittingly given him power over her—power she’d vowed no man would ever have over her again. Somehow she had to get through seventeen days before she could breathe easily again.
To keep her chaotic thoughts from ricocheting all over her brain, she decided to check her inventory for expired sterilised equipment and drugs nearing their use-by dates. There was nothing like order and routine to induce calm.
She was halfway through the job when a knock on her door made her turn.
‘
May I come in?’
Noah stood in the doorway in his characteristic pose of one hand pressed against the doorjamb, only this time he looked very different. Gone was the suit and tie he’d worn during his first week and a half in Turraburra. Today his long legs were clad in chinos and his chest, which she now knew was rock-hard muscle, was covered in a green, pink, blue and orange striped casual shirt. His brown curls bounced and his eyes danced. He looked … relaxed.
Her heart leaped, her blood pounded and tingles of desire slammed through her, making her shimmer from top to toe. If her body had been traitorously attracted to the strung-out Noah, it was nothing compared to its reaction to the relaxed Noah.
Distance. Keep your distance. ‘I’m pretty busy, Noah. Did you need something?’
His mouth curved up in a genuine smile that raced to his eyes. ‘I figured, seeing as we’ve done things back to front and had sex first, we should probably go out to dinner.’
‘I … I don’t think that’s a good idea,’ she said hurriedly, before her quivering body overrode her common sense and she accepted the unexpected invitation. ‘And we didn’t actually have sex,’ she said, feeling mortified that she’d been the one to have the orgasm while he’d been left hanging.
His brows rose. ‘I’m pretty certain what we did comes under the banner of sex.’
The irony of what she’d said wasn’t lost on her, given she always put a lot of emphasis in sex ed classes with the local teenagers on the fact that sex wasn’t just penetration. ‘Either way, it was a mistake so why compound it by going on a date?’
‘A mistake?’ The words came out tinged with offence and a flare of hurt momentarily sparked in his eyes before fading fast. ‘If it was a mistake, why did you have sex with me?’
She didn’t meet his gaze. ‘I panicked.’
‘You panicked?’
She heard the incredulity in his voice and it added to the flash of hurt she’d seen. She felt bad and it made her tell him the truth. ‘I’d just had a near-death experience and I hadn’t had sex in a very long time.’
