Virginie followed along to the church that her English family used. She was not used to a protestant service and it was interesting to note the differences. She missed going to Mass and the traditions she was used to, but there wasn’t a catholic church anywhere near them and she felt uncomfortable broaching the subject with her family. She was not one who believed that one’s soul was in jeopardy because of differences in worship, so she did find some resonance in how the Anglican Reverend approached worship. She’d still rather listen to a priest, but that was not her situation at the moment. She knew there was a cathedral in London and perhaps she could visit when she was there.
The recent events had also made her wonder about religion. It was not something she was prepared to abandon, but it seemed France had done so. It was inconceivable to think of a country without religion, especially her country, but it was a reality.
She never really got Tomas’ views on it. She didn’t know if he prayed or followed the Church’s guidance. She wondered what other things she didn’t know about him. There was probably a great deal.
“Are you alright, my dear?” Mavis said as Virginie sat in the parlor staring out the window.
“I am fine,” Virginie said with a smile. She realized her distraction must be noticeable.
“You’re not worried about what the horrid Parridge woman said, are you? You cannot take any of that to heart; she is a snide woman with a nasty tongue.”
“No,” Virginie confessed. “It does not bother me. I have no need of hiding my true position, if people seek to discard me for it, then so be it.”
“And rightly so. You cannot be held responsible for the events that have torn France apart. Things will come right, you’ll see.” It wasn’t exactly what VIrgine meant, but she didn’t want to explain to her aunt either. Virginie wondered if Mavis would think less of her if it turned out that she truly was without any significant means. “Good breeding always shows through. If you have a look, I am sure that there are some very shady characters in Mrs. Parridge’s ancestry.”
Virginie realized that Mavis truly did believe that good manners was a result of breeding, which meant that she felt that the person’s true intrinsic value was similarly related to good breeding. Virginie knew at that moment that Mavis would never accept Tomas because of his less than fortunate birth. It was unfair and it overlooked the true value of his character.
It made her really concerned that someone like Mavis, who was for all intents and purposes a kind person, would withhold her good judgement from Tomas for something so completely out of his control. The unfairness of it left her with a profound sadness for Tomas as well as for the state of the world.
They left for London shortly after Christmas. The ride was long and uncomfortable, but they had not been very dissimilar from the rides to Paris that she knew so well. The countryside was different. England was much more green and had different agricultural industries. On some levels life in England was very similar to life in France. The etiquette was a little different, but the French etiquette had never gotten her into trouble as of yet.
She had to stay with Sarah one night at an inn. It was strange having someone in the bed next to her. She would imagine it was Tomas’ breathing and she felt instantly at home. He still represented safety in her mind and she wondered if that would ever change. Perhaps she just needed to think of him and she would feel soothed. It still made her heart twist though.
She still couldn’t imagine another man lying in bed with her. She couldn’t imagine Lieutenant Morecomb or Harold, or any other man there beside her, breathing rhythmically in sleep. She found it even harder to imaging any other man touching her. She missed Tomas’ touch, sometimes she wondered if she craved it.
It seemed wrong the idea that he had said goodbye to her, it seemed unnatural. She still felt like he would be there if she looked for him. But she was on her way to London with the expressed purpose of finding a husband. It was an outcome she had always expected, but now she feared it because it took away all of her options.
She wasn’t sure what those options were, but it felt important to have them. In reality her unmarried state was her biggest drawback and biggest risk, she should be rushing into the arms of a husband, particularly as her own fortune was in such a precarious state.
Tomas made his way to Liverpool. He was lucky as it only took him a few hours to find a ship headed to the Mediterranean. The Alicia was headed to Gibraltar and the Captain was a portly man who seemed quite leisurely in the rush of the port. Tomas’ ability to read and write was instantly appealing to the man. It turned out he was in need for a man of business. Tomas was led to a desk stacked full of credit notes, demands and other correspondence.
“You have five days,” the man said and patted him on the back. “It would warm the cockles of my heart to see this mess cleared up.” Tomas actually preferred the hard work on deck, but he was more driven to be away from England than to squabble about the means. The captain left him in the dark office lit only by a small porthole, while the man went up on deck to oversee the loading.
Tomas started to organize the piles of correspondence as they pulled away from the dock, some of it going back two years. The Captain was being well compensated for this passenger, Tomas thought as he tried to make sense of the jumble of papers.
He worked all day, the Captain coming in and out of his office as he went about his business. The smell of tar was all pervasive, it gave Tomas a headache, but he would get used to it. He finished his day when supper was being served. Tomas accepted the bowl of steaming hot beef stew.
It turned out that the Captain was from Liverpool and he’d started sailing when he was eleven. He expressed his sympathy about the ‘mess in France’.
“I stay away from the French ports at the moment. They have that look in their eyes,” he said. “You know the look. The same look that angry women have, like they’re going to do something to you.” He seemed to shudder slightly. Tomas wasn’t overly familiar with that particular look, but he would prefer it to the look of sadness and shock he’d seen in Virginie’s eyes.
He couldn’t quite understand what else she would have expected. Even the fact that she had expectations both thrilled and alarmed him. She’d been right, if he had been selfish, he would have taken her with him. Actually he would have taken her right there, in sight of her family’s house, then stolen her away to keep for his own. If he would have been in his youth he probably would have, but being a bit older, he knew the consequences. Having his heart’s desire would lead to a world of pain and rejection later. He considered himself lucky he didn’t meet her earlier; the misconceptions of youth would have led them both into ruin.
“Are you sure you won’t come with us?” the Captain said. “It’s a long voyage and hard work, but you seem like you would be up for an adventure.”
“I’m sorry,” Tomas said when he realized that he hadn’t heard what the Captain was proposing.
“New York,” he said. “We leave for there right after Gibraltar.”
“I have to find my brother, but a very tempting offer.” The thought wasn’t as easy to dismiss as he first assumed. He hadn’t considered crossing the Atlantic. It seemed to flair once it set root in his mind. It wasn’t a possibility he’d considered, actually he had been too distracted with the immediate needs and wounds to properly consider the future, at least until one was being presented to him. “Though not a bad idea at all.” The Captain smiled at the compliment.
Tomas still couldn’t take the man up on his offer. He needed to find Etienne. He needed to know that they’d survived their journey, because there were distinct possibilities that they had run into trouble on the way. It was an outcome he feared, arriving in Milan and not finding any trace of them. If that was the case, he would have to go back to France to trace their steps until he found them or their fate. Even if they ran into dire trouble, there was always a good chance that Etienne’s boys were alive. As mad as the people were at the moment, they
still didn’t like killing children. If any of them were alive, Tomas would find them and he didn’t care who he had to take on to do it.
Chapter 15
Virginie had been in London for three weeks. She still couldn’t orientate herself. The houses all looked the same and she didn’t realize she was home until the carriage stopped. On one particular journey, they passed a square where a man was shouting about the need for reform and the evils of the wealthy. Virginie felt the tension rise in her immediately.
“They’re not listened to,” Sarah said trying to reassure her.
“It is how it starts,” Virginie said.
“There is no appetite for violence here,” Sarah stated, but Virginie wasn’t sure she believed her. She used to have that same belief that the world could not accept such rhetoric, but she had seen it with her own eyes. The world was capable of descending into complete chaos even when you never believe such a thing could happen. Virginie wasn’t sure what she would do if the same fever infected England. Where would be left to flee to?
The uncomfortable feeling of not being safe returned to her and she hated it. Her English family dismissed the episode outright, but Virginie couldn’t let it go so easily. It stayed with her when she got home as well as when they departed for the evening’s festivities, luckily not a great big event where seemingly every person in London was invited. Tonight was a more muted affair with Simon’s family.
Virginie saw Lieutenant Morecomb for the first time since he had left Heresfordshire. He looked handsome as he always did. Everything about him seemed to be neat and proper.
“Have you met some of your compatriots?” he asked when he saw her.
“A few,” she said. “But not anyone I know.” She had been nervous when she ran into her first French couple at a ball.” Immediately she could see Tomas and herself in their shoes, hiding in a foreign country together. Virginie had been very exciting to see them, but then it turned out that there was nothing to talk about other than when they arrived and what means they had arrived by. There was a quiet commiseration between them for what they had experienced, but the sadness of it seemed to overshadow anything else. There seemed to be a silent agreement between them not to discuss potential shared acquaintances as such discussion could lead to some sad and shocking revelations that were not appropriate for the current setting.
In the end they just parted and Virginie returned to her family. She missed Tomas more than ever at that moment. He seemed to be the only person who could truly relate to her, understand the entirety of what she had gone through. Virginie hadn’t wanted to be there in the mass of people, the heat made her corset feel even more restrictive.
This evening was more sedate. Simon’s family had a large townhouse just off Berkley Square, which apparently was a very fine address, not that Virginie could tell the difference as it all looked the same to her.
“There seem to be less French crossing the channel now,” Lieutenant Morecomb said. “Most have fled already.”
“I hope so,” Virginie responded. “Many to Italy as well, I believe.” She hope so, she hoped that Etienne and his family were safe there, residing in some Palazzo.
“My brother is in Italy, he is on his Grand Tour. He had to travel through Prussia so it is a little of an alternative tour, but he is enjoying it we hear.”
“Really?” Virginie said with hope. “And letters arrive from him?”
“Of course, outside of France the services are perfectly normal. Is there someone you wish to send a letter to?”
“My guardian and his family. I don’t know if they arrived safely, but I have no address for them or any contacts to reach them.”
“Perhaps Robert can track them. Where are they?” Virginie felt hope flare in her chest. It would be an extraordinary weight off her if she knew they were all alive and well.
“They are supposed to be in Milan.”
“I would be happy to offer Roberts services in tracking them down. He won’t be in Italy for a few months yet I think, but once there, I am sure he would be happy to assist you in locating them.”
“I would be forever grateful,” Virginie said. She felt her spirits lift and it was the first time in quite a long time. If she at least had contact with her friends and acquaintances, maybe she wouldn’t feel so consistently alone.
“Care to play,” Lieutenant Morecomb asked indicating the card table on the other side of the room.
“I would love to,” she said and she meant it. This turn of events deserved a little celebration and what better way than participate in the festivities of the evening. She let him lead her toward the card table where an elderly couple were playing.
“We will have to watch ourselves with those two, some of these older couples have played together so long they can just look at each other and understand the other’s cards.”
Virginie spent an hour trying to discern the expressions that Lieutenant Morecomb was using to communicate with her. She got it wrong most of the time, but it was amusing all the same. He had been right about the older couple they were playing against, as they were absolutely decimated.
Sarah and Simon’s wedding was to be in the spring. Sarah seemed to lose a bit of her color and flair whenever Simon had to leave town. Virginie felt the absence of them as well. The events seemed to drag slightly as she had grown used to the entertainment they provided. Mavis seemed to suffer as well. She practically treated Lieutenant Morecomb as Virginie’s finance. A bit premature in Virginie’s eyes, but the older woman had her own ideas.
Virginie also felt like she was starting to recover from her ordeal. She no longer anticipated someone would come and drag her away anymore. She didn’t have such a strong reaction whenever she saw men in uniform. Her English was also developing so she didn’t feel as awkward and self-conscious whenever they left the house.
“He is returning next week,” Sarah said and sat down on the sofa opposite Virginie. “A whole week, I can’t tolerate these long absences. But I suppose I must, his Naval career is important to him and it means he will be away often. Don’t fall in love with a naval man,” Sarah warned.
Or an illegitimate son who rejects every advantage he has, Virginie thought wryly. She still thought of him every day. She wondered where he was and if he had reached Milan. There was still a part of her that wished she had gone with him, but the idea of just leaving her security behind and walking off into an uncertain future was starting to seem like an extreme course to take. It would mean giving up her heritage, her station and her prospects, an action that could not be undone once taken.
“Oh, there was a letter for you too,” Sarah said absently. Virginie’s head shot up. She hadn’t received a single piece of mail in all her time in England. She immediately got up and rushed down the stairs as fast as she could. She knew the letters were placed on a table by the door to be sorted by the family at their leisure.
Her heart was beating strongly; she could feel it in her chest. She found the letter addressed to her but the postmark was from Portsmouth. Virgnie felt a stab of disappointment and dread. She was pretty sure Tomas was not in Portsmouth, but she could be wrong. She opened the letter and confirmed it was from Lieutenant Morecomb before she started reading. Virginie checked the signature and confirmed what she already suspected. She had to close her eyes and recover from the rush she had felt when she thought she had received a letter from Tomas. She tried to shake the disappointment off her as she started to read the letter.
Lieutenant Morecomb was writing to confirm that he had sent a letter to his brother to ask for his assistance in finding Etienne for her. She was grateful that they were willing to help her, but it wasn’t truly the news she had been hoping for, that of knowing Etienne and his family was alive and safe. She also realized that there was part of her that hoped that Tomas would come to realize that he’d made a mistake and was coming back for her. She knew it was an irrational longing on her part, but it was still there.
She returned upstairs.
She was disappointed that there no true new news, but she was pleased that Lieutenant Morecomb had been kind enough to ask his brother for assistance on her behalf. He seemed like a kind man.
Mavis did what she could to push the two of them together. Virginie wasn’t sure if Lieutenant Morecomb was aware of this or not. If he was, he was very gracious about it. Pleasant and gracious, that summed up the man. Not the challenging looks that Tomas gave. She missed his bare regard for some things and strong opinions. Tomas was never polite, but there was never a risk of him covering his feelings. Tomas never hid his feelings or his opinions. He was more than liberal with them, even when they were challenging. But equally he seemed to defeat himself by his own pig headedness.
Virginie and Sarah returned from a walk the next day. It was a nice, crisp winter’s day and they took advantage of the midday warmth before the sun moved lower in the sky and the cold temperatures returned.
“I can’t wait for spring,” Sarah said. “This winter is stretching on and on.”
Winter did seem to suit Virginie’s mood, she like the inherent calmness of the season, interspersed with the invitations that Mavis accepted on their behalf.
“There is a letter for you,” Sarah pointed out.
“Oh,” Virginie said with much less excitement than the last time. No doubt it was Lieutenant Morecomb reassuring that his brother had accepted the mission they’d asked of him.
“It’s from Heresfordshire, but originally it seems that it is from Italy,” Sarah said turning the letter over.
“Really?” Virginie said and took the letter. It looked like Etienne’s writing. She didn’t know what Tomas’ writing looked like as she’d never really seen it. They were brothers so it could be very similar.
She broke the wax and opened the letter. The stiff parchment didn’t want to yield its secrets, but Virginie forced it open.
An Unlikely Savior Page 16
