Lainie looked at her sneaker-clad foot, thinking of the void left behind when a loved one was gone. It was an empty soreness that never got filled. And death wasn’t the only way loved ones were lost.
“First your grandmama, then your mama, now your granddaddy.” Nelly sighed, weariness and pain in the sound. “It all start with your grandmama, Miss Alice. Long time ago, she go ridin’ and then her horse come back by itself. Mr. Miles went after her, found her dead, and he was never the same again. He lost too much when he lost Miss Alice. And then he be too hard on the first little missy, your mama.”
Twenty-five years, Lainie thought. Father and daughter had lost each other before death took either one. So sad. So futile. A tear escaped when she blinked.
Nelly went on. “Then your mama met this man. He was no good but she wouldn’t see that, and Mr. Miles come down way too hard on her. I hear hollerin’ and yellin’ and angry words just about every day, and I worry. Then your mama gone one day, just gone, and it get way too quiet aroun’ here. And I see Mr. Miles now lose his little girl, too. Not the same way he lost her mama, but he hurtin’ all the same.”
Leaning over, Nelly put a wizened hand on Lainie’s. He looked deep into her eyes. “Mr. Miles was a hard man, but your mama was hard, too. The truth is they hurt each other, real bad, and could never stop doin’ it.”
Lainie clasped his hand in hers and squeezed. The tears ran freely now. He raised his other hand to her face and gently wiped her cheeks. His fingertips were rough and calloused, but she’d never felt a gentler touch.
“Then you show up, the spittin’ image of Miss Alice, and I see the change in your granddaddy. I figure he’s thinkin’ he’s got his little girl back. But that makes me worry too, ’cause you not the same as the first little missy. You be...”
He frowned, dropped his hands, seemed to search for words. “You be afraid. Like some little bird all scared and hurt and ready to fly away. You never settle down, not all the while you here. And Mr. Miles, there just one way for him—his way. He never learned you have to let go in order to hold on. Then I hear the fireworks that night and you be gone the next day. I just shake my head and cry. Tryin’ to hold on to you, he chase you off, just like he chase away your mama.”
His sigh was deep. He looked weary and sad and lonely. “Too much hurtin’ here, little missy. Too many people lost. Startin’ way back with Miss Alice a long time ago.”
They sat silently for a long time.
At last she wiped her face with the wristband of her shirt. Nelly was right. There was too much hurting, way too much hate and anger, and she was part of it, just as guilty as anyone else. She wondered at the capacity of this particular bloodline to make so many wrong moves.
Nelly looked drained. When he spoke again, his voice was weak. “But Mr. Miles loved you, little missy, no matter what he done or how he done it. And he got you back here again where you belong. He did it, little missy, and now it’s up to you. You say your home is in California, but it’s here, right here with Mr. Reed. Your granddaddy knew it. Mr. Reed know it, too. I know it, and you know it. You still be like some little bird, wantin’ to fly away so it don’t get hurt. But even birds got to make a nest and light sometime, somewhere. This where you belong. You know it, little missy. Don’t tell me you don’t.”
Lainie felt as drained and exhausted as Nelly looked. She’d long since given up on composure and tears ran unheeded down her face. For a moment, she felt a sense of Miles standing beside her. That comforted her, yet also renewed her sense of loss. Closing her eyes against the emptiness, she tried to hang on to the image and sense of Miles.
Nelly had said it was up to her. She could continue the pattern or put an end to it. Suddenly scared, she leaned forward and put her face in her hands. Nelly said nothing, did nothing. He could help her no more than he already had.
She stood, kissed him lingeringly on the cheek and then turned to go, drying her face on the sleeve of her shirt.
“Little missy?”
She turned back. “Yes, Nelly?”
“Your hair be prettier the other way.”
A laugh burst out of her. She guessed it must mix incongruously with her tear-stained face. “Then that makes unanimous. Guess I’m goin’ back to blond.”
In her cottage, she found a tamale pie casserole and a green salad on the counter, and a note from Rosalie that told her it was mild, not hot. Lainie had thought she had no tears left, but she blinked and got another one. She wanted, yearned, to share this meal with Reed. He could bring his own hot sauce.
But that would imply a commitment she wasn’t resolved enough to make.
So she turned aside from the casserole and the thought, even though she realized putting off the decision made it easier to backslide and therefore make no decision. Her hesitancy was fear; Nelly was right. But it was there, it was real, and she was shackled by it.
Lifting her hands, she studied them. No handcuffs.
She felt a stirring of anger. But it was healthy anger, directed not at herself or anyone else but instead at the chain of mistakes and misunderstandings and injustices perpetuated throughout the years, never allowing forgiveness or growth. She no longer wanted to be part of that chain. She wanted—needed—to break its hold.
Dropping her hands, she stared at the door, the one that led to Reed and commitment.
The Golden State had a temperate climate, an ocean and a long coastline, scenery that dazzled the eyes. It’d always been home. But the Lone Star State had Reed Smith.
She loved Reed, and he loved her. She hadn’t run from him so much as she’d run from herself. So she’d made mistakes, hurt both of them terribly. Did she have to continue down that road? She and Miles had forgiven each other. Reed had forgiven her. Could she now forgive herself?
Lainie had seldom been short on nerve, but once her life fell down around her, it seemed she’d lost her courage. She no longer took chances, instead played everything close to her vest. She’d turned into a shadow of herself.
But Jackie Lyn was right when she’d said Lainie had country in her.
And Nelly was right, just like always.
Even the old man had been right to get her back here one more time.
For the first time in a long while, the world began to feel right. Her heart filled, so fast it seemed to swell. The emotions of the past week had been so intense, and the loss of Reed so heavy for so long, that the release she now felt set her on the verge of giddy.
She barely felt her feet touch the floor as she walked to the door. Then she stopped before she reached it, but not in hesitation. Since she had the salad and casserole, she detoured to the phone to get him over here.
Someone knocked.
Her head snapped toward the door, and slowly she put the phone down. Irresolution again poked up its ugly head. She was up and down worse than a yoyo today—but that was understandable. That had to be Reed out there, and this wasn’t a simple dinner date; it was the rest of her life.
Another knock, then his voice. “Lainie? I need to talk to you.”
The mere act of opening the door wasn’t making a commitment, she reasoned. So she took a deep breath, pulled the door open. And then frowned.
Huh? He wore a rain slicker. It was not yet dusk, the hot waves of wind hit her like a physical shock, and he was wearing a rain slicker? She squinted, looking beyond him. Had there been a sudden summer squall? But it was as dry as sandpaper out there.
“Reed? What—”
“I’m giving you one more chance, Lainie Sue. Then if you still want to go, I won’t stand in your way.”
She knew him well enough that she doubted that statement, but her mind was on the rain slicker. “Uh, why are you wearing that?”
He looked down, as if just now becoming aware of his attire. “Oh, this.” He looked back at her. “Well...I recalled a time a couple years back when a stubborn, but right sexy young woman came to my door one night—”
“Oh.” Lainie got a funny feel
ing about the raincoat and what was...and wasn’t...underneath it.
“—and she was dressed light. Dressed real, real light.”
She was right about the raincoat.
“And I figured two people could play that game,” he finished.
Oh, how she loved this man. Her eyes misted even as they crinkled with laughter.
“May I come in?” he asked politely.
She backed up. Finding no argument, he entered and closed the door behind him, and then gave her a critical look as she continued to walk backwards. “I told you one time before that you could give a man a complex backin’ away from him like that.”
She wondered how she’d thought she could live her life without ever hearing that drawl again.
“I do wish you’d stop doin’ that,” he added.
She looked behind her, got her bearings, then veered to her right to reach the door she wanted. Her hand closed around the knob and turned it.
“If you tried real hard, do you think you could be still for just—” His face sobered as he looked beyond her into the open bedroom. His eyes, piercingly direct now, met hers. “You do realize this will make it difficult for you to get out of here tomorrow like you planned?”
“Yes. That thought occurred to me.”
“Might even make it impossible for you to ever leave.” He waited, evidently wanting no misunderstandings.
“I suspect you may be correct in that also.”
His eyes turned wary. “This is too easy. Not that I’m complaining, mind you, but I’ve got this feeling I’m missing something and—”
“You were already blind-sided once.”
“Uh-huh. I didn’t change your mind. You had it changed before I got here. What am I missing, Lainie?”
“Well, I talked to Nelly today. Or I should say that Nelly talked to me.”
He nodded, eyes watchful, and made a circular motion with his hand. “Keep going.”
“Well, what it boils down to...” Not knowing how to explain, she let her voice trail away, then her words rushed together in her hurry to get them out. “I love you, Reed, and I’m not going anywhere. Not today, tomorrow, not ever. I’m sticking it out right here and I’ll even fight for you if I have to.” She stopped to breathe. “Do I have to?”
“No way, Lainie Sue. You’ve done got me. But you best be sure, because I’m going to hold you to this.”
“I’m sure.” She figured the truth showed in her smile. Then she got a thought, cleared her face and pulled the bedroom door closed behind her. “But if this is for real, for good, we need to talk.”
“Talk?” He chuckled. “Well, I’d already figured out this was too easy. Okay, what do you want to talk about?”
“For starters, you’ve got a bossy streak in you that could cause big problems down the road. Among other things, I will choose my own footwear. Is that understood?”
His smile disappeared. “Lainie, why can’t you get it through that thick head—”
As she stood quietly, he broke off, then blew his breath out in a loud whoosh. “Okay. Fine. Choose your own damn footwear. I just hope your first snake scares you into your boots before it bites you. Anything else?”
“Yes. If I’m staying, then it follows we’ll be getting married, and—”
“I like the way you’re thinking.” His expression eased considerably.
“And we may be wanting children, and—”
“Well. It might take you a while to get around to it, but once you start thinking, you’re not half-bad at it.”
“When I was injured, you took over and wouldn’t listen to me until I got mad enough to make you. I don’t want to have to fight you for nine months in order to live my life. I’ll follow my doctor’s orders, not yours, and that goes for everything, not just having kids.”
That gave him pause. “I know I gave you a bad time then. I even surprised myself. But sure, I think we can come to an agreement on this. Anything else?”
“Just one more thing.” She smiled, unable to resist asking the question one more time. “My place or yours?”
“Ours,” he said without hesitation.
Oh.
Yes, she and Reed now owned Lone Tree Ranch, were totally responsible for it. To him, that was merely a continuation of the role he’d played for years. But to her it was a sudden and frightening responsibility.
“Uh-uh,” he scolded, as if her thoughts were written on her forehead. “Don’t do that, Lainie Sue. We’ll take it one step at a time and we’ll be just fine. And the first step...”
He took that step, reached around her to open the bedroom door, then picked her up and carried her in.
Chapter Thirty-nine
“I swear, girl, you are bound and determined to drive me to an early grave.” Jackie Lyn stood inside the narthex at the small church with her arms folded and her foot tapping.
First Lainie had had to check her hair—she looked like herself again with the blond highlights, but her bangs just wouldn’t behave this morning—and then her throat was so dry she had to have water, and then she’d discovered a tiny snag in her stockings. Agnes, the church auxiliary member assigned to help the wedding party, had somehow procured a new pair. Now Lainie was concerned with the hem in her simple white dress. Was it hanging right?
She’d spent a sleepless night at Jackie’s. At 1:00 a.m. her hostess had threatened her with a tranquilizer. “Your choice, girl. You either take this tiny pill or I’ll find something to hit you over the head with. One way or another, you’re gonna shut up and go to sleep.”
Little had changed between then and now.
Jackie’s foot continued to tap. “I saw this coming. And I give you fair warning, Lainie Sue Johnson-about-to-be-Smith, I asked Reed if it was okay to use a rope on you if I had to.”
Lainie managed a smile. “What’d he say?”
Jackie ignored her. “Now I told them we’re ready, and we are. I’m gonna open that door and walk out there, and you and Nelly are gonna follow me, just the way we practiced. Got that?”
Lainie took in a deep breath, let it out and tried to give her maid of honor a brave smile.
Jackie directed a pained look at Nelly.
“Yes’m, Miss Jackie,” he said. “We ready. We be just fine.” The weathered old stable hand was something to see in his suited finery.
Still looking doubtful, Jackie took her own deep breath, and then she nodded at Agnes, whose patience also appeared to be on the thin side. The doors were opened, the pianist started playing, and Jackie straightened her shoulders and walked through the doorway.
Lainie wasn’t sure if it was the church, the people, or the piano that made her do it, but she took several steps in the wrong direction. Agnes rolled her eyes at the ceiling.
“Oh, Nelly,” Lainie whispered. “Maybe...we should, uh...”
“We got to get you married, little missy.” Nelly sounded as calm as always. “We been workin’ on this since you got yourself back home.”
Marriage. Brand new name. Commitment. Forever. Words chased themselves through her mind while her gaze flitted about the small room.
“Missy, when Miss Jackie ask him, Mr. Reed say to use the rope if we have to. Now do we have to?”
Lainie’s head snapped toward him, and then she broke into sudden, unrestrained giggles.
For much of her life she’d had nerve, poise, been the master of cool. But not today. She gave up, went to Nelly and wrapped her arms around him, unmindful that they stood framed in the open doorway. He hugged her back, then cupped her face in his hands and kissed her cheek.
He pulled back. “Next time I do that, you be a married woman.” His face was full of tenderness and love and pride. She thought that not Walter, Miles or Elizabeth could’ve looked happier at this moment than Nelly.
“Now you take my arm here like you’re supposed to, let’s walk on out there like we’re supposed to, and we’re gonna get you and Mr. Reed properly hitched. You ready now?”
No, Lai
nie thought, but I’m gonna do it.
She took his arm, concentrated on spacing her steps, and stared steadily and seriously at the floor on her way down the aisle.
Almost there, she looked up and met Reed’s gaze, and her breath left her. The cocky, self-assured cowboy with the beautiful blue eyes had given way to a vulnerable man in love, and everything about him told her and the whole world his dreams were coming true.
That was only fair. So were hers.
She took the remaining steps, put her hand in his, and she was ready.
*
Reed signed the charge slip in the motel office, pocketed his copy and the room key, took Lainie’s elbow and guided her out the door.
“Y’all have a good stay here now.” The proprietor appeared pleased as punch to be hosting newlyweds. She knew they were just married because the news was written in bright-red letters across the back window of the pickup.
“Sure wish I knew who’d done that,” Reed had said more than once, and he muttered the phrase again as they exited the motel office. The truck was parked at the curb in front of them and its decorated window was still shouting loudly at the world.
Lainie said nothing. But since it was written in what looked like cherry-red lipstick, Jackie Lyn’s favorite shade, she had her suspicions. And she was looking forward to returning the favor. Jackie had stood at the altar with Lainie, Randy was at Reed’s side, and Willis had sat in the pew with Raymond and Margene and Bobbie. The look of family couldn’t have been plainer.
“I’ve got something in my makeup case that’ll clean that off,” she offered.
“Later,” he said.
When she turned toward the truck, he turned the other way toward the motel rooms. With his hand cupping her elbow he straightened her back out his way.
“Hey, wait a minute,” she protested. “We need our things.”
“Later.”
Forced to keep pace, Lainie laughed. “I don’t understand what the hurry is.”
“I’ll be happy to explain in detail once we get to the room. Which looks like it’s gonna be five more doors that way.”
Lone Tree Page 30
