I swear, this isn’t the Jacey she knows, and clearly, she hasn’t a clue what to do next. Probably thinks I’m playing mind games with her. Out of the corner of my eye, I see her spine stiffen, and my first real smile of the day hovers on my lips. My sister is growing stronger. But that is quickly wiped away when she says, “So, one of the guys who works at Falco filled out an application to…um…knock you up last night at Tony’s club. I assured Lee that there must be some misunderstanding, but Jonathan put a picture of the application on Instagram and showed it to Lee.” Oh fuck. The next few moments are a disaster as I begin choking on the bite of food in my mouth, then take a huge gulp of my coffee only to spray it all over the bar as the hot liquid scalds my mouth. Jade is whacking me on the back and mopping at the mess I’ve made. “Sorry—I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have just blurted that out. I mean, there’s probably some mix-up. Why in the world would you or anyone else do something like that? Isn’t that what they have those sperm banks are for? Clearly, Jonathan is delusional. I’ll tell Lee that—“
“It’s true,” I whisper as I wave her away. I’ll need medical assistance if she continues to pound on my back. Poor little Victor better have a good chiropractor on speed dial. I put my hand on top of hers, attempting to get her attention. “Jade—I did it. I was at Tony’s last night doing exactly what Big Mouth said.” Hadn’t exactly counted on being a social media sensation.
Her eyes go wide as she takes a few steps backward before sitting again. “But…why? I…don’t…really? You are asking for strangers to be your…to get you—”
“Pregnant.” Poor Jade didn’t see that coming. “That’s right. I’d like to have a baby, and since I’m not in a relationship, I thought it was a good place to start.”
I sound like a fucking nut. And only some weird sense of misplaced family loyalty seems to be keeping her from calling a spade a spade. In fact, it’s comical when she nods as if understanding me perfectly. “Well, clearly there are a lot of men at places like that. So, I can understand why you’d pick a…er…nightclub. But wouldn’t a medical facility be an easier choice? I’m sure they have a thorough screening process. You tell them what you’re looking for, and they get you that brand of sperm.” She brings her cell phone from her jacket pocket before adding, “Here, I’ll google it for you.”
Her fingers fly rapidly over the keyboard as she mutters under her breath. There’s no help for it; I’m going to have to come clean, or this will only escalate. Before I can second-guess my decision, I say, “Jade, I went to Tony’s because I want him to be the father. And considering I have been unsuccessful in even getting him to sleep with me, I thought it might be a way to get his attention.”
Silence. Complete and utter silence. She blinks once, followed by a rapid succession of eye movements. It’s possibly one of the first times in many, many years that I have spoken with such blunt honesty. No games. No snide or manipulative undertones. Honesty. And it’s no wonder she’s at a loss for words. Finally, she simply says, “I see.” Without further comment, she reaches down and pulls her huge purse from the floor and begins digging through it. Dear God, she could fit a small country in that thing. Eventually, she comes up with a notebook and pen. She drops the purse to the floor, and it sounds as if a china cabinet is breaking apart inside it. But she appears not to notice. Instead, she opens her notebook and looks at me expectantly. “Okay, so we know what the objective is. And we know what I assume was your first attempt to accomplish that goal.” I nod slowly, feeling as if I don’t even know the woman in front of me. You don’t. That last thought hurts, so I push it to the side and focus on my rather surprising sister.
“Now, I don’t want you to take this personally, but are you certain Tony is attracted to you? Could he be hesitating to…complete the merger because there’s no spark?”
I roll my eyes and laugh. “You realize that’s all bullshit, right? Men will use any excuse they can find to keep from being honest. If a man says there’s no spark, then he’s just too damn lazy or clueless to attempt a seduction. So, if those words ever leave a guy’s mouth, you better run because you’re going to be doing all the work in bed. You’ll be sucking his dick around the clock trying to prove your worth, when all along, he’s just a worthless fuck.” Where the hell did that come from?
By the time I finish with my rant, Jade has her arms folded in front of her, appearing to hang on my every word. She’s nodding as if I’ve just explained a long-time mystery. “I had no idea,” she marvels. “You just blew a hole into my rationale for every failed date I ever had. I assumed the spark just wasn’t there. But if what you’re saying is true, the guy was simply a coward and wanted to avoid confrontation.”
I take a sip of my coffee. “You got it. How many men ever want to have the relationship talk? Or if they’re not planning to call you after the first date, do they let you know that? No, of course not. Most of the time you leave feeling like things went great, then you’re confused when you never hear from them.”
Jade blows a wispy piece of hair out of her face. “I haven’t been on a lot of dates, but that was pretty much what happened on the ones I did have. At least Lee was honest about the reasons he didn’t want a relationship—even if I didn’t like it. Sure, he pretended he was unaffected by me, but there are some things you can’t hide. Plus, considering he had to see me at the office every day, it was a little tough to avoid me.”
I feel a momentary pang of envy at her utter happiness. What would it be like to have that contentment? To know that you’re someone’s everything? A sharp retort is on the tip of my tongue, but I push it back. I must remember that the disaster that is my life isn’t her fault. Instead, I say honestly, “You got lucky. You have a good man.” So lucky.
Why not me?
She darts me a hesitant look. “Why this sudden urge to have a baby? Or have you felt this way for a while?” She looks at her hands before saying softly, “Shouldn’t sisters know stuff like this? There’s so much… It’s as if we’re strangers who share the same parents.”
There’s no help for this. I can’t sugarcoat it. “That’s exactly what we are. We’re not now, nor will we ever be the big happy family you see in those paintings or on television.” A bitter laugh escapes my throat as I add, “After all, our father murdered our mother, and then I killed him. Can’t get much more fucked up than that.”
I see her flinch and wish I could take the words back—but what would that change? You can tie a big, shiny bow around a pile of dog shit, but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s still shit. I could have nicely said that both of our parents have passed away, but in the back of our minds, we both now know the horrible truth. I read somewhere once that we live in an ugly world with brief moments of prettiness to make it bearable. Yet for me, my world hasn’t been pretty since our mother died. Hell, ugly would be a step up to what I’ve considered it most days. “But we don’t have to let it be this way,” she pleads softly. “I realize we haven’t been close in some time—”
“Try never,” I interject bitterly, then wonder why. She didn’t start this.
“That’s not true,” she insists stubbornly. “Before Mom…we got along really well. Don’t you remember how we used to play together?”
My heart hurts so badly. She’s killing me, and she doesn’t even have a clue. “Jade, don’t,” I whisper, wanting nothing more than for her to go away. The pain is more manageable when I’m alone. When there’s no one to fool, no masks to hide behind. If I could fall into my go-to bitch mode, this would be easier. There is no longer any good reason for that, though, and I can’t hurt her to make things more bearable for me. You’re hurting her now. What do I do? Please leave, Jade. I don’t deserve you in my life. Go and never come back. I love you—but I also hate you.
“Why won’t you let me in, Jac? We’re all we have left. You can’t be happy this way…being alone.”
Before I know it, I’m on my feet, my body shaking. “You have everything,” I snap, feeling
a wave of both rage and self-pity flowing through my veins. “You know nothing, Jade, nothing about me. We’re not going to be confidants who talk about boys and braid each other’s hair. We won’t be texting each other at all hours of the day and night to gossip, and if you’re going through a tough time, I’m the very last person you think of to call. We are connected by blood only, and there have been days when we’ve both even questioned that as fact. You have a husband and a child waiting for you at home. You have a life, and it doesn’t include me, nor does mine have a place for you.” When tears well up in her eyes and she shakes her head in denial, I lower my voice, feeling drained. “We are what our parents created. Too many years have passed, and too much has happened to reinvent our relationship now. I’ll attend Victor’s birthday parties and even some family events, but we’ll never be more than strangers who happen to share blood.” Shrugging my shoulders, I add, “We didn’t ask for these roles, but they’re ours just the same, and we’ll play them. Because for us, there is no other option.”
I expect more denial, pleading, or an attempt at reasoning with me, but there is none. Instead, she gathers her things together. Only when she reaches the doorway of the kitchen does she look at me again. Her face is blank, but there’s no hiding the pain in her eyes. And I wish to God I wasn’t so good at reading her. “I’ve never heard such a load of cowardly bullshit in my whole life. And that’s saying something. I refuse to accept we’re incapable of change. So, I’m warning you now. Be prepared for some rough waters up ahead, because we’re going to be normal sisters, and that’s final.” My mouth drops open in shock as she turns on her heel and walks away. Who was that and what just happened? I drop into my chair, still amazed by the transformation in my sister. It appears that being married to a man such as Lee Jacks has turned Jade from a timid mouse to something resembling a tiger. I was prepared for an epic crying session. She called bullshit on everything I said and slammed the door in my face. I’m a little irritated at her refusal to be rebuffed but reluctantly impressed at her bravado.
It’s a shame it won’t change anything.
I get to my feet to fix another cup of coffee when the doorbell sounds. Jade either left something behind or has more to say. I consider ignoring her, but I might as well get it over with since my morning has already gone to hell. I stalk through the entryway and open the door with a sigh of exasperation.
“Tony,” I murmur as I stare at him in confusion. “How’d you get up here?”
He grins in a way that has my body firing to life. “I own your building,” he announces as if he’s discussing the weather. “Lucky for me, the doorman has met me before and was pleased to hear I have such a…personal relationship with the lovely tenant in 10B.”
“That bastard hates me,” I say dryly. “There’s no way he felt anything at your admission other than pity.” He doesn’t bother to dispute my claim. He simply stands there as if expecting something. “I guess you want to come in,” I huff out. “I swear, doesn’t anyone call?”
“I saw Jade leaving,” he throws out as he puts a hand on my waist and moves me a few steps backward so he can step across the threshold and shut the door. “You two have a sleepover?”
I don’t bother to dignify that with a response. He understands enough about my relationship with Jade to know that’s not likely. Tony has always been direct with me, so I don’t bother with social niceties. “What do you want?”
He pulls a folded piece of paper from the back pocket of his well-worn jeans and extends it to me. “You forgot one last night. Thought I’d drop it by.”
I take the paper from him warily, then open it to see one of the applications I passed out the previous evening. A sarcastic retort is on the tip of my tongue—but then I see the name on the first line. I quickly scan the remaining page and am astonished to find the whole thing filled out, right down to the medical history. What the hell? Is he playing with me now? In black and white, Anthony Moretti has offered to be my baby daddy. This day is totally weird. Wonder if I could start it all over again…but without my sister the lion and the man I’m obsessed with offering me…himself. “Er, thanks? But I have more than enough already. But I’ll keep your application on file with the others for ninety days, and if a position opens, I’ll be sure to let you know.” I inwardly wince both at the possible innuendo and at the line I’ve heard recruiters use through the years. If the quirk of his lips is any indication, he picked up on the former and has given the word “position” an X-rated meaning.
But he doesn’t comment. Instead, he looks me over before saying, “Go change. We can talk over breakfast.”
I turn away, walking toward the living room. “I’ve already had that with Jade. You’re out of luck.” I wonder briefly why I’m being so bitchy to him. He’s actually here. Wasn’t this my plan? Because he forced you to do something drastic to get his attention. Payback, Mr. Moretti.
I spin around in shock when he swats my ass. It was nothing more than a playful tap to get my attention—but still. It brings to mind things that I didn’t want to dwell on and certainly didn’t want to associate with Tony. He sees something on my face that wipes the grin from his. Damn him. He’s far too observant. “Please get dressed, Jacey. I haven’t eaten since lunch yesterday, and I’m starving. And we need to talk. After the stunt you pulled in my club last night, I’d say that’s exactly what you want. Don’t throw away this opportunity. I could come to my senses at any moment.”
I hate like hell to give in, but we both know he’s right. Plus, it would be just like him to walk away to prove a point. I release a long-suffering sigh. “Give me five minutes.” Without waiting for a response, I stalk down the hallway and into my bedroom. I quickly pull on an athletic top and a pair of yoga pants. Then sit in a nearby chair and put on socks and tennis shoes. Next, I step into the adjoining bathroom and brush my hair before securing it in a ponytail. I’m still not used to my new reflection in the mirror. Dying my former blond locks dark brown had been an impulse. One I regretted almost immediately. It was as if I thought that by changing my hair, I could also change who I am inside. Yet when the excess dye had been rinsed away, I had still been me. Only now, a paler version. I look like Morticia Addams. Fuck.
Tony glances at his watch when I reappear and gives me an approving nod. “A woman who doesn’t take hours to get ready. I’m impressed.” He waves me in front of him, and when I bend over to pick up my purse from where it had fallen at some point from the entryway table, I hear him groan. “Those fucking pants will be the death of me. I have a love-hate relationship with them.”
I glance down, having forgotten for a moment what I’m wearing. “They’re just my gym clothes,” I mutter crossly, thinking he’s making a snide comment on my casual attire.
He lowers his face until it’s inches from my own. I fight the urge to step away, not comfortable with anyone being in my personal space—especially a man. “I know what they are, and you look phenomenal in them. I’d like to pull them down with my teeth before kissing, licking, and biting every inch of your sweet ass.”
Oh my God.
I’ve had a strange reaction to Tony since the beginning. Normally, words like these would leave me with a sick feeling in my stomach. But my body hums to life. Desire is a foreign feeling for me, but I recognize it for what it is. Yes, the fear is there as always, but that’s secondary to the other things he brings to life. How far could that excitement take me? Could I be with a man in a normal way? Or would I still panic at some point and run away? A part of me wonders if he is perhaps my one shot at knowing what it’s like for other people. If I can’t have that with Tony, then I feel certain it will never happen. Which means that it’s either him or one of those sperm banks Jade had been googling earlier. “Whatever,” I murmur crossly, but there’s no real heat behind it. The only thing that’s obvious is my confusion. He is little more than a stranger to me. How can this possibly be? I’m thirty-seven years old. My sexual awakening should have come and gone by now.
But with Tony, I’m like some breathy teenager desperate to be noticed by the hot guy in class. Dear Diary, I just threw up in my mouth.
Tony steps out into the hallway, and I lock my door behind us. Neither of us speaks on the elevator ride down, but it’s a comfortable silence. Each lost in our own thoughts. We pass through the plush lobby and onto the busy street. Without thinking, I go straight for the food truck a few feet away. “Morning, doll,” Edna calls out as she leans on the shiny stainless steel counter. Smoke rises behind her as her husband, Mel, cracks eggs directly onto the grill. He gives me a little wave with his spatula before turning back to the grill. Edna’s gaze shifts to the man beside me as he clears his throat. She gives me an approving grin. “Well, it’s about time you found a fella.” She turns to include Mel in the conversation. “Am I not always saying that Miss Jacey needs to find a nice young man?”
I poke Tony in the ribs, whispering, “Well, that would leave you out, wouldn’t it?” He retaliates by pinching my butt, causing me to yelp in surprise. Deciding to have a little fun with the ass-obsessed man next to me, I punch him on the shoulder. “Sorry to disappoint you, Edna, but Tony here is like a big brother to me. I don’t even remotely think of him in that way.” He gives me a look full of amusement until I lean closer to Edna and murmur, “I’m not even sure he bats for the right team, if you know what I mean.”
Edna glances at Tony and shakes her head with a sigh. “Figured as much. He’s just too pretty. Ain’t normal for a guy to be that handsome.”
Tony clears his throat and shifts until my back is plastered against his front. His arms slide around me, and I fight the urge to sink into him. He smells so good. I want…I want. “Edna, I believe our girl here is having some fun with you.” Even though Edna can’t see it from her vantage point, Tony pushes his groin against my ass. “I can assure you that I’m completely heterosexual and that I’m captivated by this beauty. As usual, though, she’s being difficult. I’d appreciate it if you’d put in a good word for me.” I don’t need to see his face to know he’s giving my friend his most charming smile. There’s no way she can resist him. He’s the Pied Piper of horny women.
Anthony Page 4
