by Blythe Stone
“Not like every week or something. Maybe not so much regular in a planned way. Just whenever we feel like it declare it a date night. I liked how spontaneous it was.”
“I like when you make plans to make plans,” I smiled lovingly.
Maybe she'd wanted to do this before but felt off suggesting it.
It all made me wonder.
I thought of one of our first dinners back at the lodge. That felt like this. We were more comfortable now though. Avery wasn't as calm with me back then. I made her nervous. In Napa we went out like this but everything that happened in Napa, to me, felt too good to be true. There’d been a heavy weight on our time there, a ticking clock, and all our mismatched baggage.
We were home now, back now, this was different.
Time had a way of playing tricks on me, I guess. In Napa I couldn’t let go of the way we’d been before… Now though… Now I might be able to...
I began to fear that I was putting way too much stock in this feeling. But isn’t that what I should do? This was a good thing. This was us actually being happy and having a good time with no pressure involved.
I always did want her to suggest things. We were here because of her French bread joke, really. I wondered if she knew.
“You can always take me out, baby. Anytime, anywhere. We don’t ever need a reason.” I thought she knew...
I ate a little of my own food and drank a bit of wine. I was trying to calm down. Avery definitely had my mind all wrapped up in sex. She could so easily do that sometimes. Talk about not even trying…
I swirled a bit of pasta onto my fork and held it out for her. “Here,” I said, staring down at her lips. She softened and leaned in, tasting it. My pasta was mostly fresh and simple. Thin light noodles with farm-to-table ingredients and nothing really spun besides the noodles made in-house.
“Good,” she said, after she swallowed. “Next time I'm taking you out and it will be a surprise.”
“Okay,” I said, staring back at her. “I’m excited.”
She may as well know.
I liked when she swept me off my feet. It was just sort of rare.
She usually only did things in retaliation.
I hadn’t taken her out to try and get her to want to take me out. So many things with us seemed a bit off and imbalanced sometimes. I could feel her sometimes trying to even the scales. I just wanted to make it up to her that I’d slept and been difficult earlier on in the week. That’s all…
“So,” I said, trying to think of something more pleasant to discuss. “Tell me about the cello, my love.” I needed ideas for the wedding, things I could do that would blow her away.
“What about it?” She asked. There were only a few pasta noodles left on her plate but she just pushed them around.
“What do you like?” I asked. “What about it attracts you?”
“The sound, the strings, and the way it makes me feel when I hear it. It has a deeper sound. It’s very rich.”
“Do you have any favorite pieces? Things you'd like to hear me play?”
“Not really. I just like to hear it. It doesn’t really matter what you play. I’d love it. First, because it’s the cello and second, because it’s you.” The glances she shot when she flirted.
“Too perfect, Lockhart,” I warned, shaking my head and looking out at the restaurant again.
“What?! I seriously wish you could see yourself play like I do. It’s freaking mesmerizing. I’m not trying to be smooth or anything. It’s just an attractive thing. It’s like a show that only I get to see. It’s lovely.”
“Mmmhmm,” I teased, drinking my water now and looking out at the sea.
“Olivia,” she whined.
“What?” I asked, turning back to her.
“I dunno. I just wanted to see you,” she said, shrugging and looking vulnerable.
“Baby,” I laughed lightly, leaning forward to take her hand from the table and hold it with both of mine. “I'm right here,” I said, smiling up at her lovingly.
“I know.” She wiggled in her seat a little. “I just have all of these really intense feelings and I don’t know what to do with them. So, I do some silly things like get you to look at me at random times.”
“Oh,” I said, pretending I really had to think about that. “I like staring at you, ya know? Sometimes I make myself look away because I don't want to freak you out. I was just thinking about our dinner like this back at the lodge and how different this feels in a good way. I used to make you so nervous… I love that you feel so much more comfortable with me now.” I paused for a moment and really did think. “What’s confusing you about how you feel right now,” I asked.
“It’s not confusing. I know what it is. It’s just so much. It’s just love.” She shrugged again and bit her lip, her eyes hopeful.
“Mmhmm,” I smiled, looking into her now, letting her see me stare.
I wished we didn't have the stupid table between us but there was nothing I could do about that.
“I feel silly but not,” she leaned across the table a little- telling me secrets. “We’re gonna get married soon. Then, we’re going to go off to college and hopefully live mostly happily ever after. That’s exciting.”
“Just having you now is exciting,” I confessed. “If I think about all that other stuff I'll explode. I don't know much about happily ever after,” I scoffed a small laugh. “I do know I'd been daydreaming about this feeling my whole life until I met you.”
“Exactly! I don’t know how I’m going to not spaz out from an overabundance of happiness. You already make my life so much better. I guess I should just be happy and not think about having more. Enjoy the right now.”
“Are you stressing yourself out?” I asked.
“No, I’m not stressing. This isn’t stressful. I never say things in a coherent way.” She rubbed her chin. “I’m happy and I can’t believe it.”
“Hmmm…” I said, not sure of what to say. In a way, I understood. Maybe I couldn't understand.
I was happy too. This made me feel calm though and I think it was kind of making her hyper.
I smiled to myself.
Not knowing which part she was happy about did make me feel strange. Was she happy that she was happy? Was that the part she couldn't believe?
When she got this way I actually did worry that we might be temporary. It surprised her a little too much. Made me worry nothing gold could stay.
I pushed those thoughts down and smiled a consolatory smile.
“I just never thought I’d find someone or that someone would find me that actually inspired me to love. Now, I feel silly for talking about this so much. Maybe I should stop,” she trailed off.
“I love when you talk about it, Honey,” I said, nearly whining as I tugged on her hands with the both of mine. She was so adorable right now and she was definitely getting all embarrassed. I couldn’t help watching her, loving her.
She was like a puppy today…
I hadn’t expected that. I never do when it happens.
“Good. I just feel like gushing about you right now.” She looked up and caught my eye.
“Okay,” I said, stomach churning as I spoke. She was overwhelming me a bit but I loved seeing her like this, so happy. This meant everything… I just didn’t understand it, I guess.
Chapter 11
Avery
When we left for dinner I wasn’t nervous but once we got there and I realized how I was feeling it all came crashing in on me. It felt like all of the drama and trauma had prevented me from really expressing how absolutely in love with her I was. I didn’t want to tell her for any reason other than I wanted her to know and I couldn’t help it.
It was just bubbling to the surface and I was like a geyser. It was bound to blow at some point.
“When you wake up in the morning you make this face. Your nose kind of scrunches up like you’re mad that you have to be awake. When I see that I want to take a picture but then I realize that I get to see
it all the time so I have the live and much better version.”
I was quiet for a moment and trying not to just tell her every little thing that I loved.
“Or when you get annoyed and you get very queenly and your voice gets that tone. I love it. It makes me happy even if you’re mad at me.” She laughed at herself and sat back, straightening her hair.
“Okay, you know I’m pretty much never really mad at you right?” She asked.
“I know. Mad was probably the wrong word. And it’s not even when it’s directed at me.”
It might not be something she was happy that I loved but I did. I couldn’t help it.
“I’ve occasionally pushed it a little because it gave me a thrill to wind you up, which is kind of rude and I apologize for it.”
It wasn’t going how I wanted to. It never did when I was speaking. I wished I could have a screen that caught all the words I didn’t mean to say.
“Okay,” she said, amused, her tone raising just a bit. “Not really sure how to feel about that but I get it. I know I get a certain way, often,” she said, sort of getting that way now.
“My point is, and I’m doing a terrible job of making it, that there are all these little things that make you uniquely Olivia. Those are the things I love. You have had a profound effect on me and I love you. The end.”
“Oh,” she said, straightening up in her chair. “So we’re done now? I - I should go,” she teased at being serious, taking her napkin off of her lap and moving to stand.
“Oh, stop it.” I said, shaking my head. “Here I am being all vulnerable and you’re the one cracking jokes. Is the earth spinning backwards? Did we do a body swap?”
“I don’t know if you know this,” she teased. “But it’s kind of hard to just be still when someone’s saying lovely things about you.” She sat back down and smiled back at me with a bit of a gloss over her eyes. “It’s not that I’m not appreciative. I just really don’t know what to say.” She stared down at her hand on the table and then back up at me. “You’re my whole life now, Avery… My whole life,” she was fighting emotion. I watched her swallow it down rather serious.
“Yes, it is. When you say nice things about me I want to run in circles. So, I get it. No one gets to see what you do. You get all of me. No one else because I don’t and I never will love anyone like I love you.”
There I’d said it. If she believed me or not it was out. It was what I’d wanted her to know. I let out a breath and settled back in my chair. Our relationship probably bordered on unhealthy but that wasn’t necessarily true. I believed that.
She was staring at me now and she was so still and serious.
“I want to kiss you so hard,” she said, almost mad about the distance.
“Same. Should we get out of here?” I asked hopefully.
“If you’re ready to,” she said.
“I just want to kiss you and I’m not about to kiss you like I want here in this restaurant.”
We caught the waitress and she brought the check. As soon as it was payed I got up, grabbing her hand and pulling her toward the door. We might not make it. I wanted to kiss her so much. It was all kind of a blur.
We got outside and she unlocked the car as we walked. I at least waited until we got inside to pull her across the console and kiss her hard. She moaned a little and pushed into me. If anyone was looking out the window they might get a show.
“Fuck,” she exhaled, pained. “What’s gotten into you tonight?” She asked overwhelmed by me. Her eyes searched mine determined to know as she pushed me backward and kissed me harder. I felt her body pushing into mine and her fingers running down my neck as she dragged them.
When we parted again I smiled and closed my eyes for a moment, delighting in the kisses. “You.”
I pressed my fingers to her neck to feel her pulse and got close enough to butt my nose against her cheek.
“Take me somewhere more private.”
“Fine,” she said, a certain sort of bite to the word. She pushed her body away from mine and shut the door.
“Just not sure I want to take a chance on this entire side of the restaurant seeing me go down on you.”
The key swam into the ignition and turned with Olivia’s well-practiced precision. Before I even had time to brace myself the car was moving and she was driving fast. Where to, I wasn’t sure. This was one of those moments that I loved. She could be so volatile.
I tried really hard not to touch her because I knew it would only make it worse. My fingers were curling and uncurling with the effort.
Olivia turned the car out of the parking lot and nearly floored it down the highway toward the place up ahead where the road lowered enough to come close to the sand.
Before we got there she took a sharp right down a residential lane labeled: PRIVATE.
The car drove on under a fancy tree-lined drive until it got to a circle driveway much like her own and I noticed a dirt road off to the side that jut out running in the direction away from the large unfamiliar mansion of a house.
She slowed as she took the road and eventually the road came to a random end and she parked in this foreign place in the dark. To my right, out the window, I could see a small path.
“Come on,” she said, opening her door and getting out.
I watched her lean down to pull the lever that popped the trunk. Her hair fell in front of her face as she popped her high-heels off and threw them up onto the driver’s seat before shutting the door and leaving me. I took mine off too and threw them into the passenger seat. They bounced as they landed. Anticipation was biting at me. I followed her around the car. She pulled a blanket out of the trunk and threw it over her shoulder before closing the hatch and reaching out for my hand.
“Come on,” she said again, not looking at me but instead watching my hand as she took it and pulled me close.
Olivia was definitely in charge tonight. She led me down the sanded path that went right out onto the beach. When we rounded the last bit of space where there were trees I saw the moon hanging over the ocean and I blinked. It was gorgeous.
“Wow,” I breathed out. She paused next to me and stared too.
“I guess we picked a good night,” she breathed. I felt her other hand touch down on my arm and run down it lovingly as she leaned her body into mine and clung onto me with both of her hands.
“Yeah, we did, or you did.” I led her further out onto the beach and looked around. There was no one else. This seemed like a good spot. Out of the reach of the water and still secluded.
I took the blanket from her and spread it out, using my hands to make the edges reach as far as they would go. Then I got down, opening my arms for her.
“I dunno,” she said, staring down at me and holding her stomach with her arm. “Seems a shame for me to make it so easy for you.”
“Oh, so I have to woo you, eh?” I sat up and pulled my legs into my body, raising an eyebrow. I could see her face clearly in the moonlight. “Would you like to walk along the beach?”
“Well,” she sighed, nearly breathless. Her head tilted back toward the place where the water met the shore. I watched her eyes look out all stormy. “It is nice out.” I could tell she was a little cold.
I got up and grabbed the blanket, shaking it a little to get the sand off and put it around her shoulders. Then I got my own arm around her and pulled the blanket closed around my shoulder so we were both covered. I wasn’t about to have something between us.
“Okay, let’s walk, m’lady.”
I felt her hands slide in around my body as she rest her forehead on my neck and allowed me to guide her. I gathered the blanket in my hand to keep her in close as we pushed through the sand.
“I love the sounds of the ocean. It’s so peaceful. My mom tried to give me one of those noise machines one year for Christmas to help me sleep but it just isn’t the same. Someday we should live by the ocean so we can open the door and hear it whenever. Does that sound good?”
I l
ooked over at her as we walked, loving the way the light hit her angular features.
“It sounds more than good,” she said softly. “It sounds perfect. I love the beach.”
“Excellent. Then we can walk out and play in the ocean whenever we want. It sounds perfect, you’re right.” I wiggled my fingers against her side. “I’m trying to contain myself but it’s hard. Just so you know. You’ve got me completely turned on.”
She laughed at that and stopped walking.
